“Hey everyone, today, we’re going to interview some skanky, preppy and non- single girls. I, Casey Williams, am going to interview you girls.” I said. “Do we have to?” asked Minnie. “YES!” I shouted. “For the last time, it’s for homework! And unless I want to get an F in English, then I have to interview you girls, okay?” They all sat down while I was fiddleing with the camera trying to figure out how to put it on "record". Finally, I got the camera going. This is how the interview went.
Casey: How do you feel about romance stories?
Chiristina: I love them. They honestly make me jealous.
Emily: I am in love with them! I sometimes pretend that I’m the girl.
Minnie: Me too!
Casey: Have you ever had a dream where some hot guy fell in love with you?
Christina: No, but I constantly have dreams of Jack which is the only man i've truly loved.
Emily: Aw, that's cute Christina. Anyway, no not really.
Minnie: Only once, but it was with this really fat guy.
Casey: Do six pack abs interest you?
Christina: I like fit boys, but not like, super muscle man. Six pack? Not really. Just firm.
Emily: Hell yeah!
Minnie: I'll take more!
Casey: Were you ever bi-curious?
Chirstina: Ew gross! I need the bananas! (Christina calls the male's private front area bananas because she feels that the other words for a John Thomas are just plain strange or too suggestive.)
Emily: I once asked out some guy who turned out to be a girl at a dance in seventh grade.
Minnie: Oh my god, did that really happen!?
Casey: What male celebrity do you love the most?
Christina: Justin Bieber
Emily: Justin Bieber
Minnie: Justin Bieber
Casey: Seriously? There is no other celebrity you have a crush on!?
Christina: Seriously! Justin Bieber is my dream man!
Emily: Well, I do a little crush on Ashton Kutcher
Minnie: Me too. I have crushes on a lot of different guys like (For five minutes, she kept on naming male celebrities whom she had interest in.)
Casey: What do you think of Justin Bieber? (I shouldn't have said that.)
Christina: BIEBER SIGHTING!? WHERE!? WHERE!?
Emily: JUSTIN, WHERE ARE YOU!? I KNOW YOU LOVE ME, I KNOW YOU CARE!!!
Minnie: Just shout whenever, and I'll be there!!!!
(Then all the girls began singing that song at the top of their lungs, because obviously, they all have Bieber Fever. A bieber sighting is exactly the same thing to them as a vag sighting for guys, they always hope those two things are nearby. It took me ten fricking minutes to restrain them.)
Casey: SHUT UP YOU GUYS AND LET'S FINISH THE INTERVIEW OK!? Now, do you guys think that romance things such as Twilight, the Notebook and Vampire Diaries are effecting the minds of teenagers?
Christina: Oh absolutely. Things like that and Disney princess movies get little girls' hopes up for an amazing prince and romance when in reality guys are pigs and heart breakers. Don't get me wrong, I love Disney, I just don't think they should make movies with an unrealistic plots.
Emily: Yeah me too. Like when twilight came out, that’s pretty much what affected the minds of teens, and Disney does that now too. But one thing I know for sure is that it has definitely affected my mind.
Minnie: My mind is totally full of sexy ass vampires! Mmm...
Casey: Who do you think is the hottest guy you have ever met?
Christina: I think I talked to an extremely cute guy yesterday on Facebook, he was kind of a prick, but I think Jake Gyllenhaal is the sexiest guy ever!
Emily: Hey, I thought you said Justin Bieber was your dream man!
Minnie: Yeah Christina you liar!
(They all got into an argument with Christina saying if Justin was her dream man or not. It went something like this...)
Emily: So, do you love Justin or not?
Christina: I do but... there are some more masculine guys out there, but...
Minnie: Aha! She is dissing Justin!
Christina: No I'm not! Justin is the love of my life! But there are other loves of my life!
Casey: Do you think that nowadays romance novels/movies are becoming too cliché?
Christina: There are a few good ones out there, but for the most part, yeah.
Emily: Yeah until Twilight came out, they were good. But now like, everything has to so with vampires like Vampire diaries and vampire knight and all that other vampire stuff.
Minnie: It’s just not vampires, it’s different things. I’ve read a few stories with weird plots like having babysitters falling in love with the dad or a brother and sister falling in love.
Casey: You’ve really read stories like that!? Those plots just want to make me puke up every organ in my body. But anyway, how would you feel if your best girl friend suddenly told you that she was a lesbian and that she wanted to go out with you?
