A Long Time I Felt Stuck,Hurt,Depressed Becausee Me And August Was Broken Up For Good I Just Couldn't Get Over How He Hurted Me How He Betrayed Me And How He Made Me Cry For So Long
And What Hurted Me The Most Was That He Didn't Even Tell Me I Had To Find Out From That Bitch.I Felt So Stupid Because I Really Thought He Could Be Faithful To Me.I Really Thought I Was More Than Enough For Him.Stupid Me I Thought That One Day We Would Eventually Get Married And Live Happily Ever After
I Was So Angry And I Hated Him And I Just Wanted To Cut All Ties From August And That's Why I Didn't Tell Him I Was Pregnant Because I Didn't Want Nothing To Do With August I Never Even Wanted To See His Cheating Ass Ever Again !
And That Was Hard Because Hes Not A Just Some Random Ass Guy He's August Alsina,Everytime I Turned On The Radio Or The Television I Seem To See Him.It Was Bad Enough I Was Already Livin In The Same City As Him
I Changed My Number,But I Was Still Livin In The Condo He Bought For Me He Could Show Up At Any Time And See My Big Round Stomach
I Was Seven Months Pregnant And Big As Ever The Day I Heard My Baby Heart Beat Was The First Time In A Long Time I Started Smiling Again.
Even Though Things Left Off Ugly Between August And I At Least I Had Got The Greatest Gift Of Joy My Son
You Heard Me Right I Said My Son,I Was Carrying A Beautiful Baby Boy,And I Decided To Name Him Ayden
And Oh How I Love Ayden And Everytime I Hear His Strong Heartbeat Or Feel Him Kick I Know In My Heart That He Loves Me Too
I Finally Got To A Place Where I Can Smile Again And I Can Breathe Again All Because I Had Ayden Now
I Was Preparing For Motherhood All While Still Getting Over A Broken Heart
Sometimes Late At Night When Im In Bed Alone I Miss August So Much That I Just Break Down And Cry
Some Days I Wanted Him Back And Other Days I Wish I Never Knew Him At All
Sometimes Im Just Wondering If He's Somewhere Out Ther Missin Me Or Do He Even Still Love Me?
Wait Do I Even Still Love Him?
I Shouldn't After All The Pain He Caused,And All The Tears He Made Me Cry
Truth Is That I May Always Love Him But I Just Will Never Let Him Get Close To My Heart Again
He Told Me He Love Me...How Could He Love Me Than Hurt Me,How Could I Be So Stupid To Trust Him I Should Of Known Better Than To Give Him My All,And Most Of All I Should Of Never Loved Him
I Was Trying My Hardest To Be Happy Without Him,I Didn't Wanna Stress During My Pregnancy So I Had No Choice But To Be Happy Without Him
So Much Has Changed...Me And August Was Over With,I Was Having A Baby Boy,Jalen No Longer Was Engaged And He Was Weeks From Having A Baby Girl,My Mother And Was Still Not Talkin,And My Grandmother Was On Life Support
So Many Things Going On So Many Mixed Feelings
I Was At Home Laying On The Couch Reading Ayden A Book
But He Was Not Havin It Ayden Was Non Stop Kickin Me
"You So Active Today"I Said Rubbing My Big Belly
Than I Heard A Knock On The Door I Put The Book Down And Attempted To Get But I Couldn't I Was So Big I Was Struggling To Get Off This Damn Couch
"Mimi"I Yelled For Help
She Ran In And Said "What Wrong ! Are You Okay?"As She Panic
I Laughed And Said "Im Fine Could You Please Get The Door"
She Smacked Her Lips And Said "Don't Scare Me Like That!" As She Walked To The Door And Opened It
And I Saw Jalen Walk In With Food
"A Nigga Been Knocking At The Door Forever"He Exaggerated
I Giggle And Said "I Know I Can't Get Off The Couch"
He Walked To Me And Help Me Off The Couch And Said "Come Big Mama"
When I Finally Got Off The Couch He Hugged Me And Said "You Getting Big"
"I Know I Feel Like Im Gaining Weight Every Second.."I Said As I Held My Big Stomach
"I Brought Your Favorite"He Said
"Garlic Wings With Extra Garlic?"I Asked Hopeful As My Mouth Began To Water
"Yeah....Just Make Sure You Brush Your Teeth With Extra Toothpaste"He Joked As He Handed Me The Food
I Laughed And Said "Shut Up..."
