A/N: I'm back but you're gonna wish I wasn't. (: Btw excuse the errors and how probably half of this doesn't make sense i haven't slept in like 24 hours! *Inspired by Through Her by The Weeknd*
You looked at your watch and your eyes widened at the time. Shit, you were already fifteen minutes late. You pushed through the crowd of people muttering apologies as you hurried along.
By the time you arrived at your building you were panting slightly. There was a raven haired girl standing in the middle of lobby, constantly checking between the time on her phone and the door while giving off little exasperated sighs. She was dressed in black jeans, a red cropped sweater with the word 'WANTED' written across her chest, and a choker around her neck.
your first thought was, Holy fucking shit she's hot.
When she spotted you, her eyes narrowed dangerously, and you smiled nervously while walking towards her. Her green eyes were piercing and intimidating. Like fucking Medusa, if you stared too long you'd turn to stone.
"You must be Lauren," You said once you reached her, offering your hand to her. "I'm Y/N. It's nice to meet you."
"You're late," She huffed, looking at your hand briefly, before crossing her arms. You awkwardly slid your hand into your jacket pocket. This is off to a great start, you thought.
"Oh y-yeah sorry-" She's staring you down and it's making you increasingly uncomfortable and nervous. "I got held u-up at my j-job." You mentally cursed yourself for stuttering but those intense green eyes scared you a little.
Lauren rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Do you have the lease with you?"
"I- Yeah right here." You fished out the lease from your bag and waved it around, smiling kindly. You already took the liberty of already signing everything you needed to.
Lauren pursed her lips into a firm line her eyebrows furrowing in annoyance. She snatched away the lease and went through it, signing where she was supposed to.
You took a moment to take in Lauren's appearance once again. Her stoic posture, snarky attitude, sharp jaw line, and intense green eyes. It was hard to believe this serious all work no play type of person was friends with Dinah who is always goofy and playful.
You were kinda regretting blindly trusting Dinah instead of meeting this girl first. But you were desperate with the renewal of your lease and your old roommate leaving the country to backpack across Europe for a year and then some. You had been complaining about having to go through the process of finding a new roommate when Dinah had said she had a friend that was in need of a place to stay. Because you were so relieved at not having to waste precious time on looking you accepted without question.
Now you were wishing that you had questioned a bit. You didn't know if this was going to workout or not but it was too late to back out now. After Lauren finished signing the papers the two of you met with the landlord to finalize everything and go over all the rules and regulations about the building. With a key for Lauren and a final smile, the two of you were off to check out your now shared apartment.
The elevator ride was painfully awkward with the silence almost suffocating. Lauren was tapping away on her phone with a bored expression on her face while you stood there trying to come up with something, anything, to say.
"Um," You cleared your throat. "So, why'd you leave your old roommate?"
Lauren paused, glancing at you from the corner of her eye, before tapping her phone again. "She was a bitch," The raven haired girl sighed and offered no further explanation.
Your eyes widen slightly at the irony. Her roommate was the bitch? Okay.
You hummed in response and it was back to the awkward and tense silence. A few suffocating seconds later the elevator dinged. "Thank god," You muttered, practically sprinting out the elevator. You unlocked the door to the apartment and walked in, making sure to leave the door open for Lauren. "Home sweet home." You smiled at Lauren and hung your keys on the key wrack.
You watched as Lauren wandered around the living room and kitchen, eyeing everything critically. After a few moments she turned to you and nodded as if she approved. You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.
"Uh, your room is the first door on the left and bathroom is the last door on the right." You pointed down the hall and Lauren went to go check it out without a word. You rolled your eyes at her behavior and plopped down on the couch with a sigh.
You threw your head back and closed your eyes. You were tired from busing all those tables. You were nodding off when Lauren came back into the room and startled you awake.
"Okay so here are some ground rules," The green eyed girl started as you tried to blink the sleepiness away. "One, keep everything clean at all times, two, respect my privacy, and three, no fucking anybody while I'm here. You can have people over just make sure I'm not here because I don't want to hear you. And if I'm out make sure to leave a warning sign in case I come back." She raised a bushy eyebrow as if daring you to challenge her.
