Welcome to my life and my thoughts. Poems.

What's left of it anyway

I never knew it would hurt so much when this person left, guess I was wrong though. I know now to not get my hopes up anymore, because everytime I have, I've ended up being the one that got hurt. Life isn't fair like that, life is never fair - that I've accepted - but I wish for a second that people would stop and think how they're hurting other people by doing something. It's like you're no longer needed, wanted, cared for or loved, instead invisible, and as if you were just used and thrown away...

I used to feel so safe,

So at ease,

So happy,

When you held me in your arms,

You told me I was strong,

You told me you’d never hurt me,

And that I was strong enough to pull through,

Even seeing you across the room,

I’d feel secure,

And like nothing could hurt me,

But then something changed,

We changed,

We weren’t the way we were,

We didn’t have an argument,

A fight

Or betrayal,

But just grew apart over time,

Then one day you came up to me,

After not speaking for a while,

You just came out with it,

You told me you were sorry,

But at the time I didn’t understand,

I just nodded,

But now I get it,

Get what you meant,

You were over us,

We never were a real “us” though, were we?

We seemed it to other people though,

But after you came and said sorry,

I stood there and watched you walk away,

I saw you,

Saw you walking next to her,

I know we never were an “us”,

But I didn’t ever think it would hurt that much for me to see you with someone else,

I tried talking to you before,

Before we started to grow apart,

But you never answered,

I tried again,

But the same,

I tried to hold on to what we had for too long,

Because I know it’s never going to go back to the way it was,

You told me you’d never hurt me,

But you did,

I felt safe with you,

So at ease and so happy,

I thought no one and nothing could break what we had,

I guess I was wrong,

I’ve never felt this way before,

You seemed so genuine to me,

But you were just another fake,

Someone who could come and go as they liked,

Someone who had all the control,

I held onto what we had for as long as I could,

Too long I know,

But you were the only thing keeping me happy,

Making me feel safe and protected,

Making me feel like I could relax and not have to worry,

Making me feel like someone actually cared and loved me,

But I was wrong,

You were the one thing I thought would never change,

The one person I thought would be there for me the whole way,

When you left that all changed,

When you walked away with her,

That was the pain,

The pain in my heart telling me to move on,

But it’s not that easy,

You were one of the only things keeping here.

One of the only things making sure I stayed how I was,

But now that you’re not who you were,

Or who you were to me,

That’s no longer true.

I’m going back,

Going back to how I was,

I’m scared of myself now though,

I always turned for you to help,

But now you’re not there to turn to,

I have no one left to turn to,

Because they’ve all turned away,

But unlike you they kept their promises,

None of them hurt me the way you did.

You knew the way I felt,

So why couldn’t you have stayed in my life,

I wouldn’t have minded if you were with her so much,

At least I’d have someone,

But now what do I do?

I’m nearly out of chances,

Out of escape plans,

I’ve got to face my life now,

What’s left of it anyway...