"Im Serious...Im Takin You Out Tonight Too...So Be Ready At Eight"Jalen Said
"Where We Going"I Asked
"Where You Wanna Go..?"He Asked
I Smiled And Said "Im Feeling Chinese Food Tonight And Afterwards Ice Cream"
"Girl I'll Take You To Moon And Back"He Said Kissing Me On My Forehead
"You Should Get To Work..."I Said
"Its Not Like I Can Get Fired I Own The Place"He Said
"Yeah But You Should Still Be On Time Set And Examples For Your Employees Boss Man"I Said
"You Right..Ima See You Later On...."He Said To Me
I Waved Goodbye As He Walked Out The Door
"Whats Really Going On Between You And Jalen Tho"Mimi Asked Me
I Blush Unintentionally And Said "Nothing At All Me And Jalen Just Friends"
"He Buys You Food Kisses You On The Forehead,And Take You Out On Dates"Mimi Said
"Its Not A Date Just Too Friends Having Dinner..Im Not Interested And No Nigga After August Broke My Heart I Don't Think I Will Ever Be Interested In No One Ever Again"I Said
"But Jalen Is Fine He's Tall Sexy And He Own His Own Barbershop..."She Said Smilin To Her Self
"Hold On Wait You Feelin My Friend?"I Asked As I Half Smiled
"I Mean He's Cute Im Only Feelin Him If Its Cool With You...I Wouldn't Want Things To Get Weird Between Us..You Know You My Bitch And I Will Never Let No Nigga Come Between Our Friendship"
"Its Cool Mimi...You Feelin Him Thats Alright As You Can See Im Carrying Another Man Baby I Am Not Worry About Jalen"I Said Frontin
"Okay Cool..."She Said As We Pounded Fist
Brea Walked In And Said "Hey Big Ass"
"Not Funny"I Said As I Giggle And Sat Back Down On The Couch
"Don't Be So Sensitive Fatty"Brea Said
"Whatever.....Brea You Think Ima Lose All This Weight After I Have The Baby"I Asked
She Twirled Around And "Im The Living Proof Of It You Can Have A Baby And Still Have A Bad Ass Body You Just Gotta Put That Work In At The Gym Baby"
"How Im Supposed To Work Out,Work,And Take Care Of A Baby All By Myself"I Asked
"If You Would Just Called Up August He Could Buy You A Nanny,Pay For You A Membership And A Personal Trainer,And You Wouldn't Have To Work"She Said As She Sat Next To Me
"Fuck August!"I Said As I Rolled My Eyes
"You Gon Have To Tell Him Sometime Aziah You Can't Keep His Child From Him"She Said
"Why Can't I"I Asked
"Because Fool It Ain't Right He Deserves To Be Apart Of His Son Life Just As Much As You Do"She Said
"Well He Should If Thought About That Before He Cheated On Me With That Bitch!"I Said Getting Upset
"Aziah..Whats Between You And August Is Between Yall You Can't Keep Him Away From His Child Just Because He Hurt You"Brea Said
"Yeah...Its Not Fair To Ayden At All"Mimi Said
"And Its Not Fair How I Gave My All To Him And He Cheated And Took Everything We Had And Threw It Outta The Window He Didn't Give A Fuck About Me And My Feelings So Fuck Him And His Feelings"I Said Being Careless And Heartless
Brea Shook Her Head And Said "So You Gon Hurt Him Just Because He Fucked Up And Hurted You This Is Revenge?"
"No...I Just Don't Want August Apart Of Me Or Aydens Life At All Im Done I Wanna Just Stay Done For Good"I Said
"This Bitch Ain't Listening Lets Go Mimi"Brea Said
"Were Yall Bitches Goin"I Asked As Brea Got Up
"Shoppin You Know The Hottest Party In Atlanta Is Tonight And I Got Us On V.I.P Its Gon Be Lit"Brea Said
"Who Is Us? "I Asked Being Salty
"Me Mimi,Gia And Tamera"Brea Said
"Girls Night Out And Yall Hoes Ain't Invite Me"I Asked
"You Pregnant You Can't Dance,Drink Or Turn Up"Brea Said
"So But Yall Still Could Of Asked Me Its The Thought That Counts...And You Hoes Thoughtless And Inconsiderate" I Said
"Aziah Stop Tripping If You Don't Want Us To Go Than We Won't Go"Brea Said
"Okay I Don't Want Yall To Go"I Said Honestly
"Thats Too Bad...Cause Bitch We Still Goin!"Brea Said
I Rolled My Eyes And Said "Bye And We Not Friends No More"
I Said Trying To Get Off This Couch Yet Again
Brea Helped Me Up And Said "You Just Pregnant...And Were Still Friends"
"I Don't Need Your Help...Have Fun Tonight"I Said
I Was Really Upset That They Was Goin Out Tonight Without
"Bye Aziah Well Bring You Back Some Food"Brea Said
As Her And Mimi Left
"Don't Bother Im Not Gon Eat It"I Said Rolling My Eyes
I Walked To The Kitchen And Sat Down At The Table And Began Eatin My Wings
As Tamera Walked In "Good Morning"
I Rolled My Eyes And Said "Going Out With The Girls Tonight?"
