"Hm, fancy seeing your face." Harry teases me as he walks up to where I stand at the gate.
"It seems like I just can't get away from you for too long. Definitely not my choice." I say, pushing him away. Our distance is kept only for a split second, as he steps back into my personal space and wraps his arms around me.
"I missed you." He kisses my head and I can barely feel it through my quiffed hair.
I hug him back, pressing my face into his shoulder. My actions don't match my words, as I say, "We were only apart for three weeks! How could you have missed me that much in such a short period of time?"
His arms tighten around me. "What can I say; I must be addicted."
I'm the one that has to pull away, and I roll my eyes at his ridiculously over exaggerated version of adoration that he has in his eyes and on his face. "That is the single, most cheesiest line I've ever heard you say."
"I could have sworn you said that to me before, many times."
"You just get cheesier and cheesier. How do you do it?" He scoffs, pretending to my hurt. "It's like you soak up Rom-Com scripts like a fucking sponge."
"You caught me red-handed."
We continue to spew fake insults at each other; all in good fun, though. This is the most eventful thing we've done in the last few months, but there's no point of blowing it out of proportion.
Honestly, ever since Harry and I went to visit his family that first time, our lives have toned down a lot since then. He planned on spending the rest of his break to just spend with his family, and that's exactly what happened, just with me tagging along. Of course, I went back home a few times to see my family, mostly Greg, and Harry would come with me. It was during that time that I spoke to my parents about returning to Los Angeles. They weren't too happy about me wanting to leave so soon after returning, but I have a feeling they finally started to understand how much dancing means to me. And, although they aren't completely okay with me being "half-girl" as they call it, they were happy to at least see the old version of me that they were used to.
It's understandable to me now as to why they reacted the way they did; they just didn't want to lose their son. They didn't want me to change into this person that they couldn't understand. When they saw how I was after I first returned - at that point I still identified as a female - they must have seen extreme similarities between young, "boy" version of me and the person I am now. I didn't change in that regard, and that's my own fault for trying to prove to them that I was a girl by doing stereotypically girlish things.
They allowed me to leave again, and told me that they wouldn't try to chase me down again. I appreciate them.
Harry was by my side through everything. He was constantly giving me support, and he even helped me in convincing my parents to let me go back.
Actually, the only time that Harry and I were ever really apart for an extended period of time, was over the last few weeks. We agreed that we would need a bit of a break from each other before we returned to LA, which led me to staying home in Mullingar, and Harry returning to Cheshire. We've only just seen each other again since we've parted at the beginning of January.
Harry and I are currently walking to his car, hand-in-hand, in the warm, California weather.
"It's strange to be somewhere to warm, after months of cold and rain." I say, immediately regretting my decision to wear long sleeves on the plane. The heat didn't reach me until we finally landed.
"It's even weirder that it's so warm in the winter here."
"Oh yeah, but winter is the only season that I actually like in LA." We both enter the car and I immediately go to plug my phone into the car's console.
He doesn't notice me doing so. "Why?"
"Because every other season here is too hot to enjoy. Trust me, I came here for the first time during the summer, and all my clothes that I brought had to be replaced because it was so fucking hot."
"Going from dark and rainy Ireland to bright and sunny California is definitely something to trip you up a bit." I nod along, looking for a good song to play on my phone. "No, don't you dare, I'm not listening to anymore of your metal crap. I'm sorry, but I still can't stand it."
"I actually wasn't planning on playing any metal, but you just gave me a good idea. Thanks." I send him a devilish smile and continue to scroll through my songs.
"Please, God, no. I'm begging you." I finally decide on a good song to play that will trip him up when he hears it.
The beginning notes start, and his scrunched face contorts into one of content. I smile at him, "You think you can handle this, darling?" I taunt him. "I can always change it if you don't like it."
"No! Don't change it, please." His eyes scan me. "I like this one."
"Good, because I wasn't planning on changing it."
He shakes his head slightly and focuses fully back on the road. "You're a minx."
"That I am, thank you for noticing."
"And you, you know my love can hold you down."
