After a long time, Alex and Niall are back and you'll see a side that I don't always show.
-:-:-:-
Ups and Downs - Alex
"Babe, c'mon. Leave that thing," I requested for what it seemed the millionth time already. I was looking at him but, apparently, I was invisible because Niall didn't move, his eyes were locked on the screen of his laptop.
I loved electronics, probably too much, I was a geek, but when they stole the attention of my boyfriend after he just came back from a short tour around Europe and I hadn't seen him in two weeks, I could hate them. But it wasn't the laptop what was taking Niall's attention away from me that night, it was those damn charts on iTunes.
"Just one sec, Alex," he said and I rolled my eyes. He had said that already many times, but he was still with his eyes on the screen.
I'd missed him so much and I couldn't wait for him to come back, and when he did, knowing who was first was all he cared about.
If this were the first time he had done that to me, it wouldn't be that bad and I would let him be, but it wasn't. He had been doing the same all this time, since they released the new album and he hadn't stopped. Always checking where the new single was number one.
I wasn't the needy nor clingy type, and I wouldn't normally mind if he was competitive, but my patience was limited and he reached that limit long time ago.
"Niall, stop!" I exclaimed, hoping he would look at me that time.
He didn't.
"Look! We're number one in Poland too! God, they are so incredible," he said, oblivious to what I was asking him.
"Niall!" I cried out and he finally looked at me. "Stop this. Seriously. Stop measuring your success as a band with how much you sell or how many number ones you get. I know, I get that it's important, but it's not the most important thing, for crying out loud!" He looked at me surprised and I couldn't blame him, I was yelling. "You know your fans support you and even if they can't buy the damn single now, they will buy it later. Maybe they don't have the money to buy it now and they'll download it illegally, but it's only temporary. Don't get mad! Because those girls are really there for your music and once they get the money, they will buy it because that's the kind of fans they are. Being the number one on iTunes doesn't mean you're the best out there."
"You don't understand-"
"Of course I don't, Niall. I don't fucking understand how you can be so obsessed that you don't even have paid me a little bit of attention since you came back and I haven't seen you in weeks. How? Have you even called your mum since you got here?" I asked and he didn't have to answer, I saw shame in his eyes. "I thought so. All what you care now is being number one and I'm tired of you always checking iTunes charts. All the fucking time, Niall! You can be childish, I don't mind a tad bit, in fact I like it, but when you act this immature... I can't stand it."
"Alex, c'mon, is not that bad," he insisted standing up and trying to get to me, but I stepped back.
"It is, Niall. That you are all the time saying 'buy our single, buy our album, buy our merchandise' is not good. I thought you were here for the music, 'cos you wanted to share your talent but every time you tell your fans to spend money buying more and more of your stuff, I feel like making money is the only thing you care about now and that music is fading at the background now. This" -I point at him with my hands- "is not the guy I fell in love with. I want the same Niall that loves music as much as he loves food, I don't want this Niall that gets mad because their songs got leaked or because a fan downloaded the song illegally. When you get over this unhealthy obsession, call me. Right now, I don't have the time to be here trying to get to you when you only care about iTunes charts. With this you're only pushing away those who truly care about you and I can't handle that. Good night, Niall," I finished turning around to leave his flat.
"Alex, wait!" He called me but I didn't stop, I took my stuff and left the flat almost running.
I hated to feel that I was with a kid and with this obsession, Niall made me feel that way. I hated when he made me feel the age gap between us.
* * *
Niall had called me a few times since that fight, but I didn't pick up the phone. I was still too mad to talk to him and hurt, yes, very hurt. That night, with him looking only at the screen, I felt like I was losing him and that thought killed me. I loved him too much, he had become a very important part of my life and I didn't want to lose him, but he was slipping through my fingers. And we had been almost a year together...
"Alex, someone needs to see you," Phebs told me after knocking at my door and sneaking her head through the door. "Can you come down?"
"Coming," I answered leaving my bed. Being depressed wasn't going to lead me anywhere, better doing something productive.
I walked down the stairs and went to the living room, assuming that whoever was waiting for me would be there. When I walked in, I saw a blond guy giving me his back. He didn't need to turn around, I could recognise him everywhere and not only because I knew him so well already, but because my whole body reacted every time he was near.
He turned around and his blue eyes met mine, his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and I could see regret and pain in his gaze. That look squeezed my heart in my chest. "Alex," he said softly and I just nodded. "I've tried to call you many times," he added and I nodded again.
Knowing that I wasn't going to say anything, he stepped closer. I didn't move either, I stayed there, looking into his eyes they way he hadn't done in a long time.
"I'm sorry," he said when we were face to face, his hands leaving his pocket to take mine. "I know I've been a complete arse these last few months and I'm so sorry I didn't realise before. I'm sorry I hurt you along the way. I- I was just so excited and you were right, I was caring too much where we were number one and insisting to our fans on helping us get to that place everywhere. I'm sorry, I know that's not the most important thing, I just forgot it," Niall explained and I looked in his eyes, trying to see if he was being completely honest or he was only saying that to please me.
"You were being an arse," I told him because I've always been honest with him. No matter what, I'd always told him the truth, even if it wasn't nice.
"I know," he agreed chuckling humourlessly. "I just wanted everyone to listen to us, to enjoy our songs. But you're right, being number one doesn't mean exactly that everyone listens to us or that we are the best."
"Your fans are going to be there, always, supporting you. You can't doubt them. Never," I added thinking of myself as well. As a fan of many groups, I knew I was always going to be there for them. Maybe not the day they released the new album, but I was going to be there at the end nonetheless. I knew that One Direction fans were the same.
"I won't forget it again, Alex. I swear, and I know if I start forgetting it again, you won't let me. That's one of the many reasons I love you so much," Niall continued, his eyes boring into my very soul. "You are always with me and you want me to be better. You don't let me forget who I am, you keep me with my feet on the ground. You make me be true to myself." He put his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes, breathing slowly. "I know we have our ups and downs, but we help each other and we get though everything. I love you, Alex."
"I love you, too, Niall. That's why I can't stand when I see you're losing it," I confessed and he nodded slightly. "I don't want to lose you, in any possible way."
"And you won't," he promised. "Because you won't allow it, I know that. I trust you and I will always listen to you."
"You better," I joked and he chuckled again.
"I love you, Alex," he repeated kissing my lips this time, softly and sweetly. "Happy anniversary, by the way," he added and I looked over his shoulder at the clock-calendar and I smiled.
"One year," I whispered sliding my arms around his neck and bringing him closer to my body.
"The first of many," he completed, his own smile precious and honest. "So, what do you want to eat to celebrate?" He asked after kissing me again, more deeply this time.
"Hmm... everything!"
"Another reason why I love you so much. Let's go!" He agreed laughing and I joined him this time.
One year together... and it had been the best year of my life, no matter the fights, no matter the distance every time he had to go abroad, we were together. I hoped he was right and this was the first of many years, because I honestly couldn't see my life without Niall anymore.