Olivia
"You have really strong feelings for that boy." My mother was smiling smugly. I wanted to make a smart remark, of course I have feelings he's my boyfriend, but I bit my tongue.
She eyed my apartment warily making me feel self conscious. "It's a bit cluttered don't you think dear?" she glanced at my desk.
My planner, and a few printed rough draft articles were strewn about.
I furrowed my eyebrows. "Not exactly, I barely have anything out of place." I sighed, there was no use in defending myself.
She took my planner moving it to the side, her hands taking hold of my notebook. I swallowed a lump in my throat as she started flipping through my pages of thoughts.
"Pros and cons list?" she gave me a wicked look. I tried to remain still because I knew if I showed any sign of worry or discomfort she would tear into me.
"For an article." I lied smoothly. She hummed to herself, shrugging and thankfully moving on.
"Your articles are so hopeless." She seemed displeased, but then again when is she not?
"I thought being a writer was your dream?" She asked. "It is, but I don't sugarcoat things." I said and I meant it.
My mothers eyes met mine, and they were soft. "What about this one?" She turned to the back of my notebook.
It was hidden, obviously from myself. I read the place holding title "How to fall in Love again."
I shrugged. "It needs work, probably a new title." I felt a bit strange talking about this with my mother.
She didn't really give any evidence that she cared about my passion, she always snubbed it like I was making a huge mistake. Just because I dropped out of law school.
She fidgeted with the edge of the page. "Olivia, you should write this article." her eyes met mine and I realized how tired she looked.
"You want me to write that article?" I was surprised to say the least. "If I may, make one slight adjustment."
She reached for a pen and I rolled my eyes. She was still Carol Rhea, and had to have her seal of approval somehow.
She scribbled over my messy scrawl, and in neat flowing cursive wrote the words: "It Is Okay to Fall in Love Again."
I read it slowly, three times to be exact, before I spoke.
"Is that a title, or some sort of motherly advice?" I looked at her, suddenly feeling a newfound sense of accomplishment.
"Both, but mostly the advice," she closed my notebook placing it back on my desk.
"That title could work, but all of the articles end with steps on how to accomplish the subject Lola wrote about, so technically—"
"Olivia, I know it has been a difficult few years for you." She gently rested her hands on my shoulders, ignoring the fact she cut me off mid sentence.
"You are young, beautiful, and need to quit sulking over the past." There she goes. I sighed ready to take the verbal blows.
"I know it hurts honey," her tone was surprisingly soft. "You aren't the only one." Her voice was shaky, and she rubbed her naked ring finger.
Louis' words from our first date were screaming in my mind. "You're not the only person who's ever had their heart broken, been lied to and cheated on."
I squeezed my eyes shut, I really was selfish. Maybe that's why I created Lola to be so harsh, she was everything I wanted to be. Strong, confident, and well perfect.
"Don't be like me Olivia." Her tone was suddenly stern. "Don't pretend that you're okay, it is okay, to not be okay."
Then I watched my mother cover her face with her hands and weep. "Mom?" I asked, and she just cried.
"Mom?" I said a little louder this time, slightly panicky.
Carol Rhea does not cry, she didn't even cry at my grandmothers funeral.
"I am a terrible mother, you've become just like me, so closed off, and bitter." She sobbed, and I felt confused.
"No, you're not a terrible mother, a little insensitive at times but who isn't?" I feel like I was repeating something Cails had once told me, but she was better at this stuff.
"And I'm getting better about being closed off and bitter, Zayn hurt me mom, you were right about him." She nodded, crying or not she liked to be right.
"Louis is helping." I whispered, and her eyes met mine. Her mascara must have been waterproof, because other than red puffiness around her eyes you wouldn't even know she had cried.
"Listen, I know you are afraid." She took my hands in hers, this was probably the closest I've ever felt to my mom.
"But that boy makes you smile," she squeezed my fingers. I nodded. "When your father and I divorced, I did exactly what you're doing Olivia."
She removed her hand jabbing a slender finger at my chest. "Now look at me, I'm going to grow old alone." I slouched my shoulders,
"Oh Mother don't—"Interrupting is rude Olivia." She pulled her hands away and I knew our special moment was gone.
"I don't care, I don't need a man, I have you." It sounded nice on paper, but in this moment, I really felt sorry for her.
"Zayn was your first love, he was a terrible choice, but he was your first, and three years was a long time ago." She made sure to keep eye contact.
"Don't lose your happiness, worrying about someone, who probably doesn't even give you a moment of their thoughts."
I nodded. She was right, painfully so. Zayn had left such a bitter aftertaste, and it branded me as wounded, and as I was learning insecure.
I was dangerously insecure, however, no one would ever know by looking at me. Fake it until you make it they say.
Lola may be a confident, as Caileigh would say "love guru."
However, Olivia Rhea, she was still that clueless twenty one year old girl watching her perfectly crafted future walk out the door, just to chase after someone who was better than her in his eyes.
"Just because someone didn't make you a priority, does not mean that you have to prove to them, or to anyone that you are." My mother continued to preach to the choir.
