You
Was I really going to hurt Brad? No. But I do want something to come around and bite him the ass. He had no right to push me off of the skateboard. I could've gotten injured. And I know that was his goal. To injure me. The only harm done was on my arm. There's a big purple bruise on it, that's it.
Besides that, the skate park was fun. Louis and Jacob seem really nice. I think they're my friends now? I don't know. But I was surprised when Bea said she had a boyfriend. I thought she was gay, she gave out that sort of vibe.
It was also weird how she kept asking all of those questions. Wondering if I'm keeping anything secretive. Even if I was, what makes her think I'd tell her? Sure, she's one of my friends, but I just met her. Plus, you can't trust anyone. Not in this town.
When I was younger, I knew there were secrets. People hiding things from each other. People lying and hurting others. Why people keep going missing. Why Natalie is missing. Why someone killed someone. Why someone betrayed someone.
This town is full of bad luck and secrets and misfits. And we're all the same, we just don't know it yet. We're still discovering ourselves.
I shut my journal, putting it into my bag.
"Come on, I'm leaving now." Ally told me, grabbing her purse. I nodded, zipping my bag up and throwing it over my shoulder. "How's your arm?"
I shrugged, "It's fine. Just a bruise, that's all."
---
I looked down at my baggy jumpsuit. It was orange, and the shoes were white. I was carrying a blanket and a tooth brush, following one of the officers. Other girls were behind me, and we were currently getting our bunks assigned.
I was probably the youngest on here, being only thirteen. I felt eyes on me, but I just stared at the ground. I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel scared, or fear, or anger, or sadness. I just felt..nothing.
"L/N, this is your cell!" The officer pushed me in, then walking off with the other girls. I looked at the top bunk to see a girl reading, not paying any attention to me.
Good. I don't feel like talking either. I don't want to talk to anyone here. I set on the bunk, staring up at the top bunk.
I did this, right? I killed my brother and his best friend, right? The horror in my Aunt's eyes, the fear in Ally's eyes. I did this. I caused this. I did this. I caused this. It's my fault. It's my fault. It's my fault.
---
I shook my head, shutting the locker. That flashback came out of nowhere, literally. One minuet I was just putting my books away, and then I zone out and I'm thirteen again. God, I remember jail. The first year was horrible. I was getting used to everything, how it worked there.
I saw Bea walking down the hallway, so I jogged up beside her.
"Hey," I said. "Get home safely?"
"Yeah," she mumbled, not looking at me.
I furrowed my eyebrows, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she looked up at me, a fake smile plastered on her face. I stepped in front of her, causing her to pause.
"You do know I notice every little thing, right?" I inquired. "And I notice that something is wrong with you. What happened, Bea?"
Bea sighed, "I'm just scared that you're going to hurt Brad in some type of way. The way you were talking last night made it sound like you were." I frowned, looking at the ground. I understand where she's coming from.
"I promise I won't hurt him," I looked at Bea, locking eyes with her. "I won't do any harm to him, okay?"
Bea gave a small smile, "Okay."
---
I waited outside of the school for Ally. She was always a little late everyday. That's okay though, she's a busy girl. Ally is popular, and she's in a lot of clubs. She's also a cheerleader.
"Hey. How's your arm?" I looked next to me to see Lauren. "Pretty hard fall you took."
"Yeah," I shrugged. "It's fine, just a bruise." Lauren looked hesitant to ask, but she did;
"When you said that something will come around to Brad, what do you mean?" She looked at me. I put my hands in my pockets, turning my full body to look at her, as she did with me.
"Meaning that karma will get to him," I started. "It could be at any given moment. An hour, a day, a week, it could come at any minuet, Lauren. I wasn't threatening him. If I was to threaten him, he would've already called the police on me."
Lauren nodded, understanding, "Okay. I didn't mean that y-"
"I know," I cut her off. "I know what you meant, Lauren. Everyone was thinking the same thing."
Lauren frowned, "I'm sorry."
"Whatever." I shrugged it off. Ally came out of the school, walking to Lauren and I.
"Ready to go?" I nodded. "Lauren, do you need a ride?"
"No thanks," she shook her head. "I'm gonna walk home today."
"Stay safe."
---
If it was anyone else saying that to Brad, they wouldn't have questioned it. But no, just because I killed two people, just because I was in prison, they questioned me. I get it, I really do. It's scary having a murder in town, I get that. And then they say something to someone that sounds threatening.
I don't expect for them to treat me normal. But it'd be nice for once. You be treated like a regular human being and not this monster. They're cautious around me, they think before they speak around me. They think everything through before they do something. They hesitate to talk and ask questions.
If I think about it, it's like I have them wrapped around my finger. In this sick, twisted way, I do. I could use them to do anything I want. I could, but I'm not. I'm not like that. Those are the voices in my head telling me to do that. I'm not like that, and I'll never will be.
But what if I already am like that?
---
ha.
good morning or afternoon. idk.
double update? maybe? yes? ha, we'll see.
-gracie.