A/N: Well, as it turns out, this ended up being the last chapter...didn't want to drag it out or anything and everything got tied up in this chapter. I'm sorry it's so abrupt, but sometimes that's just how stories work. I hope you all enjoyed it, and, depending on how things go, I may be taking a break from my own fics and doing a few collabs in the next couple months. We will see, and I'll keep you all updated on that. Thank you so so much for reading, every read and every comment and every vote mean so much to me, and I hope you guys know how happy you make me with every interaction to this story. All the love, as always xx
~L
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Harry's POV
The rest of my shift was tiring. All I could think about was Louis, and my effort to hold back my emotions while also displaying nothing other than cheerfulness to the customers was taking an extreme toll on me.
Barbara noticed. No doubt my mum had told her what had happened. She tried to send me home, but I refused. I wasn't going to let my feelings get in the way of doing my job, even if I wanted to just go home and cry into a pillow.
It was dark by the time Barbara and I finished cleaning up the store, even though it was only about 7, and I was about to fall asleep on the spot.
"You go home now and get some rest. Christmas is coming in just a few days, you should be celebrating." Barbara said, practically shoving me back into the kitchen to remove my apron. I shrugged and gave her a sad smile.
"I am excited...get to see my sister and my family, but the one...the one person I wanted to spend it with is...yeah. Have a good night, Barbara. See you in two days."
"Goodnight, love. Here, give your mum some of this red velvet cake you made...I'm sure she'd love some." Barbara handed me a bit of cake wrapped up and patted my bum. I pulled my coat out of the storeroom and tugged on a beanie. I was just about to go out the front, since it was faster and the alley behind the shop was creepy, when I heard a loud clang, like someone being thrown against a dumpster.There were yells and jeers that followed, and as much as I didn't want to get caught in the middle of some gang fight, I didn't want Barbara to get hurt if she left the back way.
I opened the back door and the motion-censored light in the alley went on, illuminating the scene before me. Louis was laying on the ground in a defensive position, Simon and the other boys from school standing around him. They all looked up and saw me, not moving a muscle, and every bone in my body was telling me to run, because I knew they hated me, but for some reason, my mind didn't agree with the rest of me. Anger filled me and I didn't even think about what they might do to me, I just stormed over there and started yelling my head off, which wasn't usual for me, but I was so fucking done with them.
"What the actual fuck do you think you're doing? You can't just go beating someone up, no matter what they might have done to you! Do you even know what he's been through? Do you care? You better get your asses off this property before I call the police."
Surprisingly, they scattered, looking back at me with something of awe. Guess they never expected a 16 year old baker to be menacing. I knelt down next to Louis, who was shaking and whimpering uncontrollably.
"Lou...Louis, it's Harry. Can you hear me?" I could hear how my own voice had become soft, and I almost cursed myself for being kind to him, but I knew deep down that I could never be rude to Louis...I loved him too much for that, no matter what he had done to me. Louis'whole body jerked with a sob, but he nodded. I placed a careful hand on his shoulder and he winced horribly, trying to crawl away from me, but I didn't want him to hurt himself, so I held onto him gently, keeping him away from all the broken glass and rocks littered in the alley. His hand shot out and wrapped tight around my wrist and he turned his body towards me, holding onto my jacket for dear life and sobbing into my chest. I didn't want to move him, in case he was hurt, but we couldn't just sit out here in the cold or we would both be in a lot of trouble. Praying that I wouldn't hurt him, I lifted him into my arms and hurried out front to my car. Luckily, I had thought to bring it today.
"Harry...n-" Louis mumbled, but whatever he said next was lost to me, because I was too busy trying to unlock the car while still holding Louis. Every shift of his body in my arms caused him to wince, and all I could think of was how he had just healed from Mark's attacks and now he was probably bruised and battered all over again.
I finally got the car open and placed Louis in the back seat,reluctant to leave him in the state he was in but not having much of a choice. My hands were already starting to go numb with the cold. I hurried around the car and practically dove into the drivers seat, fumbling the keys before finally getting the engine started. I looked back and saw Louis' blue eyes staring at me, wet with tears as his body shook with continued sobs and with cold. I stepped on the gas and headed for Louis' house, not wanting to take him to mine. I wasn't sure how happy my mum would be if I brought my ex into the house after he hurt me the way he did. Jay, on the other hand, might at least let me in the house.
