I was shocked the whole class. I wasn’t able to think well until the bell rang. Everyone started taking off from their chairs and started to leave. Of course, the teacher said her reminders, but I didn’t have the right mind that time to actually remember what she said. I was still sitting on my chair, glued even when everyone was heading out. I couldn’t move or turn around. I didn’t want to see Alexander’s reaction or feedback or anything. I felt like I screwed up with something big. Everyone passed their paper works on the teacher’s desk and headed out. When they were all gone except for the teacher, she gave me a weird look.
“Can I help you with something, Liyah?” she asked probably because I looked startled, staring down.
“What?” I gave my attention back to her. I honestly didn’t hear what she said. “I’m sorry?”
“What are you so stoned about?” she laughed. I felt nervous. I didn’t want her to figure out about my feelings for Alexander. I wanted no one to find out, not even mom.
“Really? I was?”
“Yeah.” She said. “You were like that the whole period.”
“Oh.” It was good that she didn’t call to my attention during the class. Alexander could have found it weird. I just thought that I’d leave since I didn’t really have any business and since Alexander had already left. I grabbed my bag and walked on the way out. “Sorry. I’ll just be on my way.”
“Not passing your paper?” she asked me before I could reach out the room.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t able to.” I slowly turned around back to her.
“Then, have it passed on my desk before eight o’clock tomorrow. You’ll need to pass that to fill up your portfolio.”
“Okay.” I smiled and went on walking. It was convenient that my teacher was graceful. I could have lost one output for our portfolio which might have endangered my grades. Of course, I wanted to make mom proud. I didn’t want her to think that I was wasting all her efforts of working with two jobs. I struggled on my way to the next class which was Algebra. Ugh, I really hated Math. It didn’t get me anywhere interesting, but it was required, so…
Class was just about to begin when I got there. By the way, Nick and I were classmates in Algebra. He was actually quite good in Math, not really the best in class but still a lot better than me. When I got to class, I was surprised. I found Alexander talking with some bunch of guys, making new friends probably. I was once again stoned. Nick was sitting on his chair, waiting for me, when he saw me get struck by seeing Alexander. When I turned to see Nick, he was looking at Alexander and turned back at me like he figured something out. I didn’t know what look to give him or what to say. He probably figured that I had something for Alexander, and that wasn’t really good news for both of us. He gave me that convinced look, and I didn’t know what to do. My eyes rolled to Alexander again. I couldn’t help it. It was like I wanted to stare at him every second! Then, I forced myself to look back at Nick. He really looked convinced. I thought there was a really great chance that he could have noticed that. I thought that I should change his mind.
“What?” I wanted to erase that out of his mind.
“Nothing.” Nick shook his head as I walked to him.
“What’s with that look?” I placed my bag on a chair beside him and sat.
“What look?”
“You were looking at me weird.” I wanted to change his mind about me. “Spill it!”
“Spill what?”
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I was sure he thought of it which is why I wanted to change his mind as soon as possible.
“It’s nothing.” He said. I thought I shouldn’t bother anymore because I’d seem defensive, and it would all be too obvious.
I just sat beside him. He remained quiet, and that was really unusual. I turned my eyes to him every now and then, and he was really acting different. That wasn’t any help at all. I asked myself how I could make him forget, or at least change his mind. I thought since it seemed that he already figured it out, it’d be best to just change his mind, so there was no point in hiding it.
“Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not true.” I said and hoped he understood me. Then, he faced me.
“I know what I’m thinking.” He said with a serious tone. “I didn’t really expect you to care about it.”
“I care about that!” I pointed out. “I care what my friends think about me.”
“Are you even sure you know what I’m talking about?”
“Yes.” I said and pointed at Alexander as he talked to the other guys that I didn’t even bother to care about until he talked to them. “Are you thinking that I like Alexander?”
“His name’s Alexander?” Nick said. “And yes, I was thinking the exact same thing.”
“Well, I don’t like him! I mean, I like him, but not like-like him.” I didn’t even know what I was doing that for. “Don’t get all moody just because of that!”
“What?” he chuckled. “I’m not moody. I was just shocked about the fact that you’re acting weird around this guy. I mean, what were you so shy about him this morning?”
“I was not shy.” I said. I faced Nick, and he did, too. “I just felt a little overwhelmed!”
“Overwhelmed about what?”
“You know, you’re acting all jealous now!” I sulked.
“Heck yeah, I am!” he was talking loud like I was. It was really noisy around, so no one could have heard us. “I don’t think you should court around this guy just because he’s good-looking!”
