Seth
After awhile of tense silence, my heart pounding in my chest and my mind going a hundred miles an hour, Travis shifted.
“I think you should go talk to him. I know you probably don’t want to go and I sure as hell don’t want you to go, but, I think this will be good for you.”
Christian sat up. “What don’t I know? Why don’t you want him to see his father? Why wouldn’t he—” He turned to me. “—Why wouldn’t you want to go see your father?” Considering how close Travis and Christian are with their father I know it would be hard for him to understand at face value why I wouldn’t want anything to do with my own father.
“Tell him,” I told Travis. “I’ll be right back.”
“I never said you should go talk to him alone. I’m coming with you.”
“It’ll be fine,” I said, kissing him. I then got off the couch. “I won’t leave the building, and if I do, I’ll go somewhere public with people.”
“Seth!” Travis didn’t like this one bit. He made to get up off the couch but Christian held on to his hand.
I gave Christian a thankful look. It’s bad enough that my father is here. The last thing I need right now is Travis being overprotective and on edge. “Trust me, okay?”
“If you’re not back in ten minutes I’m coming to look for you and I swear to God if—”
“He won’t. I’ll be fine.”
I left Travis with a defeated look on his face and even thought it tore at my heartstrings to have seen him like that, this was something I had to do. I wasn’t doing for father. I was doing it for myself. There’s no doubt that I want absolutely nothing to do with the man but sometimes in life we have to do things we don’t want to because it’s what’s best for us.
With that thought in mind, I held my head high and exited the elevator. I am no longer the little boy that would cower in his presence. I’ve come a long way. I’m entering my third year of college with a 3.8 Grade Point Average, I’m in a healthy relationship and I’ve fallen even deeper in love with the love of my life after being separated from him for over a life. I have a new family that loves me and cares for me as much as their own. I’m happy and I plan on staying this way for a long time.
It took my father more than a minute for him to be able to even look me in the eyes and when he did all he said was: “Hi, Seth.”
“Hi,” I answered him. What else did I have to say?
“With your permission I’d like to go some place more appropriate for us to talk.”
With Travis words in my thoughts and what I had said to calm him down, I took a deep breath and answered: “I can’t go to far or else Travis will come looking for me. He’ll freak if he doesn’t see me.”
My father rubbed the side of his face, a far away look covering his features. The image of Travis using the floor lamp to hit him across his face with the floor lamp after he had been choking me popped in front of my mind as clear as a projector screen. Suddenly the look on his face made sense. What doesn’t make sense is that he remembered who Travis was and what he had done to him, yet, he asked him to speak to me? Maybe he thought he deserved it or he’s…
“Seth?” I heard my father say. I looked up to see the doorman holding the door and my father looking back at me. “Coming?”
“Uh…yea,” I muttered and walked off, looking over my shoulder to see if Travis was following me. We ended up across the street where there was a small café near the park. My father ordered a cup of coffee while I sat there staring out the window at the condominium. If Travis wanted to, could he see me from here?
“How long have you known you were gay?” The question came as a shock to me. If he had asked me this a year ago or even couple months ago I would have sputtered and pretend to not know what he was talking about.
“Forever,” I responded. “Some people are lucky enough to know without struggling and be confuse. With all the stuff that use to go on at the house I’m glad I didn’t have to go through that too.” After awhile I realized what I said when my father went silent. “I hadn’t meant to say that out loud.”
“I’m glad you didn’t too.”
“Why did you want to talk to me?” The change in this man was making me uncomfortable. The man shrugged. “Travis is going to come search for me…”
“He seems like a good kid.” He said offhandedly before looking into my eyes. “He seems like a great man.”
“The best.”
