a/n: So, I'm not a fan of this chapter but it's a quick update. The next update wil be up tomorrow. Thanks for reading!
Chapter twenty:
Hannah tells me that it is still summer. She tells me that the sun is the brightest it has ever been and she can hear children laughing outside of her cell.
Sometimes, she closes her eyes and she could almost feel the sunshine against her skin. She could almost hear her mother's voice scolding her because she missed her curfew for the fourth time. But then she opens her eyes.
She's sitting alone in the dark. She's sitting in cell hundred and thirteen. She tells me that when the patients aren't listening, the doctors refer to them as numbers.
"All we are to them is numbers on a page. They forget that we are human just as they are human." Hannah says.
Hannah squeezes my hand, tightly.
Her grip is so tight that I'm afraid that my hand is going to break. But her touch feels comforting in a strange sense. I'm not alone anywhere.
Hannah pushes my cup forward.
"You better take your pulls. You don't want to be sent to the white room." Hannah says.
When patients don't follow the rules, they are sent to the white room. I've never seen the white room but Hannah as told me terrible stories of the white room. The white room has four white walls and a white chair in the center of the room.
They are no windows in the room and a silver lock secures the door. You can scream or bang on the door as much as you want, but no one will open the door. Sometimes, they will leave patients screaming in that room for hours. I swallow the tiny white pills in my cup.
Hannah told me that she use to hold her pills under her tongue for hours. Then she would empty the pills into the trash.
But, the mental institution has recently installed new cameras into every room. The Cameras watch and monitor your every move. Hannah points to a camera. Every ten seconds, the camera flashes red.
"I think they just put the cameras in to scare the rest of the residents. They might not even work." She says.
"It's time to go to bed." The nurse says.
Hanna nods in my direction. "I'll see you tomorrow, star."
The nurse takes back to room 15. The room doesn't look like a prisoner cell. To an outsider, it looks like a typical bedroom.
But the door is locked on the other side. There are thousand of others prisoners that scream or cry in the middle night.
I can still hear Hannah's cry pierce through the walls at night. She wears a mask during the day but at night, her demons come alive. The nurses say that she writes stories on the walls.
They tried to stop her from writing by taking all of her journals away but she would just find another object to write with. The hospital never sleeps and the lights never go out. It's impossible to sleep when people are constantly screaming.
At night, I dream of seeing my mother's smile. All I want is to see her smile one last time. When I do finally close my eyes for the night, I dream of death.
I don't fear death like most people. Everyday I re-live the same nightmare again.
Hannah isn't like me.
Hannah has a plan to escape this place. She dreams that she will have a life outside of these white walls. She says that she wonÕt leave without me. One time she joked that we would run away from the hospital.
We would change our names and start fresh. We would become new people. The memories of the past would disappear.
I don't share the same vision. I know that my past will follow me wherever I go. I close my eyes for the night. The next morning comes too soon.
"I'm awakened at six for breakfast and Hannah is waiting for me in the dinning room. Her eyes look heavy. She didn't sleep last night.
"At least, we get to have eggs this morning. " She says. It reminds me of another thing that I miss about home. I miss my motherÕs home cooked meals. My mouth waters as I think back to her homemade pies.
"You're not going to eat?" Hannah asks.
I shake my head, No.
I push my tray forward and Hannah smiles as she finishes the rest of her food.
"I wonder why you were brought here. You seem so different from the other people in here." Hannah says.
I want to tell her the same thing. The truth is I don't know much about Hannah's past and she knows very little about my past. Part of me likes the fact we are strangers to each. We can't judge each other by our pasts.
I still wonder what Hannah left behind.
"You'll hear a lot of things about me but you shouldn't believe them. It was a mistake that I was transferred to this place." Hannah says.
I'm not sure if I believe her.
I think everyone tells himself or herself the same lie.