I'm getting old! My back hurts, I got asthma, I just been listening to Amy Winehouse, trying not to cry. Life's crazy.
-Vince Staples [mood😭]
Marcel
Long Beach, CA
It was my lunch break, so I went over to Nordstrom Rack to see if Char is on hers. I walked in going to the one checkout station they had to see that girl, Matika working. I guess she got the job after all. I went up asking, "Where's Char?"
"Well, hello!" She said smiling showing her deep dimples. "She's not here."
"Hey and whatchu mean? She already went on her lunch break?" I asked furrowing up my eyebrows.
"No, I mean she's not here as in she's not here. She left early."
"Oh, alright." I said about to walk away, but she touched my arm that was sitting on the counter. I looked back at her arching a brow.
"Is that your girl or something? You come in here everyday to go eat lunch with her on your lunch break."
"Nah, just my friend."
"Oh!" She said slowly making an O with her mouth. What was the purpose of her asking that? "You know, it's about to be my lunch break. I can go with you...if you want."
"That's fine. If you want," I repeated.
"Okay, let me go get my purse," she got up and I leaned against the checkout station pulling my phone out. I wonder why she wants to eat with me all of a sudden. She came back and we walked to the food court. We both got Chinese then sat down across from each other. We pretty much ate in silence when she broke it by saying, "You used to be 2N Crip?" Now I know why she wants to eat with me.
"Once upon a time," I said looking up at her. "You wanna ask about your brothers murder, huh?" She shyly nodded her head. Don't get shy now. You were bold before. "Well I asked your friend about him and I don't know nothing. I don't know who put it in your head I did that. I know I didn't do it." I wouldn't tell her even if I did. I would be a fool if I did.
"And how are you so sure about that?!" She said getting a spark of attitude.
"Maybe I don't. Tell me everything you know..."
"My brother was with some friends who decided to hit a lick. He didn't know that's what they were going to do. He just stood outside on watch. He didn't take anything and refused any money after. We went to Ramona Park like we always do. When I came back to the basketball court some dudes were jumping him. One pulled a gun out shooting him then ran off. He died right there."
I looked at her. She kind of seemed numb to it or she just didn't want to show emotion in front of me. "You know how I know I didn't do it?...I for damn sure ain't run away. I don't run. I got real bad asthma. Can't really do strenuous activity." I said taking a bite of my rice and orange chicken. I looked up at her to see her smiling then she bust out laughing. "What? That's not funny. I'm dead serious!" I pulled my inhaler out of my pocket showing her.
She chuckled some more lowering her head. "I think I just let somebody get in my ear."
"Yeah, but in all seriousness I didn't. You said summer of '07. Well that summer I couldn't have done it. I was on house arrest." I said shaking my head remembering the stupid shit I had to go through.
"Why?...if you don't mind me asking."
"I got charged for some shit I ain't do. They really tried to give a middle schooler 20 years. Burglary, assault, and intimidating a witness. I was back and forth in court for most of my 8th grade to freshman year. My first judge put me on house arrest. I could only go to school then back home. It went to court with a new judge and she said she didn't get why I was there and threw out my case. But forreal, I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds contradicting because I still lived that life, but I feel bad when innocent people die from our ways. Our as in gang members. That's why I fell back from it. Shit was getting too crazy out there."
"Thank you," she said halfway smiling while pushing her food around. "Yeah, the streets are something else."
"Yeah, that's why you should probably stop messing with that guy you came to my job with. Not to be in your business. I just wouldn't want you to get hurt because of him. Ya know?"
"That's nice of you, but I'm way ahead of you. That's been over and done with." She looked up at me then smiled. "You know, I've heard so many stories about you around Long Beach. You're nothing like what I thought."
"What'd you think? That I was some savage ass ruthless nigga. About 6'4", 250 pounds, with tattoos everywhere including my face."
She laughed, "Actually yeah!"
"I get that a lot. Sorry I disappointed you. This what you get. Regular ol' Marcel."
"Well, I like it." She said smiling making me smile too. She's cool. Real cool.
Charaya
I left work early because my mother called me saying there was an emergency. She wouldn't tell me what it was, so I just asked to leave early and my boss let me. All I know is I hope everything is okay and nothing is wrong with my son, Chip. I pulled up to my mother's house in Long Beach to see an ambulance and police officers everywhere. There was a crowd gathered around and I immediately started to panic. When you see that it's never good. My heart started to beat as if it wanted to come out of my chest and I didn't even know what happened yet. I got out of my car pushing through the crowd where I could see my mother talking to a police officer crying. I pushed through some more people going under the yellow tape. When my mother saw me she immediately turned her attention towards me hugging me crying even more breaking down in my arms. "What happened?" I asked as my arms wrapped around her.
She just kept saying I'm sorry in between sobs. "I-i took my medicine and it made me go to sleep. Chip must've went outside while I was asleep. I'm sorry, Char." I looked around frantically.
"Where's my son? Where's Chip?" When I noticed a pool of blood in the middle of the street I started to get scared. I looked back at my mother analyzing her.
"I'm sorry..." I followed her eyes looking at a body bag on a stretcher. I let go of her pushing her off of me. She fell on the ground looking at me shocked.
"You were supposed to be watching him!" I screamed running to the stretcher. "That's my son. What happened to my son?!" I yelled at the EMT's.
"I'm sorry, but he was dead when we arrived," a man said looking down at me with sorrow in his eyes.