"Harry...please save me..." Louis whispered from the back seat, which was the most clear of a series of mumblings that had been going on, none of which made sense until this one. I swallowed hard, but kept driving until I skidded to a halt in front of Louis' house. The lights on the outside and the tree illuminated in the window gave his house such a homey feeling, but sadly I didn't have the time to truly appreciate it. Louis was practically hyperventilating in the backseat, and I suddenly remembered that he had been thrown in the trunk of a car when Mark had taken him away from me, and I threw the door open, pulling him gently into my arms. I expected him to go limp but he was struggling against me, trying to get away.
"Lou, please calm down...I need to get you inside, love, we'll freeze out here..." I soothed, trying to be gentle with him as I closed the door with my foot and made my careful way up the slick driveway.
"Let me go...please let me go...I want Harry..." Louis cried, and the words punched right through me. He obviously didn't recognize me, or was locked in past memories that had taken over after he had been beaten up in the alley. Now his ramblings in the car made sense...he thought Mark had him again.
I reached the door and kicked it with the toe of my shoe, praying that someone would actually answer. Jay opened it a moment later, and her cheery smile disappeared the moment she saw who it was.
"Get him inside and upstairs...I'll be up in a minute." she said shortly, and I didn't hesitate to get out of the cold, stumbling up the stairs with Louis, trying to jostle him as little as possible. I reached his bedroom and suddenly felt sick. The last two times I had been in this room had both been scenes of terrible things for me...but now was not the time to be worrying about myself. I lay Louis down on the bed and pulled up his desk chair, holding his hand as he cried. He didn't seem to know where he was, but he wasn't letting me go, so I took that as a good sign.
Jay came bursting through the door a moment later and Louis ripped his hand away from mine, curling in on himself. His sobs became audible now and his body was shaking more than it had been when I had found him.
"P-please...please don't hurt me...please..." Louis whimpered, and I moved away from the bed quickly, letting Jay in. She sat on the bed next to Louis and placed her hand on his very gently, not wanting to startle him.
"Lou, baby, it's me. It's Mum...you're alright, you're safe, I promise. It's just me..."
Louis lifted his head from his curled position, his eyes red and wide with fear. "M-mum?"
"Yes, baby, it's me." Jay whispered, her voice catching a bit, and Louis reached for her. Jay gathered her son up in her arms and he held on to her tightly. I swallowed past the lump in my throat with difficulty. Louis was only 18 years old, he didn't deserve to be broken like this...he never deserved it. He deserved to be with his family and happy and never have to worry about being attacked by anyone.
It was a good ten minutes before Louis was calm enough to let his mother go and wipe his eyes. I stood as quietly as I could and started to head out. Louis wouldn't want me here, and if he saw me, he might get upset again and I didn't want to risk it. But, just my luck, I stubbed my toe on the desk and both Louis and Jay looked around.
"I...I was just...yeah, I'll go..." I stuttered, making it to the door before anyone said anything.
"Haz...please don't go..." Louis' hoarse voice reached my ears and I stopped dead, turning to look over my shoulder. Louis' big round eyes were staring at me, and I looked to Jay for confirmation. She nodded, smiling at me kindly, and I walked slowly back into the room.
"I'll go make you some tea, yeah? Hot tea will do you good. Harry..." She came over to me and said in a tone low enough so Louis couldn't hear her. "Thank you...I know that he, umm, said some things to you and I would completely understand if you had just left him...but thank you so much for bringing him home. I shouldn't have sent him back out on his own..."
"It wasn't a problem...I couldn't just leave him out in the cold...and he was scared...I just..."
Jay placed a hand on my shoulder, looking at me sadly. "I know, Harry. I understand."
She left the room and I just stood there awkwardly, watching as Louis pulled himself under his covers, still dressed, and chewed on his bottom lip, not looking at me.
"Louis, if you want me to leave, please just tell me to leave. Let's not make this any more painful than it has to be."
"No, Harry, please...I'm sorry."
I looked at him with confusion. He hadn't even answered my question, but gone straight to the apologies.
"Harry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for treating you like shit when we first met. I'm sorry for not being the best boyfriend I could've been when we were together. I'm sorry I let him take me away from you and I'm sorry that I let him hurt you. And I'm sorry for breaking up with you. I didn't mean it, I didn't want to do any of it, and I know you wont forgive me but at least I can say that I tried to get you back."
His eyes were filled with fresh tears but he wasn't letting them fall. I, on the other hand, just stood there, tears running silently down my cheeks. I wanted to believe him so much. I wanted him back. I wanted to feel his warm arms around me, I wanted to get to know every inch of his body again, I wanted to protect him from bad dreams and people that wanted to hurt him. But that was just it...I couldn't. I didn't deserve someone like Louis, someone who, even through his own rough life, could be so kind and show so much love, to someone else. I wasn't worth of the Louis I knew, and I didn't want to risk bringing out the Louis that he used to hide how he really felt.