Your face scrunches up in annoyance. Sure you agreed with the rules but the fact that Lauren just comes in here and act like this is her place. Well- it is now but this was your apartment first. You were the one that took Lauren in and for her to act like she's the boss around here just rubs you the wrong way. But you were never one for confrontation so with a quiet sigh you nod your agreement.
"Deal."
Lauren lets out a triumphant smile at your compliance and you're startled at just how beautiful she looks. It's gone a second later though and her cool and collected expression is back. "All my stuff will be moved in tomorrow."
With that Lauren retreats back down the hall and your head tilts side without your permission as you admire her generous butt. It's so nice and round. As if she felt your gaze she stops and turns around, your eyes snapping back up to her face, and smirks at you just before she disappears behind her bedroom door.
You let out a groan, throwing your head back, and closing your eyes only to see that smirk and those sharp green eyes already engraved into your memory.
This won't end well.
~*~*~*~*~
Over the past few weeks it hasn't been as bad as you thought it'd be. Okay so maybe there are some days where is't really bad but that's only because Lauren is stubborn and nothing is ever good enough or clean enough and she always has to comment on everything and she always uses up all the hot water and she's always rolling her stupid green eyes and-
Anyway, for the most part it's okay. You guys develop a routine working around each others schedules. You cook breakfast since you have early classes and she cooks dinner since you work late. There's a whiteboard hung up on the wall that shows who cleans, washes, does laundry, vacuums, etc on what days. It works and it's efficient. Lauren would probably take all the credit, whatever.
If you really think about it It's actually... kinda nice if you disregard all her annoying qualities. Your last roommate was gone all the time, only around a few days every month, so it's comforting knowing that Lauren will be home and there'd be a plate of food in the microwave waiting for you. The two of you may not talk much and when you do it usually ends in an argument but just having someone around is nice.
"I'm home!" You yelled as soon as you shrugged off your jacket. You didn't get a response which wasn't unusual, it'd either be a yelled 'foods in the micro!' or nothing at all if she was too invested in her work or a book. You merely brushed it off and headed into the kitchen.
When you checked the microwave there wasn't anything in there. You frowned. It wasn't that big a deal and besides you had a croissant right before you left work.
You wandered into the living room with every intention to watch Netflix and most likely pass out on the couch when the sight before you made you freeze in your tracks. Lauren was sitting there with her legs resting on the coffee table, a messy bun on her head, a fresh face, wearing nothing but an over sized shirt that was falling off one shoulder - she's bra less - and you can see a hint of her red panties peaking out from under her shirt.
Oh God.
There was no doubt that Lauren was attractive and that you were attracted to her. I mean the girl is practically walking sin, you thought. And now seeing her with her beautiful thick thighs on display. God, there's just so much creamy white skin just begging you to run your hands all over and maybe trail kisses up her inner thighs-
The clearing of her throat is was brings you out of your reverie and your eyes snap up to her face. She has that stupid smirk on her face and it makes you blush because you've just been caught checking her out. It takes you all of five seconds to notice that Lauren has been drinking. Her eyes are glazed over, flushed cheeks, - whether it's more from the alcohol or knowing you were checking her out you didn't know- and she's smiling which is a rarity since all she does is scowl at you when you've done something wrong.
(which is all the time.)
(It still takes your breath away the same way it did the very first day she moved in.)
Also the big bottle of Jack Daniels sitting on the coffee table next to a liter of coke is a dead giveaway.
"Enjoying the view?" She asked, her tone is smug.
"Definitely," You answered boldly.
She said nothing in response just quirked an eyebrow and patted the spot next to her. You hesitate slightly before deciding to just give in and sit next to her. You make sure to leave some space in between but Lauren isn't having it. She frowns and scoots closer to you until you're backed up into the other end of the couch.
"Hi," She whispered and you can smell the alcohol on her breath.
"H-hey." You hate the way your voice cracks.
"You have a nice face," Lauren hiccuped a little and giggled as she ran her fingers through your hair. You ignore the voice in your head that says you want to hear that sound forever.
