"I knew you could do it," Peter said, sitting down with Calum to a late breakfast in the dining hall.
Calum raised an eyebrow. "What? Make it four days?"
Peter nodded. "I thought that you might get too far in yourself like you tend to do and overthink everything, but you made it." He gave Calum a thumbs-up.
Calum poured milk over his cereal. "It was hard. I can't stop thinking about him. Peter, I'm going to see him in less than an hour. What am I going to say?" He picked up his spoon and took a bite. It was cardboard compared to the breakfast Michael had made him.
"I have no idea. I mean, you're obviously going to talk about Thursday night."
"Mhm."
"About what you did."
"Yeah."
"About what that means for you two."
"Yep."
"About how you could possibly want to move ahead."
"Yep."
"How you want to sleep with him."
"Ri—" He breathed in his food. Choking, regaining his composure, he put his spoon down and rested his hands on the edge of the table. "Pete."
"Am I incorrect?"
Calum clicked his teeth, looking around. "I haven't thought about it."
Peter rolled his eyes. "That's a lie. An unconscious lie, but a lie."
Calum took a deep breath.
"I've only seen him up close in a headshot but let me guess. His eyes—you constantly look at his eyes. He has broad shoulders so I bet you imagine what they look like shirtless. And—oh, right. His hands. Oh, yeah. I bet you look at his hands and his fingers and think about what he'll—"
"Stop!" Calum almost shouted. He looked around again, bright red, hoping no one was listening. He lowered his head a little. "I thought you didn't want to think about details, Peter," Calum whispered harshly.
Peter smirked at him. "Just saying. I know you've thought about it."
Calum sighed. "Maybe I have."
"And you do want to."
Calum shook his head, not answering. "You're my best friend, Peter, but I don't think this should be a topic for us."
"No, I agree. It's something you have to mention to him. Well, he'll probably mention it to you."
Calum rubbed his face. "Oh, man. What's happening."
"You're tumbling."
"Tumbling?"
"Yeah. Not quite falling yet. But almost."
Calum sighed again. "Right."
"I usually am."
Calum rolled his eyes.
"Now eat so you can get on your bus and go see him."
Calum did as Peter said.
...
Calum got to the lecture hall a few minutes early. He had his headphones in, listening to All Time Low, when he pulled open the door and stepped inside.
The hall was completely empty, save for Luke pacing the front by the board. He heard the door open and looked up, freezing in place, seeing Calum standing there. He smoothed his shirt and waved.
Calum took out his headphones, rolling them and putting them in his backpack as he walked up to Luke. "Did I miss something?"
"I cancelled class." Luke looked like he didn't know what to do with his hands. Calum thought about what Peter had said and tried to push it out of his mind.
"I didn't get an email."
"I went through the roster and sent it to everyone but you."
"Is that even allowed?"
"I don't know."
They just looked at each other for a moment.
All at once, Calum wanted to just step forward and kiss Luke as hard as he could. Screw it if someone came in here by accident. Luke looked amazing and his eyes and his hands and... But he also looked really anxious. Nervous. Scared. Calum understood that Luke had done this so they could have all the time they needed to talk to each other. He calmed himself down.
"So I guess we're here to talk," he said.
Luke swallowed and nodded. "Well...if you wanted to go to my office, we could do that too. I just...wanted time."
"Sure. I like your office. It's comfortable. In multiple ways."
Luke nodded again. "Okay."
They were in their respective positions on the couches, like always.
Neither of them knew how to start.
Calum could tell how uncomfortable Luke was. Luke looked like he had a million things running through his mind right now. And Calum did too, but Calum had been right—the tables turned, and their positions switched. Calum was more confident now, and Luke was entirely out of place. Maybe they should begin with something less touchy.
"So, Feldmann is in two weeks. That's crazy," Calum said.
Luke tried to hide his relief. "I know. I'm excited to see you and Michael. We still have that last practice on Thursday though."
Calum nodded. "Right. Do they do the same pairings?"
"No. Different ones than last time. For variety, I suppose."
"Right. Makes sense."
"Yeah. I got paired with Ashton once, for the first practice I think. God, he crushed me."
Calum smiled. "Like if they'd paired me with Michael. Would've been just the same."
"You're even better than you think, Calum."
"But Michael is even better than that."
Luke shrugged. "Maybe. We'll see how it goes on Thursday." He gave Calum his first smile of the day, and Calum was more than happy to return it. The air cleared.