"Lou...I want to believe you...but I...I don't know, okay? This is really hard for me..." I mumbled, wanting to be at least slightly truthful with him, since he was doing so with me. Louis swallowed, a few tears dripping onto his cheeks.
"You don't deserve what I did to you...You're fucking 16 years old, I'm so sorry...You don't deserve to be treated how I was treated when I was 16...that's not...If I ever did...I..." He shook his head at himself, looking away from me.
At that moment, Jay came back in with two mugs of tea and set one on the desk, going around the bed to hand Louis his. Louis took it and pecked his mother's cheek. As she made her way out of the room, she said in a side-whisper to me,
"The spare room is set up if you'd like to stay. I already told Anne where you were...not that she was too happy about it, but she agreed that if it was necessary, you could stay here."
I gave her a small smile but shook my head. If I stayed...I might give in to Louis, and I couldn't let myself do that. She nodded in understanding and left the room, leaving me and Louis alone once more. Louis looked back up at me, sipping from his tea even though it was scalding hot.
"H, I really am sorry and if I could take it back I would and I know I keep saying it but I can't stop until I know that you don't hate me."
"Louis, I never hated you. How could I hate you? You are the only person that ever made me feel special, like I was worth something. Sure, I have Liam, but...it's different with you. And I'm scared...I'm scared for you because Mark broke you and I want more than anything to put you back together and hold you until you aren't afraid anymore, but I can't. I'm not worth your time...I can't help you anymore...and I'm sorry...I have to go..."
"No, Harry, please don't leave..." Louis begged, but I had to. I had to leave. I fumbled with my coat and walked quickly out, just needing to get away before I caved and ran back to him and kissed him till my lips were dry. I ran out the front door, and to my car, and I drove away until I got home. I didn't speak to anyone as I let myself in and went up to my room. And that night, I just lay there in bed, staring at the ceiling and wishing more than anything that I had stayed with Louis.
Louis'POV:
"C'mon, Lou! The party is starting in fifteen minutes! I need your help setting out the food!" My mum called from down the stairs, and I sighed, standing up and checking myself in the mirror. My tie was very Christmas themed and looked good against the dark green of my shirt. That was tucked into skinny jeans and my hair was in a messy fringe...it was the best I had looked all break, and I hated it.
It had been two days since Harry had run out on me for the second time, and if I was being honest, I wasn't faring any better than I had been before I apologized. If anything, I just felt worse, because I knew that we would never be able to fix this. He thought it was his fault, I knew it was my fault, and neither of us was going to back away from our own claim. This was fucking stupid and I hated myself for ever letting him go. I had let the one good thing in my life go, and even after trying to make it right, I was still a failure.
I sighed and brushed a bit of my hair out of my eyes, heading downstairs to help my mum. All of my sisters were flitting in and out of the kitchen, dressed in sparkly dresses and nice shoes. Our annual Christmas party was always a dressy affair, and though this year we would have much fewer people (Mark's family had always come, and they had made up the bulk of the guests), all of the Tomlinsons were coming, as well as a lot of my mum's friends.
"Here, Lou, love, take this cake out and put it in the center of the table, would you?"
I took it out and placed it where she told me to and then went back, where she then handed me a platter of cupcakes. I swallowed hard, seeing that they were the ones Harry made, but didn't let any of the emotion show on my face. I organized them on the table and sat down in one of the comfortable armchairs. My stomach was in knots now, this close to the party. My mum had only told me three hours ago that she had invited Anne and Gemma and Harry to the party before I had broken up with him, and she wasn't about to take back their invitation. That meant that Harry was going to be here any minute and I'd have to stand there and look at him being happy without me, just like he wanted. But I shouldn't care. It had been my fault for driving him away, so I deserved this pain.
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An hour later, the party was in full swing, and it was honestly the best party they had ever had. Everyone was nice and happily chatting and eating with Christmas music playing in the background. Anne and Gemma had arrived about 15 minutes after the party had begun, but had regretfully informed us, or so it seemed, that Harry was at work and wouldn't be making it to the party. I didn't know if that made it better or worse for me, but I had managed to not think about it. Niall had come with his family, but he was hanging out with me, both of us sipping wine and eating everything in sight.
It was almost 10 and everyone was due to leave at 10:30, but people seemed comfortably settled right now and it was peaceful. Snow had started to fall outside, and looking through the window, it was beautiful to watch.
"Lou...can you take the trash out? We don't have enough room in the kitchen for it."