I sing along to the lyrics, realising how ironic those words are to our relationship. I've never really thought about it before; how Harry and I have both been able to center our attention on each other, how we've been able to learn so much about each other just through our movements, how we've learned how to operate with each other like second nature.
Over the months that we were together, I've learned so much about Harry. I've learned that he's always been an extremely caring person, I've learned that he loves his family more than anything, I've learned that he's headstrong about so much and pure determination and drive is what lead him to success, I've learned that he will always stick by the people he loves, I've learned that he's actually really sensitive and has a lot of buried insecurities, that most people overlook because he seems so serious and unaffected by anything. I've learned that his shell is thin, and he'll let nearly anyone in, which is what has led him to have so many friends, but also what has led him to heartbreak and hurt.
I'm hoping he learned a lot about me, as well, but I'm sure he must have had a much tougher time, since my shell is thick, much thicker than his.
"Where are we going, exactly?" Harry asks me after we've been on the road for a few minutes.
"You've just been driving about aimlessly without actually knowing where we're going?" I ask. He shakes his head sheepishly. "Alright well, since you don't seem to have any ideas, how about Louis'? I want to see how that bastard has been holding up since I left. Plus, I want to congratulate him, in person, for winning The Mirror Ball last season. He's never won before."
"Where does he live?" Harry asks, stopping at a red light.
"If you'd slow down, I'd be able to point down the street to you. I know the area we're in, and it's not too far."
"Okay, just tell me if I make a wrong turn." He tells me, pressing down on the gas pedal again when the light changes.
"Continue going straight for a few lights. I'm gonna find another song to play." I grab my phone from where it's resting in the console. We haven't tampered with the music since I initially started it, since all the songs that came up next were good as well. It's only now that I've decided to change it since a song that I was obsessed with ages ago, but I don't like too much anymore, comes on.
I scroll through a few more music choices, glancing up at the road signs every few seconds to make sure Harry doesn't go too far. Whatever song I choose won't really matter, as we're only a minute or two away from his street.
I finally choose something, turning the volume down a bit so I can concentrate on the road signs without singing along. After a minute, I point toward an upcoming street and tell Harry to turn there.
It only takes us a minute to arrive at Louis' house. I recognise his car in the drive-way, but another car is there that I don't recognise. Because there are two cars in the drive-way, Harry has to park on the side of the road. We shouldn't be too long, so I'm not too worried that something or someone will come by and mess with his car.
Apparently, Harry doesn't feel the same way. "If someone drives by and hits my car, or I get a ticket, I will hurt you." I know his threat isn't serious, so I just end up laughing at him.
"I don't see a 'no parking' sign around here, so we're fine. And, I promise, no one will mess with your car in this neighbourhood. Overly narcissistic people with overly expensive cars are rampant in this area; everyone either has a car like yours, or one that's better."
Harry shakes my head and pulls the keys from the ignition. "One thing I didn't miss was your sass."
"What did you miss, then? Because, from what I can recall, most of our conversations only ever consisted of sassy and facetious remarks." I elbow him in the ribs lightly, having to reach way too far over the console to hit him; it would have been easier to punch him.
"Okay, I might have missed it." He lifts his hand up and holds his thumb and index finger a little ways apart. "Only a little."
"Mhm, sure." I shake my head at him, but refrain from rolling my eyes. My parents had pointed out to me how much I did that by keeping a tally in a single day on how many times I did it when I was in their presence. "C'mon."
We head up to Louis' front door, him knocking on the door before I can reach out for the doorbell. I hear footsteps almost immediately, followed by Louis saying something to either himself, or someone else.
When the door opens, Louis is caught by surprise. He nearly closes the door back again, but stops himself from slamming it. He swings it back, staring at me intensely. His eyes flicker over to Harry for a brief second before they're back on me.
He doesn't say anything; instead, he pulls me from my spot on the little step that he calls his porch right into his house. I nearly trip over the threshold but catch myself on the door frame. His arms are around me anyway, so it's not like I would have fallen too far off balance.
"You're such a fucking idiot." He says into my shoulder. "Seriously, I hate you so much."
