Harry had tripped three times on the hike so far. Gemma had told him they couldn't really go to the Hollywood sign, but they could admire from afar—on a hill—to watch the sun set. It truly was beautiful seeing the sun set over the city and watch the switch from the daytime feel of it to the nighttime. That was Harry's idea, to see the city at night, but that just caused everyone's journey back to the Jeep rougher. It was worth it.
He made sure to take as many pictures and videos as he possibly could so he could show Niall and Liam when he returned. In only a few days he'd be back, and really, he was sad to be heading off. He missed his home, but he loved California and the time he got to spend with Gemma and Josh, so he hated to say goodbye. Harry doesn't know when he'll be able to come back; he's going to make sure to really savor these next few days.
Once in the car and now on the way back to Josh's house, Harry only now realized how late it was. It was inching around twelve in the morning. He supposes Josh can have perks like hiking to the Hollywood sign after hours and getting away with it because he's got a lot of money. Rich people.
"Hey, wanna go swimming when we get back? Josh finally got the pool cleaned," Gemma said, left hand in Josh's over the console. Harry felt bad for being sad—he wanted to hold hands with someone.
Harry scrunched up his nose in thought. "Depends. May be a little tired from all that tripping today, but maybe I'll take a quick dip. I . . . didn't really bring anything to swim in. I'm the worst at being in California," he laughed.
"I think I've got something I could lend you," Josh said.
Harry shook his head. "No, thanks! No offense, but I heard you like to swim without any pants on."
Gemma gasped.
Josh tilted his head in confusion. "Of course not, I wear trunks." Gemma leaned over to him and whispered something in his ear. "Oh," he quietly said. "Why would you tell him I don't swim with underwear on...? I—no, saying he's your brother isn't a good excuse . . . Oh, now I'm embarrassed," he quietly spoke to Gemma. "I only partly did that for you because you said you liked how—"
"Don't say that!" She shouted.
Harry wanted to laugh but felt like it would be considered rude, so he lifted his hand to his face and buried his grin into his palm.
"What? I'm whispering."
"You're a very loud whisperer, doofus."
"Harry? Could you hear me?" Josh asked.
Harry snorted, unable to keep in his laughter. "Yes, I could."
Josh playfully hit the steering wheel. "My secretary said I was great at being quiet!"
"What a liar he is," she said with a quick laugh.
Harry sat back for the rest of the ride and admired how they bantered back and forth, making awful jokes and quoting movies or TV shows when the funny situation became relevant enough for it. He's jealous beyond words, but happy that they're happy. He wonders if he'll be able to find someone like that, someone he can truly be himself around. It was weird that a couples' happiness could make Harry feel upset. He hated that, because it had been such a wonderful day, and now he's sad because he just feels alone. His mind drifted to his phone and how he had avoided Louis' messages; he pulled it out and went straight to them.
louis.: hey hazzy ! hope youre doin well, text me when you can (: x
louis.: found this dandelion and it reminded me of u ha
louis.: it'd be nice if you called me back
louis.: you suck ?
louis.: meant to say sick !! not suck , u dont suck I swear
louis.: liam doesnt know what happened between us and I think it's my fault if he starts to treat u like a child im sorry
Harry frowned and leaned his head back against the headrest, shutting his phone off and deciding to zone out until he's back at the house.
He's glad the car ride wasn't that long, because he would've been too consumed by guilt and would've caved in to Louis' messages and had responded. But he's not alone. He doesn't have to pout in his room when he's sad; he can't do that. He's going to spend time with his sister and swim until he's all pruned up and then shower and sleep, that way he'll be too exhausted to think. That's why he was in such a hurry to get inside and change into a blue pair of gym shorts he'd brought along.
