A/N here's an extra long chapter because this book is coming to a close.
After Phil and his parents left, Mum and I cleaned everything up whilst listening to some Christmas music. It took about an hour so make sure everything was spotless and the only thing that needed to be cleaned up now was the decorations - they'd go down at another time.
It was late by the time we'd finished, and throughout the clearing up Mum complained that she was tired so once we'd finally completed it all, she said goodnight and took herself to bed.
I, on the other hand, were not tired and decided to message Phil to see if he was still awake or not.
'Hey Phil, you awake? Xx'
I didn't have to wait long for the reply, insinuating that he was as awake as I was.
'Yeah, do you wanna Skype? Xx' He replied.
'Okay, we'll have to do it quietly though as Mum just went to bed Xx'
I loaded up my laptop and went clicked on the Skype icon, waiting patiently for Phil to come on the website. Two minutes later, his profile came up as if he was online and I called him.
"Hey," I whisper spoke, ebony precautious and not wanting to wake my Mum up.
"Hello," he said louder, so I presumed his parents were still awake.
"Thank you so much for my presents Phil, they're perfect. Thank you."
"Anything for you. Thank you for mine too, I can't wait to meet Muse! I'm seriously so excited and it's so close, like, in less than a week I'm going to meet Muse! I actually can't believe it!"
"Well, you deserve it Phil, look what you've done for my family. It's the least I can do, really."
"I love you,"
"I love you too, you dingus."
"Dingus?!" Phil pretended to be angry, even though I could see the smile on his face.
"Yeah. And thanks for the thing before you left. I couldn't go downstairs for fifteen minutes!" I said sarcastically, even though he knew I didn't mind it.
"Did you have to sort it out?" Phil responded, giggling slightly.
"Kind of."
"Just think, one day I'll be able to do it for you."
"Phil, not now."
"Not now? Does that mean another time Daniel James Howell?"
"Maybe Philip Michael Lester."
Phil sighed with contentment, me accidentally mimicking the action afterwards.
Without noticing, Phil and I have began to mimick each other's actions, whether it be sorting out our hairs, or yawning. There's usually a three second delay and then the other repeats.
"Dan, I'm warning you now that if I suddenly stop replying it's because I've fallen asleep."
"Are you tired? And okay,"
"Yeah, a bit, it's been a long day."
"You're so cute, do you realise that? You're actually so adorable."
"I'm not, you are. This might sound weird but I really just want to squish your cheeks."
"Okay, tomorrow when you see me, you can 'squish' my cheeks all you want."
"Thanks." After Phil said that, he yawned, followed by the sounds of moving bedsheets.
Silence.
"Phil, are you asleep?" There was no reply.
I got up to the other side of the room, switched off the light, unplugged my headphones, to fall asleep to the sound of my boyfriend sleeping.
-
I woke up at about eleven thirty the next day. Mum was already down stairs, still in her pyjamas, reading.
"Morning." I said as gave her a kiss on the forehead as she stood up to greet me.
Mum was a lot shorter than me, reaching up to just my shoulders. I was also taller than Adam, he only reached up to my nose.
Adam was hardly ever home. Though, Mum had previously mentioned that he'd be coming home late today or tomorrow.
"Dan, once you're ready, if I give you some money, please can you pop down to the shop and buy some alcohol?" She asked, walking across the kitchen and picking up her purse, finding some change.
"Yeah, I could probably meet Phil and walk him here too, if that's okay with you?"
"Dan, when is not okay with me, Phil's like a son to me anyway and he treats you the way that you deserve to be treated. He's welcome whenever, and I'm pretty sure he knows that too."
"Thank you, Mum. I'll text him now."
After that, I began to get ready and texted Phil whether he wanted me to pick him up. He agreed and I began to get ready.
After getting changed and straightening my hair, I got my shoes on, said goodbye to Mum explaining when I come back, Phil will also be with me.
-
"So, what kind of alcohol shall we get?" I asked Phil as we browser the alcohol section.
"Well, what do you and your Mum like? I'll just drink whatever so I'm not too fussed."
"Okay, Mum likes red wine and I'll drink pretty much anything so you can pick," I told Phil who was looking up and down the isle.
I chose an appropriate wine for one and Phil found some Bulmers Red that we could drink. As there were two of us we got two boxes.
Excitement gutted throughout me. I don't know why I was so excited over alcohol, I'd never been so happy to see it before though, I probably just missed the sudden subside of pain.
We bought the alcohol, even though we got interrogated on our age, and headed back home.
Mum gave Phil the usual greeting of hugs and kisses before taking the drinks out of our hand and telling us to go upstairs. We complied, and headed upstairs.
"I missed you." Phil said as he snuggled up to me in bed, he had his head in the crook of my neck as I rubbed his back.
