Zayn's POV
"Niall..." I whispered quietly, my hands still shaking and sweat still soaking my shirt. I pressed open the door to Niall's room just a little more and took a few steps into the dark room. It was two in the morning, but any part of me that cared was still too scared and freaked out to react.
"Niall, please..." I whispered, my voice breaking just a little. I got to side of his bed and tapped his bare shoulder. He sat up quickly and went to punch me, but I jumped back in time. I think I need to begin remembering that Niall lives and breathes self defense because of his job. He seemed to wake up a little more and reach to turn on his lamp.
"I'm so sorry. What's wrong? You look so pale." He said with his accent incredibly thick. I shuffled closer to him and looked down at his bed, hoping he would get the message. He did and pulled me into his bed and begin wiping the sweat from my forehead. I shivered as I thought of the images my mind gave me. Niall's smaller arms pulled me closer to him. He blew cool air over my forehead and brushed my hair back in a calming motion.
"I haven't had a dream since I was little." I mumbled to him. He hummed out something like he wanted me to continue. I close my eyes and my body begin to shiver with fear. Niall's hand calmed me again by resting on my back to pull me ever closer to his chest. He wasn't wearing a shirt, make me press him away from me.
"Can you put on a shirt or something?" I whimpered out. He jumped out of bed not even a second later to listen to my request. All I knew was right now seeing a man without a shirt was the last thing my mind needed. Niall turned off the lights then got back into to bed to hold me.
"I've got you, Zayn. Tell me if you want to, I'll listen." His voice assured me. I nodded into his chest. I just felt his heart beating against my temple and let my mind accept the fact it had just showed me something that I had tried to press down for years and forget for years now. It wasn't anything I wanted to bring back, but my mind decided it wanted to dust off the cobwebs and unlock the box in the dark closest in my mind. It brought out what I didn't want or need, but now I'm suck with the pain and fear it left the time it happened and now at the time it came back.
"My mums first boyfriend after my parents divorce... I don't remember his name because I was so young, but I remember the time he came over to have dinner with me and my mum. He didn't like me from the start. He didn't say two words to me, but what would I know; I was seven or around there. My mum sent me to my room after dinner, she told me to stay there for the rest of the night. I didn't stay there. I heard weird noises coming from my mums bedroom, so I went to make sure she was okay. Now I know she was just having sex with him, but I walked in on them because my innocent mind was worried. Her boyfriend didn't like that so he chased me out of the room and started beating me. My mum didn't do anything to stop him, she just stood there and screamed at him to stop. She never did anything to actually show she wanted him to stop beating me bloody. It was the first beating I had gotten in my life and I remember every single hit. Something changed in me. Like a light that got turned off and never turned back on. I don't even know what it was." I said quietly. Niall's hands were clutching me tightly and I felt how fast his heart was beating now.
"Your childhood got turned off. Your innocence. Your trust. Get some sleep, Zayn. You're safe with me." Niall told me with a strength in his voice that I felt comforted by. He was right about all those things, but one of my trust towards men. Never did I feel safe with another one after that day, but right now I'm oddly trusting Niall with things I've never told anyone. I'm letting him hold me, meaning I'm letting my guard down and letting myself be weak for once. My eyes grew heavy and I curled up into Niall's smaller body to get some sleep.
The morning light shown through the windows, making me stretch out my limps and take a deep breath. I looked around the room I was in and saw the bathroom light was shining under the door. The shower water was running in there. My eyes looked over to the bed side table and I saw a plate of toast and scrambled eggs. I sat up and looked at the food, my stomach rumbling as I caught as smell of it. The water turned off in the bathroom, making me scoot back from the plate of food and just look at the door for Niall to come out. Part of my mind told me I needed to work for my food and I needed to do something for him in oder to eat it. I guess the part of my mind that I had lost was taking over the actual logic I knew.
Niall came out of the bathroom a few minutes later fully dressed in his police uniform. I looked at him and felt scared, but then I remembered that he held me last night and made me feel better. He gave me a soft smile and nodded over to the plate of food. I nodded to him and crawled to the end of the bed and waited for Niall to do something. He looked at me like I was crazy then reached forward to fix my hair. I reached forward to his belt as a reflex and because I was wanting that plate of food that was on the table.
