C h a p t e r | T w e n t y - F i v e
Present Day - Mikey
Mikey Way wishes it was him.
Alicia brought him back into the station after she crashed at her house. He hasn't told her anything about what drove him to ask for her help last night, but he's definitely starting to think for all the messed up and illegal stuff he's done, he should be the one in a jail cell, not Pete. What was he thinking breaking into the Wentz household? He's so unbelievably lucky that Pete's dad ended up letting him go. A 'get out of jail free' card.
He stares around the familiar faces at the station, taking in how shabby they look from eight months of chasing this case. They know him well by this point. Sometimes he doesn't get to talk to Alicia anymore because the others want a go at interrogating him.
The detective agency think he's depressed because of the loss of his brother, so what better way to worsen this than to make him talk about it nearly every day? Do you regret how you treated Frank Iero, Michael? Do you blame yourself for what happened to everyone?
Maybe if you hadn't bullied Frank, Michael, he wouldn't have felt the need to shoot up your school, and your friends would still be alive, and your brother would still be with you.
Like he doesn't feel crappy enough. He was just starting to get over the whole wishful dying phase. He starts to evaluate everything that's happened in these eight months, all the way from April through to December, every piece of the broken puzzle trying to amend itself.
Months ago, Mikey received a call from an unknown number which he answered in tears. There was nothing but silence on the other end but he pretended, somehow, that it was his brother trying to talk to him from a place far away. The police said they wouldn't track it.
He remembers how insane that made him feel. How much he mourns to this day. How much he'll beg Alicia to help him get through it all after the setback of last night - because it was a setback, right? Even though Pete's family have that money set aside for his bail, and Mikey will hopefully get what he wants, it's turned him back into that shell-shocked kid he was back in school.
Alicia asks him to talk. Fair enough, she wants to know what the hell is going on. Before he can even contemplate last night, the words always on his mind are coming free:
"If Gerard didn't save me, he'd still be here."
Opposite him, Alicia drags a hand down her face. Not this again. Haven't they got past the guilt and moved on to something more constructive? What the hell was this kid doing last night before he called her at three o'clock in the morning? But as always, she's here simply to listen, not to make him feel like a worthless broken record. She takes the bait and plays the game for a little while.
"But you wouldn't," she argues.
"That's the point."
"Have you seriously considered therapy? I think even I'll be signing up for some after this. Every day with you is starting to feel the same." She's done playing the game. Mikey stares at his hands like there's still blood on them after all this time and she's quick to anger. "I haven't had the chance to explain the recent logistics on my side. Not about Pete but about Frank."
"What do you mean?" Mikey asks.
"I'm going to give it to you straight, Mikey. Look, they're still on this case, as you know, God knows why. And they're still treating you as a suspect for harassment, and effectively since Frank is long gone and the other kids who hurt him are dead, you're the only one they can blame. You know what that means?"
She's telling him this now? After eight goddamn months? 'A suspect for harassment', like he's worried about that. He almost can't wait to tell her about how he committed a breaking and entering offence, before calling her up to sleep soundly on her sofa. She knows his main motive is Pete and this has nothing to do with his boyfriend, but rather a mass murderer who is long gone. Needless to say, he's hardly thought about it and has no clue what she's babbling about.
Mikey shakes his head dumbly.
"You're facing prosecution." When she sees his look of shock-horror, she quickly continues. "Don't worry, okay? I'll find you the best lawyer money can buy. The thing is, the parents of those dead kids," she grimaces at her choice of words, "need someone who's actually here to pin this on. They're furious because it's been over half a year and we've arrested nobody. It was a mass murder, as you're well aware, and things like this don't just disappear."
"You can't be serious." He sits back further on his chair in disbelief. They can't blame him. He was a child caught in a shooting, the 'lucky' one who got away after seeing his friends murdered. He realises why she's bringing this up now soon enough. "There's something new, isn't there?"
"Yes, someone has come forward and told me some stories." She shakes her head. "Come outside, I need a cigarette."
He follows her and each step he takes feels closer to impending doom. Gone is that initial annoyance at being brought into the station for yet another day, and in its replacement is white-hot dread. She lights a cigarette impatiently and starts sucking on it.
"Pete told me you bullied Frank," she tells him.
He frowns. This doesn't make sense. Sure, she hasn't known this truth until now and he wants to strangle Pete for letting her in on it, but so what? People are bullied on a daily basis and while he's not proud of what he did by standing back and letting it happen, this can't be worthy of any charges. Mikey isn't the one who picked up that gun and decided to commit multiple homicides.
Upon noticing his bafflement, she continues, "He said you told Frank to do it."
"To do what?" He still isn't catching on. This is like yet another bad dream. Alicia's stare hardens.
"To kill all your friends," she remarks. The comment is like a whip to his cheek. This traitor, this wicked man he loves to death.
He could cry. Isn't it bad enough he's already lost so much?
"I never wanted any of this!" His sudden outburst surprises neither of them. "Pete's lying! You know what he's like, he's a manipulative snake who gets off on twisting people's opinions and toying with their emotional wellbeing. I never knew Frank would do what he did and it's Pete who's being charged as some sort of accomplice here, not me—"
"His father called in this morning," Alicia interrupts him and his words die in his constricting throat, "and said you broke into his house last night."
Damn it! Why did he think everything might be alright for once? He supposes he had this coming. Mr Wentz doesn't know him and he had every right to report the crime, so Mikey can't blame him. He is, however, at a loss for words. "I..."
"This is a serious allegation," Alicia says angrily.
"What did he say?" Mikey chokes out.
She replies, "That you were looking for money for Pete's bail. And that it was probably because you didn't want him talking."
