Chapter Twenty-four
It only takes about 40 minutes to get to Coney Island and the first thing I notice is how colorful it is. It's vibrant and it looks like it's all about fun. The boardwalk doesn't look too busy and Eli informs me that it's because we're early. He suggests we take a walk along the boardwalk and to the beach. The weather is turning out really nice and he says the sea breeze will feel nice. I agree to take a walk, half because I'm trying hard to trust him and half because I'm intrigued. This place looks fascinating; I've never seen anything like it.
I stay close to Eli as we walk, taking in all of the shops and attractions. Eli tells me about the circus sideshows they have. “There's all sorts here. Fire eaters, sword swallowers, people who eat lit cigarettes, people who walk on broken glass, magicians, hairy people. You name it and it's probably here.”
He chuckles at my expression, which must be one of awe and confusion. “Why would people even do that stuff?”
He shrugs, “I suppose they enjoy it or are good at it so they perform for people. I think the most tattooed woman in New York is here too.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Shall we see if we can find her?”
“Ok.”
We walk around for a little while, searching for the tattooed lady. When we find her, I can't help but stare. When I see she's looking right at me, I apologize a number of times and look at the ground. I'm very embarrassed that I have been caught staring and I don't know what to do. This whole experience is new for me; just being out of the house outside of work is new for me.
The lady says, “What's your name, child?”
I look up at her, shocked. Eli looks at me expectantly, but I don't answer. He quickly says, “Danica, her name is Danica. She's a bit shy.”
“I can see that. Hi Danica, I'm Julia. Have you ever had a tattoo?”
“Yes ma'am.”
Eli's head turns toward me so quickly I'm sure I hear his neck snap. He's shocked. It has never come up, but also it's not really something I like to talk about. I don't know why, but I feel like I shouldn't lie to this lady. Strange, I know. I don't know her, I'll probably never even see her again but I didn't want to lie to her.
“Would you like to get another?”
“I don't know.”
“Did it hurt?”
“I don't remember.”
“A long time ago, huh?”
“Yes ma'am.”
“Well, if you ever want another one, we've got some of the best tattoo artists on the island here. Tell them I sent you and they'll make sure you're taken care of.”
“Thank you.”
“Oh, and Danica? Make sure you do something that has a great meaning to you. You should tattoo something you want to remember, not something you're forced to remember.”
I'm shocked. How did she do that? Was it that obvious? Eli touches my elbow and I flinch and jump away from him.
“Sorry, you kind of zoned for a bit.”
“Sorry. Is it that obvious, Eli?”
“Is what that obvious?”
“That I didn't want the tattoo in the first place?”
“I didn't even know you had a tattoo, so, no. She's the most tattooed lady, I think she knows a bit more about it than me.”
“Do you have a tattoo?”
“Yes ma'am, a few actually. My Rangers tattoo is my favorite though.”
“Did you have to get it?”
“No, it's not a requirement. I'm just proud of my regiment, so I want to show people I was a Ranger.”
“Ok.”
“You want to eat? We can sit on the beach and have lunch.”
I hesitate, not knowing if I can do it. It seems to be getting busier and I am looking around me assessing all of the dangers. I'm just about to ask if we can go home when someone steps in front of me and says, “Tatyana?”
I shrink back and hide behind Eli. I'm trembling out of fear. I can't even form a full sentence to answer Eli when he asks, “Dani? What's wrong?”
“Tatyana, is that you? Who am I kidding, it must be you. With those eyes you can't be anyone else....”
Eli steps up to the guy and calmly, but firmly says, “Excuse me sir, but you have the wrong person. She's not who you think she is. Kindly back off.”
The guys steps closer to me and says in Russian, “They said you were dead. They lied, didn't they?”
I can't help the involuntary gasp that escapes my lips. The guy smirks, and I know I've just given myself away. I grab a fist full of Eli's shirt and whisper through ragged breaths, “I need to go... We need to go.... We need to go...”
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(Eli's POV)
Dani is panicking big time. I don't know what's going on, but when I look round at her, she's holing onto my shirt for dear life and it looks like she's just about holding it together. If I don't get her out of here now, I think she's going to pass out.
I grind out through clenched teeth, “Look, man, I don't know who you are, but you need to get the heck away from my girl. She's not who you think she is so just back off...”
The guy smirks, and I just want to slap it right off his face. He says, “No, she's not who you think she is. I think you need to have a chat with her...”
I put my arm round Dani's shoulders and I start to lead her away. As we are walking, he shouts something is what I assume is Russian. Dani must have heard, because I feel her stiffen in my arms. She's starting to hyperventilate so I rush to get to the car. I help Dani into the car and I jump into the driver's seat. Before I can even put my seat belt on, Dani speaks. She just says one simple word, “Drive.”
