Dr. Roslin thoroughly examined him, questioning about dizziness, nausea, light-headedness, all the while shining a torch in his eye.
"Was your stool normal in colour?" She inquired, which is when Harris decided it best to put his foot down.
"All right," he pushed her hand away, getting up. "Like I said, I'm fine. I didn't even remember to take them, got caught up with a friend."
"Friend? You never mentioned one before," she remarked. Harris understood what that meant. Dr. Roslin never figured him for one to have any friends.
"Yes, hard as it is to believe," he sneered at her.
"Oh, no, I didn't mean..."
"That's all right, doctor. Can I please just go?" He wondered if he could still catch Auden at this point.
"Now? I thought you'd like to have a detailed examination." Dr. Roslin said with surprise. Harris could see it too, extra treatment would once have sounded like an early birthday present.
"Okay, then." He plopped on the chair. Staying back felt like an obligation more than anything else but he thought it might be better to be on the safe side.
"First things first," Dr. Roslin dumped the original meds in the trash. "We have to get you proper medication."
Harris's eye shifted toward the medicine room door but she already had the meds on the table.
"I never see you go in there. What's the point of having a room for medicine if you never use it?"
"Huh? Oh, that's not important, we just keep the spare ones in there. Honestly, I'm lobbying to have it demolished and expand my office." Dr. Roslin rehearsed. Maybe she was used to answering this question, Harris thought.
"Your pulse is fine as well. Funny, huh?" Her face broke into an uncharacteristic smile. "All those years you were fine and your pulse raced, and now it's the opposite?"
Harris didn't see the humor in it at all and simply looked apathetically at her.
"You seemed to have changed a lot in a few days," she commented.
"Time's been somewhat relative for me recently," said Harris, his mind flashing between opening doors. "Besides, I never got the sense you particularly liked how I used to be."
Dr. Roslin didn't answer him.
"You seem to be going through the motions, we've gone over this before," Harris said impatiently.
"Why are you in such a hurry?"
"Why were you in such a hurry earlier today? We could've done this then, rather than 10 at night." Harris shot at her. Dr. Roslin avoided his gaze, wheeling her chair away.
"Fine, if you don't want to, we can pick it up later."
"Where did you go?" Harris's earlier curiosity returned. "You looked like you didn't want to be followed."
"Did you follow me?" There seemed to be genuine rage pent up behind her eyes as she asked him.
"I was with my friend, remember?" Harris felt it best not to be honest.
"Whatever." Dr. Roslin brushed him off, seemingly on edge. He took it as his exit. "You should get that shirt cleaned. It looks like you've just rolled in mud." She added.
Maybe she meant it as a shot at his shabbiness although the truth was he'd gotten dirty following her and hiding in between bushes. Still, he felt compelled to return the favor.
"Noted. But you should consider replacing that plaque of yours, doesn't look professional to have a scratched-out one." He said standing at the door. The revulsion on her face at his comment was such that she might have just slammed the door on him. Harris bowed out.
The next day, he met up with Auden once more as they dived into older times.
"College feels so long ago, doesn't it?" Auden asked, swigging his drink.
"A really long time ago." Harris concurred slightly distantly, he could barely remember them. "Although you should be happy, you can drink now."
"Yeah, no more sneaking around to get it, what a relief." He threw back the bottle. "Didn't make any difference for you, what'd you call it... straight...?"
"Straight edge."
"Yeah, still think it's a boring way of life, though."
"I'm sure you do. Regardless, religion doesn't need to be fun, just needs faith."
"You always had faith in God. But in yourself, how's that going?"
"Always a work in progress," Harris said quietly, with a small wink.
"To works in progress," Auden raised a tankard, downing it quickly.
"You just need a reason to drink," Harris chuckled. "Still, have to say, it's been a while since I sat down and looked back fondly."
"As opposed to...?" Auden asked, when he got a non-committal shrug as a response he continued. "I always told you, bro, you need people. You could climb the top of the world and jump into the deepest of ravines, but if you don't have someone to share it with you'll always be looking back."
"I thought looking back was a good thing."
"It is when you have something to look forward to as well. It's sad when you know there's nothing ahead for you and you reflect back to see what you used to have." Auden spoke in the general sense but those words hit Harris home. Those days when he'd enjoyed being by himself had a new meaning now, and it didn't feel right.
"You are a wise man, after all." He quipped.
"Is he? I always thought his head went to a rambling mess every time he drank." Someone spoke from behind. He was one of the familiar faces, part of Harris's old friends' group to be exact.
"Yeah, yeah," Auden greeted them.
Harris scanned the faces of those present. Hank, the buff and wisecracking gym owner, Sylvia - his wife, and Laarni, Auden's fiancé.
"Look who it is," Hank immediately saw Harris, and before he knew it, he was captured in a bone-cracking hug. "Back among the living?"
"You could say that." Harris smiled toothily, his former habit of overcompensating.
Hank hadn't believed it back when he'd found out about Harris's cancer; it had taken him a while to comprehend it and had ceased his wisecracks, something that had made Harris feel even worse. Having to see people hide their true selves in his presence, and being treated with caution, was dehumanizing in its own way.
"He's on sabbatical," Auden informed them.
"Well, then, you're not going home tonight I'll guarantee you that." Hank laid a strong grip on Harris's shoulder.
Laarni and Sylvia ruffled his hair; they'd always been able to look past his introversion, and he'd always appreciated it.
"How have you been?" Laarni asked. A look of affection amidst those slanted eyes. Harris recalled her visit to him in the hospital. She'd been wracked with grief, calling his illness a tragic fault of nature.
"Resting from work?" Sylvia added. Harris hadn't seen her during his final days; unable to see him in that condition, she'd sent him a letter that had read 'Rest Well, brother.'