Calum took a deep breath. "We need to talk about it."
Luke nodded quickly. "I know."
"What you said. About how you feel about me. Do you still feel that way?"
Luke looked at his hands. "Of course."
"Okay. So do I. More so, I think."
Luke looked up at him, some strange expression of disbelief on his face, as if he couldn't believe Calum could really feel that way about him. "Oh."
Calum nodded. "Do you regret what happened?"
"Never."
Calum suppressed a grin. He liked that he was directing this conversation. He liked that Luke's brief answers said more than full sentences ever could. "And neither do I. So then...you want to continue? With this?" He drew his finger between the two of them.
Luke nodded. "Yes. I do."
But now came the hard part. "Are you worried?"
Luke rubbed his eyes, and to Calum it made him look younger. "Yes. I'm so worried. I don't want anything to happen to you. And I want to make sure that this is completely mutual and that I'm not somehow forcing—"
"It is. I promise."
"Okay. I don't want you to get in trouble."
"You could lose your job."
Luke waved his hand in the air: Whatever. "You could get kicked out of football and maybe even the school and I don't know how that might affect you later. I'm set. I have the life I have. But you're still getting there and I don't want to fuck it up."
Calum thought for a while. One, these were real concerns but he didn't think it could be all that hard to hide this. Look at Ashton and Michael. Two, Luke really cared about him: his intelligence, his career, his happiness, his well-being. Everything. It made his heart too big for his chest.
"I'm a little worried too. But...I think we can do this. I think it's going to work out. If we try. And if we're careful. As much as I want to just go, I know that I can't because it's dangerous."
"Go?" Luke asked, a blush creeping up his neck.
Calum smiled and looked away. "Yeah. But we can't."
Luke glanced over at the lock on the door to his office. No. It's not safe. He's right. Just... "Would you maybe want to stay at my place this weekend?" His heart was beating out of his chest. He couldn't believe he'd just said that. Oh God. He wasn't ready. Maybe Calum wasn't even ready. What if Calum said no? He was asking too much, too soon. Too fast. Oh Jesus...
"All right. I would like that."
Really? "You would?"
"Yes."
"And you're not...you don't think—"
"I think it's the perfect idea." He smiled softly at Luke.
Luke blinked a few times. "Um...okay."
"Friday's a holiday," Calum said, and grinned.
Luke blushed. "Oh that's...a coincidence."
"Mhm."
"So after Thursday's practice..."
"I'll bring a bag."
Luke wanted to lie down and stare at the ceiling and let everything wash away from his body and mind so he could just think about what just happened. "Okay."
"Okay. Good."
Good. He said good. He thinks staying with me for three days is good.
"That actually went faster than I thought." Calum looked at the clock, then back at Luke, who wasn't saying anything. He looked dumbfounded. "Well...I'm excited."
Luke looked at him, eyes wide. "For staying with me?"
Calum laughed. "Yes."
"Are we...going to...?"
Calum stood, shaking his head and laughing quietly, pulling on his backpack. He liked that Luke couldn't say it. He stood in front of him, Luke's face at the level of his belly button. "If you want to."
Luke stared up at him. He nodded.
Calum wanted to lean down and kiss Luke. Well, he wanted more than that, but kissing Luke was a reasonable action right now. But he didn't. He also wanted to wait.
Luke's collar had folded under itself. Calum reached out and fixed it. Luke swallowed, turning his face from Calum's hand.
"You need to iron your shirts," Calum said.
Luke blinked. "I don't have an iron."
"Buy one. I'm going to head to practice early. I'll see you Thursday, Luke." Luke started to reach his arms up to Calum but Calum turned and went to the door. "Have a good day," he said.
Luke's voice came out raspy. "Okay."
Calum smiled at him and left.
Luke sat there, unmoving. What just happened? Calum was coming to stay at his apartment for three days. What were they going to even do? Well, Calum had said that if he wanted to... He did want to. But he was scared. And he needed to clean his kitchen. And his bedroom. They were just going to sit and talk about nothing and Luke wanted that more than anything but he didn't want to be awkward. He was going to be awkward. But he didn't think Calum would. Maybe he'd figure out a way to be comfortable. He wanted to be there—not just physically but really there, to see Calum and speak to Calum and hear Calum and be with Calum. All he wanted was to be there with Calum. That would be enough. Anything above that was silver lining. He hoped there would be a lot of silver lining.
