Chapter37
"Baby you look fine!" Kimberley sighed. Cheryl looked at her disbelievingly,
"Kimberley don't lie to me! I look anything but fine!"
"I'm not lying. You look gorgeous"
"I look fat!"
"You look pregnant"
"I'm not going! I look like an elephant" Kimberley rolled her eyes and brought a hand to her head to massage her temples,
"Cheryl, it's Nadine's birthday party, we can't miss it!"
"Go without me. Tell her I'm ill or something"
"I'm not lying to her"
"Fine tell her I just didn't feel like it!"
"Cheryl! Stop it. You are coming!" Cheryl shook her head and took off the dress she was wearing, turning her back to Kimberley and replacing it with her pyjama's,
"I'm not going. Go on your own. I'll see you when you get back" Kimberley groaned,
"Fine. I hope you've snapped out of this mood when I get back though otherwise I'm sleeping in the spare room!" She snapped and left the bedroom. Cheryl closed her eyes as she heard the door slam. This was the first time they had argued properly since they got back together. She couldn't help it though. She was now 5 months pregnant and her bump was getting big. She didn't feel like going anywhere anymore and her self esteem was at an all time low. She felt fat and ugly and no amount of reassurance from Kimberley could help her. She lay down on the bed and continued to feel sorry for herself in sience.
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"Oi Oi Kimba. Where's the other half?" Sarah shouted across the room as Kimberley entered. Kimberley rolled her eyes and made her way over,
"Hormones. She's driving me mad. I swear to god, I don't remember being this bad when I was pregnant!" Sarah chuckled,
"Cheryl was overly emotional before she got up the duff...I can't say I'm surprised!"
"I just thought she would make the effort for Nadine that's all" she sighed. Sarah nodded in agreement and dragged Kimberley to the kitchen,
"Get a drink down ya babe. It'll make you feel better" Kimberley shook her head,
"Sarah you know I've stopped drinking until Cheryl is allowed to again" Sarah frowned,
"One won't hurt!"
"The way she is at the minute, it will if she finds out!" Sarah nodded,
"You're alright though aren't you? I mean...you are happy together?"
"Yeah of course! I'm just frustrated that's all. She's convinced that she's unattractive...nothing I do or say convinces her otherwise. That's why she wouldn't come tonight. She got ready and everything but then decided she looked fat and put her pj's on"
"Oh god. And she's only gonna get bigger! Good luck with that babe"
"Yeah thanks" she scanned the room looking for Nadine. When she eventually spotted her, she excused herself and made her way over,
"Happy Birthday Nads!"
"Thanks babe. Where's the pregnant one?"
"She errm...wasn't well" Nadine looked disappointed,
"She's having another fat day isn't she?" Kimberley nodded,
"Yeah...I couldn't get her to leave the house" Nadine sighed,
"Alright. I'm gonna go and ring her ok?"
"Ok but she is in an awful mood Nads so be gentle" Nadine nodded and headed off to her room. She came back with a smile and went straight to the front door to open it,
"You silly cow" she muttered, "You look stunning! As always"
"I think I upset Kimba. Has she said anything?"
"Just that you were in a mood so to tread carefully. What changed your mind then?"