"Not exactly resting... more like in between worlds."
"Well, that's not vague at all." Hank joked as the rest laughed.
"Where do I start?"
"We got up till right here," Sylvia pointed to her watch, 11 hours ahead. "So start wherever you want. No pressure."
"Well... I just met lots of people and did lots of-"
"No, no, don't just run over everything. Specifics, man, I stand around overweight dudes for weeks, because if I just say it and walk away they won't get the picture." Hank interrupted.
"I just don't want to, you know..." Harris murmured. He'd always felt as though his part didn't matter much, which is why he preferred the back seat while the others reveled in their stories.
"Really, Harris, we want to know," Laarni said gently.
"I, uh..." Harris's eyes darted from one person to another. If it had been only a single person he'd have been fine. But with all of them there, he could do nothing but feel that they were interested in what he had to say.
"Maybe you should just give him the thing so he knows we're his friends." Auden hiccupped.
"You ruined the surprise!" Laarni scolded him.
"Surprise?" Harris asked feeling apprehensive.
"Well, our beer-swilling friend here opened his mouth other than to drink for once." Sylvia recovered a frame for her bag and handed it to him.
It was a photo of all of them in the forest they'd gone to for the camping trip. The one picture he'd taken with everyone. It was captioned, 'Wherever you are.'
"Why?" It was all he could manage.
"Because, our little friend, Auden told us he'd gotten hold of you somehow and we thought you needed a reminder that you had some people to come back to if you ever did." Laarni pinched his cheeks.
Harris studied the photo. It was nothing special, yet he felt his insides swirl into something unfamiliar -- affection. If this simple picture could illicit this wonderful feeling, then it was special indeed, to him.
"Why would you guys want to be my friend?" His voice trembled. "Honestly, I don't understand. I-I actively avoid everyone. It's not like I've done anything in particular."
"Excuse me?" Laarni fiddled with her engagement ring and leaned toward Auden.
"Well, you guys were meant to be, I just sort of pushed you in the right direction, that's all," Harris argued. "And I never did you two any favors." He added to the second couple.
They laughed, much to his confusion.
"You don't need to pull favors to be my friend," Hank chuckled. "Maybe I just liked how scrawny you are, maybe it makes me want to double up so that I can push you around whenever I want to. Or maybe it's because it doesn't matter. You're my friend and that's it."
"Harris, I've explained this to you before, stop overthinking and worrying about stuff you can't do anything about. That's how you push away what matters." Sylvia ruffled his hair again. "Like getting a haircut."
"Fact is, bro, you can either choose to lay around all by yourself eating ice creams or you can be around here. Trust me, it's better." Auden spoke as his tankard emptied. "And you don't even have to pay for it, Hank's got us covered."
"Yeah-hey!"
As the table rang with laughter and the air filled with free-flowing conversation, Harris's head felt lighter for the first time in a long while. The constant apprehension he lived with faded away for once.
"All right, then. Here's what I've been up to. I actually was about to die but have no clue how I'm even here. I met an orb of light that's making me live my life all over again." He announced. The most silent of silences fell around him. His friends' faces showed a shared look of confusion.
"If you can make up that load of crap just to hide what you've been up to then by all means hide." Hank roared with laughter, as the others joined in.
"I never got his sense of humor, but it's nice when he's joking." Auden chortled.
Harris, too, laughed along. It was an impossible confession to consider, yet this had been the first time he'd been honest with anyone. Regardless, it made him feel much better.
"Come on, let's see if you remember any of the darting skills we taught you." Sylvia and Laarni pulled him toward the dart board.
And so it continued for days on end, Harris began having the time of his life. The only moments he would be alone were during his sleep; he'd started to spend his time dividing between staying over at his friends' houses, who were more than hospitable to him. Each morning he accompanied Hank at his gym; during evenings, he joined in with the girls as they went around exploring the city while at night, he was with Auden at the bar where the rest would join them eventually.
Harris felt he had a life he'd wanted but never known about. It was an alien feeling not to worry, not to sit in dismay at times gone by. As far as he was concerned, it was these moments that made life worth living.
During one particular day, Sylvia and Lauren were indulging themselves in a shopping spree, and he observed in amusement when his phone rang. He'd made it a habit of ignoring it, not having received a call in days.
"Harris, your phone is interrupting a sacred shopping moment, please don't tarnish it," said Sylvia. "And don't disconnect it, it keeps ringing, just answer it and tell the person to buzz off."
"Harris! Where have you been? I was about to file a missing persons report." Dr. Roslin's frantic voice spoke. "You haven't picked up for ages."
"No need to worry anymore." He replied curtly and cut the call.
"Why not?" To his astonishment, Harris heard her voice from behind him.
"How are you here?" He asked in bewilderment.
"I followed you, I was worried." She looked at him as if he had hurt her in some way. "I don't understand, Harris, you wanted me to treat you, and now you've just absconded."
"You never wanted me, anyway, so problem solved. You don't need to concern yourself with me anymore."
"But...why?"
"Because running around a hospital, popping in one pill after another, and resisting the pain of a cancer treatment isn't how I want to spend my life." He told her clearly. "Most of all, there's no point in continuing on like a dead person walking. Why would someone want to live when all they feel like is dying?"
"But if you don't continue the treatment... you will die, Harris." Dr. Roslin's voice shook, perhaps out of sorrow. But Harris didn't care anymore. "You're telling me your choice is death?"
"No, I'm telling you I'm choosing to live."
And he left her standing there perplexed. As he rejoined his friends, the pain in his stomach pronounced itself more clearly as it had been for days. But he overlooked it like before. No longer burdening himself.