And by now your heart is racing because Lauren is almost on top of you and she's wearing very little clothing. Her eyes up close are even more alluring. Too many different shades of green and some blue.
"Um, thanks," You laughed nervously. "Yours is really nice too." What the fuck?
She giggles and your heart flutters at the sound. You ignore that too.
"You also have a really nice body," Lauren added while trailing a finger down your neck and in between the valley of your breasts. "It's hot. You're hot."
"Yeah? You've been checking me out, Jauregui?" You teased.
Lauren pulls back and you actually feel a sense of loss. You want to pull back onto your body.
"Can't blame me," Lauren huffed, cheeks turning redder with embarrassment. "I haven't had sex in so long and here you are parading around in your stupid tight fitting clothes that make your arms, ass and boobs look great!"
And now it's your turn to blush. "Sorry?" You tried. "But thanks again." You internally cringed at your awkwardness.
All of a sudden Lauren's head snaps in your direction and you're paralyzed by the familiar intense and intimidating green eyes. "Don't think I haven't noticed the stares you give me when I walk around in my underwear or work out gear or anything for that matter."
You huffed indignantly and crossed your arms. "Can't blame me," You mocked. "You're fucking hot too."
Lauren grinned at that and then it turned into a mischievous smirk. You were only slightly afraid and more than slightly feeling an excited buzz course through your body.
She leaned towards you again and you have to force your eyes not look down her shirt. "I have a proposition," Lauren said, slurring her words together.
You swallowed the small lump in your throat. "W-what is it?" You stuttered.
"You and I should help each other out," She started. "Have a little fun, a no strings attached, friends with benefits agreement." You stared at her incredulously and she rolled her eyes. "We're both really busy with either work or school or my internship and I know you're single because Dinah told me you were. So let's do it," Lauren added, her green eyes already darkening with lust.
You made a mental not to punch Dinah later because you just know she was trying to set you up. But then again maybe you should thank her? Lauren is really making some valid points here.
Lauren doesn't give you any time to answer before she's trailing small kisses up your neck and you have to grip the parts of the couch to stop yourself from just reaching out and pulling her onto your lap because, fuck, it feels so good. It isn't long before you feel her breath on your lips and then she's kissing you. You have to hold in a moan because damn her lips are soft, slightly chapped, but still so soft and plump. You can taste the jack and coke and that's what causes you to pull away.
"Lauren," You said breathlessly as her lips move down your jaw. "Lauren," You tried again and push her slightly by the shoulders.
You can see the annoyance on her face and she slightly glares at you but you hold your own. She's under the influence so this is all wrong. You don't want to take advantage of her. "What?" She snapped impatiently when all you did was stare at her.
You glare at her before you said, "Lauren you're drunk and you're not thinking clearly," You deadpanned, already getting up only to have her pull you back down and straddling your hips.
"Y/N, I am attracted to you and I want to fuck you. I want you to fuck me. I can assure you that even if I wasn't tipsy," She emphasized, "I'd still think this was a good idea."
She must still see the hesitation in your eyes because she huffs and clambers off you. You let out a breath of relief but you have an aching feeling in your chest. You don't want her to be mad at you but it's better this way.
You don't notice that Lauren mixed a glass of jack and coke for you until she's holding it in front of your face. You eyed the dark liquid questionably before she said, "here."
You snort before taking the glass. "This is your solution?"
"Mhm," She hummed, eyes zeroed in on you while her fingers traced over the rim of her own cup.
You gulped, eyes glued to her fingers. This is definitely a bad idea but you already know what it's like to kiss her and you want her.
Oh god do you want her.
You want to feel her moaning into your mouth. Feel how wet she is for you; her hands pulling you closer or scratching down your back. You want to hear moaning your name, hear her begging you for more.
You didn't realize you were biting your lip until Lauren is kissing you again and then tugging on your bottom lip with her teeth and this time you do moan into her mouth. "Drink up so we can fuck," She whispered against your lips before pecking them one more time and settling back on the couch.