“I told you that’s not true!” Well, I wasn’t really attracted to Alexander just because of his looks. He was just different in a way that I like. For the first time, I actually encountered a guy that was leading a really different path than me. “And we talked about this! You were not supposed to talk to me like I’m still your girlfriend!”
Nick was silenced. Well, I admit. That was quite harsh. I thought I shouldn’t have talked to Nick like I was rubbing it in his face. Still, I still didn’t want him to think that I like Alexander. I thought maybe I should think before I say anything.
“You’re right.” He said. He didn’t seem shocked or anything, but I was sure he didn’t take that well. Then, he turned to another direction as an end to our conversation. I was still bugged, facing him. I thought I really shouldn’t have said that.
“I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry.”
“You know what, Liyah?” he chuckled, pretending it was something funny. I could see that he was hurt all over his face. He faced me again, rolled his eyes down and back to me. “You tell the truth a lot, especially when you don’t think about what you’re gonna say.”
“No. I was just upset. Sometimes I say things to hurt people even when I don’t mean most of what I say.” I suddenly felt sorry for him. I had no right to be angry at him. After all, he helped me a lot. I couldn’t have gotten this far without him. I reached for his hand on his thigh and rubbed his wrist with my thumb. I tried to make it not flirty in any way. “I didn’t mean that. I was just trying to be better.”
He looked at me seriously like he was trying to read in to me. He blinked a few times, and he just agreed, “Okay.”
Before I even noticed it, Alexander had walked to us. I was shocked to have seen him in front of us, smiling. Suddenly, my stomach felt warm again, and I felt nervous. Nick also was a bit surprised. Alexander talked to Nick and gave him his hand, “Hi there! I’m Alexander.”
“Hi.” Nick said back and shook his hand. I turned to see Nick’s reaction. He seemed like he was forced to talk to Alex. “I’m Nick.”
“Oh! So, you’re Nick!” Alex exclaimed like he knew Nick. I couldn’t react. I was stoned again. “It’s nice to meet you!”
“I’m sorry. Have we met before?” Nick asked probably because Alex sounded a little confusing.
“No.” Alex laughed. “I just heard about you!”
“Really?” Then, it became really confusing.
“Yeah. They said you’re a keeper.” Alex continued. I felt a lot more confused.
“Excuse me?” Of course, Nick couldn’t get it, too. “Sorry. I don’t get what you’re saying.”
“You’re Liyah’s boyfriend, right? They said you’re really good at it.” Alex assured himself. I was struck. I didn’t know why Alexander thought I was Nick’s girlfriend! Anyway, I felt like panicking. I couldn’t accept that, of all people, Alex was the one to think that. I was still stoned.
Nick turned to see me and stared. I was still shocked, unaccepting. My hands were clenching. I quickly reacted, “No!”
I was sure that was painful for Nick, but I just couldn’t help it. I didn’t even think before I said that! I just felt like I needed too. I faced back to Nick to see how he coped with what I said. He looked deplored. With my fast reaction, Nick probably thought I was trying to have a chance to be with Alexander. Well, I was, but I didn’t want anyone to know about that! I just faced back to Alexander and tried to make it sound less suspicious, “We’re just friends.”
“Oh.” Alex reacted. He seemed a little disappointed which was not good news.
“Where did you hear that I was his girlfriend?” I asked. Nick seemed forlorn. He didn’t bother to face Alex. He was just staring down, shocked of what I was saying. That time, I felt so sorry and so stupid, but I just couldn’t let Alexander think that!
“Winnie told me.” Alexander said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply. It’s just that they said it, so…”
“No, it’s fine.” I waved my hand. Alexander seemed to have noticed Nick’s reaction. I just continued talking, “Winnie talk about us a lot?”
“Not really.” He grinned. “I kinda’ asked that.”
“Oh,” I was shocked. Did Alexander actually ask about me? And that was really honest of him. I felt happy again. Was he trying to know if I was single? I was excited, and I had the urge to hug him, but I forgot to bother Nick’s reaction. He was even more bothered with what Alex just said.
I was in shock, and Nick was wasted. Alexander was just waiting for us to say anything, but we didn’t say anything. When it took long enough and became really awkward, Alexander talked, “Okay! Class is about to start! It was nice meeting you, Nick!”
He walked to his chair after that. Soon enough, our teacher arrived. Nick was still bothered, and I didn’t know what to say to make it better, but I wasn’t feeling that way. I was feeling immensely ecstatic about Alex, and I was sure Nick didn’t take that well. I felt sorry for him, but I ended up not caring. Was this how selfish I got? I felt like hitting myself in the midst of my joy.