He considered calling Ashton, but then he realized he wanted to wait to tell Ashton in person. He stood up, put his hands on his face and shook his head really hard. When he stopped, he was still in his office, not awake in his bed from some dream. He got his bag from the couch and decided he was going to go home and get everything ready early. Work didn't matter for the next two days—just preparation. And then for the three days after that, just Calum.
...
"This is going to be absolutely fantastic," Ashton said.
"Calum's going to crush it," Luke replied, nodding.
"Ah, but Michael doesn't even have to try."
They were in the audience in Feldmann.
Luke glanced sideways at Ashton. "Calum's catching up. I'd say he's nearly there."
"I'd agree."
They both smiled.
The judge spoke to the boys, who were standing up at their individual podiums at the final practice on Thursday, paired by chance. "Now, today, as in the last practice, we'll be allowing you to choose your sides. Just know that in the final competition you will be designated pro or con. Here's your topic: the concept of a just, utopian nation typically revolves around government and degree of freedom of the people. Debate whether you believe government is an essential factor or a negative influence upon a just society. You're free to discuss your positions."
Before Calum could even turn to talk to Michael about it, Michael said, "I'll be taking pro—for government. I'm happy to go first."
Great, Calum thought. But he knew he shouldn't have thought Michael would give him any sort of chance at winning. Michael knew what side he wanted, and by God he was going to have it. At least Calum would be speaking last. Calum wasn't even mad. He should be that confident. Oh well. Next year. "Of course. I'll be con."
"Very good. It works the same as always and will be the same at the final. You have five minutes to prepare your points, and will have five more to prepare your rebuttal after two rounds. Good luck. Your time begins now."
They both began writing notes.
"Ash! That was our topic," Luke whispered.
"I know. How crazy is that?"
"I mean...remember when we were doing that? Was that freshman or sophomore year we got paired?"
"Sophomore I think. I remember winning."
Luke snorted. "Yeah. So do I." He wiggled his legs a bit. "I'm so excited."
"Like I said—gonna be great."
Luke looked over at Ashton. Ashton brought his hand up to adjust his hat. Luke noticed something. "Did you help Michael dye his hair today, Ash?" he asked, knowing it probably wasn't the case.
Ashton had red dye staining the creases in his hands. He glanced up at Michael's newly red hair, then back at his hands, pressing his lips together, trying not to laugh, and folding his palms in his lap. "Sure. Let's say that." He glanced sideward at Luke, who raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms. Ashton sighed. "It's his birthday."
"Yeah?" Luke loved that Ashton got shy when he talked about Michael. He still thought Michael and Ashton had one of the best relationships he'd ever seen. He paused, tilting his head. "You give him anything?"
Ashton shook his head and giggled quietly, blushing. "Everything he asked for."
Luke let out a bark of a laugh that resounded all too loudly through the auditorium. He lowered his head, hoping no one was looking at him and, still laughing, mumbled, "Well, I'll be sure to tell him happy birthday when we're done."
"Hey, I'm not the only one who likes to put my hands in someone else's hair."
Now Luke blushed, remembering Calum that night they'd kissed. Remembering what was going to be happening right when this practice ended. He looked up at Calum, watching him scrawl notes for a moment. He looked back at Ashton. "I should tell you something."
"What? Did something else happen?"
Luke licked his lips. "Not yet."
"What do you mean?"
Luke looked around. Of course, no one was listening. Still, he leaned even closer to Ashton, lowering his voice further. "He's...staying with me this weekend. Right when practice is over."
Ashton's mouth dropped open. "Luke!" he barely whispered. "So you finally talked."
Luke nodded. "On Tuesday."
"You didn't tell me."
"I wanted to wait until I was standing—sitting—in front of you. I don't know."
Ashton shook his head. "That's, what...three nights? Four?"
"He'll probably go on Sunday. So three."
"Still. What are you going to do? Do you think you'll, you know?"
"That's...sort of why I invited him. Well, I mean, no that sounds bad. I wanted to just spend time with him. Be with him. But I also want to."
"Of course you do."
Luke nodded. Yes. He did want to be with Calum in the closest way possible. And Calum had said that if he wanted to then they could. It had been a long time for Luke. He couldn't even imagine how Calum would—
"Don't think of it now," Ashton said.
Luke shifted in his seat. "I'm not."
