The Matrimony Book#2 (Completed)

Chapter 21-Change

It Was Mothers Day Today And I Was Stuck In Rehab,Thinking Back About How Badly I've Acted These Past Months I Didn't Deserve To Enjoy This Day Cause I Been A Bad Mother Thats What I Keep Tellin My Self In My Head

I Haven't Seen My Baby In The Longest...He Probably Doesn't Even Know That Im His Mama Anyone I've Been Away From Him For So Long

One Thing About Being Sober Is That You No Longer Are Allowed To Hid From All Your Pain And Fears

In Rehab I Thought About So Much But Im Coming To The Conclusion That My Life Was All Apart Of God's Plan

I Been Talkin To Him Latey Asking Him To Forgive Me,Beggin For His Strength, Praising His Glory

He's Been Helpin Me Get Through This...I Made Up With My Mother,Forgave My Father And Reconnected With My Best Friend August..... It Must Be The Love Of God Carryin Me On The Right Because There Is No Other Explanation

It Was An Rainy Day And I Was Staring Out The Window Watchin The Rain Come Down I Could Hear My Grandmother Voice Ringing In My Head Sayin "If Nobody Loves You Grandma Love You Always"

I Was Holding On To Those Words Inside My Heart I Missed My Grandma Dearly

But She Wasn't Coming Back No Time Soon,Ive Finally Realized That She Was Never Was Mine She Was The Lords First She Belonged To Him My Selfish Heart Just Had A Grip On Her

I Now Know She Is With Every Day That I Wake Up,Everytime I Open My Eyes,Every Time I Breathe And Every Night That I Dream

Everything Happens For A Reason Sometimes We May Not Understand Those Reason But We Must Trust In Those Reason

I Was Literally Learning Something New Every Day Growing More And More Things Were Goin Good For Me I Found My Self Staring In The Mirror At This Imperfect Not So Broken Woman And I Was Lovin This Woman I Was Becoming More And More

I Could Feel Myself Becoming Stronger More Than Ever Before

Ms.Jane Mae Walked In And Said "I Love The Rain Its Refreshing Everything"

"I Used To Hate The Rain...It Used Make Me Feel Afraid And Lonely...Now I Kind Of Like Rain"I Said

She Stood Next To Me Staring At Rain "You'll Be Leaving Soon...I Always Tell My Patients That Your Real Journey Starts After Rehab I Encourage All My Patients To Continue Therapy,I Believe With The Help Of Love,God,Therapy And Support From Your Love Ones You Can Truly Live An Sober Drug Free Life" She Said

"Stayin Sober Is The Part Thats Scares Me What If Relapse"I Asked

"What If The Sky Turns Red,What If Tomorrow Nevers Comes,What If It Never Stops Raining I Can Go All Day But I Simply Do Not Have That Kind Of Time To Worried Myself You Don't Either You Have To Believe In Yourself That You Will Not Let Your Self Down"She Said To Me

I Look At The Reflection Of My Self In This Window And I Realize That I've Apologized To Everyone But My Self

Not Only Did I Let My Grandmother Down,Ayden And Everyone Else Who Loves Me Down I've Also I Let My Self Down

That Little Girl Who Aspire To Be So Much More Inside Of I Let Her Down By Doubt Myself,Hiding From Myself And Putting Poison In My System

As I Was Thinking Of So Many Things Strangely

I Got A Phone Call From An Old Friend Brea She Called Me And When She Heard My Voice She Said "Are You Okay"

"Im Doing Fine.....How Are You I Miss You And London"I Said

"I Miss You Too...Were Doing Better I Heard You Was In Rehab I Had To Call And See If My Girl Was Good"She Said

Brea Didn't Even Sound The Same She Didn't Sound Like The Ghetto Chick From Bankhead She Sounded Like She Was On Her Way To Sucess