Christina: One of my best girl friends is a lesbian, Casey; and I would tell you that I don't think it would be a smart decision because if it ended badly, then our friendship would be awkward. (We started an argument about me being a lesbian. I am currently asexual. Christina had never heard of what an asexual person was. So after that, the rest of the girls answered the question.)
Emily: If my best friend told me that, I’d straighten her out! Get it? Because, straight means you like guys?
Minnie: I would decline my friend’s offer of her asking me out and try to get my other lesbian friend to hook her up with someone.
Casey: What do you think was the most cliché thing that ever happened to you?
Christina: I don't think anyone had been cliché with me. The boys I find interesting are very unique and creative and don't need someone else's ideas to impress me.
Emily: You know how when you want to get away from a teacher or something and you always crash into something? That happens to me all the time!
Minnie: Everything to me is cliché.
Casey: Do or did you ever want to be a vampire?
Christina: I want Edward to come to my house and make me a vampire!
Emily: Same here! Except have Damon from vampire diaries come.
Minnie: I want to be a vampire so freaking badly! And have a vampire baby!
Casey: You guys are like 12 year old girls. Anyway, what was the best relationship you've been in?
Christina: Jack. Hands down although it was short. Craig's relationship changed me for the better and I found that my best friends that way.
Emily: My best relationship was probably with Keith. I cried for over a week when he moved.
Minnie: All my relationships are short so I don’t really know.
Casey: Do you think that if Justin Bieber was suddenly kidnapped that fan girls would accuse the haters of torturing him and go to their houses and light it on fire until the moon exploded from poisonous laundry detergent and carve the sun into Justin Bieber's head in his honor?
Christina: WTF? I think that Justin is already in a bit of trouble being big shot celerity. So I don't think it would be his haters, it would be someone trying to rape him.
Emily: What kind of question is that Casey?
Minnie: Can you say it one more time?
Casey: Oh never mind. What would you do if a Scotsman on a horse rode by playing a bagpipe right now?
Christina: I stop what I'm doing and dance like a drunken Scottish man. Duh!
Emily: I would yell at him, “Go get ‘em!!!”
Minnie: I would get my little pony and ride with him!
(Then we heard the sound of a bagpipe and a Scotsman on a horse sped passed the house, and everyone did what they said they would do if one came by.)
Casey: Now that that's over, why do you think that some teens want to have sex at such an early age?
Christina: To show maturity. The media also has a lot of influence. Some girls thrive on male attention like I do but some girls also realize that being a slut can lead them into trouble. I'm glad I understand this.
Emily: Me too. I think they just want to show maturity... Christina.
Minnie: Oh my god Chris! You didn’t!
(I quickly put an end to this and asked the next question.)
Casey: Would you rather have a clingy boyfriend or a big fat jerk?
Christina: I usually fall for a jerk, I want a guy that's clingy in a way that he WANTS to spend time with me and not feel like he HAS too.
Emily: I’d have the clingy guy.
Minnie: I’ll have the jerk because jerks are fun!
Casey: Last question, what is your dream date?
Christina: My dream date would be like the one you had with Justin Bieber in the beginning of the story.
Emily: My dream date would be with the hottest guy in the world; we would rent a hotel room and make sweet, sweet love.
Minnie: My dream date would be with like, a sexy vampire who like would turn me into like a vampire and like, before impregnating me with a vampire.
Casey: You guys are weird. Any last words for the camera?
Christina: I completely forgot a camera was recording us!
Emily: I hope you get a good grade on this Casey!
Minnie: Until the next chapter, piss off!
Spoof of: How Boys Think by HowBoysThink
Author’s note: Okay, I know the story I spoofed is not a story, but I’m a huge fan of these guys and decided to spoof their story. These interviews really did happen, well sort of. I interviewed my two sisters Abby and Maegan, and my cousin Ashlee. I had to interview Maegan by text because she wasn’t home. I only asked Abby and Ashlee a few questions and I only slightly remembered their responses. I made up some responses; you can probably tell which ones I made up. Oh yeah by the way, there is only ONE MORE CHAPTER to this story. No!!!! Bout every good story has to end, I’m sorry, and I know it’s kind of short, but I’ll try to make my other stories longer. The last chapter is going to be the most epic one of all, I hope. Until next time, I’ll see you later! :)
-OddOneOut