"I can see it in your face."
"I didn't even blink."
"You got the stare, Luke. All the way through that wall over there and out into the horizon. Don't think of it. Wait until it happens."
Luke sighed. "He's so young. What'll he be like?"
Ashton smiled. "Well, if he's anything like Michael."
Luke blushed again. "I don't think he is. Maybe stamina wise. But not...God. What am I even saying?"
"It's so great how awkward you are. You're awkward and he's shy. That's perfect. You have such a weightless thing between the two of you."
"As opposed to?"
"Michael and I are constantly heavy. That sounds funny, like I'm only talking about sex, but I mean really all the time. Heavy in a way that everything is tactile and everything has density. I can feel him around the corner, closing in on me, whenever he's there. Any time we're together we are metaphorically right on top of each other. He knows what I'm thinking and I know what he's thinking and some days we won't say a word to each other but we'll know exactly what's going on in our heads and between us. But you'll be sitting on your couch and Calum will suddenly come up behind you and you'll smile and never even know what hit you. And you'll talk all the time and sometimes it'll be about nothing but sometimes it'll be really important and yet it will be light. You're unbearably light. Michael and I are constantly charged while you and Calum are perpetually smooth, even with your awkward rough patches. Michael and I are obsidian; you and Calum are vapor. I mean...it's pretty wonderful."
Luke chewed his lip out of habit. He looked up at Calum again. He was nodding down at his sheet of paper, preparing his argument in his mind. "Oh. How do you know?"
"It's just in you. You simply are."
"You make it sound a cleaner thing than it is."
"You'll get there. You two are weird right now because you got cut off. You're momentum was broken, but you're going to get it back tonight."
Luke swallowed. "Tonight."
Ashton nodded. "I'd think so."
"Oh."
"Do you hope so?"
Calum suddenly looked up, catching Luke's eye. He smiled and looked back down at his notes.
Luke felt something hot bloom in his stomach, then condense and radiate cold out into his fingertips, making his skin raise in goosebumps. He hugged himself. "Yes. I hope so."
"Well, then. I only have one thing to say."
"Time," the judge said, putting up his hand.
Michael and Calum looked up.
"What's that?" Luke asked.
Michael took a moment to meet Ashton's gaze. And Ashton spoke to both his lover and his best friend: "Make it happen."
The first two rounds of their debate—where they gave their points on the topic—flew by in an instant. It was clear that Michael and Calum were neck and neck, fighting to get ahead of each other. Michael had given his two points that government is good because it brings order and stability to a society and its systems—economical, judicial, whatever. He'd brought up Plato's Republic as one of his examples, thinking back to one of the earliest manuscripts on a just city, impressing both Luke and, Luke thought, the judges. Calum had given his two points that lack of government is good because it allows for decision making by the people without the overarching influence of an individual or group of individuals that may have ulterior motives. He'd used Switzerland's government as an example—a country where all the people form consensus on policy initiatives directly. It was a good choice. Luke was proud of him, as always.
And now Luke was sure they'd both reverse their arguments for the rebuttal, explaining not why their side was good, but why the other side was bad. That was the way he would have done it.
The judge called time on their five minutes for rebuttal notes. Calum looked over and gave Michael a smile. Luke thought it was sweet—yes, they were competing, but that didn't make them enemies. Michael did not return the smile, only stepped up to the podium, adjusting his shirt.
"He's not trying to be mean," Ashton whispered. "He's just under the curtain. He doesn't leave until he's done for good."
"I understand." Still, he felt protective of Calum. But he knew Michael was a good guy. He sat on his hands so he wouldn't fuss with them.
Michael put his hands together, lacing his fingers, and rested them on the podium.
"What my opponent describes—what is found in countries like Switzerland or even communities like ancient Athens—is known as a direct democracy. The issue with this is that a direct democracy may not have a president or a congress like a representative democracy, but it is still a form of government, albeit a loose one that does, as he stated, include the people in all decisions. But what might happen if no final decisions on foreign policy or law or domestic affairs were made by any form of group? What might a nation be like if every individual decided they had free reign over themselves and every action they took and decision they made?
"The term defined as complete lack of government is anarchy."
Ashton was nodding. Luke knew that was a good line—it was completely factually correct, but it also made the audience think about all the other things that were associated with the word.
"What connotations exist of this term?"
There it is, Luke thought.