"I didn't want to let you down and I can't hide away for the next 4 months" Nadine nodded and pulled her into a hug,
"Kimberley's in the kitchen" she said as they broke apart. Cheryl nodded and smiled, making her way to the kitchen. She spotted Kimberley straight away, stood in what looked to be a serious conversation with Nicola judging by the worried frown that adorned her face. She leant against the worktop and watched Kimberley carefully. It took a while but Kimberley eventually felt the eyes on her and looked up. She grinned as she saw Cheryl. They smiled at each other as Cheryl made her way over,
"Babe you look amazing" Kimberley gushed. Cheryl smiled nervously but didn't reply,
"I'm glad you decided to come" Kimberley smiled, placing a soft kiss on Cheryl's lips. Cheryl returned it and stroked Kimberley's cheek,
"I'm sorry for being difficult" she said quietly. Kimberley shook her head,
"Babe it's fine, I'm just worried about you"
"There's no need to be. I'm fine"
"Chez you're not fine. I've never seen you so down on yourself"
"It'll be ok"
"Cheryl when was the last time you let me see you naked?" Cheryl blushed,
"It's not been that long" Kimberley raised her eyebrows,
"Cheryl you either keep a t-shirt on during sex or make me turn the lights off. I haven't actually seen your bump yet"
"It's ugly. I have all these stretch marks and I'm getting fat. That's not something you need to see" Kimberley sighed,
"Babe you know I will still want you don't you?" Cheryl looked at the floor, "Cheryl I want you to listen to me now, I love you! I love everything about you. No amount of stretch marks could change that! You're beautiful baby and stretch marks are a natural part of being pregnant. I still have them! They're faded but definately there...they've never put you off have they?" Cheryl shook her head and looked up, tears threatening to spill,
"Let's go to your room" Kimberley whispered, pulling Cheryl through the apartment. She slid the lock on the door behind them and sat on the bed next to Cheryl,
"Babe what's going on?" She asked quietly,
"I just feel so ugly. I can't bare to look at myself, never mind let you look" Cheryl whispered, tears now making their way down her face. Kimberley put an arm around her and pulled her close,
"Cheryl you're beautiful"
"I don't feel beautiful. I'm scared that you'll freak out when you see what's underneath"
"There's only one way to find out" Kimberley mumbled, putting her hand on the back of Cheryl's dress and finding the zip,
"Kimba please don't make me show you" Cheryl pleaded. Kimberley sighed,
"Baby I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to. I promise you that I won't freak out. I won't run away or be horrified or any of the other things you're convincing yourself that I will!" Cheryl nodded slightly,
"Okay"
"I can take it off?"
"Yeah" Kimberley pulled the zip down slowly, gently easing the fabric away from Cheryl's body. Cheryl closed her eyes, not wanting to see Kimberley's reaction. She tensed up as she felt the dress leave her body. Kimberley unclipped her bra and pulled it off and then pulled her panties down. She moved around to the front of Cheryl and pushed her backwards to lie on the bed. She hovered over her slightly and stroked her cheek. She then sat up and looked over Cheryl, running a hand down her upper half,
"Baby you're beautiful" Cheryl squeezed her eyes shut, trying to stop the tears from falling,
"Don't say that"
"It's true! Open your eyes Cheryl" she did as she was asked, albeit reluctantly,
"You are beautiful! You have nothing to worry about at all!" Cheryl shook her head and looked away,
"It's true! You're gorgeous" Kimberley muttered, hovering over her again, her hair falling around their faces. Cheryl looked up at her, her eyes full of uncertainty,
"Babe I swear...you are still as attractive as ever" Kimberley muttered, placing a soft kiss on her lips. Cheryl responded eagerly, slipping her tongue into Kimberleys mouth. They kissed passionately, only breaking apart to get Kimberley's shirt over her head,
"Let me make love to you Cheryl...I want to make you feel good again" Cheryl nodded and pulled her back into a searing kiss. Kimberley slowed it down and tried to put all of her emotion into it. She kissed down Cheryls neck, nibbling and sucking at it occassionally. When she got to her breasts she licked around the nipples. She then breathed cold air onto it causing goosebumps to arise. She paid definate attention to both nipples, causing Cheryl to arch her back off the bed,
"Oh Kimba" Kimberley smiled. This was the first time since before Cheryl's first scan that she had set eyes on Cheryl's upper half, let alone tasted it. She continued her ministrations on Cheryls breasts before moving down to her bump. She ran her hands over it carefully, taking in every bit of it. She felt Cheryl tense up as her fingers grazed over a stretch mark. Lowering her head she placed delicate kisses all along it, doing the same with the others. She then ran her hands over the bump again, placing kisses all over it. Cheryl groaned and tangled her hands in Kimberley's hair. Kimberley smiled and made her way down to where Cheryl needed her the most. She ran her fingers delicately along Cheryls opening causing her to buck her hips,
"Kimba please...I need you inside" Cheryl moaned. Kimberley obliged, inserting one finger into her lover. She flicked her tongue over Cheryl's clit slowly, gradually building up speed. She then inserted another finger into Cheryl causing her to gasp loudly,
"Oh *Duck*...babe harder" she panted, bucking her hips furiously into Kimberley's face. Kimberley did as Cheryl asked and began to pump faster and harder, adding another finger and licking at her hungrily. It didn't take long for Cheryl to come, screaming out Kimberley's name loudly. Kimberley removed her fingers slowly and licked Cheryl clean. She crawled up her body placing featherlight kisses on it as she went, finally landing a heartfelt kiss on her lips. Cheryl responded and smiled into the kiss,
"I told you I wouldn't run away baby!" Kimberley whispered. Cheryl smiled and stroked her face,
"I love you so much Kimberley. I've been getting meself so worked up about how I look and what you'd think that I started to lose meself" Kimberley nodded,
"Well babe, I hope you know now that I still think your irresistible"
"I do"
"Good cause I think most of the party do too!" Kimberley giggled. Cheryl gasped and widened her eyes,
"sh!t the party!"