"What the hell?" He asked me shocked as he jumped back from me. Part of my broken mind came back to remembering what my job was here and it wasn't to sleep with Niall. It was him to help me get better. Then I felt that itch come back to get back to work. To get paid for making someone feel good and to feel like I deserve the things I'm getting. I know that right now, I'm free loading.
"I'm sorry. It was... A habit." I stumbled out then got out of the soft bed. Niall's cheeks were bright red and his blue eyes looked at me like I was a completely different person. Just that look had me running out of his room and going to the guest bedroom to get my clothes and my stuff. I changed into the clothes I wore here and got my bag over my shoulder. My feet took me to the front door, but just as I reached for the doorknob, another hand came down to stop me. I looked over at Niall and saw he had a sad look on his face.
"I understand it's a habit. It will take allot of work to move past it, but we can do it. I know we can do it." He said to me and I wanted to believe him. I wanted so badly to believe him, but I knew myself better than he knew me. I didn't even know anything about him other than the fact he has a heart bigger than he is and he's a misfit police officer.
"You don't understand what I've been through. You don't, so stop trying to." I told him and reached for the doorknob again. Niall grabbed my wrist with his smaller hand to stop me once more.
"Please don't go back to that. You're so much more than that. You have amazing talent with drawing and your personality is so beautiful. You're so much more than what those men have showed you growing up and the people that have hurt you. Please, Zayn." He practically begged me. I shook my head and opened the door. Niall called after me and tried to get me, but I ran down the hall and down the stairs of his building until it was running down the street.
I ran until I got tired and walked to rest of the way to my flat. There were people that were looking at me like they knew I had been missing for a few days and they hadn't seen me at work. The look in most of their eyes was slight relief that they wouldn't have to see my face in a missing persons case. I continued up to my flat then opened the door. Immediately, I was tackled in a tight hug by Louis. He wrapped his legs around me and held on to me like some tree animal.
"Where the fuck have you been?! You just left me a note saying you were with some guy, but I didn't know if he killed you and I thought you would never come back!" Louis yelled at me. I laughed, but my heart was pounding in my chest. It was that itch that was running through my body. I can only imagine this was how my mum felt when she didn't get her fix on drugs. When she couldn't satisfy the need for something to give her a high. Maybe I was addicted to sex. I'm sure I wasn't because most the time I hated it, but I just felt the need to go get in some random man's or woman's bed and get paid for it. I needed it because it was the only thing that I knew gave me a purpose in this world.
"I'm okay, Louis. I need to go out again. If you go out, just lock the door." I said in a voice that was rushed and a little sidetracked. He nodded and looked me in the eyes like he was afraid of what was wrong with me. I tossed my bag to the side and left the flat before I would have to talk to him. I had done enough talking to Niall, but with one stupid move on my part, I ruined the chance of ever having anyone in my life. It's fine though. I don't need a police officer in my life that will probably just judge me. His words he told me were all lies anyway.
I got to the ally way and pushed past any fear I had that I would get raped again. That wall just had that Niall just started to crumble through was watched back up as I told myself emotions weren't something I even owned. A car honked then parked. I watched a middle aged woman get out of her car and walk over to me. She wasn't very pretty, but then again the only person I've ever thought to be pretty was Niall.
"It need some help fixing my car. You can help me, right?" She asked me. I nodded only when she slipped me some money. I followed her over to her car and looked around before getting in. She drove us to a motel room and parked her car out front of it.
Both of us went inside the dark room. I got down to business by taking my shirt off and looking over at her. She told me she wanted me to do it rough and me take full advantage of her. So I did just what she said.
I saw the money on the bed side and knew that's what I was doing this for. That was my purpose of life. Niall doesn't know me, telling me I'm more than what I'm doing right now. I'm not more than anything. I'm as much as I'm getting paid for fucking this woman I don't know. Either way, with or without this, I'm worthless.
A/N: look at that fan art I found! I don't know who drew it so no credit goes to me, but it's a visual to the beginning of this chapter. I think it's so sweet! Who is your favorite actor/actress?!?!?!? Comment/Vote!
-Bri;)