Zayn's POV
My lips still tingled as I woke up the next morning with Niall laying close to me. It was the most amazing thing to look over his slightly puffy lips and know that I got to taste those. I don't think that I expected this to happen, but all day my stomach had been churning in a way that was telling me I wanted to actually kiss him. Not the accidentally kiss we had, but one with purpose. I know I had reacted by running into the bathroom, but only because a small voice in my mind reminded me of my actual first kiss.
It was with the man that ended up becoming my stepfather. He just decided one night when my mum was too passed out to care that he wanted to come into my room and force himself on me. He kissed me and I felt like I had something that I wanted to keep taken from me. That's what lead me to never wanting to kiss anyone because I wanted that feeling of butterflies or my breath being taken away. I wanted it with someone special and I got just that with Niall. It wasn't that he forced a kiss on me, it was more like I got to control the kiss to reassure us both that this was what we both wanted. It was actually nice to feel in control of something for the first time in my life.
Even if there were guys that let me top and women that wanted me to pretty much control everything, it was still an order. I was ordered to do those things and I wasn't really given the freedom to want to actually take pride in the fact everything was in my hands. With this innocent kiss, Niall gave me something that I needed to really begin healing that part in my mind that was feeling like I was going to be okay just like he had promised me.
Niall's eyes fluttered a little and he slowly rolled on his back. I reached forward and let my fingers run over his lips before he actually woke up. I left my hand rested on his cheek as he looked over at me with his sleepy blue eyes. I couldn't help but feel a little spark go through my heart because I liked waking up next to him. As much as I want to control what happens to my body and my life, I like that my heart feels safe with him.
"Do you normally touch people to wake then up?" Niall asked me then rolled so he could curl into me. I shook my head and touched over his prominent collarbone.
"I only do that to you." Whispered to him. He smiled at me then looked at me lips like he wanted to continue those lazy kisses we both fell asleep sharing. I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips, but when I tried to pull back, Niall's hand came behind my head to hold me in place. I pulled him closer to me, keeping my hands wrapped around his very fit waist. Niall has a cute body in a lean muscle type way. I can feel that he works out, but the curves to his body made him so much more welcoming to touch and cuddle up.
Niall and I continued to kiss each other slowly. I could feel his heart beating against my own chest. It was an amazing feeling because I could detect these weren't feelings brought on by just pure excitement that someone was giving him the time of day, but feelings that were brought on by feelings of the unknown. That's how I felt as well. My heart had been hard for so long that I didn't know what I was feeling, but I knew I felt something that was real. It scared me, yet pulled me in closer because all I wanted to was test out these waters of choosing instead of being taken from.
"You told me that was your first kiss since you were fifteen... How is that possible?" Niall asked me after we both pulled away to breathe. I knew he was hinting at the fact he didn't understand how it was possible that I haven't kissed anyone considering my occupation. He held me a little tighter and gave me a nod that it was okay to continue. I was afraid to tell him, I just didn't feel like telling him because I wanted him to look at me like I was strong. I wanted him to lean on me and know I could be there for him too. My past made me weak.
"I wanted to keep something like that for someone special. It was the one thing I had control over." I told him. Niall's smaller hands reached up to trace my lips. There was nothing that could have been said because I pretty much told him he was someone special to me. I'm still very traumatized from my whole life before him so I wasn't sure if that's what I was supposed to say to him or if that was something I should have just kept to myself.
"You're someone very special to me too. I want you to keep healing though. You don't need to worry about a boyfriend or anything other than getting over your past. You're so strong, but I don't want to get in the way of your strong." Niall whispered like it was the hardest thing in his life. I smiled at him and pulled him so much closer to me. Few kisses were placed on his temple as he held me like he didn't want me to let him go just because he thought he was putting me first. He was because I haven't ever had a boyfriend before and I didn't need that stress if I was doing it right or not. I just needed this right here in my arms to keep me strong.
"I need to get to work. Maybe you want to go out to dinner tonight when I get home?" Niall asked me. I let him out of my arms and agreed that it would be nice. Honestly, I wanted to get out of this flat. I had been in here for over a month and I think it was time to get out a bit. I guess I was just to scared to because it didn't know if I had a bunch of police officers looking for me. I could only hope Niall was able to protect me from that because he was a policeman himself.