"Come on...lets get back out there eh?" Cheryl nodded and started to dress herself. Before she could put her dress back on, Kimberley grabbed her around the waist,
"No secrets from now on okay baby? I love you. You could be 20 stone with horns and no teeth and I would still love you!"
"Okay Kimba. No secrets" they shared a sweet kiss before Kimberley helped Cheryl get dressed. They shared a smile before unlocking the door and entering the madness that was the party. Sarah came bounding over with a smirk on her face,
"Notice the loud music?" She winked. Kimberley blushed as Cheryl chuckled,
"You pair of animals! It's a good job I was closest to your room and turned it up before anyone realy noticed!" Cheryl grabbed Kimberleys hand and placed a kiss on it,
"we can't help being madly in love" she smiled. Sarah grimaced,
"I know! It's almost sickening! It's a good job you're both gorgeous otherwise I might actually have serious complaints about how much sex you have!" Kimberley looked at Sarah with a blank expression,
"I don't get it" she said. Sarah laughed loudly,
"Well at least when I get mental images, it's hot!" She winked and walked away. Both women looked at each other and shook their heads,
"If she wasn't so obsessed with men I'd swear she was gay! She gets far too much pleasure out of our sex lives!" Cheryl muttered. Kimberley nodded,
"It is a little bit worrying that she almost gets as much enjoyment out of our sex life as we do!"
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"Nads, thanks for tonight but we're gonna get off babe" Nadine smiled and pulled Cheryl into a hug,
"Thanks for coming babe! Where's Kimberley?"
"She just nipped to the loo. She won't be long" it was well past midnight and although Cheryl wanted to be the life and soul, she was lagging now. She made idle chat with Nadine until she felt an arm wrap around her waist and recieved a kiss on her temple. She smiled brightly and turned to Kimberley,
"Ready now babe?" She asked. Kimberley nodded. They both said their goodbyes and left, hand in hand.
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"Babe?" Kimberley whispered as they lay in the dark. Cheryl rolled over to face her,
"Yeah?"
"What's gonna happen after the baby is born?"
"I'm gonna be less fat" Cheryl chucked. Kimberley shook her head,
"I'm being serious Cheryl"
"I don't know Kimba. You've had two, surely you're more clued up?"
"I meant between us. Are you still gonna be living with Nadine? If you are how often will I see the baby? Cause if it's not much, it could damage the bond" Cheryl sighed,
"I thought we agreed to park this conversation"
"We did but Cheryl you're 5 months gone now and I still don't know what sort of relationship I'm going to get with the baby"
"Well I can't help you with that"
"Are you still going to be at Nadines when the baby's here?" Cheryl shrugged,
"I don't know...I might get my own place"
"So I'm just part time parent then?"
"No Kimberley...I want you to play a big part in the baby's life"
"So move in"
"I don't want to!" Kimberley fought back tears as she heard the words she had been dreading,
"I don't get it. I thought things were going really well"
"Yeah they are and that's why I don't want to move in. The boys don't want me to and things are really good the way they are. Why ruin that?"
"Firstly, the boys do want you to move in. They were just worried to begin with. And secondly, how am I supposed to play parent to the baby if I'm not around it a lot? And how are the boys supposed to get used to having another sibling?"
"I don't know. It'll all fit into place eventually"
"I'm not sure it will Cheryl. There's no way I can act as parent to a baby that I'm only going to see a few times a week!"
"So you'd rather risk our relationship?"