The pool in the backyard was huge and shaped like a capital B, and between the dips of the B was a hot tub. He's still amazed by how much money Josh has to afford something like that—it blows his mind. Lights shined from inside the pool and faded into different colors, which somehow made it appear even more expensive, but he didn't really care about that when he canon balled into it. He sprung up above the water happily with a shaking head to get the hair out of his eyes. Soon, Gemma had joined and did the exact same thing Harry did when he jumped in. What seemed like minutes of messing about and trying to force each other under the water, turned into two hours. Two hours of laughing and playing child games like they used to, and Josh had even joined in, who was always trying to grab Gemma by surprise and toss her into the water. It was oddly a bonding experience between Harry and Josh, who had teamed up so they could trick Gemma in Marco Polo. All they did was hop out of the pool and frustrate her the best they could. When it had gotten even later, Josh called it a night and went inside to sleep. Gemma and Harry stayed in the pool, on a blow-up shaped donut and pizza slice, silently floating.
"This is making me crave pizza," Harry said.
Gemma laughed. "This is making me crave a donut."
"What a predicament we're in," he said with a shake of his head.
"Hey," she said, kicking Harry's pizza-shaped pool float. "I've been meaning to tell you, but I know you told Josh about Dad." Harry froze and stared at the dark sky. "I'm not upset. It's kinda a relief that he knows. But that breakdown I had, it was—I don't know why I freaked out, it all just came down on me and—"
"It's okay, you don't have to explain," Harry interrupted. "You got the roughest part of it, Gem. And I hate that." He put his hands on his stomach and frowned. "You should know that—that I love you, okay? You're the toughest person I know and I'm so glad you're happy now, you deserve it. Josh is so nice and sweet." Harry heard Gemma sniffle so he looked over with furrowed eyebrows. "Oh, I didn't mean to make you cry."
She waved her arms. "Sh, no, it's fine. I'm just happy, I really am." She wiped her eyes. "Now we need to get you as happy as I am."
Harry giggled. "I—"
"Harry?" A voice intruded it. It was Josh, who looked sleepy. He pointed to the door. "You've got someone here."
Harry tilted his head in confusion and hummed, wondering who would be here for him at such a late hour. He slumped off his pizza and swam to the edge of the pool, pulling himself out, grabbing a towel, and then joining Josh. "Be right back," he told his sister, who was getting out of the pool too. He didn't ask who it was, just silently walked through the house to get to the front door. At some point (Harry was too wrapped up in his thoughts to realize), Josh had left him alone to answer the door privately.
Once he reached the door, he pulled it open, shirtless and slightly sleepy and confused. He didn't even think about trying to cover up, but he wished he did. It was a boy, back turned to Harry. He was wearing black jeans and a black tank-top, but Harry knew who it was, he just couldn't believe it. He couldn't speak. The door closed behind him, which made Louis jump and turn around.
The moonlight hit him beautifully, shining onto his eyelashes and cheekbones and soft hair. Harry felt like he was suffocating and all the feelings he had pushed away suddenly crashed onto him. His back hit the door, wide-eyed and mouth agape as he stared at Louis like he was a ghost.
Louis shyly smiled and stepped closer. "Hi," he exhaled out.
Harry couldn't speak.
Louis got closer, then gulped as he stepped up onto the porch. His eyes drifted down to Harry's tattoos on his torso, but he quickly shut his eyes and inhaled deeply. "Harry, I need to tell you something. And you're going to listen and try to not hate me, okay? I just have to do this because . . . because you deserve to know," Louis spoke, voice shaking nervously. He looked away. Harry still couldn't form any words. "I was in a very . . . dysfunctional relationship about a year or so ago that really messed me up. Matt saw me as a tiny thing that he could use whenever he wanted, and I let him because I loved him. I know. Stupid, right? But I did love him. Sometimes he would be really sweet and kind and I convinced myself that's who he was, but he really wasn't. It wasn't a violent relationship, but verbally it was. I won't get too into details unless you want me to, all right? I'll tell you if you wanna know about him, but he just destroyed everything about me. Made me believe I couldn't be happy with anyone else. It was scary and I didn't want to like anyone else, but dammit, Harry." Louis was pacing now and scratching the back of his head.