"Really, because that makes so much sense when you greet me like this." I joke, embracing him. "How ya doing, Lou?"
He pulls back, "I hate you."
"You already said that."
"And I'm gonna keep saying it until you get it through your thick skull that you worried the shit out of me." He steps back from me and allows both Harry and I to officially enter his house. The other person that was here happens to be two people; Demi and Liam.
"Hey, guys. What's up?" I greet them. Demi smiles at me.
"Hey, Nic. How was Ireland? I just gotta say, it was strange not having you around at the studio for the rest of the season and during the preparation for the next season." Liam replies.
"It was weird for me as well, but hopefully it won't be like that for much longer." My eyes travel over all of them before I sit down on Louis couch, Harry cautiously sitting down next to me. "I was gonna see if I could get my old job back."
Demi smiles again, eyeing up my hair for a second before meeting my eyes again. "I'm sure you'll get it; even I noticed a change at the studio within the last week of the season, and I wasn't even there that often!"
Louis' eyes flash from each person before trying to interrupt. "Hey--"
"I'm not expecting to be put right back into the show again, since they've probably already set up the pairs for next season, but hopefully I'll be able to do something."
Louis tries again, "Ya know, this is great and all--"
"And, by the way, Demi, congratulations for winning Mirror Ball last season. I sent Louis a message after you first won, but I'm not sure if he passed on the message." I smirk at Louis. He knows I only cut him off again to annoy him. "Congrats, to both of you."
"With all that out of the way, can I fucking speak now?" Louis asks, glaring at me when I open my mouth again. "Nic doesn't get a say in this. So, is everyone else good with me talking?" He doesn't even pause to let anyone answer. "Good. Now, Nic, can you please explain what the hell happened in the last few days you were there? I knew I should have warned you about what would happen if you dated a Star; I talked with Peta about it but I should have said something when I noticed you two getting close."
He makes a move to continue talking, but I interrupt him while he's taking a breath. "Louis, I wasn't fired because of Harry and I's relationship."
He stops sharp, his face contorting into one of slight anger. "What? So they lied to us? But, why would they punish me for dating a Star, but not you?"
"I have no idea, Louis, and I'm sorry you had to go through whatever you did in order to keep your job. But, no, my relationship with Harry wasn't the primary reason I was fired. It might have contributed subsequently, but it wasn't the initially reason that I was told about."
I go on to tell everyone in the room what had happened with my parents, including my confusion about my gender, which does bring up some questions from Demi and Liam. I answer all of them to the best of my abilities, but it's when Liam asks, "So, what gender are you, then?" that it gets a bit confusing. I know this is all new for them - even Louis, although I already told him about me being transgender at the beginning of the season - and I get why they don't understand right away.
"Uhm, I don't know yet. We've narrowed it down to either being bi-gender, or gender-fluid. I know it's confusing, I'm sorry." I explain the best I can. I look to Harry for help.
"I'd say, you should identify Ni as whatever she tells you she feels is the right one that day. Today, she feels like a girl," he looks to me for confirmation. I nod. "so you can use pronouns like 'she' and 'her' and everything."
"But it's okay if you get confused. If you refer to me as a girl and I feel like a boy, I won't snap out. You don't need to be afraid of me. Trust me, I'm just as confused about this as you are."
The room goes silent and I kinda wish they still had questions so it wasn't so awkward.
"Hey, as long as you all treat me the same way you've always been treating me, I'll be fine." I finally say, quite nervously, and Harry takes my hand into his. It's like he knows when I need help to calm down.
Liam and Demi smile at me, nodding. I look over to Louis, hopeful, with slight fear that he won't accept this. I know how strange it can be for someone to have to deal with this being thrown at them so suddenly. I'm sure I definitely made his world flip when I told him I was transgender a few months ago, and now this?
"Hey, don't look at me all vulnerable and shit. You seriously think I don't accept you?" He asks, and I can't tell if he's joking or not. "You're still an idiot, and I still kinda hate you for never explaining why you got fired, until now, but I could never drop you. You're still my best friend."
And that acceptance almost feels as good as it did when Greg had said his own variation of that, all those years ago.