A/N: It's been a while..sorry about that. It's been a rough couple weeks for me, and I just didn't have time to write a lot. Anyway...hope you all haven't left already. A few chapters are left, so stick around for those! Love you all, all the love as always xx
~L
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Harry's POV:
"H-how did you f-find me?" I stuttered as Barbara helped me stand and lead me to her car.
"This is where I always come to think...kinda out of the way...c'mon, love, we need to get you home and warmed up." She opened the car door and helped me sit in the seat, not even commenting on the seat belt as she sped away towards my house. My entire body was shaking and tears were rolling slowly down my cheeks as I attempted to stop them.
"Looks like you could use a friend...why don't you call Liam?" Barbara suggested, and I nodded jerkily, fumbling my phone before finally hitting Liam's number.
"Hey, Haz! Was just about to-"
"Li...I need you..." I managed to get out, my voice sounding very choked.
"Harry, what...what's wrong?"
"L-Lou...Louis, he..."
"I'm on my way." His voice sounded extremely protective and he hung up as we turned onto my street. Barbara pulled into my driveway and turned the car off, coming around to the other side to help me out of the car and up the front steps. She knocked on the door and my mum answered it, her smile disappearing the moment she caught sight of me.
"Harry, baby, what happened?" She directed the question more at Barbara as she helped me inside, my legs shaking too much to actually walk properly.
"Not sure...he called me and asked me to come get him...was a mess when I found him. He said something about Louis, so I'm not sure if something happened there..."
I choked back a sob when Barbara mentioned Louis' name and my mum's eyes flashed with anger as she guided me into the den, pulling off my slightly damp shirt and wrapping me tightly in blankets. She and Barbara talked for a bit out in the hall in hushed voices, and then the door was pushed open.
"Liam, love, what are you d-"
"Sorry, Anne...Harry needs me."
Two seconds later, Liam was bursting into the den, hurrying over to me and sitting down next to me, pulling me into a hug.
"What did he do...?" Liam asked at once, and I swallowed, the tears that had just stopped threatening to start up again.
"L-L...He b-broke...broke up with me..." The words came out breathy and chopped off, and though I was sure Liam was angry as fuck, he didn't react in an angry way. On the contrary, he pulled me into his arms completely, hugging me close and cuddling me to his chest.
"Oh, Haz...fuck, I'm so sorry...I never thought he..."
I shook my head against his chest, biting my lip until I drew blood to keep from actually crying. I couldn't talk about it, it was too fresh in my mind, and in my heart. My Louis had left me...he didn't want me anymore. He had reverted right back to the person he had been when I met him, and I just couldn't take that. Not after all the other times he had hurt me.
Liam just cuddled me for a while, rubbing my back and rocking me gently, just trying to get me to calm down. After a while, I could breathe normally again and I had stopped shaking, for the most part. Liam pulled back a bit and let me settle on the couch, looking at me.
"Hey...Haz, look at me, please." I forced myself to look up at him, and all I could see in his brown eyes was sadness. If he was angry, which I'm sure he was, he wasn't showing it in front of me, opting instead to be sensitive, which was what I needed right now, and it just made me even more glad that he was my best friend. "There you go...I need you to tell me what he said...did he tell you why?"
My bottom lip quivered, but I swallowed hard. Liam needed to know, and I needed to talk to someone. "He started off nice with it...still a b-bad excuse...he didn't want to see m-me get h-hurt again...he said we couldn't be together..."
Liam encouraged me to go on with a nod, and I had to take a moment to get myself composed, because the next bit was the hardest.
"And then he got angry and I tried to...I just wanted him to know that I still cared, that I loved him, and he...he said...he..." I couldn't say it out loud...it hurt too much. Liam put a hand on my arm comfortingly, rubbing his thumb over the skin in a gentle soothing motion.
"You can tell me, H. It's alright..."
"He said he didn't love me anymore and I...I just couldn't take it...I ran...I'm so fucking stupid..." I wiped at my eyes angrily, hating that I was crying right now, but there was no way of stopping it...I was too hurt. Liam didn't say anything, and I wasn't completely sure why, but I didn't question it. If he asked me one more question I would completely lose it.
"C'mon, Haz. Let's get you upstairs. You need sleep and food, yeah?"
