The day's fly by and before I know it's Wednesday, the day I see Zoe. A little excitement bubbles up over the fact that I might see Zayn today. I have missed him. I haven't seen him since Sunday and he only called me once on Monday and Tuesday. Someone knocks on the door and I can already picture how flawlessly dressed he'll be.
Zoe enters and I'm slightly disappointed that she's alone, not that I don't want to see her but only because I was expecting to see the one person I'm constantly thinking about. Zoe tells me that her father dropped her off because Zayn was too busy, he must have a lot of work today to be that busy then. Ridding myself of these thoughts about my client's brother, I start the session.
"So Zoe, last week we talked about reason why you're here and it's because you have recently been diagnosed with depression and you tried to commit suicide?"
"The depression yes, but I didn't try to kill myself, if I really wanted to be dead I would have gotten it right on the first attempt."
"You want to tell me why everyone believes that you tried to kill yourself?"
"Probably because apparently, I have depression"
"Apparently? Definitely, don't you think?"
"I don't need you or anyone else telling me how I feel."
"Hey, calm down, I'm trying to help you here." I say calmly "Okay so why do think they diagnosed you with depression?"
"Because I distanced myself from everyone, became quiet, didn't eat much, I don't know, I liked being isolated from everything every now and then." She shrugs.
"Good, why?"
"Why what?"
"Why were you so 'isolated'?"
"Because I don't think people understand me, and I felt alone during that time because I couldn't talk to anyone about the thoughts I was having."
"Which were?"
She keeps quiet and I can tell she doesn't want to talk about it yet, I'm guessing it's something that still bothers her so I carry on.
"Whenever you're ready we can talk about it, our time is almost up so I want you to think about all the things that are bothering you, write them down if you have to and then next session, we'll try to work through some of those things"
"Okay."
We said our goodbyes and Zoe's dad comes to fetch her. Since Zoe was my last client, I decide to call Cate to ask if we could go for a quick coffee before going home, and she agrees.
After waiting a few minutes, Cate comes and we head to her car to go to our café. It's become our little place. Whenever we want to leave the apartment, get some fresh air or meet up with other people, we always come here. It's almost become a tradition.
We make our way to the door and I tell Cate to go get us a table while I go order for us. After getting our drinks I search for Cate and spot her at a table near the window. While walking towards the table, an obnoxious girly laugh draws my attention to a blonde haired girl with a brown eyes-green eyes. She's pretty to say the least. When my eyes flicker to who she's sitting with, my heart nearly drops in my chest.
Is this what he was busy with? I don't mind him meeting up with whoever. It wouldn't bother me in the least but the way she keeps looking at him, touching him and laughing, him busy staring at her, it's hard not to mind. As if he could feel someone watching him, his eyes land on me but his face remains impassive, a look crosses his eyes, maybe guilt? But it's gone as fast as it came, he smiles a little, barely noticeable. I'm guessing he wasn't expecting to see me. The girl catches his attention again and he looks back at her, not turning to look at me again.
Ouch?
It takes all of my strength to walk on and pretend that what he just did didn't hurt me. I sit at the booth and my mood has dramatically changed. Cate obviously notices but since she's facing the other direction, she can't see Zayn and whoever he's sitting with, so I just tell her that I'm tired and we should leave now, we'll drink our coffee on the way home. I just want to get away from him.
Can I even be mad? I mean we aren't exactly exclusive, hell we're not even in a real relationship. He said I'm his, but right now I'm doubting if he's mine. Not so much as a kiss never mind a wave, heck even a genuine smile?
Maybe he's ashamed of you.
My subconscious yet again opens her big mouth but I have no energy to mentally slap or roll my eyes at her. Maybe he is ashamed to be seen with me. Would explain why he doesn't want labels. The girl he was sitting with was really pretty, even through my jealousy I could admit that. Maybe I'm overreacting but right now I can't find it in me to care.
When we get home, Cate and I sit in the sitting room, just talking about random stuff like we always do and for a moment Zayn Isn't the main focus of my thought. That is until he calls. I see his name flashing across the screen and decide to ignore it, but like always Cate sees it also.