Harry moved away from the door and licked his drying lips, reaching out for Louis. He was getting worked up and Harry wanted to calm him down, so he grabbed his hand. That surprised Louis and immediately stilled him; he closed his eyes. "And then you come into my life, all cute and clumsy. I told myself I didn't have feelings for you." Harry couldn't breathe now. "I didn't want to. I'm bitter and broken and messed up in so many ways." Louis pulled his hand out of Harry's and placed them over his face.
Harry finally found his voice. "Louis," was all he could say for a few seconds. But then he said, "Louis, you don't have to tell me this. Your past is your past, you don't have to explain yourself to me," he quietly said. But Louis just turned around and was crying. Harry had never seen Louis cry before. His heart was shattering and he didn't know what to do but let him get out what he needed to.
"I do, though. I've—I've done something horrible, Harry." He shook his head and looked down, his back still to Harry. "I killed my sister."
Harry swallowed and blinked, confused and afraid of doing and saying the wrong thing. What could he say to something like that? He killed his sister?
"I was only seventeen. I was a stupid kid and had just gotten my license. I didn't see the car."
Harry finally moved to stand beside Louis. He hugged him, arms wrapping around him from behind, and Louis sobbed loudly, turning around in Harry's arms and holding him tightly as he cried into his neck. "I should've seen it. I should have slowed down. She was just a girl, Harry. Not even a teenager yet, and I took everything away from her," he spoke, words muffled from his crying.
Harry couldn't help but cry too, his hands rubbing up and down Louis' back gently to try and comfort him. There's no words that could be spoken to ease his heart, Harry realizes. He didn't know what to say and he felt horrible for it. "Sh, it's okay," he whispered, allowing him to let out whatever he needed. He hoped that was enough for Louis.
It took him a moment to calm down and pull away from Harry, but he did with a brave face and rubbed his eyes. "That's, uh. I don't know if you still hate me or what, but I needed to let you know." Louis suddenly laughed, no traces of humor laced in it at all. "Because you need to know how messed up I am. And you're moving, aren't you? I mean, well, I had to do something to try and stop you, because—because I . . . Harry, you make me happy, believe it or not. And I—you know . . . I—"
Harry couldn't take it. He had spent so many nights dreaming about Louis, wanting him in a way he had never wanted someone before. He understood what Louis was trying to say, he really did. But he couldn't keep it in anymore, and that's why he grabbed his face and pressed his lips onto Louis'. He kissed him. He kissed him with all this pent up want and desperation, yet sadness and heartache and all of it, like all of his emotions came out at once and expressed itself in this one kiss that meant the world to him. And Louis kissed him back with just as much passion, their lips meshing into something beautiful. Louis' lips were dry and his lip piercing was cold and he tasted like he had eaten a lot of airplane peanuts, but it was everything Harry had wanted.
Louis had placed his hands right onto Harry's chest and started to push him back, lips accidentally detaching. Harry released a noise he couldn't explain when he was pushed against the house by Louis. He had placed his hands in Harry's curly hair and wound his fingers tightly in it, and kissed him. He kissed his lips and made the kiss much more slower unlike the rushed and messy one before. It was like Louis wanted to memorize Harry's lips with his own.
Harry started crying.
He didn't mean to. He just couldn't believe the boy he's liked for so long is kissing him. Harry can't believe that the one who had been called rude by many people just broke down in front of him and flown all this way just for him. No one had ever done such a thing for Harry, and for it to be the guy he's hopelessly falling for to do it, made him feel so wanted and cared about.
"Harry," Louis quietly spoke against his lips. "You're crying. Why are you crying?"
Harry laughed and pouted, blushing when Louis wiped away the tears. "I've just wanted that for so long," he said, embarrassed.
Louis smiled, face lighting up and eyes shining. He looked so happy. Louis kissed his nose. "Dork."