"Well, I missed you too."
"Oh yeah, and I'm so excited for Muse I know exactly what I'm going to wear and I can't wait to meet them! Are we going on the train?" Phil asked looking up to me with excitement glistening in his eyes.
"Yeah, we're also leaving at about eleven o'clock and I'll pick you up from your house."
"The actual concert starts at seven, but because we're meeting them, the tickets say that we must be there for half four," Phil said, still in the same position as before. "Why are we leaving so early?"
"After everything you've done for me d you really think the best I could do was take you to a Muse concert?"
"Wha-" he said, looking briefly confused. "Don't worry, I've got it covered."
"Okay."
-
An hour and a half later, we went downstairs and put some music on to start tonight. I knew that Mum was a lightweight when it came to drinking so what alcohol we got her, we could do pretty much anything we wanted to.
Mum said she invited a "friend" and he was due to come in ten minutes. Not that I minded, as long as it wasn't Dad or someone that's going to treat her badly, I don't care - all that matters is that she's happy.
Fifteen minutes later, there was a knock at the door which Mum went to answer.
A man with a flat strip of bright red hair and tattoos walked in and shook our hands.
"Dan, Phil, this is Joshua Dun, but call him Josh, Josh, this is my son Dan and his boyfriend Phil."
"Hi Dan and Phil," Josh said timidly, his accent wasn't British, it sounded more American.
"Hi." We both responded and Mum came back in.
"Okay, Josh, we're sharing this wine down here and Dan and Phil are going upstairs with these;" she said, giving us the drinks.
"I'll see you boys later then." Josh said smiling, I hope that he makes Mum happy.
Phil walked upstairs slowly, yet if I wasn't holding so much, I woupdve probably ran. Strangely, I was really excited and wanted to get our personal party started.
"Crack it open then, babe." Phil said, winking.
"Mm," I thought aloud. "'Babe', is that a new nickname?"
"Yes, you quality as that now you know."
"Okay." I giggled and passed Phil his first Bulmers and opening my own. "Let's get this party started!"
"Is it really a party though? There's only two of us."
"Yes, yes it is."
-
"Dan, maybe you should drink something else now." Phil slurred, finishing his third drink and placing the empty glass in the bin.
"B-but I'm still thirsty." I whined.
"Yeah that's okay, we can find you something else to drink; like water or juice."
"No. I don't want to stop drinking yet."
-
It was thirty minutes past twelve in the morning and I'd finished my sixth. Phil had taken himself to bed and I could still hear the soft hum of music from downstairs, meaning Josh and Mum were still awake.
At this point, everything around me was blurry. I tried to stumble up, yet had no avail.
It was nice this feeling though - just being able to forget everything. It's nice knowing at this point, I don't give a shit about my Dad and what he did. How he left my Mum like that, what he did to her. Knowing that Phil was safe and well, happy too. It just puts my mind at ease.
TRIGGER WARNING
The constantly remembering of my Dad kept coming into my mind, how much of a dickhead he was.
Everything becomes blurrier as I feel a streak of liquid roll down my cheek and onto the floor. Tears. I can't even remember the last time I cried. I'm so weak.
Fathers are supposed to be supportive. My Dad didn't except me for who I am.
I'm tempted. Tempted to end it all.
But, there's an part of me that can't. That doesn't want to. Phil. After all he's done this us. He's so loving and kind, this wouldn't be a way to repay him, right?
'But Dan, nobody would give a shit. They would be happy that a burden has been lifted from their shoulders. It would make them so much happier. Nobody cares about you; your Dad didn't.' I thought to myself, uncontrollably.
"No!" I angrily exclaim whilst hitting my head. "No! No! No! No! No!"
I'm no longer in control. Infuriated, I pick up the empty glasses and throw them against the wall.
A particular shard of glass sticks out; the way it shines. I lean forward, tempting to etch my own skin.
"Dan." Phil said calmingly, rubbing my back. I look up to Phil noticing that Mum and Josh are stood in the doorframe. "It's okay."
"I'm sorry." I wept onto his shirt, gripping balls of it in my fists and murmuring soft apologies to Mum, Josh and Phil.
Once again, Phil had come to save me, make me happy.
"Let's get you to bed," Phil responds and I nod. Mum and Josh say goodnight and a thank you to Phil and head back downstairs.
We both got changed and Phil got something to clean up the scattered shards and remove them from the room.
He then turned off the light and climbed into bed.
"I love you, and don't you forget that, I'm always here for you."
"I love you too, Phil."
A/N thank you for 7000 reads, 350 votes and over 200 comments!
I went back to school this week to multiple exams and can you hear me crying from the u.k help - you know you're expected to revise for these sort of things? Well, I didn't being as I binged watched your lie in April and cried multiple times in bed. I'm highkey regretting results day.