"Mel, Zayn's calling you" she frowns.
"I know."
"Are you going to answer?" she asks raising one eyebrow and I keep quiet "What did the asshole do now?"
"Nothing." I say and the phone starts ringing again "I just don't want to talk to him." I partly lie and something tells me she knows it. The phone rings again and I put it on vibrate and pretend like nothing's going on. Cate looks at me but decides to say nothing about it. We decide to watch a movie and throughout the movie my phone keeps vibrating so I wisely turn it off. About an hour or so into the movie, the doorbell rings.
"I'm not getting it." I say quickly and Cate just laughs because I always do this.
"Oh my gosh, you're so lazy"
"I know." I smile sweetly.
"What are you doing here?" I hear Cate ask as soon as the door opens.
"Where's Melony." the persons ask and I can tell that it's Zayn.
"Not here." she says. And I'm grateful that even though I didn't tell her what happened she knows me well enough to know I wouldn't want to talk to him. Without bothering to answer I hear his footsteps getting closer and I just know he came inside without as much as a second thought to Cate's lie.
When he sees me I stand up and walk to my room, because right now I don't really want to see him and since I probably won't have a choice I don't want Cate to hear the argument we are bound to have. He follows me inside and closes the door behind him.
"Hi." he says
"Hi." I say tiredly
"How was your day?" he asks looking a bit apprehensive
"Good."
"Why didn't you answer your phone?" he has the audacity to ask.
"Busy." I say looking down trying to keep my temper at bay. How can he ask me that when he knows what he did today? He gives me a look of disbelieve.
"Are you mad at me?" and I look up at him with a blank stare. No shit! "Why are even you mad?" is he serious right now?
"Nothing." I answer again and I can tell he's getting irritated with my short answers. He exhales, as if to calm himself down.
"Can you stop with the one word answers?" he's already annoyed and I just sigh "If this is about the girl at the café then you have no right to be mad." I raise my eyebrows. Wow. Just, wow. I feel like punching that beautiful face of his right now.
"Okay Zayn I know we're not exactly boyfriend and girlfriend but you don't need to rub it my face, I won't let you play me like that. If you want other girls, fine! But I won't let you string me along." I finally crack.
"What are you even talking about?" I roll my eyes. I'm convinced he's acting stupid on purpose.
"Who is she?" he could at least tell me who she is.
"She's just a friend, nothing more and I haven't seen her in a while since she moved back here and she asked me to meet up."
"what's her name?" before I dislike the girl, I could at least learn her name.
"Suzie, we sort of grew up together."
"Okay." I don't know if I should let this go so easily. By the way he tugs on is hair, I know he's trying not to lose his mind right now. On top of that, this bickering is starting to irritate me.
"What? Do you want her surname and address also?" he asks sarcastically.
"Yeah maybe her social security number too" I shoot back.
"Mel I'm serious, I wouldn't do that to you, I was serious when I said I liked you. You're the only girl I want, okay?" he moves to me and cups my face with both hands. But I still look down "hey look at me, what's wrong?"
"I just..." suddenly it sounds stupid to say it aloud.
"What?"
"It just feels like you're not mine."
"Mel, I swear I am, only yours. Okay baby?" Zayn almost never uses the words baby, love or any form of endearment really, but my stomach just did a front flip as the words fell from his mouth.
"Okay."
"Okay." he repeats and kisses me briefly on the lips. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you okay? But it's a stupid thing to get mad about Mel." he says seriously.
"Okay." I don't want to say anything else to start another argument, so that's all I say.
Shortly after we talk everything through, Zayn leaves, saying that he has work to do since he missed half of the day because he was with Suzie. That last part still doesn't sit well with me but I'll just have to get over it. He tells me that he'll be busy tomorrow and asks if we can postpone till Friday.
My Thursday is filled with me wishing for Friday to come along because although I saw Zayn the previous day, I miss him already. Mostly because we didn't do anything, we just talked about his friend and discretely about my jealousy.
So my Thursday consist of clients, coffee and anticipation for Friday.