"I don't think it would be. We're stronger than we've ever been now"
"We thought that last time"
"No we didn't. I'd just come out of catatonic shock, you'd been kicked out! Looking back, you moving in here last time was just a way of us keeping an eye on each other"
"Yeah and this time you want me to live here because of the baby. Kimba, there's no point. It'll ruin us. Why can't we just take it at a normal pace? So I don't live her for the first few months after the baby being born...at least when I do, we will both feel ready instead of rushing into it for the sake of the baby" Kimberley sighed and rolled over, her back to Cheryl,
"Okay" she muttered. Cheryl looked across at her lover and felt a pang og guilt,
"Baby I'm sorry...I just want to do things right"
"It's fine"
"But I..."
"Cheryl! It's fine...I'm tired and I want to go to sleep so leave it now ok?" Kimberley snapped. Cheryl felt tears prick her eyes and rolled over so that they were back to back.
"Night then" she mumbled. They lay in silence for what seemed like hours, neither one able to sleep but not knowing what to say. Kimberley knew that she was in the wrong. Forcing Cheryl to move in was stupid and selfish. She didn't want to risk waking the younger woman up though so she just lay in the dark, silently scolding herself. Cheryl didn't know what to do, should she move in for the sake of not arguing? Although she knew realistically that they would be worse off if she did. After 20 minutes she let her tears fall. When Kimberley heard her sniffle, she rolled over and wrapped an arm around her,
"I'm sorry baby. I know you're right. It is too soon"
"I'm sorry too. It's not forever. I just want to do things right this time. Why rush when we have the rest of our lives?"
"I know babe. Get some sleep ok? I love you"
"I love you too Kimberley" they drifted off in each others arms, glad that they had sorted things.
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"Kimba come here quick!" Cheryl shouted through the house. Kimberley entered the living room in a panick,
"Baby what is it?"
"Sit down" Kimberley looked confused but did as Cheryl asked. Cheryl took her hand and placed it on her bump,
"Chez it's kicking!" Cheryl grinned and nodded,
"Yeah babe. That's our little one!" They looked at each other and shared a tender kiss,
"Can I get the boy's in?" Kimberley asked. Cheryl nodded and watched as she left the room only to reappear with Jacob and Daniel,
"Boys, you know Cheryl's got a little baby growing in her tummy?" They both nodded,
"Well the baby is moving now. Do you want to feel it?" Both boths nodded eagerly. Kimberley took their hands and placed them on Cheryl's bump. Jacob laughed when the baby kicked,
"Does it hurt?" Daniel asked. Cheryl shook her head,
"No it doesn't. It feels like butterflies in my tummy" she said with a smile. Jacob looked at Kimberley,
"Mum did I kick you?" He asked. Kimberley smiled at him,
"You did. You both did!"
"Did we hurt you?"
"No baby. Not at all"
"Good" Jacob smiled. He moved to sit on Kimberley's lap and hugged her tightly. Cheryl smiled at the sight and pulled Daniel up onto her own,
"Are you excited to have a new brother or sister?" She asked quietly. He nodded his head,
"Will I get another brother?" He asked,
"I don't know mate"
"Okay then. When will you know?"
"We won't know until the baby is born sweetheart"
"Oh. Is that a long time off?"
"It's four months away" Daniel frowned,
"I will have my birthday first"
"You will"
"Can't the baby come for my birthday?" Cheryl chuckled,
"I'm afraid not. But it won't be too long after" Daniel smiled and wrapped his arms around her neck.
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"Are you still ok to come to the scan babe?" Cheryl asked as Kimberley dropped her off at home. They had taken Daniel and Jacob to the park and both boys were flat out in the back of the car. So instead of coming in, Kimberley was heading straight home,
"Of course. Tuesday at 10 yeah?"
"Yep. I will ring you later. I need to ask you something"
"Okay. Speak to you later" they kissed quickly before Cheryl got out of the car and Kimberley drove off. She unlocked the front door and went straight through to the kitchen. She laughed as she spotted Nadine wretching whilst trying to clean up some sick in the corner,
"What in god's name happened after I left? It was civilised then!" Nadine looked up at her with tired eyes,
"Sarah happened! She started a drinking game" Cheryl grimaced,
"Never good. I'll make a start on the living room babe" They spent the rest of the day tidying up the rest of the house from the party. When they were done they sat down together on the couch,
"Right Cheryl...what's going on?" Nadine asked. Cheryl frowned and looked at her,
"What do you mean?"