Harry giggled. Who knew being called a dork would make him so happy. They both moved away from each other, Harry's lips tingling from when Louis' were on them. He cleared his throat and suddenly felt way too awkward without a shirt on. "Um, did you...? You're staying, right? Do you have your things? You can stay. I want you to stay. I mean, this place is huge, isn't it? We have room. There's, like, three or so extra rooms you can choose from. If you don't like any, you could totally take my room and I'll just sleep somewhere else. I'm okay with that. Do whatever you want, Louis. This is America. The land of the brave and home of the free. Wait, no. Is it the other way around? Land of the free and home of the brave? Something like that. Something about freedom and stuff, I'm sure," Harry rambled, happy. He flushed after he spoke, realizing how pointless all that rambling really was.
Louis grabbed his suitcase that was resting at the bottom of the stairs and walked up, fondly smiling. "You're so cute." Harry grinned. "I'll just sleep wherever, I don't care. Was half-expecting to sleep in a hotel anyway."
Harry opened the door and jumped when he saw Josh and Gemma with their heads stuck out like they had pressed their ears on the door. "Wha—?"
"We weren't listening," Gemma quickly said.
Josh cleared his throat and straightened up. "Hi. Will you be staying with us?"
Louis awkwardly laughed and looked at Harry. "If that's okay."
"It's more than okay!" She happily said, tugging Louis in. She hugged him. "Louis. So glad you're here."
He stiffly patted her back. "Uh, thanks."
She stopped hugging him and patted his cheek, which had Harry stepping in and giving her a pleading look. "Gem," he whined.
"No, yeah, okay. I'm fine. Right. I'll go—we'll go. We're sleepy, yawn," she spoke, tugging Josh away from the two.
Harry face-palmed and shook his head, too embarrassed to speak. Instead he just gave Louis a shy smile and walked him upstairs to where he stayed, opening the door to his room and flicking on the light. "This is where I sleep," he said, hurrying in and kicking the clothes he had scattered throughout the room earlier under his bed. Louis left his suitcase by the door and looked around in awe, taking a seat on the bed.
"God, this bed is so nice," Louis said, leaning back and shutting his eyes. Harry smiled and stared with his arms crossed. "And huge. I can see why you want to move."
Harry's smile faltered. "Hey, about that." Louis slowly sat up. "I wasn't, like . . . really going to. It was just a thought I shared with Liam, that's all."
Louis motioned with his head for Harry to sit beside him, so he did. "I'm glad you're not. But it was kind of a wake-up call when he told me you were thinking about it. I like you, Harry. I was awful to you. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry I would lead you on, but I was just scared of what I was feeling. I was feeling too much too quickly, but I realize now that I was being ridiculous. I like you. There. I said it. Not afraid. I don't want to lose you."
Harry looked down at his hands and smiled, heart thumping heavily in his chest. He saw Louis' hand slowly reach out and cover his hands, which stopped him from messing with them. "I understand. I'm sorry too, what I did wasn't any better."
"And?"
"And I like you."
"And?"
"And you're very attractive."
"And?"
"And I wanna kiss you again.
"... And?"
"Uh . . . " Harry thought, lips pursing. "And you're really cute?"
"Way to say that with pure confidence."
Harry looked over at Louis and leaned closer, wondering now if he could just kiss Louis whenever he wanted. He put his hand on Louis' chest and tried to kiss him, but frowned when he fell back onto the bed. He stared, confused. "You fell," he stated.
Louis rolled his eyes and gripped Harry's bare shoulders, tugging him down to kiss him. "And you're still shirtless."
Harry flushed and pulled back, sitting up and placing his hands over his chest. "Oh no."
Louis only laughed and tried to tug him back down. Harry finally caved in and laid beside Louis, still shirtless. He was too happy to do anything but admire Louis. He felt like a teenager just now experiencing his first time with a boy. It's what it feels like—scary and exciting all at once. He didn't want this feeling to ever go away, or the lips that started to kiss his cheeks.