It was quiet between us for minutes. Finally, he sighed and I looked up to meet his eyes. “I know you won’t forgive me and I don’t expect you to. Seth, I am sorry for everything I have ever done to you. I am ashamed and disappointed in myself. I’m ashamed to say that when you needed me that I wasn’t there for you. I’m ashamed to say that instead of being your father and a friend, that I became your enemy. I hope one day you will be able to speak to me without contempt. Please tell Hunter that I love him very much, tell him that I’m sorry and tell him that he’ll always be in my heart. He and Travis will take good care of you. And even though you don’t believe me, I love you. I was so angry! Angry at Amelia and Sammie, they were gone Seth and you were there. I didn’t know what else to do okay? And I’m sorry. Neither of you will forgive me but you’ll always be my sons.”
It wasn’t until Christian knocked on the window that I realized my father had left. There was a certain familiar feeling on my forehead where he must’ve kissed me. The funny thing is I don’t remember my father ever showing affection to me.
Smiling at Christian, I made to stand up by placing my palms on the table to push the chair back. On the table was an envelope with my name on it in my father’s handwriting. I stuffed it in my jacket pocket and walked out to meet Christian. He asked me if I was going to open it and I shrugged. I don’t know if I want to or if I ever will. He didn’t have to tell me what happened in the Condo. Travis had most likely been freaking out because I had been gone for a long time. Chris somehow talked him into letting him come and find me.
“Seth…” Chris said tentatively.
“Yes?” I answered, stopping to look at him.
“Can I be honest and open with you for a second?”
“Of course,” I said, feeling my heart starting to beat. This is the most vulnerable I’ve seen him. It was scary.
“I know we’re getting along great now and I hope it stays that way. It’s important to me that you and I become very close. Travis is my other half, he’s…I… It’s weird but we just have a connection that most siblings who aren’t twins don’t have. I love him more than I love anyone in this entire world and I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t know what happened with our mom but that’s how it is. When I found out he was gay I thought I was going to lose him. I thought because there’s finally something we didn’t have in common was going to tear us apart, you know? He liked boys and I liked girls so we’re going to be so different. But that never happened. I’m not going to smother you guys but I don’t want to feel alone either. I’ve been away from him for so long and…it was weird, you know? We’ve always been together since he was born and because of this connection we share we never hold each other back, which is good and bad at the same time because it kills us, you know? When I was away, the people there didn’t know I had a brother; it was hard talking about him. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry for being so…I don’t know inquisitive, close, friendly…whatever word deems proper to you. We’ve always been close and because he’s so in love with you you’ve become like a baby brother to me, too, you know? I hope I won’t be a problem for you guys and I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable. I do love you, not because Travis loves you but because I can see how much he means to you and I can see how good you’ve been to him and you’ve made him so happy. He was sad for a long time but I don’t blame you at all. I’m so happy you made him happy again. Again, sorry for being so…me, you know?”
“You say ‘you know’ a lot,” I commented. He was grinning from ear to ear as he threw one arm around my neck and we started laughing.
“I will never regret my brother loving you! Never ever!”
I know how much Travis loves him and how much they both mean the world to each other. I also know how hard it was for Christian to accept friends and past prospective love interests of Travis’. So hearing Christian say that meant everything to me.
We got to our condo and before I could enter properly, Travis had his hands on my cheek and looking me over everywhere. While doing that he kept asking me if I was okay and if he hurt me. Christian smiled at me as he left the room to give us some privacy. Travis started telling me about how worried he was and it was the fact that he texted me and I didn’t respond that had set him off. It’s obvious he doesn’t trust the man and I can’t blame him.
He gave me the sweetest most tender kiss as he continued to cup my cheeks in his hands. My toes curled in my shoes and all I could think of was how much I loved him. I closed my eyes tighter as emotions seeped through my veins and pumped my heart with love for him. With every moment and every second, that I saw my future, Travis was right there with me. I need him now and I need him forever.
“I love you,” he said. I practically felt his words radiating through me and how much he meant every single one of them.
“I love you more,” I told him. He smiled, so bright, and hugged me.
A/N
It's almost done.