"Because the right one, he knows." She pulled me in for a stiff hug. "He knows you are hurting, and he doesn't care. The right one he'll do anything to mend it."
***
Louis did in fact pick me up at seven from my apartment.
Before he could even get in the door I slapped his arm, and yelled at him for not saying a word when I asked him about being my boyfriend.
He just laughed, and handed me a small bouquet of wildflowers, complaining that I was impatient.
"I can't believe you asked me, before I could ask you." Louis grumbled as we walked around the nearly empty observatory.
"You were taking too long, I've got a busy schedule." I teased, and he chuckled.
"Now when you said observatory, I honestly thought you meant the Empire State Building, or something like that." I looked around at the dome shaped room.
"Olivia, I was talking about stars, an observatory is used for observing terrestrial or celestial events." He started getting all nerdy on me.
"Mmmhmm." I hummed looking up.
Viewing the stars back when we were at the cabin was one thing, but this was a whole new level of incredible.
"Okay nerd, what is that?" I pointed upwards, not being specific, there were tons of stars I could have been referring to any of them.
"That is the moon Olivia." He said sarcastically, and I bumped his shoulder.
"I know what the moon looks like." I rolled my eyes, still pointing. "I meant the bright star beside the moon."
He squinted his eyes as if he was studying the sky intently. "That's Saturn." He concluded his studying, and was looking at me now.
"Oh, how anticlimactic." I teased and now it was his turn to roll his eyes.
"On a scale from one to ten, how badly do you hate horrible cheesy pick up lines?" he asked, taking my hand as we leisurely strolled around the room.
My neck was going to be sore from looking up at such a drastic angle.
"Probably a nine and a half." I said honestly, and he smirked.
"Perfect, so tell me, who took all the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes." He grinned mischievously and I groaned."No, stop."
He rested his arm around my shoulder. "But I'm attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun-with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared."
"Oh my God Louis, what?" I was laughing now, and so was he.
"It's the law of gravity!" He exclaimed, and I bit my lip to try and stop my grinning.
"If stars would fall every time I would think of you, the midnight sky would soon be empty." He smiled.
I made a fake gagging sound, and he pulled me over to the center of the room, and pointed upward.
I followed the direction of his finger, there was one star I did recognize.
"You must be the North Star," he started, and I groaned with second hand embarrassment.
"because the light around you guided me here." He grinned, and then took a bow.
"Thank you, I consider myself quite the master of seduction with those." I rolled my eyes.
"I hate cheesy," I complained, as I leaned my head against his shoulder. "Don't tell me you haven't had guys take you out who used pick up lines?" he asked and I shrugged.
"Yes, and you see how many second dates they got." I sassed, and he smirked.
"Well this is our twelfth date, so I think I'm winning."
"Are you actually counting?"
"Of course I am, I'm making history."
"I've only ever used one pick up line, but it doesn't have anything to do with stars, or space." I admitted, and he turned to look at me, "say it."
I shook my head, "Absolutely not, I have more dignity than to stoop to cliche overused pick up lines, that was a dark time in my life."
He smiled. "Try me." I shrugged giving in.
"I'm writing an article on the finer things in life." I stated, and he raised an eyebrow.
"Okay?"
"Can I interview you?"
I found myself laughing at how awful it was, and he joined in, until we were both practically crying."That never leaves this room." I scolded him, and he squeezed my shoulder with reassurance.
"Hey Olivia?" I cut my eyes to look at his smiling face. "Louis?" I countered."I knew you would like it." he smirked victoriously and I shrugged.
"Maybe I just like you."
He raised his eyebrows impressed, "how romantic." "Don't ruin the moment." I whined. "A moment with you can't be ruined." He quickly bantered.
"Oh now you're just sucking up." I laughed, and he hugged me from behind.
"Louis, why didn't you ask me to be your girlfriend when you wanted to." He hummed thoughtfully. "Because I honestly thought you were going to say no, and I couldn't handle that."
I turned to face him, his cheeks were red, I could tell even in the darkness. "Why didn't you say anything when I asked?" I whispered.
"Because I'm an idiot?" he questioned and I bit my lip. "You went through my notebook." I narrowed my eyes at him changing the subject.
"You made a pros and cons list for me." he smirked, then tucked a lose strand of hair behind my ear. "That you weren't supposed to see." I objected.
"But I did." He took his hand pressing it against my cheek, his thumb gently caressed my face. I gained comfort from this small action, losing my train of thought altogether.
"I vaguely remember, number four or so on my pros was good kisser." He flashed his eyebrows, and I scrunched up my nose.
"Not a big fan of PDA." I gave him a fake pouty look. He bypassed my lips, and kissed my cheek. Then dropped his hand, and began pulling me towards the exit.
"No, wait, I'm really enjoying the stars." I smirked, and he just bent down hoisting me over his shoulder and I screamed.
"Screaming already?" he teased, and I hit his back. "Inappropriate!" However we were both laughing, and he was right, staring at the stars wasn't so bad after all.