Edited - 7/27/19
Luke
After the waiter has brought us our food, I tried to make decent conversation with Calum. I really did. So far, it was okay. But neither of us could ignore the tension in the air. I knew it was my fault, saying all those stuff, but it was only because I honestly couldn't deal with the fact that he does know me, and he does remember things about me no matter how long ago I told him these things.
It hurt. A lot. Because it made me remember how close we actually used to be.
And now we couldn't even look each other in the eye.
"So, um," I decided to ask the question I've been debating to ask after swallowing the food in my mouth. "Did you really like her?" We were previously talking about the things Leila told him while they were still going out.
Calum thought about his answer for a moment before he shrugged. "I'm not sure. I mean, I liked Leila a little, obviously, but when her," Calum made a disgusted face. "Boyfriend, answered the phone and told me to stop bugging her, I felt more pissed than heartbroken."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, but it's probably because she hasn't tried to contact me for over two weeks."
My eyes widened a bit. "Two weeks?"
"Yup," Calum nodded, sipping his drink. "Two weeks she didn't text or call. She didn't answer any of my messages."
I blinked. "Was that the reason you.. didn't bring her up earlier?" When Calum mentioned that he had a girlfriend and his manager, Patricia, seemed like she forgot all about it, of course it came as a shock to me. Usually you'd discuss these things thoroughly before bringing in another celebrity into the equation.
"Yeah. We never officially broke up, so I thought we were still together. I guess it is true that having no communication whatsoever makes you forget about a person, or at least makes you brave enough to do things with other people like you're single."
I stopped poking at my food, slightly lowering my utensils.
Calum noticed immediately, unfortunately. Damn him. "Shit. Luke, that's not what I—"
"No, it's fine." I cleared my throat, forcing myself to lift my head and showing him a smile. I just needed to get through this date without snapping. "Anyway," I cut him off before he could even speak again since I could tell he wanted to explain some more. He winced, but kept quiet. "How's your family?" Small talk was definitely the safest way to go.
He still seemed a little guilty, but I didn't care as long as we got through this date. "They're, uh, they're good. Mali-Koa graduated from uni a few weeks ago, and she's living with her boyfriend."
"That's great! I'll be sure to congratulate her." Whatever happened between me and Calum, Mali-Koa was always nice to me. She texted me from time to time, just asking how I was. It was always never about Calum, she never brought him up which I was thankful for. She just sent quick messages about how she saw me at one of the billboards she passed by or about the movie she saw starring me.
"She misses you." Calum added, catching me by surprise. "Mom and dad too, actually. Whenever they watch one of your movies they try to ask me how you are. I always tell them you're busy."
"You didn't tell them what happened?" I asked, my eyes remaining of my food.
His silence confirmed my thoughts. Of course they didn't know what happened.
"I'm sorry."
I kept my tongue from replying how I've heard that sentence way too many times from him. "We're all sorry about something, right? Let's just let it go." I took a sip of my drink in order to have an excuse to do something. Calum was eyeing me, which made me feel even worse.
But I knew that I wasn't capable of just letting it go. We didn't speak for 3 years, that should've been enough time for me to stop thinking about him, but I didn't. I couldn't.
A few more minutes of painful silence with Calum asking questions and me giving him short answers, we finished eating and asked for the bill. Calum insisted on paying, and so did I. We argued about it for at least five minutes, until he quickly slipped his money into the bill and handed it to the waiter.
We got up and as we were walking, Calum leaned his mouth closer to my ear. "Should I hold your hand?" He whispered. Goosebumps erupted on my skin but I didn't let it show.
"Yeah, I guess." I replied in a steady voice. As we neared the double-doors, he didn't hold my hand, but instead he wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me close to his chest. I ignored the hitch in my breath and continued my pace, keeping my face neutral as Calum opened the doors.
Security were pushing the paparazzi back but it didn't stop them from taking pictures. I kept my gaze on the ground, determined to just get to the car when Calum leaned closer again, his lips brushing against my ear as he whispered his words again.
It was intimate, something a real couple would do. I'd applaud Calum if I weren't just itching to put at least a foot of space in between us.
"You could smile, you know."
The flashes seemed to never end.
I turned my head towards Calum as we continued to walk towards his car. I flashed him a toothy grin, trying to make it seem a little realer than it felt. Years of acting came in handy for that.
He smiled back, his much more effortless than mine.
I wished I hadn't seen that stupid smile.
Because he used to smile at me like that. All the time. But.. with a bit more twinkle in his eyes.
His dimples, the way his eyes scrunched at the side, it wall all too familiar.
