I was on my second straight week of not leaving my RV. My weeks still consisted of watching Friends, and whatever new ridiculous show was on Netflix. My weekends? I still watched practice, qualifying and the races. Just until they talked to or about Chase, then I turned it off.
I kept thinking about our conversation. I felt stupid for not taking him back, but I was hurt, and I didn't want to get hurt worse.
I looked over to Chase's RV. He was wearing that Napa hoodie of his, and he ran his fingers through his hair. I missed him. His kiss. His hugs. His eyes. His voice. His smile. Everything.
I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard a knock on the door. I opened it to see Ryan.
"Hey, how are ya doing?" he asked.
"Alright. I'm a little better," I lied.
"That's good,"he said. "Can we talk for a while?"
"No, when I answered the door I though we'd just watch TV and sit here in silence," I said sarcastically as I sat on the counter.
"At least you're still sarcastic." He paused. "I know you and Chase talked."
"Really? How?"
"I talked to him. You know he loves you right?"
"Yeah, but that's not a good coverup for what happened."
"I know, and I can't explain what he did or why he did it. And I know you have a hard time trusting someone after they hurt you. But I've known Chase for a while. He's not that person. What needs to happen so that you believe me? And him."
"Ryan, I just need time."
"Ok, take your time with it," he told me. "But not too long. Don't let him slip away."
With that he walked out of my RV, and went to Chase's.
Ryan told him something I couldn't make out. Chase bit his lip and hung his head.
"I still love you," I whispered. "Don't give up on me yet."
********
They came across the finish line and Chase won. I didn't know if I should be excited or even more upset. I decided to take a trip to victory lane.
I stood on the outside. Once Chase looked over at me I held up a piece of paper that read, "Congratulations." Chase mouthed the words "Thank you," and I turned back towards my RV leaving the paper sit right outside victory lane.
Erik came up behind me stopping my walk back to my place. "Weren't you just in victory lane?"
"No."
He looked back into victory lane. "Well, Chase has a new girlfriend then."
I nodded my head trying to act like that did not completely shatter my heart.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
"No. He's moving on, that's great. That's what I need to do. I'm starting to think that dating him was a mistake anyway."
"Amy, no. You two were and still are perfect for each other."
"No we're not. Before we started dating that was my biggest fear. That something like this would happen and I'd lose my best friend. When we became friends I told myself I'd be there for him. Every good, great, terrible, horrific day. I'd support him. But now I'm not going to be able to stand in victory lane with him when he wins his first cup race. Or first cup championship. I'm just gonna be on the outside like I am now. Falling in love with your best friend and having it work, only happens in the movies. It always gets screwed up in real life. I just have to have my moments, realize he's gone, and move on with my life."
With that I walked away.