I nodded, chewing on my bottom lip, and Liam helped me stand, walking with me through the door and towards the stairs. Barbara was gone and my mum was nowhere to be seen...probably off doing some more decorating, no doubt. Liam lead me up the stairs and to my bed, the blanket still wrapped around me like a cocoon. He walked to my closet and pulled out a fresh white shirt and a pair of boxers, placing them next to me.
"Gotta get changed and then we'll get you all comfy and get you some food." His voice was soft and caring, and it took all of my willpower not to think about how it reminded me of how Louis' voice had been when he spoke to me. I reluctantly let the blanket drop and stood there for a moment until Liam kindly turned his back to me, waiting on me to get changed. I peeled off my jeans and shoes and socks, and then tore my boxers off quickly, pulling on the new ones and tugging the t-shirt over my head. They smelled clean, like my mum's laundry detergent, which made me feel a bit better, because my other clothes had more than likely smelled like Louis, and I definitely didn't need that right now.
I cleared my throat and Liam turned back around, picking the blanket up off the floor and handing it to me. I wrapped it around my shoulders, crawling into bed and facing away from Liam. I wanted to be alone but I also wanted Liam there, someone to ground me and keep me from thinking about Louis.
Liam pulled my comforter over me and pecked my forehead, something he would normally never do, but I guess he thought it was a good time. "Gonna go get you some warm food and I'll bring up a movie. Just gonna relax."
I barely nodded and Liam left quickly, hurrying down the stairs and towards the kitchen. I tried to breathe in but my chest felt constricted, the pain that I had been holding back now welling inside me. I knew that I now had to move on. There was no other choice. Louis would never want me back, no matter how hard I tried or wished or begged. I had to get over him. He was just a boy.
But he was more than a boy to me. I had felt something real with him, I still felt it, even through the pain. I loved him. Louis was the one for me. Despite everything and anything he had been in his past, I still loved him and I didn't know how I was ever going to make that feeling go away. I couldn't just forget how he had been with me. He had been kind...that person that I knew he could be, the person I saw through the anger. He had smiled and his eyes had sparkled and he had kissed me like he truly cared about me. Hell, we had made love, and even then he had been so kind, so wonderful, so gentle, and he had said he loved me. So what had changed? I had searched for him, I had gone into that house and risked death and worse to get him out...I had ended up in the hospital with injuries gotten while defending and protecting him...what the hell had I done wrong to deserve how he had just treated me?
All of the sadness in me was slowly turning to anger, and I knew that wasn't a good thing, but I couldn't help it. I was beyond pissed. How could he treat me like this, after what I had done for him?
Maybe you didn't do enough...maybe he wanted something more and you weren't able to do that for him, said the voice in my head, and the sinking sad feeling came right back like a punch in the gut...fuck, what if all of this was my fault? What if I had driven away the only thing that had ever made me this happy?
"H, I brought you soup, if you want it...hey, you alright?" Liam's voice interrupted the stream of thoughts whirling through my head, and I turned, my eyes aching from the tears building behind them and my refusal to let them fall. Liam set the bowl down on my side table and sat down next to me. I looked at the ceiling, not wanting to make eye contact.
"What if this was all my fault?" I whispered, and Liam's mouth dropped open. He looked completely dumbfounded.
"Harry, how could you say that? None of this is your fault! It's his fault for being an ass and giving up the best part of his life for a reason that is a downright lie."
"But he...what?" I asked in confusion, not quite sure what he was referencing. Liam sighed and helped me sit up, looking me dead in the eye.
"Look, you guys may not have been dating for all that long, but I spent enough time watching you to know...the way he looked at you...it was like you were the only thing in this world worth looking at. I've never seen anyone look at someone the way he did you. If he really said that he didn't love you, he was lying. Because someone with that much affection and caring for another person can't just stop loving someone."
"Li, don't..." I begged. I didn't need him giving me that hope...I didn't need to hope and then get crushed every time I saw him...I couldn't take that.
