The snow is melting. The climate here is weird and I don't think we are in New England, at all. At home it is like a blizzard, snow falling, snow covering everything, snow everywhere. Here, it snowed two, three days at max, and now it's melting and warm out again. I don't understand weather.
Today is a low key day. Locklyn and Cason are asleep because she is tired and he's tired from her complaining and making him do things for her. Anya is cooking up a storm and I don't get why she is, but I think she is making snacks in case Locklyn gets hungry at any point of the day. Trace is watching the news channel just in case he sees his father doing a press conference.
I was pacing the hallway, rubbing my hand against the wall. I can't sit still and Anya says that can be from anxiety. It calms me down though. I tapped my fingers while silently counting in my head and stopped when I felt something sharp cut my palm. I looked and saw that it was bleeding. I clasped my hand shut, thinking it would stop, but it continued to bleed. I went into the bathroom, washed my hand, and covered it with a washcloth.
After washing it and putting a Band-Aid on it, I went back and looked at the wall closely. I tapped the wall and noticed a hollow sound where the sharp object was sticking out. I stepped back and closely examined the wall, seeing a faint outline behind the wallpaper. I went downstairs, to the closet in the hallway, took a utility knife, and went back upstairs.
Slowly and steadily with the knife I began to trace the outline of the door. The wallpaper was fragile, delicate, and old, so it was easy to cut through. The door was soon noticeable to the eye, but, I need to figure out what is behind it and what is sticking out in the middle of it.
I began to peel back the wallpaper and while doing so, I heard someone behind me. I turned my head and saw it was Cason sneaking out of his room and heading towards the bathroom. He stopped when he saw what I was doing.
"Hadley?" I nodded and continued to peel back the wallpaper. "What the hell are you doing?" his voice sounded weak and groggy, like he has a cold or sore throat. Then again, he just woke up.
"Something sharp cut me and when I looked to see what it was, I found a door. I am trying to cut the door out and see what is behind it."
"You are scaring me with the knife though. Give me that and let me see your hand," he was being protective and I believe that is because he has two children on the way and his body trying to settle into the soon-to-be changes. He took the knife and my hand. He took off the bandage and made a face. "Jeez, Had, you cut your palm good. Did you clean it out and put stuff on it?"
"I just cleaned it, why?"
"Come with me. I'll put ointment on it so it can heal faster. The last thing we want is you to have an infection." He dragged me to the boys' bathroom, ran the water till it was warm, washed my palm, and afterwards put ointment on, and rewrapped my palm. "Now, let me try and open the door. You weren't holding the knife correctly."
"Cason, I could do it, you need to rest. You look very tired."
"Don't worry about me," he sighed, took the knife, and went to the door. He held the knife tightly in his fist, threw his hand back to his head, and forcefully jammed it into the crack and pulled down to rip the wallpaper. He found where the doorknob should be and opened the door with the knife. He coughed when a cloud of dust came out.
Cason walked in first and I followed. What we found behind the door was a shock.
There was a child size bed, two cribs, and many toys, all covered in dust. Pictures hung on the wall and sat on top of the dresser. It was neat and clean, besides the dust, but it looked fairly decent.
"Cason, when Lock has the babies, we can use this stuff."
"I don't know. It's not ours. I feel wrong."
"Don't feel wrong. We're stuck in this house and you two are having twins. How are we supposed to take care of them if we have nothing to help them? They need to be warm at birth, they need to sleep in a crib, everything is here for them and you know it. Cason, come on. We don't have to use this room, we can bring everything into Lock and yours."
"I don't know." I took him by the shoulders and shook him lightly.
"Wake up!" I yelled in his face. "Do you see what is happening to Lock and you or no? You two are going to be parents in about four months and we have nothing to care for them. Look at this room, it has everything in here for the babies. We were taken against our will and put into this cabin. We need to use the resources we have here and take care of each other. I will not let you two lose a baby because it didn't have clothes on."
"Fine. We can use the cribs and clothes, but, we are washing everything twice, even three times before Locklyn and the babies touch it. First we need to sort out the clothes and I know there are some downstairs in the cabinet, I saw them there while getting the first aid kit one day. Second, we need to figure out a space for the cribs in our room. I want to start now because we don't know when the babies will be coming. Locklyn is huge and I think there's three babies, not two."
"Why do you think three?"