"Disorder. Chaos. Bedlam. Mayhem." He paused, and Luke was jealous of the tactic that he liked to use. Michael did it better. He had a better face for it. "Anarchy.
"The spectrum, at its ends, is easy to define. One end, with total government," he put his left hand out at a right angle, "provides ultimate order and safety, and the least amount of freedom. The other end, with no government at all," now his right hand, "provides endless individual freedom but fails to create any form of order and has no resources to provide the people with anything, much less safety. Anarchy is, in essence, utter disorder. For a just nation to be a possibility, a government..."
Luke's mind started tuning out. He sat there, thinking about how soon it was until he was entirely alone with Calum, with no chance of someone coming in and catching them, no chance of the rain falling through the window and stopping things. He was staring at Calum, but he didn't realize it.
Things, scenes, moments, flashed through Luke's mind. Himself kneeling over Calum like he'd imagined back when he'd first talked to Ashton about Michael. Calum sitting on his couch, clicking through channels on the TV, looking up and smiling when Luke said his name. Luke waking up, rolling over in his bed to find Calum's face right in front of his, eyes closed and cheek squished against the pillow. Calum standing in front of Luke's bedroom window at night, silhouetted by the moonlight, looking out into the world, and Luke saying his name again so Calum would turn around and come back to him.
None of it was real. Not yet. But he could make it that way, if he tried hard enough. Or maybe if he simply stopped trying and let himself go.
"Hey." Ashton nudged him. "Stop it."
Luke blinked. "What."
"Michael's done."
"Oh." He'd spaced out completely, missing the entire second half of Michael's argument. Well, he was sure it was amazing.
And now it was Calum's turn. Luke sat up straighter, as if it could help him hear Calum better. Calum stepped up to the podium, looked at his notes for a moment, and began.
"In 1949, a man named George Orwell wrote an apprisal for the world."
He isn't, Luke thought. Jesus, he is. Where does he come up with this stuff? How does he think so fast?
"He warned of a government both omniscient and omnipotent, of a nation that was oppressively ruled and horrifyingly punished if any of such rules were broken. This nation was Oceania, this government was the Party, headed by one Big Brother. This apprisal was 1984."
Luke was in love. He was absolutely in love. He was in love with Calum's mind and Calum's incredible abilities. That was an amazing introduction. This was something everyone knew, something everyone understood and agreed with on one point—it was awful. 1984 was literally the perfect example; he wished he'd thought of it five years ago. Luke couldn't have thought of a better one himself. Luke understood completely now how Ashton had so easily fallen into Michael's grip. This was what he had felt.
"We know the story: one of bourgeoisie versus proletariat—a government that has brainwashed the people into believing that free thought, free will, and expression of individuality are intolerable through the use of propaganda and all-encompassing conformity. A man breaks from the mold and comes to hate the Party, and believes more and more in a radical group whose aim is to overthrow the government. The man is caught, tortured, and further brainwashed. In the end, he succumbs to the power of the Party and immerses back into the life of the everyday, downtrodden citizen, rewired to love the government that controls him.
"Now, this certainly isn't the sort of government that exists today, but the warning remains clear. Orwell didn't believe that thirty-five years following the publication of his novel the world would be ruled by Big Brother. He simply put out the proclamation that a state like his could easily become reality if man did not become aware of the assaults on his personal freedom by an oppressive governmental form, particularly totalitarianism. Orwell's novel warns against complacency of man under rule by a party that has vast if not total control over all decision-making. It warns against governments that consider themselves—or are even given by the people enough power to decide all policy, and control anyone beneath them.
"It isn't as if governments that suppressed the people have never existed. Consider one of the prime examples: Communist Russia, or the Soviet Union, in which a dictatorial superstructure, a failure to maintain political relations both in and out of the country, and a lack of ability to successfully apply policies and provide an adequate standard of living for the people caused the eventual total collapse of the government itself."
Luke wanted to start clapping already. This was fantastic.
"Or consider a form of government existing within a presently-governed nation: Hitler's Nazi Regime, which we all know persecuted, suppressed, and killed a countless number of races and identities, including the Jewish, Poles and Slavs, homosexuals, dissenting clergy members, Soviet prisoners of war, Communists, Socialists, and even people with disabilities. Hitler's was another totalitarian dictatorship which ultimately failed."
Luke wanted desperately to stand up and applaud his student. Calum was incredible.