"I'm being serious...I don't know if it was a defense mechanism, like how it used to be...he would always get mad even though he had no reason to be, simply because that was what worked for him. It stopped him from feeling. And that's what he's doing right n-"
"Liam, stop." My voice came out harsher than I meant it to, and Liam froze mid-sentence, gaping at me. I never snapped at him...or anyone, really. I was a relatively peaceful person. But right now I couldn't do this. "I don't care what he was trying to do, he made it quite clear that he didn't like me in the slightest and wanted me out of his sight. I don't know how much more clear he could have been on that. I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but I'm not going to grab onto that hope just to be crushed again. It was enough the first time."
Liam sat frozen for a minute, staring at me in shock, and then looked away. He stood up and I thought he was going to leave, and immediately I felt bad for yelling at him and I wanted to apologize over and over again, but he just picked up the bowl of soup and handed it to me.
"Here you go. Which movie do you want to watch?" he asked, and I almost cried with relief.
"You pick, Payno..."
"You haven't called me Payno in ages...missed it, H." Liam said with a smile, picking his favorite movie of all time: Batman. I almost laughed at the giddy look on his face, and once it was in and the lights were off, he settled in bed next to me, cuddling up close to me. I gave him a small smile and ate my soup, the warmth of the broth filling me and driving away a bit of the sadness. I snuggled up to Liam and he pulled me into his lap, letting me lay my head on his chest. It reminded me of the old days when we had done this all the time, and despite the pain still filling me, it put me at peace.
Louis' POV
The holidays had always been one of my favorite times of the year.The lights everywhere and the snow and the happiness of a lot of people coming together to celebrate had always made me happy. But this year, something was off, and I knew exactly what it was...I couldn't share it with the one person I truly wanted to.
You can't like him...not anymore. You'll hurt him again, and you can't do that. He's not yours.
The voice in my head had been very persistent on this, but the more it repeated, the more I realized how much of an idiot I was to ever let this happen. It was all my fucking fault, and there was no fixing this one...I had fucked up royally.
Niall had been a constant presence in my house over the past week, and I was so grateful for him. He always managed to make me laugh, even when I felt like just sitting in bed and staring at a wall, running over that night in my head over and over again. Out of a million other things I could have done, I had to get angry, and out of all things, I had to say that I didn't love him. That was a downright lie and I knew it deep down. There was no one in the world that I loved more, but I had seen the look of brokenness on his face the moment those words had come out of my mouth, and then he had run. Just run right out of my life, and even if I had run after him, I never would have caught him. I had broken him beyond repair, and in turn, broken myself as well.
I hadn't told my mum what happened, but she knew. Anne had called her later that night to tell her, and she had come up to visit me in my room. We had just sat there, her staring at me, and me knowing what was coming, but in the end, she just hugged me tightly, and I had sobbed uncontrollably into her shoulder. After that, however, I had gone back to my old standard of no emotion. I showed happiness, because that was what people needed around the holidays, and they still made me happy, but otherwise, I didn't show sadness, and if I was sad, it turned to anger, like it always had in the past.
"Mate...you've been in bed all day...please get up. Your mum is having a party in a couple days and you need to help. Stop being a lazy ass and get up."
I groaned and mumbled something into my pillow, and suddenly my covers were gone.
"I heard that, you wanker. Now get up!" Niall dove on top of me, tickling my sides, and uncontrollable giggles burst from my lips...I hated being tickled, but I couldn't help it.
"Okay, okay, I'm up! Get off me, you Irish idiot!" I stumbled out of bed and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror...I looked a right mess. Niall hadn't been here last night and, since I had been alone, I allowed myself to feel fully for the first time since that night, the pain inside me. It had caused me to have a complete breakdown, and I could see it written all over my face in my red, puffy eyes and still slightly sunken cheeks. My hair was just...not tamable, so after throwing on a random pair of joggers and a sweatshirt, I crushed a beanie on top of my mess of hair and turned, holding my arms out for Niall to see.
"Happy now?"
"Perfect...or as good as it's gonna get. It would be better if you went and brushed your teeth, though."
I huffed but I knew he was right, so I headed into the bathroom, pulling out my toothbrush and put a generous amount of toothpaste on it, sticking it in my mouth.
"Where are we going, then?" I asked through a mouthful of foam.
"Your mum wants us to stop at the store for more bowls to mix things in, and then we need to go to the bakery and-"
The toothbrush fell right out of my mouth as I choked on foam, and Niall pounded me on the back until I was able to breathe.
