Cliché!: The Phantom of the Spoof part 1

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  • Dedicated to Phantom of the Opera fans!

 “So, how was your date with Justin?” Christina pestered me. “It was... horrible.” I answered. “You thought your date was horrible!?” Emily screeched. “First off, he kept on farting at dinner, he took my cell phone, and then he tried to fuck me!” I exclaimed. “Any girl would die to experience what you’ve gone through, Casey!” said Christina. “That was a once in a lifetime opportunity and you thought it was horrible?”

“Good morning everybody.” Mr. Hummer, the school dean said over the intercom. The whole class shut up immediately. “For our announcements this morning, Mr. Paisley would like to make a quick announcement.”

Mr. Paisley was the drama workshop teacher and he directed all the school plays.

“Good morning everyone.” Mr. Paisley’s voice said over the intercom. “For our school play, Romeo and Juliet, our main star has been said to not be able to do the show and therefore, we are holding an audition for the part of Juliet after school today. So, if you tried out for a part and didn’t make it, this is your chance! We hope to see you!”

“Oh my gosh, we should definitely all try out!” Christina whispered to Emily and I, as the announcements were going on. “I heard that Craig Valerio is in it!” Emily whispered. Christina silently gasped. “I could totally hook you up with him!” she whispered. “Casey, are you gonna try out?” Emily asked me.

Drama for me was okay. The last time I was in a play was in 5th grade and I had nothing really to do after school. “I guess so.” I whispered. Emily and Christina silently cheered. The only reason I was going to the auditions was because I had nothing to do after school today, and I knew I wouldn’t make it.

After school, we all went to the auditorium. Mr. Paisley, Mr. Kulla, and Mrs. Giry were there. We all sat on the seats. There were a lot of girls here.

“Oh my god, if I get the part of Juliet, I could totally kiss Mike Wendall! He’s like so hot!” Christina was saying to Emily. “I know, it’s too bad he’s going out with that slut, Jessica Anton.” said Emily. “Oh my god, really?” “Like yeah, and she’s like cheating on him too with Derek Shulfel.”

Mr. Paisley and Mr. Kulla were trying to quiet everyone down. Mr. Kulla was an English teacher, I know because I had him last year, and I’m not sure who Mrs. Giry was, but she’s probably Mr. Kulla’s cousin from France. She had a French accent, and I knew her daughter, Maggie Giry, she was in my tech ed class.

“Okay ladies, in case you don’t know us, I’m Mr. Paisley, this is Mr. Kulla, and this is Mrs. Giry.” Mr. Paisley said. “The reason why our diva, Carla Espenta has left is because she caught pneumonia!” Mr. Kulla said. “Carla was a bitch anyway.” I heard Emily whisper to Christina.

“No, didn’t she just leave?” Mr. Paisley asked Mr. Kulla. “Sh, don’t tell them the real reason!” “Well, why?” “Because you gonna spoil the whole story!” Mr. Paisley turned back to us. “So anyway, she... died of uh... constipation.” A girl I didn’t know raised her hand. “Yes?” Mr. Paisley asked her. “I thought you said she got pneumonia!” she said. “Well, I changed my mind.” Mr. Paisley responded.

“Anyway, Mrs. Giry will hand out scripts and when you get your script, turn to page... 39.” “No, page 64.” Mr. Kulla said to Mr. Paisley. “Oh, it’s page 52?” “No.” “47?” “No.” “1,379?” “There is no page 1,379.” “Monsieur, page 56 iz ze page.” Mrs. Giry corrected. “Ah!” Mr. Paisley exclaimed. Mr. Kulla gave her a pile of scripts to pass out.

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