It brought me back to when we were both ten years-old, the day we first met. He had just moved into the house beside mine, and while his family had been busy carrying the boxes inside their new house, Calum was sitting on the sidewalk with his face in his palms and a distant look in his eyes. I was a very curious kid, and I guess that was the reason I had gathered the courage to exit my house and walk towards the stranger and sit down beside him. His parents had been busy, but I caught Mali-Koa was eyeing us from inside through the window.
"Why do you seem so upset?" Were the first words to exit my mouth. I had expected him to turn his head towards me, maybe even spare me a glance, but he kept his face forward when he replied. "I didn't want to move. I liked where I used to live. I had friends. And I liked my old school. Now, I feel like poop." The kid was pouting, his eyebrows had knotted together in what seemed to be annoyance. He hadn't been annoyed at me, at least, I thought he wasn't. "I'm sorry, I guess." My old self mumbled. "But, I'm sure you'll feel better soon. This place isn't bad, plus there's a basketball court. The other kids aren't that bad, either. I'm sure you'll find something you'll like."
That was when 10 year old Calum turned towards me, and I visibly noticed his eyes widen a little. He stared at me, full on stared, as if he couldn't believe that I was the person sitting next to him the entire time.
"Uh-huh." Calum had nodded once he snapped out of it. "I guess. Hey, where do you live?"
"Just beside your house."
"Well, maybe I will find something I like here." Then he had smiled at me, and it was awfully similar to the smile he gave me earlier.
I was so distracted I didn't realize that the car was moving and that we were on the road. "You alright? You looked like you zoned out for a bit." Current Calum, the one seated at the driver's seat, looked genuinely worried.
"M'fine." I mumbled.
"Do you mind if we stop by Dave's office?" Calum asked, his eyes never leaving the road once. My eyebrows furrowed together. "Why would you need to stop by my manager's office?"
"He texted me and said that he needed to talk to me about something. Um, privately."
"Yeah," I swallowed the lump in my throat at the sudden thought of what Dave could have wanted to talk to Calum about. "It's fine. I'll just wait in the car." We weren't far from Dave's office actually, but the drive seemed to last longer than usual. "You sure?"
"Yeah. I need a break anyways." I was telling the truth, let Calum make of it what he will.
He didn't say anything and drove in silence, the faint music coming from the radio the only thing breaking the silence. When we arrived, I didn't look at Calum, and he didn't look at me. He exited the car and locked it with his keys, even though I was capable of doing that.
When I saw him enter the building out of the corner of my eye, I let out a long breath and slumped in the passenger seat. I turned up the radio, just to keep myself distracted. The song that was currently playing was about to end.
"That was a song by Ariana Grande, the second most top requested song for this evening." The radio host or DJ, whatever the technical term was, spoke in a smooth voice. "Up next we have our listeners' most requested song for the evening. Now, I only heard this song a few days ago, but I absolutely loved it and I guess you all do too! Here's Close as Strangers by 5 Seconds of Summer."
And even though Calum wasn't in the car, I just couldn't catch a break. "Of course it is."
Six weeks since I've been away,
And now you're sayin' everything has changed,
And I'm afraid that I might be losing you.
I knew it was Michael singing. I knew the lyrics. I knew what came next.
I've heard this before.
I've heard this before it was even released with the album.
And every night that we spend alone,
It kills me thinking of you on your own,
And I wish I was back home next to you.
I knew I should change the channel. Maybe turn off the radio. My hands stayed frozen.
Oh, everyday,
You feel a little bit further away,
And I don't know what to say.
Are we wasting time?
Talking on a broken line,
Telling you I haven't seen your face in ages.
I feel like we're as close as strangers.
Won't give up,
Even though it hurts so much.
Every night I'm losing you in a thousand faces,
Now it feels we're as close as strangers.
I was utterly pathetic, really. My parents would be so disappointed at me. I couldn't even turn off the damn radio.
Late night calls and another text,
Is this as good as we're gonna get?
Another timezone taking me away from you.
I take a deep breath and closed my eyes. Calum's voice.
Living dreams in fluorescent lights,
While you and I are running out of time,
But you know that I'll always wait for you.
I could feel the tears prickling in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I refused to cry here. I refused to cry over a song I couldn't turn off; a song written by Calum years ago, before all this shit happened between us.
On the phone I can tell that you wanna move on,
Through the tears I can hear that I shouldn't have gone,
Every day gets harder to stay away from you,
Six months since I went away,
And I know everything has changed,
But tomorrow I'll be coming back to you.
The song finished and I opened my eyes, letting my head fall sideways until it hit the passenger side window.
That was enough for one night.