You chuckled throatily before taking a sip of your drink. "Bleh," You let out after you swallowed the dark liquid. Jack and coke has never been a popular drink for you. You can hear Lauren giggling at you and it makes you smile so wide your cheeks hurt. You take another sip.
Before you know it you're feeling the effects of the alcohol. You and Lauren have been joking around and just having a good time. It makes you wonder why you never knew just how lively Lauren can be. But then you realize that Lauren has never given you a chance to get to know this side of her. Because this giggly, smiley cutesy, and loud girl is a huge contrast to the cold, stuck up, judgmental, and stoic woman you're used to.
You quickly decide that drunk Lauren is your favorite and you can only hope that you get to see this side of her more often without her being drunk.
Lauren is beautiful, seeing her outlined by the soft glow of the lamp and her head thrown back in laughter is making you feel warm inside (you know for sure it's not the alcohol). You shouldn't be feeling these things because she made it clear it's just helping each other out but your body is a traitor, reacting in ways you can't control.
You couldn't take your eyes off of her and when Lauren finally came out of her laughing fit she noticed. "What?" She breathed.
You don't say anything just scoot closer to her until your noses are almost touching and you trail a hand up her inner thigh, gripping it lightly like you've been wanting to do since you first saw her tonight, and you let your eyes trace over her features. You wanna tell her that you think she's beautiful but she doesn't give a chance because her lips are already on yours and her tongue was in your mouth.
Soon Lauren is standing up and dragging you by the collar to her room, stumbling a bit on the way. As soon as you cross the threshold you're both a mess of teeth and tongue and roaming hands tugging off every article of clothing just to be closer. You wanna feel her skin against yours.
Once you're both naked Lauren straddles you and starts to grind down on your abs. Lauren moans loudly as her clit catches along the dips of your defined muscles. You let out an appreciative hiss, Lauren feels so hot a slick it's driving you crazy. "Fuck! You're so wet," You gritted your teeth. "All because of me." Your nails dug into the skin of her hips as you helped guide her movements.
Lauren nods then throws her head back at the jolts of pleasure that shoot up her spine.
Lauren looks so beautiful on top of you with her head thrown back in bliss and her lips parted as moans and groans escape them. Still you want, no need, more. You want to taste her. "Sit on my face," You growled out.
When Lauren registers your words her head snaps up and the intensity in her eyes makes you moan. She quickly clambers up your body and settles herself above you. You moan at the swollen pink folds and glistening pussy above you just waiting for you to devour. You have to rub your thighs together to alleviate some of the pressure.
You gripped Lauren's waist securely and lowered her onto your awaiting tongue, moaning at the burst of sweet flavor that hit your taste buds. It was just so uniquely Lauren it made you dizzy. You gave kittenish licks and reveled in the small gasps and moans emitting from the goddess above you. Lauren tangled a hand in your hair and bucked her hips while the other was gripping the headboard of the bed.
You're addicted now there is no doubt about it. You just wanna spend hours with your head between Lauren's legs. This is easily your favorite thing to do now and you make a mental note to ask Lauren for a day to spend just eating her out. You love hearing the gasps and needy moans spilling from her plump lips. The blissed out look on her face right now is just the icing on the cake.
"Is that the best you got? C'mon I know you can do better," Lauren panted and brought your face closer to her pussy. God, she just needed to cum so badly.
Smirking, you gave the raven haired girl above you a sly wink and started lapping at her folds. Moaning throatily, Lauren tugged on your hair and humped your face, smearing her wetness all over your chin. She tasted amazing and all you wanted was to make her cum.
You nipped and sucked and slurped eagerly, eating her out like she was the last meal you'd ever have. Lauren threw her head back and let out a wine as she greedily humped your face. "Oh f-fuck! That feels- Y/N fuck I love your mouth!" Lauren babbled mindlessly as her gripped tightened on the headboard.
"You taste so fucking good," You grunted, eagerly going back to licking her folds. You wrapped your lips around her clicked and suckled harshly, causing Lauren to whine and jerk her hips. You sucked on her pussy lips before looping an arm around her leg and prying them apart as you licked broad stripes up her slit. Lauren squirmed above you and gasped your name which turned into a shriek when you finally slipped your tongue inside her.
