"There is something beautiful about the past, and about the way it haunts us. The way we pass through moments like walking through doors. The way how we shut some out and the way we welcome some to stay. Our memories are ghosts and they will always remind us of all the things we no longer have"
r.m.drake
That morning I was woken up by the doorbell. I turned around determined to stay in bed, but it rang again, so I had to get up and open the door. I saw Francesca there.
"You're back..." I said.
"Sorry I woke you up. I'm just here to pick my stuff up"
I let her in and went to the kitchen to have a coffee. I was still confused about what happened the previous night. It didn't even feel real. A few minutes later, while I was still having breakfast, she came into the kitchen.
"Sorry about last night, but I still think it's the best decision I could've ever made" she apologised.
"I know you're right. You always are" I smiled.
She smiled too, and came closer to hug me.
"Take care, Niall"
"You too. I'll call you soon"
"Alright"
We said our goodbyes and she left. I stood there alone staring at my coffee without really knowing what to think. It hurt. It hurt letting her go that way. But I guess I knew neither of us would be happy if we carried on with our relationship. In that moment, Harry showed up just in his underwear.
"Where is Francesca? Have you finally broken up?" he joked.
"Truth is, yeah we have"
"What? Are you serious?"
"Yep"
"What happened?"
"Let's say last night was confusing"
"Wow, I've been waiting for this moment for two years, and now I feel bad about it. Are you okay, mate?"
"I guess I am. It was meant to happen sooner or later"
"Niall, I just can't believe this. Are you sure you're fine?"
"Yes, don't worry, buddy. I'll be fine eventually. Moreover, we can live together for some more time now!" I said showing some fake enthusiasm.
"In that case, I'll invite you to lunch"
Maddie's POV:
"I have to admit the party was quite fun" I said.
"See? I told you"
"I had so much fun"
"Isn't Peter coming with us?"
"Nope, he's having so much work to do lately"
"Okay. Nate has just left the office and he's meeting us for lunch"
"What about Alan? Where's he?"
"No idea. There are two possibilities: he either got to flirt with Harry or he was so drunk last night that he couldn't get up this morning"
"I think it's going to be the second one" I laughed "I'll go and see him later or tomorrow"
"I'd go with you, but I have to choose the menu for the wedding"
"Oh my God, I just can't wait to see you in your wedding dress! Do you know how much time I've been waiting for this?"
"Since you moved in with Nate and I. How many times have you said that to me during the last two years?" Leigh said rolling her eyes.
"I'll stop saying it in two months, and I'll just tell you I always knew you were going to get married"
"Oh Maddie, you're such an idiot"
"That's why I am your best friend, and one of your bridemaids" I said hugging her.
"I still have to buy my wedding dress though. But now that you also have to get one, we should go together"
"We haven't even set a date, Leigh! It's still too soon"
"Haven't you thought about the dates?"
"Nope. We haven't had much time. He's been working and organising the party and I've been very busy at the studio too"
"I know, but I think you should talk about it soon"
"Says the girl who's been engaged for two years" I laughed.
"It's different. We didn't even have a safe job back then!"
We kept on talking about her wedding until we arrived at the restaurant. We got in and sat down at the table where Nate was waiting for us. We ordered our drinks and started to have a look at the menu.
"Hey! What are you doing here?" I heard someone saying.
I recognized that voice inmediately, and I felt my heart pounding rapidly in my chest. I looked up to see Harry and Niall standing in front of us.
"Hi!" Nate exclaimed "Are you two having lunch here?"
"Sure"
"Sit down with us then, we haven't ordered our food yet" Leigh offered.
"No, it's okay. We don't want to bother you" Niall replied politely.
"C'mon, you know you don't bother us. Take a sit"
"Alright"
Niall sat in front of me, and Harry between him and Leigh. I sighed. I wasn't sure if I wanted to eat with them. An awkward silence filled the room so I decided to say something.
"I have already decided what I want!"
"Hmm let me guess... Chicken with the special sauce and a huge bowl of fries with ketchup" Niall said.
I smiled. He still remembered. We used to go to that restaurant quite a lot back when we were still together.
"Yes, you got it right. And I guess you'll order the same thing, but with the double amount of fries"
"Yup, you know me too well" he laughed.
"You know what? This reminds me of that time we all ate together for the first time back when Leigh and Maddie worked at the music shop and Niall and Maddie hated each other" Harry said.
"Oh! That was the day when Nate ran away crying because he thought I was flirting with Harry! That was so lame, babe" Leigh exclaimed.
"I wasn't crying, and you two were flirting!" he defended himself.
"That day was great, man" Niall said.
