By The Time Me And My Mother Got Home Cathrine Was Sitting On My Couch And By The Look On Her Face I Could Something Wasn't Right So Immediately I Asked Her "Whats Wrong"
She Looked At Me With This Sorrowful Look Upon Her Face Said The Worst Possible Thing You Can Say To A Mother She Opened Her Mouth And She Said"August Filled For Full Custody"
"What...No August Promise He Wouldn't Take Ayden From Me...Thats Can't Be Right..He Said That He Would Give Me Time To Get My Shit Together He Can't Take Ayden From..... He Can't....Right"I Said Looking At Both My Mother Cathrine
"He Can And He Is..Sorry"Cathrine Said
"No No..No...He Can't Do This Ma He Can't Do This"I Said As I Started Crying
I Fell To My Knees I Felt Like I Was Gonna Die Soon My Heart Hurted So Bad
"What Am I Gonna Do Now"I Cried Out Cause I Honestly Had No Idea If August Take Ayden From Than I Betta Start Preparing For My Funeral
I Was On My Knees Breaking Down
When My Mother Wiped My Tears And She Grabbed Me By My Face With Her Hands And She Looked Me Dead In My Eye "Im Goin To Tell You What Your Gonna Do Your Going To Get Up And Go Pack Your Goin To The Nearest Rehab Immediately"
My Mother Was Serious As An Heart Attack "Mama I Can't Go To An Rehab" I Cried
"You Will....!"She Told Me
"What If It Don't Work Mama What If I Failed At Rehab Too"I Cried To Her
"You Won't....You Know Why You Won't"She Asked Me
I Cried And Said "Why"
"Because Of Ayden You Gotta Fix This For Ayden Because You Don't Want Him Growin Up Hating You Like You Hated Me" She Said
That Touched My Heart She Hit A Nerve Just Like That
I Would Be Completely Heartbroken If Ayden Said He Hated Me Like I Said I Hated My Mother On Many Occasions
I Could Never Understand How My Mother Put Her Addiction Over Me Now Im Walkin Her Same Shoes And I Understand Clearly Now
Parents Are Still Humans Just Like You And I,And Its Only Natural To Make Mistakes As Human
I Neglected My Son For These Drugs And I May Of Lost My Son For Good Because Of Drugs
I Reached The Point Where I Realized The Love I Have For Ayden Is Stronger Than Addiction I Now Wanted Help
"Mama Im Scared"I Said To Her
"Are You,Your Scared Of Gettin Your Life Together And Succeeding Living Your Life The Way God Intended To Be You Can't Possibly Be Afraid Of Bettering Yourself"She Said To Me
For The First Time In My Life My Mother Was Finally Being A Mother I Needed Her To Be After All These Years She Finally Stood Her Ground With Me
"You Gonna Do This...Aziah I Will Die And Go To Hell Twice Before I Let You Continue Living Like This Do You Understand Me"My Mother Staring At The Demons In My Soul
Cathrine Held Her Hand Out "Get Up...Lets Start Packing"
That Day My Mother Saved Me From Me Because I Was My Own Enemy
I Was Hurting Everyone Who Loved Me And Most Of All I Was Losing My Son
I Was Ashamed Of Self And I Didn't Wanna Keep Living Like This Anymore
It Was Time...I Get My Together
I Wiped My Weaken Eyes...Took A Deep Breath And I Got Up Off That Floor
Cathrine Hugged Me And Said "Its Gon Be Okay...."