The look on her face is pure fear, so I don't argue or even try to tell her about the safety of seat belts. Her hands are trembling and as I drive, I see her ball them into fists. She squeezes her hands so tight that her knuckles are white, but it doesn't stop the trembling. The shaking starts at her hands and carries on all the way up her arms, which in turn causes her body to shake.
I sigh and reach out to take her hands. She jumps and whispers, “Don't. Just don't touch me.”
I'm shocked. Her tone is so harsh and it doesn't even sound like her. After a few seconds, I let out a deep breath, which seems to bring Dani out of some form of trance and she realizes what she's just said.
“I'm sorry; I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry...”
“It's ok, baby. It's ok. You need to try to relax a bit. Your breathing is really ragged. Are your fingers tingling yet?”
“A little, sir.”
I briefly look away from the road to check her face. She's staring at her knuckles, so I can't read her expression. “You need to take some deep breaths, Dani. Just try to calm down...”
She whispers, “I can't...”
“What was that back there?”
She shakes her head fiercely so I decide not to press the issue for now. At the moment I need to concentrate on calming her down.
I pull over and shut the car off. “Dani, look at me... You need to calm down... Give me your hand...”
I wait for her to give me her hand, but she doesn't move a muscle. I know she hasn't passed out because I hear her hold her breath. She's waiting for me to drop it and not touch her. I whisper, “Dani, please. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise. You've trusted me up until now, this is no different...”
I hear her choke back a sob as she says, “I don't want to remember...”
“Baby, I'm not going to do anything. I just want to calm you down. I'm only going to take your hand...”
“I don't want to be touched! I don't like it. I don't want to remember any more!”
Wow, something has really shaken her up. She never raises her voice. I need to think fast.
“Dani, I'm not going to touch you if you don't want me to. I know you don't like being touched; I know it makes you remember, but you can't live the rest of your life like that. You can't forever live in fear that someone's going to touch you. Please, baby, I'm trying to help you. I'm trying to do things gradually, without scaring you too much.... Let's do it on your terms... Can you put your hand on my chest, where my heart is? That way I don't need to touch you. You'll be doing it because you want to... Can you do that?”
She sighs, “That's still touching...”
I shut my eyes, praying that she's not going to shut off completely when I ask my next question, “What's changed, Dani? You've been so good. You've let me hug you and you've let me hold your hand before. What's so different now?”
“You don't understand.”
“Make me understand. I'm begging you here. Please make me understand. You're scaring me right now...”
She takes in a ragged breath and she mutters to herself, “Why did I have to see him? Why did he have to ruin it?”
I'm pretty sure that wasn't directed at me, because I have no idea what she's talking about. I sit still for a minute, hoping she'll reveal something else, but she starts talking in another language; one I don't understand. I briefly wonder how many languages she can speak before realization hits me. I whisper, “Dani? Was he the one who took you?”
“No sir.”
I have to choose my words carefully here. I don't want to freak her out any more and I certainly don't want her to feel any worse about herself. “Was he a visitor?”
I hear her sob and that's all the answer I need. I let out a shaky breath and I'm actually not sure if I can hold it together any longer. I want to cry; I want to shout; I want to hit or shoot something, but I know I can't. Any one of those things will scare Dani and that is something I'm not willing to do. I can only imagine how she must feel; living every day of her life with the burden of this and the memories that haunt her. If it makes me feel an uncontrollable rage towards these people and heartbreak for Dani, then how must it make her feel.
“I'm sorry, sweetheart. I didn't mean to put you in that situation. If I'd have known, I'd have handled it differently. You know I'm not like him, that I'm not like them, right?”
She nods slightly and whispers, “I know, but it's not easy to convince my subconscious...”
“I understand that; really I do. I just don't like not being able to comfort you because my touch makes you worse...”
She sits silently for a few minutes. Her breathing is still uneven and I know she's nowhere near calm, but she does something that surprises me. She tentatively reaches her hand toward me. I can see how difficult this is for her; I can see her hand trembling. I turn to face her, so she can place her hand over my heart and I close my eyes to slow my heart rate down. I can feel Dani staring at me, but I don't want to open my eyes and make her feel uncomfortable. I want her to calm down and be comfortable with touching me, so I will do whatever I can to make that happen.
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(End of Eli's POV)
A/N: I am soooooo sorry for taking so long to upload. I will try to be better. I'm not particularly happy with this chapter so I might change it. What with my aunt being sick, my head has been kind of fuzzy at the moment. Hopefully I can work through it. Anyway, let me know what you think. Any constructive critisism would be appreciated. Thank you all for sticking with me :)