"Fat?"
"Oh Nads don't. I've already had all this"
"Cheryl you're probably the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen!"
"Nadine leave it"
"I just don't get it!"
"That's because you've never been pregnant"
"Do you know how worried Kimberley is?"
"Why is Kimberley talking to you about it?"
"Because she's a rubbish liar!"
"Please let it go Nadine. I've had enough this weekend"
"Cheryl...you almost don't turn up to my birthday party, when you do you sneak off with Kimberley and then leave an hour later! That's not like you. I'm worried about you"
"I'm tired. I'm tired, I'm pregnant and I feel grotesque! Your birthday party was the least of my worries!"
"Cheryl have you seen yourself?"
"Yes I have. Please leave it now Nadine! I got enough of this from Kimberley"
"I just want to help"
"So leave me alone! That would be helpful" She got up and went to her room, slamming the door behind her. Nadine looked at the closed door and rolled her eyes, the next four months were going to be hell.
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"Hi it's Cheryl Tweedy, I'm sorry about the short notice but something has come up and I'm not going to be able to attend my scan tomorrow...yeah that's fine. Next Thursday at 2.30? Okay thank you" Cheryl sighed. She had been fighting with herself for hours about changing the scan date. She knew it was harsh but it was dne now. She pulled out her phone,
To: Kimba xx
Hiya babe, the hospital just rang and said they're gonna have to swap my scan date. Something about a double booking. I don't know when the new date is yet but I will let you know xx
From: Kimba xx
Aww I was really looking forward to it. Let me know as soon as you have the new date. I had a nightmare getting tomorrow off so I'll need to ask as soon as possible xx
To: Kimba xx
I will do babe. See you later xx
She threw the phone down next to her and sighed. She knew it was getting out of hand. Her body confidence issues were causing her a lot of problems and now she was lying to Kimberley as well. She hauled herself off the bed and got herself ready for work, glad, for once, that she had to go in. She hoped it would serve as a welcome distraction. The day went slowly and she could only think about Kimberley. They were supposed to be spending the night together but she was wary about it having lied to the older woman. She knew that Kimberley would see right through her. Picking up her phone again, she tapped out another text,
To: Kimba xx
Babe I'm not feeling so good. I'm just gonna go home and get in bed after work. Hope you don't mind xx
From: Kimba xx
Why don't you come here babe so I can look after you? Xx
To: Kimba xx
I think I just need to sleep it off. I will be okay, just need my own bed I think xx
From: Kimba xx
Okay babe. Whatever you feel like xx
Cheryl sighed and got on with her work, feeling incredibly stupid for letting it get this far but not knowing how to turn it around. She got home from work that evening and did exactly what she'd told Kimberley she would. Got into bed and slept. She had the day off the next day so she managed to sleep for a good while. When she woke up, she made herself a brew and some breakfast, collected her post and got back in bed. She spent the day feeling sorry for herself. At half past 3, there was a knock on the door. She groaned to herself but got up to open it anyway. She half smiled when she saw Kimberley on the other side,
"Hey baby. I just thought I'd come and see how you are while the boys are with Justin" she smiled. Cheryl moved to the side to let her in,
"I'm okay" she responded quietly, heading back to the safety of her bed. She sat down on the edge and looked at Kimberley,
"I'm quite tired to be honest" she muttered. Kimberley nodded,
"Have you eaten something proper?" She asked. Cheryl nodded,
"I had some toast this morning"
"Right you get in bed, I'll make you something to eat"
"I don't think I could stomach anything babe"
"You've got to eat Cheryl!"
"I know that! I'm not hungry yet though. I'm going for a shower" she got up and went into the bathroom, leaving Kimberley stood in her room. The older woman frowned and sat down on the bed, scanning her eyes across the room. She frowned when a letter caught her eye. She knew she shouldn't but she picked it up and began to read it,
"Dear Ms. Tweedy,
Following our telephone conversation, this is a letter to confirm that the scan scheduled for,
Tuesday 13th March 2011 at 10am,
was cancelled by,
Miss C. Tweedy during a phonecall on Monday 12th March 2011.
The appointment was rearranged for,
Thursday 23rd March 2011 at 2.30pm..."