"She just began to feel movement on the left side now. I think she has twins in the first uterus and a single baby in the second uterus. She now looks rounder and not on the right side either." I nodded and began to walk around the room. The sun created rays through the half open curtain, it made the small dust particles be seen easier and how they float in the air around us. Cason stared at the pictures mostly. He was looking closely at them, seeing if any were him from his father. He sighed and I know he is softly and secretly sobbing. I glanced over at him and frowned.
He's worried. He's upset. He's scared.
I see the change in his voice and his posture. I see the bags under his eyes of the sleepless nights and hours of silence and worry. I see how his voice shakes every time he talks.
I went over to him and saw a picture in his hands. I've seen it before. Those are the same babies in the picture from the leather journal I found, only older. He sniffled and sighed, making it known that he is sobbing.
"Cason, you okay?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine." I lightly touched his back. He flinched and looked at me with tears falling down his face. "I miss my brothers. I want to go home and see them. I'm worried about becoming a father. I have no idea what to do. Seeing Locklyn get bigger and realizing that these babies are coming very soon, I'm scared. I don't know how we will take care of three babies, that's triplets! My mom is going to freak when she sees I had children. She never wanted me to be like my dad and her, having a child really young."
"How young was she? Wasn't she seventeen?"
"No, my father was nineteen and she was fifteen when they had me. My mother lied and said my father was seventeen so he didn't get arrested and they could get married once she turned sixteen. She gave me this long speech when I started dating about how she never wants me to become a teen parent, to wait till I'm married with a job, and make sure I am ready. I'm not ready. This is very nerve-racking to me."
"I don't think anyone will ever be ready when they find out they are having children. Your mother won't be mad at you because we were taken against our will. She will be happy that she has two or three grandchildren and know that you will never leave Lock and your children. Your mother is a very smart person and she will understand that what happened was a mistake. She can't judge or disown you because look at her and your father, she was three years younger than you when she had you." He nodded. "Everything is going to be fine. You need to think positive about these babies."
He hugged me tightly and cried on my shoulder. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. We are here for Lock and you." He nodded, let go of the embrace, and wiped his eyes. "Aren't those babies cute?" he looked down at the picture he was still holding.
"They look like my brothers, well, mostly Niko. That is why I began to cry, because this picture reminded me of him." He laughed. "Gosh, I feel like a girl by how much I am crying."
"They always say that the father-to-be gets emotional because of the changes that will be happening. When my mom got pregnant with Scotty, my father ate so much, he gained thirty pounds. It's because he saw my mom eating and he ate whatever she did, plus more." Cason laughed and put the picture back. He left the room and went back to his room, Locklyn coming out five minutes later crying. I followed her into the bathroom. "Lock?"
"What, Hadley?" She snapped and went to the bathroom. She isn't afraid to do anything around other people. She walked around here with no clothes on for a month. Back home, she never closed the bathroom door, and didn't care who would walk by. She is very confident. "I'm sorry, Had, I'm just very hormonal and emotional. I don't feel right."
"What's going on? Did Cason do something?" She shook her head and washed her hands and flushed the toilet. "Then what is it?"
"I want to make love to him and he doesn't because he's tired and worried about me. These hormones are terrible and I can't wait until the babies are born so I can actually kiss Cason without wanting more." I nodded. She rubbed her stomach and smiled. "Give me your hand." I held it out and she put it on her stomach. "Do you feel the movement?"
"I do. That's crazy."
"I know. I just felt movement on my left last night, but it's easier to feel on my right." I nodded. "I'm hungry." She left the bathroom and went downstairs slowly.
Seeing Cason cry like he did and Locklyn up and down with her emotions, I feel bad for them both. Cason is worried his mother will disown him and never want to see him or his children. He will be fine with his mother, it's his step-father that worries me.
His step-father once hit Cason in front of all of us because we went to his house after a party. We were drinking but not to the point of drunk. Cason's step-father, whose name is Roger, was angry because we were loud and woke up Ruben, who was four at the time, and Cason reacted.
"You're a terrible father!" Cason yelled. "You ruined this family way before you had Niko!"
"Really Cason? I took you in like my own son. Your father left you alone. Why? Maybe because you're never going to be a good person. You will leave Locklyn and your children, just like Joel."
"Asshole!" Cason yelled and swung at Roger. Roger slapped him across the face.
"Watch it, Cason!"
"Cason!" Locklyn went over to him. "Stop, it's not worth it. Just stop." Cason glared at Roger, who had no emotions, and we walked out and went to Trace's house instead. Cason didn't talk for the rest of the night after that.
I do not know if Roger has hit him other times, but that is the only one that I know off. Cason hates when Roger brings up Joel, who is his biological father. Cason misses him a lot.