Calum casually flipped his notes over. His stage manner made Luke want to take him home right this second. If only he could stay in that mood once this was over.
"Complete lack of government does come with its disadvantages, but that is the fault of individuals, not the system—or lack thereof. The issues surrounding what we might call 'too much' government are far more prominent. When power is put into the hands of a few people as compared to the remaining entirety of the country, decisions are bound to be made, policies bound to be put in place, that disagree with a general opinion. These are the kinds of things that lead to both civil and international war, to social and economic collapse, and to the failure of the government and the nation."
He stepped back to his place.
He'd left off a closing sentence—This is why governments are detrimental to the creation of a just nation—or something like that. And to Luke, it made it all the more effective. He gave the audience space to think, space to realize for themselves what the consequences he presented really meant.
Calum had done an amazing job.
Luke looked over at Ashton, and Ashton gave him a smile. Luke's heart swelled with pride. He couldn't wait until Calum got down from the stage.
The judges spoke to each other for a few minutes, writing a few things down. The middle judge who had given the topic looked up. "Mr. Clifford, is this your first time preparing for this competition?"
Michael nodded. "Yes sir."
"You too, Mr. Hood?"
"Yes, sir."
"And you're both sophomores."
They nodded, glancing at each other.
The judge shook his head. "Okay. Well, we really only have a few notes then. Michael—Republic. Very nice. Linked perfectly with the idea of a just city. Calum, you could have focused a little more on that in your rebuttal. But...Orwell?" He shook his head again, clicking his pen a few times. "Great. Michael, delineating a representative versus a pure democracy—also great. Calum, Soviet Russia. Dictatorial superstructure? Really just...very good."
Luke thought all the very same things. Even those two words Calum had used. It was as if Michael and Calum had majored in every topic they ever talked about, they seemed to know that much.
"Michael, you could have taken the idea of governmental collapse and run with it, because Calum, governmental collapse leading to disorder and the fall of a nation would actually be against your side."
Right. Calum thought he could have worked through that logic a little better. Thank goodness he'd been last or Michael probably would have run with it, all the way to the finish line.
Both boys nodded again.
"Otherwise, um...wow. Thank you, gentlemen. You actually remind us of a pair that were here a long time ago—your age. They teach now."
They glanced at each other again, then out to their teachers, who were both buzzing with pride and grinning over at them.
"Thank you, sir," Michael said.
"Of course. Anyway, very good job. We're all looking forward to seeing you two at the final." The judge gave a little nod and both of the boys lit up, returning their own small thank yous.
They were the final pair of the night, so they came right off the stage to the audience as everyone else made their way out to the parking lot to get picked up by friends or to drive themselves back to their dorms or apartments. Luke and Ashton walked out of their seats into the aisle to meet their boys. They all walked out into the foyer of Feldmann, not speaking.
When they got to the foyer they tucked themselves into a corner and allowed themselves to freak out. Calum immediately hugged Luke as hard as he could. Ashton glanced around for a moment, making sure the coast was clear, before planting a kiss on Michael's forehead. Calum turned and gave Michael one of those sideways high fives—they gripped each other's hands and shook them, grinning.
Michael laughed and said, "I'm not sure I won this time around."
Calum shook his head. "I still think you did."
"It's too close to tell."
Luke and Ashton exchanged looks that said they were ecstatic that Calum and Michael were such good friends.
"Hey," Calum said, remembering. "Why don't you put your number in my phone? We should meet up sometime."
"All right." Michael did.
Ashton looked at Luke, cocking his head to the side at the boys who were paying no attention to their teachers at the moment. Ashton thought at him, You get Calum's number yet?
Luke shook his head. No.
Ashton raised his eyebrows. You should.
Luke crossed his arms. Too nervous.
Ashton rolled his eyes. This weekend.
Luke looked away, back to Calum.
"Cool," Calum said, putting his phone away.
"You both were fantastic. Really, you're doing so well. You might be better than we were back in the day," Ashton said.
"Uh, definitely better than I was," Luke said, looking into Calum's eyes. Calum gave him a small smile. He blushed and looked down. He was getting really nervous again. It was very soon that he would be taking Calum back to his place for three days straight. Three days, and three nights.
Ashton said, "Calum, you seemed really comfortable up there tonight. It's like every time we see you you've leveled up a few times since the last."
Michael nodded.
Calum laughed. "Leveled up. I like that. Thank you. I guess tonight I just...feel really good."