"Talking about what? I've done nothing wrong regarding the shooting!" He wants to rip his hair from his scalp. Everything is unraveling so fast and none of it makes sense. He just hopes she isn't buying any of the lies. "Everything I've ever confessed - Jesus, you saw the marks he left on me. You saw the footage of the notebook in his locker and you've heard my statements and you - you accuse me of what, encouraging someone to violently slaughter my friends?"
"I'm not accusing you," she says calmly, "the Wentz family are. Remember we had this discussion about wealth and influence?" Yes, he remembers. This is America and it will always be this unfair. "They might not bail their son out of jail for the sake of their own image and pockets, but also because they are happy to leave him in there and let him blab about whatever he wants to reduce his sentence - and they will side with him against you, the stranger in his bed, always."
"What do you mean they won't bail him out? I saw the money," Mikey is quick to counter.
"Pete's parents have outright refused to get involved in this stage. Whatever you saw, it wasn't intended for bailing him out." Alicia's tone is resolute. It only adds to the confusion of everything. What the hell was that for in the file cabinet, then? Why was it labelled with Pete's name? He ignores that issue for now and continues with his hysterical prattling.
"It was Frank," Mikey freaks, feeling a rising hatred for everyone apart from himself, "and I get it, you can't do anything about that—"
"Those parents are grieving, Mikey! And no matter what, to learn that you did indeed harass Frank Iero - because you're not denying it - is a huge deal to them, one that they don't take kindly. And the breaking and entering! I thought you knew better by now. So it's just us against the world."
The cogs in his brain stop functioning then at the mention of 'us'. So she's on his side. That's good; the world can be crashing and burning around them, and it is, as long as she doesn't believe Pete's lies. As long as he has one player on Team Mikey, someone rooting for him for once in his miserable life.
"Pete's trial has been set for this month," Alicia declares, "you will be the primary witness. They'll bring up images of the abuse and ask you questions about his involvement with the shooting. We have to prepare you for that, and for whatever accusations will be thrown your way too."
"I can't do this," Mikey wheezes, reminded of when the two of them first met and he said the exact same thing - that he couldn't and wouldn't talk to her about any of it. He did, and look where it got him.
"You love him," Alicia says and it's no question. She sees right through him because he's that weak and easy to read. He just nods. "Like I've always said, I know this will be hard on you. We'll get a good team behind you, a good lawyer. You were also a minor on the date of the shooting and that will bode well for your case."
"I don't want a case," he refuses, "I don't want any of this." Stupid, reckless boy. He's gone off the deep end and destroyed the happiness from his own life and so many others'.
"There is an alternative that gets you out of this." At those words, Mikey's head snaps up. "You plead to go to a mental health institution."
"A crazy house?" he cries.
God, he might be delusional inside his own head sometimes but none of his actions have been due to any diagnosed mental health issues or dangerous personality traits. How can anyone call his impressionable young mind clinically insane?
"No, of course not! It's just therapy, really, and you have free accommodation. It's obvious to anyone you're struggling with these negative feelings," she soothes and he huffs a sigh of disbelief, "and if they can prove that on a few tests, you'll get treatment for no more than four months."
'Negative feelings'. Now she really is turning into his shrink. She knows of how down he's been in the past but he's trying to turn a new leaf, right? He might be blinded by love for Pete but that can change, especially with what he's heard today.
"No," he grits out.
"Aren't you listening? It's this or court!" She starts to get worried that he won't make the right decision. "You know what they do to guys like you in prison?"
"Prison? Who said anything about prison?" He starts to really panic. "They're silly charges. You don't believe Pete, I know you don't. And the breaking and entering thing was a tiny dent in a car crash of illegal things that have been happening around here this year. I'll find a way out of this. Sure, there's security footage at the school of the bullying but - but who cares? It was Frank and they'll blame it on him and—"
"And then what? I'm trying to help you, Michael," she stresses his name and he flinches, "but I don't think you realise how serious this is. Need I show you the tape to prove that you bullied a kid who murdered five people?"
That's a nail in the coffin for Mikey. He can't help but scream back at her, and he rarely so much as raises his voice. This might be the longest conversation they've ever shared but it ends here. She's supposed to help him. His true feelings make themselves known.
"STOP IT!" He cries out. "I didn't lay a FINGER on Frank, ever! This isn't my fault! I don't think you realise how serious I'M being when I say NO! I COULD CARE LESS IF I FACE THE DEATH SENTENCE! I JUST WANT GERARD BACK!"
"WELL, YOU CAN'T GET HIM BACK!" Alicia screams, also getting to her feet and jabbing a finger in his direction. "BECAUSE HE'S DEAD, GODDAMN IT!"
Mikey crumbles to the ground disbelievingly, burying his face in his knees, not realising his cheeks were stained with tears of frustration. Gerard can't be dead. He's seen the news broadcasts, how everyone's saying that he is, but...
This is it. This whole time, this is what he's been putting off: the floodgate opens and it all comes sinking in. For so long he's been in denial about his brother but after eight months and what's being reported, it has to be true. Maybe it's not love for Pete that was holding him together, but rather false hope. Brotherly affection. He just misses him so much and he's never been allowed to even think about it, never had a moment to contemplate the hole in his heart where his brother should be.
He tried to fill in with sex, with alcohol. Dizzy nights out, roasting marshmallows over fires, tripping himself on sidewalks, ignoring his parents and caring for a goldfish that ended up dying like everyone else. He's let himself been taken advantage of in a countless amount of ways. It doesn't matter about how empathetic Patrick's been, how patient Alicia is or how good a kisser his boyfriend can be. At the end of the day, he wants his brother. He loves his brother, and it's the most sure thing he's ever dealt with. The one exception to his mad, reeling emotions.
And they call him dead. They pronounce him gone, like all the good things in his life.
"But - but he's all that I h-have," he chokes out and starts to sob.