The filthy sounds of you eating her out reached Lauren's ears and it had her moaning louder and louder by the second. "Oh fuck! Holy fuckin-" Lauren suddenly cried out, her legs clamping around you head as her orgasm suddenly hit her with a powerful force.
Her cum flooded out and soaking your chin. You hummed contentedly and lapped eagerly, cleaning her up. When Lauren finally stopped trembling she weakly crawled down your body and moaned at the sight of glistening mouth and chin.
You smirked smugly. "That good enough for you?"
Lauren let out a breathy chuckle. "Better than good. Just wait until I get my strength back." The green eyed girl promised. She stared at you for a few seconds with her lip tucked between her teeth, seemingly contemplating something. A second later she leaned forward and licked the wetness off your chin and kissed you softly, moaning at the taste of herself, her hand already traveling down to you throbbing center.
You knew you had a long night ahead of you.
~*~*~*~*~
The arrangement continues on for weeks and it's amazing. The sex is hot and fun but you find yourself craving more. And that's bad. Very very bad.
Gradually, you and Lauren started spending time together that didn't involve the mind blowing sex. You started noticing all her quirks and small details about her. You spent so much time together just being. Her favorite TV shows became yours, her favorite books and vice versa.
She hardly spends any of her time in her own bed at night, opting to sleep with you instead and sometimes you lie awake at night whilst you're cuddling and she's sound asleep, you can't help but notice how perfectly you two fit together like puzzle pieces.
The Lauren you first met is so much different to the Lauren now it almost gave you whiplash. She's sweet, caring, charismatic, and warm. All you had to do was just get past the walls she built and, fuck, it was worth that first month of cold shoulders, constant complaints, and nagging.
You can feel yourself falling for her, and falling hard. You should quit while you're ahead, while you still have time to run. Except you can't because it's too addicting. Everything about Lauren is addicting.
~*~*~*~*~
"Lauren," You panted. "Oh my god."
"Just a little more." She groaned. "Move slightly to the right."
You nodded and did as told.
"And... there!" Lauren shouted triumphantly, placing her hands on her hips, surveying the newly rearranged living room.
You groaned and flopped down on the couch. "I cannot believe you made us move all the furniture around twice." You whined and stretched your tired body.
"The feng shui was totally off."
You lifted the arm that was covering your eyes and look at her like she's crazy. "The what?"
"Feng shui," Lauren said it like repeating it would suddenly explain everything. "The energy in this room wasn't flowing which is probably why I couldn't write report earlier."
"You need to stop hanging out with those weird ass hippie people from your internship," You shook your head and shifted on the couch until you were comfortable. You feel a sudden weight on top of you. "Oof," You grunted.
You feel her settle in between your legs and then fingers tracing over your collarbone through the fabric. You hum contentedly and place a hand on the small her back, underneath her shirt, tracing random patterns.
You open your eyes and see Lauren staring down at you softly. it makes your heart beat erratically and hope to rise in your chest. When you see the affection in her eyes it seems like her returning your unwelcome feelings might not be far fetched. You disregard that immediately though.
"Hi," She whispered, green eyes hypnotizing as ever.
"Hey," You smiled affectionately. "We should take a nap." You suggested, still feeling tired from all the moving earlier.
Lauren rolled her eyes but she's smiling. A nap doesn't sound too bad right about now. "No, you're gonna drool all over me." She teased anyway.
You narrowed your eyes at the raven haired girl. "I do not drool, Jauregui."
"Do too."
"Fine," You said petulantly but there's mischief in your eyes. "I may drool but you, Lauren Jauregui, snore!"
She gasped, her jaw dropping in offence. "I don't snore!"
"Uh huh," You laughed. "Like loudly!" You started making exaggerated snoring sounds and Lauren smacked your shoulder.
"You're so annoying!" She whined childishly and hid her face into the crook of your neck. "That's so embarrassing do I really sound like that?" She grumbled into the skin of your neck.
You chuckled and wrapped your arms around her slender frame. "No," You reassured. "You snore quietly it's actually kinda cute. Like a kitten purring."