"No...no fucking way...I can't..." I babbled, picking up my toothbrush and rinsing out my mouth, but when I stood up fully, Niall was standing there with his arms crossed, giving me a look that resembled my mother so much that I almost cringed.
"To hell with that. You're gonna go in there with me, and if he's working, you're gonna apologize your ass off until he takes you back."
"I can't, Niall! I can't be with him, I can't hurt him again."
"I think the only thing that you ever did that hurt him was tell him you didn't love him. Yeah..."
He said as I stared at him with wide eyes. "Your mum told me what you said to him. What the hell were you thinking, Lou? That boy is so gone for you, and I know you're just as gone for him, and yet you said that to him."
"I know I fucked it up, Niall, there's no need to remind me." I grumbled, turning away from him, but Niall only took a step closer, forcing me to look at him.
"You need to fix this. You know where I was last night, while you were sitting here in bed? I was with Liam. He invited me over for a movie night, and I thought it was about high time I figure out what's been going on on the other side of this."
I swallowed, knowing that Niall was going to tell me everything that Liam said, but not sure if I was ready to hear it. Niall didn't seem to care about that, though, because he kept talking, almost glaring at me.
"He told me that Harry's a right mess. He won't get out of bed, but he doesn't sleep either. He won't eat, he barely drinks anything. He won't do anything, other than help his mum decorate and bake food for the holidays. He doesn't smile anymore. He's constantly on the verge of tears, even though Liam rarely sees him cry. And that right there...Harry was always emotional, yet he took your fucking advice and is keeping it all inside, not letting anyone see how he really feels. And it's gonna break him, and Liam doesn't know what to do. He's tried everything. So you either need to get your shit together and apologize, or your actions might be the end of him."
I stared at Niall, not knowing what to say. My throat felt extremely tight as I processed the words that Niall had just thrown at me. I had broken Harry. I had taken away his joy, and if anything could make me feel worse about it than I already did, it was that. I sat down on the edge of the bathtub, my head in my hands.
"Fuck...shit, I'm such an idiot..." I mumbled, and Niall sat down next to me.
"Now that you've finally admitted that bit...go get him back. He loves you, Lou, even after everything you've done. He won't even speak badly about you. He thinks it's his fault, and you need to fix this. Even if it means that he doesn't accept your apology, doesn't that mean that you should at least try?"
"He's worth more than trying..." I almost whispered this last bit, but by the comforting hand Niall placed on my back, I knew that he had heard every word.
"Then let's go. C'mon. It's time you face this...and we can face it together."
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Niall and I went to the store and bought a lovely assortment of bowls, which I took my good old time choosing, going over size and material, and then color. Niall waited impatiently behind me, tapping his foot, but I was wasting time on purpose. Niall had been right about everything he had said, but I just knew that I wasn't ready for this. It had only been a week.
We made our way to the register and then climbed back into the car, escaping the cold air that was blowing through the streets. Niall looked over at me but I didn't turn on the car. I just sat there, hands clamped on the steering wheel, not able to move. I couldn't do this.
"Lou, for fuck's sake, just turn on the damn car, it's freezing!" Niall grumbled, and I snapped back to the present, turning the car on and heading out onto the street. I could see the bakery not too far ahead after a bit and my heart jumped into my throat. I was going to be sick...fuck.
I pulled over and turned off the car, my hands shaking visibly. Niall reached over and grabbed my hands, forcing me to look up at him. "Mate, you need to relax. The worst he could do is say no, okay? You're gonna feel better after you've at least tried to apologize. Trust me. Besides, you don't even know if he's in there. And your mum needs bread, so you really don't have much of a choice here.
"If he's there, Liam will be there, and I'm pretty sure that neither of them want to see me. You can go in and get it, I'll stay out here."
"Yes, okay, you're right, Liam will probably throttle you, but you're not getting out of this. Don't be a coward. Do what needs to be done. You're a good person, Lou, I know that for a fact. Show them. Show Harry."