"No, no he's not! Open the bag! Let me see my son!" I yelled crying. Nobody would budge so I hit the nearest one in the chest. They were trying to get the stretcher onto the ambulance, but I grabbed onto it. I felt arms wrap around my waist. My mother was trying to pull me back. I got out of her grips pushing her again. "This is your fault!" I yelled pointing at her. "What did you let happen to my son?"
"I didn't mean for it to," she said above a whisper as tears ran down her face. I knew I should've stopped letting her watch him. I should've put him in daycare no matter how much it cost. It's better than letting a depressed, pill popper watch him. Now my son's gone.
Matika
A Few Days Later
I folded up clothes putting them on the display table at work. As I prepared to fold the next one my manager came up to me. "Thank you for coming in. We've been short since Charaya's been out."
"No problem. I need as many hours as I can get. Where has she been at anyway? Sick?" I asked out of curiosity still folding shirts.
"You didn't hear...Her son died. He was hit by a car."
"Are you serious?" I asked looking at my manager in shock.
"Yup, real sad. That little boy was her heart. I'm sure she'll be gone for awhile. Anyway, when Tasha gets back you can go on your break." My manager patted my back before walking off. I sighed shaking my head in disbelief. I know she's going through it. It's hard losing a child. My mom was depressed and out of it when Shahid was killed. She wouldn't eat, sleep, or leave the house. You should never have to bury your child. I feel for her. I didn't know her like that because I've barely been working here, but she's a nice girl. Maybe that's why Marcel hasn't been around either. If Char wasn't at work he didn't step foot in here. When I saw Tasha was back I left going on my lunch break.
I went to the food court deciding I would get Chipotle today. I stood in line waiting my turn when I felt someone poke both of my sides. I jumped squeling a bit as the person laughed. I turned around to see Marcel in his Best Buy uniform. "Don't do that!" I said hitting his shoulder.
"My bad. Hey!" He caught me off guard when he grabbed me into a tight hug. Instead of being awkward I welcomed it. He rested his head on my shoulder exhaling while I gave him a quick back rub. He pulled away saying, "Sorry if that was out line considering we don't know each other like that. I just really needed that," he said looking off into the distance.
"It's okay. I give free hugs!" I said smiling. "What's wrong?"
He sighed rubbing his hand over his head, "My godson died a couple of days ago."
I shut my eyes shaking my head. "I'm so sorry."
"No need to be. He's with his daddy now."
"Was it Char's son?" I asked thinking about what my manager told me earlier.
He nodded his head. "I wouldn't have even came back to work, but I gotta help Char pay for the funeral."
Before I could respond the lady behind me and Marcel was yelling for us to go. "Somebodies hungry," I mumbled moving up in the line. After getting my food I paid then went to sit down by myself. A minute later Marcel was scooting the seat across from me out and sitting down.
I looked up from my food at him. "What? I can't sit here?" He asked probably because of my natural always looking like I have an attitude face.
I shook my head no saying, "Do what you want. It's a free country."
"I don't think that's how the free country thing works. If that was the case my niggas wouldn't be in jail. You feel me?" I chuckled shaking my head.
"I feel you. I have a question..."
"Put your finger on the trigger and shoot," he said taking a big bite of his burrito.
"Have you ever killed anybody?" I asked sipping through my straw. He choked coughing a bit looking at me like I'm crazy. "Sorry, you don't have to answer. You'll never tell me anyway."
"I mean, that's not something you usually ask somebody. That's not a casual conversation over lunch," he said wiping his hands with a napkin. "But I'll answer it...Have I ever killed anybody?" He asked himself wiping his hand over his mouth. "Honestly, I don't know. Have I shot somebody? Yeah," he said shrugging his right shoulder. "I've been in a couple of fucked up situations where guns were drawn. My daddy always told me shoot or get shot. Don't be scared to take that shot because if you don't how will you ever know if you make it. In other words kill them before they kill you."
"What do you mean you don't know if you ever killed anybody?" I asked raising a brow.
"Did my deed then got the fuck out. I'm sure there's somebody out there who survived. I'm sure there's a couple of people who want to blow my head off. I'm waiting. I'm not hiding from anybody." I examined him as he talked about this so casually. He even had a smile on his face. I was unsure if it was a smile to hide the pain or even fear. Or he could possibly just be crazy as fuck.
"Marcel, you know you're smiling right now."
"I know. It's involuntarily. I've just seen some shit in my life. From my parents especially my father, friends being killed in front of me, the list goes on. You probably think I'm crazy because I'm smiling through this shit. I gotta smile to block out all those images and screams," he said trailing off.
"I know what you mean," I said as our eyes connected.
"I wonder everyday what my karma's going to be," he said balling up his trash. He picked up his phone saying, "I gotta get back to work."
"Me too," I said getting up gathering my trash as he did the same.
"Can I get your number? You just have a good conversation." He asked as we stood up.
"Yeah, yeah you can." I said pushing out a smile. He handed me his phone and I put my number in before we went our separate ways. I don't know what it is, but there's something different about him. He's done and seen things like these regular ain't shit dudes out here, but he carries himself differently. It makes you not judge him.
After I got off of work I drove home putting the car in park. I sighed noticing the maintenance light was now on for the Mercedes my ex, Zay bought me. I already knew I couldn't afford the upkeep for this car, so I've been thinking about selling it. Buy a cheaper car then save the rest of the money. I was surprised Izaiah hadn't popped up here at my house since he can't contact me, but he hasn't. I'm glad too because it made it easier to get him off of my mind and move on.
Do you think Char should be blaming her mother for her son's death? Comment / Vote💙