Lauren lifted her head and you beamed at her. Lauren thinks your smile is the best thing she's ever laid eyes on. She's tried multiple times to sketch it out but she can never get it right. It's too bright, too pure.
She can't resist leaning down and pecking your mouth a few times. The affectionate and intimate touches beyond the bedroom have become more frequent that it's normal now and she's sure that's a bad sign.
Lauren wonders how it got to this point. It started out as just sex for her but it's turned into something more. This, you, unexpected curve in her life was not what she planned. Lauren had a timeline, she had everything figured out; goals she wanted to achieve. You were a surprise and Lauren hates surprises. She needs control but being with you makes her feel out of control in the best way possible.
She knows she should stop this now before it gets even more out of hand but the way you're caressing her cheek and looking at her like she hung the stars in the sky she's not strong enough to. It should scare her, how she feels but it doesn't. You give her a feeling she's never felt before. You bring out a side of her she didn't think she had. You make her want to be a better version of herself.
But Lauren is afraid she's falling in love.
She's even more afraid she's already fallen.
~*~*~*~*~
You want more. You want this thing, Whatever it is at this point, to be more. You want it to be defined. You can't keep going on in this limbo of not knowing if this is actually heading somewhere or not. It hurts too much.
But you're afraid that if you ask Lauren about it she'll retreat and end it all. You know you wouldn't be able to handle that, you're too selfish. Having Lauren this way is better than not having her at all. So you continue to suffer in silence and take what you can get.
You manage to convince yourself that it's enough and enjoy yourself. Somewhat.
You know your friends are catching on that there's something going on. You and Lauren aren't exactly subtle on the lingering glances, hand holding, unnecessary hugging, etc. You wonder if they're too afraid to ask because of how much of a private person Lauren is and how intimidating she can be when she feels like someone is invading it.
That is until Dinah speaks up one day.
It was a typical Saturday and your friends were over having lunch and catching up. You've been so caught up with Lauren you didn't realize how much you missed your friends. You missed Dinah's constant pranking, Ally's sweetness and positive attitude, and Normani's sass.
"Laurenza let me have half your sandwich," Normani spoke up from her seat around the island.
Lauren paused with the sandwich still in her mouth, before biting down and chewing slowly. She looked at Normani in disbelief. Lauren swallowed her food before speaking, "You're kidding me right?"
Normani stared back expectantly.
"Mani you never share your food with me," Lauren deadpanned.
Normani's mouth opened and closed a few times before she came up with something, "Then make me a sandwich."
"No," Lauren scoffed. "Make it yourself."
"Ugh," She groaned exaggeratedly before getting up to grab two slices of bread.
You walked back into the kitchen after having used the bathroom and without a second thought you came up behind Lauren and wrapped an arm around her waist. Lauren pays no mind to the gesture, she's comforted by it, and leans back into you.
"Hey," You squeezed her hip lightly. Lauren smiled at you in acknowledgment. "Whatcha got there?"
The green eyed girl takes a bite before offering you some and you don't hesitate to take a bite. You hear Lauren let out an airy laugh causing you to look at her questionably. She gestures to your face. Before you have time to react Lauren's face is dangerously close to yours as she wiped off the sauce. "Got it," She whispered then lightly pecked your cheek. You smile in thanks and lightly bump your forehead with hers.
The three other girls share a look, smirking at one another.
"You give her some but not me?" Normani teased but she's a little bit serious.
Lauren doesn't reply because she's too caught in you to notice.
"Are you guys dating yet?" Dinah asked bluntly. "I'm sick from all the cuteness."
You feel Lauren tense up in your arms and your heart pounds inside your rib cage. She doesn't move away (luckily) She's too prideful for that. However when she responded her voice was cold and detached. "No."
It hurt, felt like a blow to the chest. You feel angry at Dinah for being nosy. Why did she have to question it? Why couldn't she just leave it alone? You can already feel Lauren pulling away and it breaks your heart.
The room is filled with and awkward and tense silence after that.