Ashton nodded at him, making it clear that he knew exactly what was going on. Michael raised an eyebrow at Ashton, questioning, making his piercing shift and glint in the light. Ashton gave him a quick look and said quietly, just in case, "I understand. Michael and I are feeling it too. We're so lucky, we get to spend the whole weekend together."
Michael closed his eyes and nodded, knowing, smiling faintly.
Calum blushed, but he was brilliantly happy. He loved that Ashton and Michael were like a distorted mirror of he and Luke—the same, but different. He loved that Ashton and Michael always knew what was going on with them. And he loved that they supported it so well. Of course they did—it was them.
Luke, on the other hand, was dying. He knew that everybody knew what was going on. Why was he the only one that felt so awkward about it? He wished he could just get over himself and throw his everything into this thing he had with Calum. He just wasn't that type of person. The awkwardness would nearly always be there.
"That is lucky," Calum said.
Luke coughed.
"You okay, Luke?" Ashton asked, smirking.
His voice came out raspy again. "Fine. Just fine."
"Good. I think Michael and I will be off. Have a good night, boys."
Michael wiggled his tongue at Calum before he turned and walked out with Ashton to his car. It took everything Calum had not to fall down laughing. Thankfully, Luke hadn't noticed the gesture.
Luke turned to Calum, heart racing. "Do you have your stuff?"
"Oh yeah." He went over to the desk where they sold tickets and pulled a Nike duffel out from behind it. "I asked if I could keep it there." He smiled at Luke.
Luke nodded. "Okay. Do you want to go now or?"
Calum laughed. "What else are we going to do?"
"Right." This was happening. Oh lord. "Right. Okay." He motioned with his hand. Calum shook his head and led the way.
They got in Luke's car and started driving.
"What do you want to hear?" Calum asked, plugging his phone in.
Luke shrugged. "I don't know. Anything."
"Pick something."
Luke sighed. "Play Green Day."
"What song?"
"Calum! Any song."
Calum giggled. "All right. Shuffle it is."
Calum skipped the first one—the second track from Warning. "Poprocks and Coke" came on next.
"Oh, leave it," Luke said. "I love this. This was the first album Ashton ever bought, you know? Like full album."
"Green Day's the best."
"Yeah. You get a song like "Coming Clean" but then one like this but then one like "Hitchin' A Ride" but then one like "On the Wagon." I swear they're the most versatile alt-punk band to ever exist."
"Are you nervous?" Calum decided to ask.
Luke gave a weird laugh. His voice got raspy again. "Am I nervous? Can't you see the electricity coming off me? My nerves are all over the place."
Calum smiled. "I'm not, really."
Luke sighed. He wished he wasn't so nervous but there was no way he could fix it. "I'm going to pass out."
"For real?"
"No. I just...I want this to work."
"It's already working, Luke."
Luke glanced at him. "You think so?"
"I'm staying with you for three days."
"I know you are. I can't believe you are. I can't believe you want to be with me for that long."
And longer. "We're going to just relax and talk and have fun. Okay?"
Luke nodded.
They sat listening for a while. The song changed to "Restless Heart Syndrome".
"Want me to change it?" Calum asked.
"No. It's fine. We're...almost there anyway."
Calum smiled, watching Luke try to keep his composure. "Great."
They arrived at Luke's apartment just before nine. Luke unbuckled and said, "Let me get your bag."
"It's fine, Luke. You don't need to take care of me."
No. It's the other way around. "Okay."
Calum got his duffel and they walked up to Luke's apartment.
Luke paused in front of the door, gripping his key between his fingers. Once this door opens, everything changes. We're no longer teacher and student. We're just Luke and Calum, friends or whatever you want to call us. Once this door opens, we show each other how we really feel. We become vapor, weightless, light. Once this door opens...
"Luke," Calum said. "It's okay. I'm here. You don't have to worry or think about it anymore. You have me. Now."
I have you. You. How? Okay. Just do it. Just... Luke put the key in the lock and turned.
- - - - - - - - - -
Author's Note
Whuh-oh. It's happening, guys. It's happening.
Thank you SO MUCH to those of you who are commenting and leaving votes. It seriously means a lot to me. I've put so much brain power into this, and I love getting your feedback and support.
L
Any quotes, song titles/lyrics, and things of that type are not my work, and I take no credit for them (though I do thank those who made them for their incredible artistry).