"Yeah The Party Of The Year Is Going Down I Can't Miss It And Don't Worry My Mama Is Watching Zoey Tonight" She Said
Than Outta Nowhere A Tear Fell From My Eyes As i Said "I Wanna Go Out Too"And I Began Crying
"Aww..."Tamera Said As She Hugged Me
"Don't Cry"She Said
I Was Really Crying My Heart Out And It Wasn't Even That Serious
Next Thing I Know My Mother Was Walkin In My Kitchen
"Hi Auntie"Tamera Greeted My Mother
My Mother Politely Smile And "Hello Tamera"
"Ima Let You Two Be Alone"Tamera Said As She Walked Out Of The Kitchen
I Wiped My Wet Eyes And Said "What Is It Vivian"
"Im Talkin My Mother Of Life Support"She Said
"You Doin What"I Said As My Heart Dropped
"She's Already Dead...The Machine Is Just Keepin Her Alive It's Time We Let Her Go"My Mother Said As A Tear Fell Her Eyes
"Let Her Go...No Fuck That!... I Will Never Let Her Go Shes My Grandmother She Might Just Make It Through...You Know Mama Miracles Do Happen That What Grandma Use To Tell Me!"I Said Full Of Sorrow
"She's Gone Aziah Shes Gone And We Just Have To Accept That.."She Said
"I Won't Accept It...And Your Not Pulling The Plug On Her No Not Now!"I Yelled Getting Angry And Upset By The Second
"Aziah She Would Want Us To Let Go Its Time"She Said Trying To Justify Herself
"No She Wouldn't..Don't Do This Please"I Begged Her
"Its Already Done..She's My Mother...And I Make Decisions Im Sorry"She Said
"You Only Doing This To Hurt Me You Know My Grandmother Is The Only One In This World Who Loves Me And Cares About Me"I Said Breaking Down Crying
"How Can You Say That Aziah..I Love You I Do Why Do You Think I Hate You Why"She Said As She Began Cryin
"Because You Do"I Cried
"I Don't"She Cried Out To Me
"You Do...You Never Wanted Me Tell Truth"I Begged Her
"I Was Young So Young...I Had No Business Havin No Baby"She Said With Moist Eyes In Regretful Tone
"Than Why Didn't You Just Have A Abortion If You Knew I Would Ruin your Life"I Asked Because I Just Needed To Know
She Closed Her Eyes And Shook Her Head And Confessed "Because My Mama Wouldn't Let Me..Other Than That I Would Of Did It Back Than With No Hesitation I Was Young I Had My Whole Life Ahead Of Me I Was Going To Go To College And Have A Career Of My Own"
She Opened Her Eyes And Said "But Instead I Have A Beautiful Baby Girl Got Married To The Wrong Man And I Was Stuck..I.Never Wanted To Be A Mother I Never Wanted You"She Admitted
Tears Just Continue To Fall As Every Word She Said Slice Through My Heart Life A Knife Over And Over Again
I Had Been Waiting My Whole Life To Hear Her Say This For Her To Admit To Me To The World That She Hated Me Just As Much As I Hated Her
"Back Than Things Were Different You Wouldn't Understand The Situation I Was In"She Said Wipin Her Eyes
I Took A Deep Breath And Said "I Ended Up Pregnant By The Only Man I Ever Was In Love With,He Hurted Me In The Worse Way...But Never For A Second I Thought About Killin My Baby"
I Held My Stomach And Said "This Baby Boy I Will Love Him Unconditionally...And Everything You Didn't Give To Me Im Going To Give To Him..Im Going Love Him So Much To The Point His Heart Will Be Overfilled With Nothing But Joy.."
"This Will Be The Last Time I Let You Hurt Me...For Now On Mama Lets Just Pretend We Don't Exist To Each Other...I Don't Won't You Apart Of My Babys Life...I Tired So Hard To Love You But You Just Incapable Of Being Love" I Said Honestly
If I Never See My Mother Again In Life I Would Be Okay With That She Was Selfish She Only Loved Herself
She Would Never Be The Mother I Wanted Her To Be And I Think Its Time I Start Mourn For My Losses
For My Grandma Whose Dyin And The Mother I Never Had