And I Believe That
I Believe That One Day That Everything Would Be Okay
It Time I Be A Big Girl And Faced My Problems Like A Grown Woman Im Sick So Sick And I Needed Help
I Been Lost For So Long And I Needed To Find Myself Again
I Was Going To Rehab Not Only For Ayden But For Myself Because I Got To Get Better To Be The Best Person I Can Be For Ayden
I Wanted To Get Better,I Wanted To Change My Life For The Better I Wanted To Be Me Again
God How Did I Let My Life Get This Out Of Control
I Used To Be Tough But Here I Was Breakdown Cryin Packin My Things
This Grown Woman Was Still An Broken Little Girl Inside And I Know Exactly Why
Before I Checked Myself In Rehab I Needed To Visit Someone
I Knew Where He Stayed Not Far From Where I Was So I Got My Keys And Took A Long Drive
Untill I Reached His His House I Sat In The Car For A Moment Just Trynaa To Figure Out Was I Was Going To Say To Him
When I Finally Finished Thinking I Got Out My Car And I Slowly Walked To His Door
Lookin Inside His Home From The Windows I Could See He Was Having Dinner With Her And His Three Young Children They Have Together
They Looked Like The Perfect Family The Ones You See On Tv,A Happy One
I Rang His Doorbell And Anxiously Waiting For Him To Opened The Door
I Was Angry Sad And Had So Many Questions To Ask Him
But He Didn't Opened The Door She Opened The Door
White As Snow,Pretty Ass An Model,She Had Blonde Hair And Blue Eyes That Sparkle
She Smiled At Me And Asked "Yes...Can I Help You"
"Is Christopher Home"I Asked
"Yes I'll Get Him For You....Christopher You Have An Visitor"She Said
And I Saw Him Walked Too The Door He Was Tall Dark,And Very Handsome,He Skin Was Smoother Than An Hershey Chocolate Bar
He Looked At Me And And Said "Yes"
He Didn't Even Recognize Me As If I Was Some Kind Of Stranger
I Stood Looking At Him Head To Toe I Couldn't Believe He Was Standing Right Infront Of Me
"Daddy Its Me"I Said Staring Him In His Eyes
"Aziah..."He Said Instantly Said Lookin Closely At Me
And Unexpectly I Got Emotional
"I Need To Talk To You...Alone"I Said
Still Shocked I Was In front Of Him He Said "Baby Could You Give Us A Minute"To His Wife The Woman Who Stole My Father From My Mother
She Smile Politely And Said "No Problem"As She Went Back Inside
"Your Beautiful I Can't Believe Im Lookin At My Daughter You Don't Know How Many Nights I Prayed For This Moment"He Said
"You Didn't Pray More Than I Did I Prayed So Much For To Come Back Home I Think God Put Me On A Blocklist"I Said Laughin Slightly
"You Don't Know How Good It Feels To See You Look Like Your Mother"He Said Smilin To Himself
"Thats Funny She Always Say I Look Like You,I've Felt Like I Was More Like You Than My Mother...But Nevermind All That I Need To Say Some Things To You"I Said
"I Know You Do So Go Ahead Let It All Out"He Said
I Look At The Man Who Abandoned For His Own Happiness And Said "Well Let Me Start Off By Sayin...That Daddy Im Sorry"
"Sorry...What Are You Sorry For"He Said Looking At Me Confused
"Yes Im Sorry Daddy,For Hating You All These Years I've Been Angry With You Daddy For So Long That Day I Watched You Packed All Your Things And Leave Us Was The Day My Heart Was Broken By A Man...All My Birthdays You Missed,All My Daddy Daughter Dances You Missed,And Every Christmas You Wasn't Around Daddy It Made Me A Monster Insided I Needed You I Needed You So Bad"I Said As I Started Crying
He Held His Head Down As I Continued "I Have A Son,A Beautiful Son,And I Also Have An Addiction A Very Ugly Addiction....All My Life Been Searching For The Love That You Never Gave To Me...I Even Turn To Drugs To Find That Love But I Never Found It And Daddy Im Not Here To Blamin For The Mess Up Life I Had Im Just Hear To Let You Know That I Can't Keep Holding To All This Anger And Hate Anymore....Daddy My Heart Can't Keep All These Burdens I Got To Forgive You"I Said
"So I Forgive You"I Cried Softly
He Looked Up At Me And Said "I Thought About You Everyday I Even Wrote To You..."
"Its Wasn't Enough....But Don't Worry So Much I Want You To Live Your Life Happily I Forgive You I Do And Believe Or Not I Still Love You Just As Much As I Did Back Than One Thing You Gave Me Was My Life Now I Gotta Live It The Right,And If I Never See You Again Daddy I'll Be Okay.. I've Gotta Go"I Said Quickly Wiped The Tears From My Face And Left
I Felt Like I Had Wash My Soul Just A Little And My Heart Isn't So Heavy I Know I've Long Road Ahead Of Me But Im Ready Im Ready For That Change