He looked at me. That was the day when we first kissed. I nodded, and I could tell by the look on his face that he was also thinking about our first kiss. His laugh filled the room and I felt how a feeling of pure happinnes ran over my body.
The rest of the meal was fine. We kept on talking about the past, about out jobs, Leigh and Nate's wedding, my engagement party and the fact that Harry was still single. After lunch, we decided to go to Hyde Park. Leigh, Nate and Harry walked faster, so Niall and I kept walking alone.
"This feels like the old times" he said.
"It does indeed. A few things have changed though"
"You're engaged to another man now"
"Yeah... By the way, I didn't see you leaving the party last night, and you seemed a bit weird when I talked to you. I was going to text you but it didn't..."
"It didn't seem right. I know. It's happened to me quite a few times" he interrupted me.
"What happened to you last night?"
"Shit happens. That's all"
"You can tell me if you want"
"Francesca broke up with me when we arrived home"
I definitely didn't expect that answer.
"Are you serious"
"Yep. She thinks I'm still in love with you"
"That's bullshit! Do you want me to talk to her? Niall, I don't want your relationship to end because of something that isn't even true"
"She's right Maddie, she deserves someone who's truly in love with her, and I am not"
"Aren't you? I thought you were going to propose"
"Yeah, I was going to, but I wasn't really sure about it. Sometimes we make decisions because of our fear"
"Fear of..?"
"In my case, it's fear of ending up alone, fear of not having a family, fear of growing old without someone by my side. But I'm only 25, so I guess it's still too soon to think about that. I was going to make a decision that wasn't going to make me happy just because I was scared"
"I know what you're talking about"
"When you and I broke up I didn't clear things up. And I think I was just so fucking scared to mess up even more that I never explained to you why I did what I did"
"Niall, I don't really feel like talking about this now"
"Why?"
"I don't know. I don't think this is the right moment. If I've been able to survive all these years without knowing your reasons, I think I can still live without them"
"I guess some things are better left unsaid"
"Hey, when did you become this deep Horan?" I teased him.
"Oh, I've changed a lot, Maddie Johnson. Or should I say Maddie Atwood now?" he laughed.
"Nah, I'm not Maddie Atwood... yet"
"Hey, look there!" He said pointing at a bench, but I didn't know why he was doing that "That's where you tried to steal my Bruce Springsteen album!"
"That's true! And then you chased me"
"And we kissed in that street" I nodded "Do you know why I bought that album?"
"Maybe because you like Bruce Springsteen?"
"Nope. Well, yeah, I do like him, but that's not the real reason. I was just there because Harry wanted to buy something, but when I saw you working there I just came up with an excuse to talk to you"
"That's not true. You hated me!"
"I didn't! You hated me. I actually thought you were pretty interesting, different"
"Oh, but I was such a drama queen!"
"I know, but you were so hot"
I punched him in the arm.
"Does that mean I'm not anymore?" I raised an eyebrow.
"I can't tell an engaged woman that she's hot, sorry!"
"You're a fucking idiot, Niall"
"I know, but you have to admit I make you laugh so much"
I nodded. That was totally true. It was one of the things that I loved the most about him. It didn't matter if I was in a bad mood, or if I had had a fight with someone, or if I was on my period, Niall would always make me laugh. And the sound of his own laugh would always make me the happiest girl in the world.
I looked at my watch, I really had to go. Peter had asked me to be at home at two.
"It's getting late, I should get going. Peter is waiting for me so we can sort some wedding stuff out"
"Alright. We should see each other more often, or a least from time to time. I don't want to receive your wedding invitation and not know who you are anymore!"
"That'll happen if I actually decide to invite you"
"You will, I have no doubt"
He hugged me and we looked at each other without really knowing how to say goodbye
"I'm serious, we should stay in touch. I really miss you, Maddie"
His words surprised me, and my mouth and eyes were wide opened.
"No, not in that way! Just as a friend, I miss having someone who I can trust as much I trusted you"
"Hmm, yeah, I kind of miss that too, Niall. But I have to go now"
"I'll call you soon"
"I know, you can't live much more time without me!" I laughed.
I waved him goodbye and I left quickly. I turned around once again. He was still standing there with his hands in his pockets, looking at me with a huge smile on his face. In that moment I realised I missed him too. He still looked like that nineteen-year-old kid I had met six years before. Maybe we hadn't changed that much. Maybe we were still the same kids we were back in 2012, we just had grown up a little bit.
----------------------------------------------------
HEEEEY GUUUUYYYYYSSSSS!!!
Sorry about the wait, but I haven't really been home this week so it's been imposible to update. I'll try to update tomorrow or on Sunday to make it up for it :)
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Much love xxx