I stood lazily from my chair and made my way to the kitchen. I was just about to enter when the front door opened and closed quickly. I looked over and caught sight of a head of curls half matted with snow and my heart jumped into my throat. I went straight into the kitchen, grabbed the trash, and went out the back way. I should have fucking known he was coming, I should have prepared for it, but I had banked too much on him working.
I made it to the driveway and dumped the trash, and I heard footsteps behind me. There was a sudden yelp and a thump, and the next thing I knew, I was flat on top of Harry, both of us laying in the fresh snow at the bottom of the driveway. I scrambled to get away from him, knowing he didn't want me close and knowing that if I stayed, I'd want to kiss him and that definitely wasn't allowed, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to him. I had about three seconds to wonder in fear what he was going to do to me, and then I felt a pair of soft lips, a bit chilly from being in the cold, pressing to mine.
I melted immediately at the touch and kissed him back, not caring that the snow was soaking through my clothes. Harry let me go after a bit, his cheeks flushed and his eyes bright and pleading.
"Lou, I'm such a fucking idiot. I know we've both made mistakes in our choices of words lately and I know I said I was scared, but the only thing I'm scared of is losing you. And I know you're gonna say I'm young and I'll find someone else, cause you've probably already moved on to the next best thing, but I fucking love you and I..."
I cut him off by slamming my lips back onto his. He kissed back eagerly, dipping his tongue into my mouth briefly before I pulled away.
"I just want you, Harry. All I've wanted since the day I met you was you, and I'm sorry too..."
"Don't be...we'll have plenty of time for sorry later..." Harry pulled me in by my tie and kissed me gently, his lips molding right to mine like they were meant to be there. I never wanted this to stop...ever. I could just feel the love welling up in my chest and before I could stop them, there were tears on my cheeks. Harry stopped kissing me to wipe them away with his thumbs, his hands shaking a bit from the cold.
"Lou, don't cry...what's wrong?" he asked with concern, finally standing up and helping me to my feet.
"I...I just love you, Harry. So much. You...you're my light...the light to my darkness...you helped me see who I could be when no one else even cared to, and I couldn't imagine life without you right now or ever. I love you so much."
"Love you too, Lou...umm, can I love you more inside? I'm fucking freezing."
I chuckled and grabbed his hand, pulling him around the back way so we wouldn't have to make a big scene. We made it into the kitchen, dripping water everywhere, but Harry didn't seem to care. He grabbed my tie yet again and pulled me to him, his lips gentle but needy on mine.
"It's about damn time, lads," said a voice from the other side of the kitchen, and Liam and Niall came in, Liam holding onto Niall so he wouldn't tip over...for being Irish, he sure was a lightweight.
Harry giggled and pressed his lips to my cheek, and I sighed, practically swooning at his touch. "C'mon, you guys need dry clothes...what on Earth were you doing out there?" Liam asked, ushering us into the hallway while dragging Niall along with him.
"Haz over here slipped and knocked me right over...and we just didn't get up." I said happily, feeling lighter than I had in forever. Liam grinned and stopped at the bottom of the stairs. Harry was hanging onto my wrist, looking completely flushed but happy.
"I'll let you two...you know..." Liam said with a wink, and I dragged Harry up the stairs and into my room. I pressed him against the door and kissed him, loving how soft his touches were. His hands loosened the tie and unbuttoned my shirt carefully and slipped it off my shoulders, and I thought I knew where this was going to end up, but the moment his hands went below my hips, my whole body panicked and I backed away from him, keeping myself relatively calm.
"H, I...I don't think I...m'not ready for that...yet. Not after..."
"Fuck, Lou, I'm sorry, I didn't even think to ask...we can just make out, yeah?"
"Yeah...Yeah, I'd like that."
"Without clothes?" Harry's lip curled up as he slipped his soaking wet shirt off his body, and I smirked.
"It would be my pleasure."
We both slipped off our wet pants, leaving us in just boxers, but we knew the limits, and Harry's hands sat comfortably on my hips, pinching and squeezing in all the right places.
We ended up cuddling in bed, listening to the faint sound of Christmas music and all of the guests leaving downstairs, our foreheads pressed together and our lips brushing every few seconds. Harry's fingertips were drawing patterns on the bare skin of my back and my hands were in his curls, playing with them at my leisure.
"Mmm...tired, Hazza..." I mumbled, feeling my eyes start to slip shut, and Harry kissed my lips, causing my eyes to open for a split second.
"Sleep, then, Lou. M'not going anywhere."
"Thank you..." I whispered as Harry, contrary to what we had done before, pulled me into his arms and spooned me, keeping me safe. I yawned and a few more words tumbled out of my mouth as I slipped into sleep.
"Thank you, my little light..."