Dear Diary,
Today, I would say, is one of the best days ever.
Today I besided all the rules that I had made earlier and I texted him a simple hi.
He didn't respond until a day later and that made me a little sad but the chat itself made it all up for it.
We had talked about uselesss things and the chat was always funny and cute.
He always makes everything cute.
During our wonderful chat today, I have learned we have so much in common, more than I actually thought we had.
Can you believe that Diary? We have stuff in common.
He always jokes around when we chat and it always leaves me with a smile on my face until it physically hurt to smile again.
This is like a dream come true; everything I ever wanted.
Wait, what did I just tell you?
I do not think it's ever going to happen but I just believe.
I believe and I believe and I hope that maybe he does secretly love me and that he actually wants to live with me and he wants to live on top of that grassy hill with our three children and our dog.
I cannot keep getting my hopes up because I am going to keep getting hurt but I cannot help it. He makes it feel like there's hope, like there's something that I can hang onto.
All I want is a real conversation.
Those kind of conversations where you listen to a person's story and tell them about your own story with those nostalgic flashbacks.
You find interest in that person's eyes like they're saying "Continue, please."
Dear him,
Friends.
I'd convince myself,
That being friends.
Was all I needed.
All I wanted.
But I can't help it.
Help that when you smile,
My heart stops.
Help that when you laugh,
It becomes all I ever want to hear.
It's you. You mean everything to me. You're the first thought that pops in my head in the morning when I wake up and my last thought before I got to bed. You smile at me in my dreams. When you're sad, I feel sad and when I see your smile, I feel incredible like there's no other thing around and all I can see is you.
I'm sorry, I love you.
I just have that kind of hope that he loves me.
Or he will love me someday.
Am I stupid?
Maybe.
Am I naïve?
Probably, yes.
I can't keep chasing after him to get his attention.
I hope something incredible happens.
I need a miracle.
Love,
Your Lover.