The day got started by Niall taking a shower and me sitting on the counter in the bathroom waiting for him. He started singing some random song that I kind of knew so I shouted back some of the words at him. That got us both making more noise than necessary to sing a Bruno Mars song. However, it made us both laugh and continue to feel that happiness we were both able to wake up with. Niall got out of the shower and I ran to the bedroom so he could have his privacy. There was a part of me that felt like Niall probably felt a little disgusted by me in the sense I've seen more naked men than I needed in my life. So I tried to show him I wasn't planning on looking at him or doing anything with him because I respected him in a way I've never been shown but I wanted to show. I wanted to gain his trust that I was loyal.
Niall and I went on with eating breakfast then Niall rushing out the door because he was going to be late. I kissed him a few times, telling him to be safe before the door closed behind him. That left me alone in his flat once again so I went to do my normal things. I locked all the doors and windows then went to shower. Once my shower was out of the way, I got my sketchbook and pencils and begin to draw the most perfect things about Niall that I could try and capture.
Drawing in this book is like a roller-coaster of my emotions. It goes from drawing all the men and women that have molded me to be who I am to drawing Niall and how he smiles. Today I started off by drawing Niall and his lips that I couldn't get enough of. I was melting for him and them so I may as well draw them. I guess you could say I was slowly getting pulled into Niall, but I didn't mind. Even though I wanted to push back and go back to my old life, I knew I would miss Niall too much. His company is so enjoyable and in a way it makes me feel like we're friends. I don't know how we're going to classify the kissing stuff, but I would like to keep that as a unsolved mystery for now just to keep things fun. It helps me to see that I'm not tied down, even though I would love to be tied down to Niall's lips and his contagious laugh.
The day went on quickly with me taking lazy cat naps and reading and drawing some more. When I looked at the clock I saw it was almost time for Niall to come home so I fixed the flat up a bit then sat there waiting for him to walk through the door. I knew some days he would be tired and just go straight to bed so I didn't bother him, but tonight we made plans so I was wanting to see if he would follow them through.
The door opened and Niall dropped his stuff right at the door before walking straight over to me and plopping himself down in my lap. He wrapped his arms around me and let me cuddle him up. He mumbled something to me that I didn't catch, but I could feel the tension coming from his body so I didn't press him to answer anything. I kissed him and continued to hold him until he was able to look me in the eyes. His blue eyes looked so defeated though, which was so different than from this morning.
"My brother is a hero once again and saved someone who's brakes wouldn't stop. Somehow that lead to my dad telling me I needed to start stepping up in the force. I don't really know how to do that." Niall told me. I bit the inside of my cheek because he's always talking about his dad and his brother. However, he makes it seem like he needs to do something rather than looking at it as his father is being ridiculously hard on him.
"Don't try to do anything more than you are. You'll find yourself in bigger trouble than you'll find yourself a hero." I told him. I hoped he would just take my advice, considering I spent years trying to keep a low profile and feeling like a coward when I would just stand back and watch others get caught. Niall nodded then pecked my lips as if thanking me.
"I'm going to change then we can go out to eat. You pick where you want to go." He told me, climbing off my lap. I already knew I wanted to go to this one restaurant that had Italian food. So I just sat there and waited for Niall to come back out of his room. When he did, he was dressed in a nice t-shirt and some tight dark blue jeans. I smiled at him and got off the couch so I could look at him better. He was just an amazing person that had so many unique features, it was hard not to look at him.
When we got to the restaurant, I looked around to make sure there weren't any people around that would want to arrest me before getting out of the car. Niall and I walked close to each other and walked inside. Right away the hostess started flirting with Niall and asking him if he was with the police department because she had seen him on the news or something. He gave short uncomfortable answers, taking stops closer to me.
While we went to our table following that lady, I may have taken Niall's hand in mine and made sure she was watching when I leaned over the table to kiss his cheek. No one needs to know why she stopped flirting with Niall, but the point was that she did and I might have flipped her off while leaving the restaurant that night. Once again, no one needs to know.
A/N: here's some fluff!!!!! Ask me some questions!!!! There's nothing off limits and I'll answer you very truthfully!!!!!! Comment/Vote!
- Bri ;)