Hearing Harry's name made my heart clench a bit, and I wanted more than anything to just drive away, but Niall snagged the keys and came over to my side of the car after getting out, dragging me out and closing the door, locking the car so I couldn't get back in. I grumbled, but followed him into the warm interior of the shop. There was a bit of ice on the step, and because I was so busy trying to see who was behind the counter, I slipped and fell through the door way, almost landing flat on my face before catching myself and standing up with a light blush of embarrassment on my cheeks. The blush deepened as I looked up fully and saw Harry staring right at me from behind the counter, his green eyes devoid of emotion and boring into my head. I looked away, and Niall latched onto my wrist, dragging me up to the counter and shoving the list into my hand. I looked at Harry,who was now directly in front of me, but no words came out. Now that I was closer, I could see that the only thing in his eyes was sadness. Niall stepped on my foot and I pressed my lips together before looking down at the list and clearing my throat.
"I...umm, I need three of your best white loaves of bread, as well as one pumpernickel, one wheat, and one rye."
I could hear a pen scratching as Harry wrote things down, and I could barely stop myself from watching his hand fly across the paper, pausing as he finished, waiting for me to go on.
"Oh...and I'll need two dozen hand-frosted cupcakes." I stuttered out, looking up at him. He didn't look at me, but rather, turned and handed the list to one of his coworkers.
"What the fuck is he doing here?" Came a growling voice from the door to the kitchen, and I glanced over to see Liam standing there, his face livid.
"He's here with me, Li. Gotta get some stuff for his mum." Niall said kindly to Liam, and though Liam still looked furious, he nodded and walked to stand next to Harry. I looked away and fiddled with my fingers, waiting.
"Which designs would you like?"
If I hadn't been watching Harry at that very moment and hadn't seen his lips move, I would have never known it was him speaking to me. His voice cracked on every other word, his usual deep baritone voice sounding strained. I wanted to cry right there, because he sounded so broken and I knew it was my fault, but now was not the time. I needed to order these cupcakes...and then I could get to that.
"Umm...you pick. You have better taste than I do," I mumbled, and a flash of something like bashful pride lit up in Harry's eyes for a moment, before it was replaced with the sadness. He nodded and disappeared into the back to get something. Liam turned to face me, his voice a tone of very forced calm.
"The only reason I haven't jumped this desk and strangled you is for his sake. He wouldn't want that. But I am beyond pissed...so you better fucking watch what you say to him, or I may just have to act on that threat. Got me?"
I nodded mutely and Liam seemed a bit more satisfied. He disappeared as well, presumably to help Harry in the back, and I turned to Niall. Niall was staring at me, his eyes drilling into mine, and I knew what he was gonna say before he even opened his mouth.
"When he comes back with the cupcakes. I will. Okay?" I said through gritted teeth, and Niall smirked smugly, happy at his own firmness.
The door to the kitchen swung open and Harry came back out, carrying two boxes of cupcakes. The bread was already on the counter, something I hadn't noticed while waiting. Harry carefully lay the boxes on the counter and rang me up, holding his hand out wordlessly for my card. As I handed it to him, our fingers barely brushed, and he flinched, pulling away and fumbling the keyboard as he tried to swipe my card. His cheeks were burning red and his eyes looked glassy.
"Here you go...have a nice day." Harry said jerkily, handing me my card back and pushing the food towards me.
"Harry, I...I'm so-"
"Don't, Louis." His voice was clipped and almost angry, and without another word, I picked up the cupcakes and Niall grabbed the bread, and we walked out towards the car.
Once we were in the car, I set the boxes on my lap and bit back a sob. Niall didn't say anything. He just took the keys from me and started the engine. Without realizing, I had gotten in the passenger's side instead of the driver's side, but Niall didn't seem to mind.
"What kind of cupcakes did he give you?" Niall asked after a bit of driving, and against my better judgment, I opened the top box. Inside were a dozen fresh cupcakes, all with different wintery patterns on them. Swirls of edible snowflakes and sprinkles and butter-cream icing graced the top of every perfectly rounded cake.They were beautiful.
Niall sneaked a glance at a red light and gasped. "Those are fucking beautiful, man. Did he do those himself?"
I shrugged, not knowing, and I just about closed the box, but I noticed a note taped to the inside. I plucked it off the inside of the box and held it in my trembling fingers.
These are new. My design. Reminds me of your eyes. Hope your family likes them. -H .x
A tear rolled down my cheek and I closed the box, breathing in deeply to control my emotions. Niall, however had seen it, and he placed a hand on my arm as we pulled up in front of my house.
"I know, Lou. I know." He whispered comfortingly.