Kimberley stopped reading and put the letter on the bed. Why would Cheryl lie about rearranging her appointment? And why had she kept the new date a secret? Would she of even told Kimberley when the scan was? All these questions were running through Kimberley's head at once, preoccupying her to the point she didn't even realise that Cheryl had come back into the room,
"Kimberley?" Cheryl said questioningly. Kimberleys head snapped up and she looked at her girlfriend, fighting the urge to cry,
"Babe what's up?" Cheryl asked worriedly,
"Don't babe what's up me Cheryl! I can't believe after everything we've gone through, you're lying to me again!"
"Lying?" Cheryl gulped. Kimberley shook her head and threw the letter at her,
"Kimberley why are you reading my post?"
"Why did you *Ducking* lie to me Cheryl? Have you changed your mind about me adopting the baby? Or about us?"
"What? No! Course not! It's not like that at all Kimberley"
"You don't get to pick and choose when I'm involved! It's all or nothing Cheryl!"
"Kimberley you're blowing this well out of proportion!"
"Were you going to tell me the date?" Cheryl stayed silent, "Then I'm not blowing this up! You lied to me! Not only that but you tried to cut me out of our baby's life!"
"I did nothing of the sort!"
"You know what, I'm going home! See you soon" she got up to leave but Cheryl grabbed her arm, preventing her from going any further,
"Babe it wasn't like that. I just...god I'm so stupid!" She blinked back tears quickly, knowing that crying wouldn't help the situation, "I didn't want to..."
"What Cheryl?"
"I didn't want to have to pull my top up in front of you!" Kimberley frowned,
"For gods sake Cheryl! I thought we sorted this on Saturday!"
"I feel disgusting! I don't want to eat anymore because it'll make me fatter and I don't want anyone seeing whats underneath my clothes. It makes me feel sick!"
"You need to get some counselling Cheryl"
"No. I'll be fine once I'm not pregnant anymore!"
"You think you're going to drop back into your perfect shape Cheryl? Newsflash...it's never going to happen!"
"No but i'll be better than this"
"So I'm supposed to sit around for four months listening to you harp on about how fat you are and getting pushed away because you won't get help?"
"I'll be better. I promise!"
"You drive me up the wall Cheryl"
"I'm sorry"
"Sorry doesn't take away the lies Cheryl! Sorry doesn't stop me from feeling like sh!t everytime you push me away! If you don't want me at the scan then I won't go but from that point, this is your baby. I'm either all in or not at all!"
"Kimba please try to understand"
"I do understand Cheryl. I've been there. I felt disgusting when I was pregnant with Jacob. And afterwards! I went through hell giving birth to that boy and it took me nearly a year to have sex again! So I do understand! But I'm trying to support you and you're throwing it back at me!"
"I want you there Kimba. I never wanted to push you out...I'm just scared that you'l realise how ugly I am and leave"
"You're not ugly. Not even close. You need to get that out of your head! Bump or no bump, you're stunning. So stop telling me I'm going to leave you and pushing me away and let me love you ok?"
"Ok. I'm sorry. I love you so much...i'm just terrified of losing you"
"You're not going to lose me. I'm here, 100% in love with you. I couldn't leave you if I tried"
"Please never try"
"I won't baby. Come here" Kimberley opened her arms and waited for Cheryl to walk into them. When she did, she wrapped them around her tightly and kissed her on the head,
"I love you" she whispered. Cheryl sniffled and wiped at her eyes, trying to stop the tears,
"I love you too. I'm sorry for lying. I promise it won't happen again"
"Sshhh...come on, lets get you sorted out baby" she sat Cheryl on the bed and sat behind her. Taking the brush and hairdryer, she blow dried her hair in silence. She then unwrapped the towel from around her body. She felt Cheryl flinch when she removed it but tried not to focus on it. She kissed her softly and looked deep into her eyes,
"Baby, I won't look until you feel ready ok?" She whispered, pulling a tshirt from the drawer next to the bed and slipping it over Cheryl's head. Once she had dressed the girl she carressed her cheek softly. She smiled when Cheryl turned her head and kissed her palm softly,
"Are you gonna stay at mine tonight?" She whispered. Cheryl nodded silently,
"Good. Come on"
"Kimba?"
"Yeah babe?"
"Thank you"