~*~*~*~*~
It's gotten too out of hand, Lauren has known that for a while. She refused to acknowledge it until Dinah had spoke up and reality smacked her in the face. She needs to end it because it'll only end badly. You're a risk and Lauren doesn't do risks, she plans so she won't fail. And besides you guys started this completely backwards. Living together before dating is just a recipe for disaster. Surely you'd grow tired of each other.
But Lauren can't stop because all she wants is to feel you and to hold you close and to keep going to sleep with you and to keep waking up next to you. She wants to keep feeling your skin on hers while you're making lo-
Lauren needs to stop it.
But Lauren doesn't know how to stop it. That is until she meets a pretty brunette with a demure smile and almond colored eyes.
"Hey, I'm Lucy."
~*~*~*~*~
You feel Lauren slipping away. You feel like you're right at the edge of losing her. She's distant and cold towards you now. It reminds you of when you first met her. She doesn't sleep with you anymore, doesn't cuddle, and doesn't spend quality time with you anymore. She still has sex with you but even that has become a rarity. She's never home now too.
And you've spent more nights crying yourself to sleep than you'd like to admit.
You feel helpless and lost. It sucks so much because when she does crawl into your bed late at night and kisses and touches you the way she does you want to hold onto to her and tell her that you don't ever want to let her go because she's all you ever think about and she's the best part of your day.
But you don't, you just lay there watching her sneak out of your room while your hearts breaks more and more with each step she takes.
"This is your fault, Dinah!" You cried from your spot on Normani's living room floor. You called for an emergency girls night because you needed to do something besides moping around your empty apartment and staring at the door wishing Lauren would walk through it.
"I didn't know she'd react that way," Dinah defended. "I'm sorry." And she really is. Seeing the state you're in right now makes her feel immensely guilty.
You sighed, "It's not actually your fault I'm just-" Your throat constricts. "I don't know what to do."
"Oh sweetie come here," Ally pouted before pulling you towards her and cradling your head.
"Why don't you just tell her how you feel?" Normani suggested.
You let out what sounds like a cross between a laugh and a choked sob. "That's a horrible idea, mani."
"And why is that?"
Because you don't wanna expose yourself to such vulnerability only to have your heart stomped on. You don't want her to laugh in your face for being so pathetic. You don't want her to get angry at you for catching feelings when it was just supposed to be sex. "It just is," You said quietly, sniffling a little.
"Maybe she's scared," Dinah shrugged. "Maybe she just needs reassurance that you like her and want to be with her."
You stayed silent, staring at the floor, while Ally strokes your hair.
"I've seen the way she looks at you, Y/N." Ally said. "She has feelings for you too."
You scoffed disbelievingly but Ally tugged on your hair a little and gave you a look that said 'I don't lie.' You look at the others girls, still a bit unconvinced, but they both give you encouraging smalls.
You allow the hope to rise inside your chest again. The way she acted with you before all this mess had to mean she felt something. You nod to yourself feeling more and more confident.
"Tell her."
You gave them a small smile then it grows, "Okay."
~*~*~*~*~
You're nervous and you feel like you're gonna throw up any second. Your palms are sweaty and you've been pacing back and forth for, muttering encouraging words to yourself. You're pretty sure that all the people that have walked by you think you're crazy.
It's almost Lauren's lunch time and you've been trying to build up the courage to walk into the building and tell her how you feel. What do you even say? Do you just blurt it out? Give a long heartfelt speech? Fuck, should you have bought flowers?
You check the time on your watch to see if you have enough time to make a quick run to the nearest flower shop when your eyes almost bug out of your head. Lauren's lunch break starts in two minutes. There's no time. It's now or never.
You let out a huge puff of air before walking into the building only to bump into someone. "Oh sorry-"
"Y/N?" Lauren looks shocked to see you but she must notice your anxious demeanor because it quickly turns into a look of concern. "Are you okay? What's going on?"
"I- yeah I'm fine," You said nervously, moving the both of you out of the way when someone tries to get passed you.
"What are you doing here?" She asked, her eyes scrutinizing.
Your throat has gone dry and you look everywhere but at her. You close your eyes and grip the railing behind you to tether yourself. "Living with you wasn't easy at first," You chuckled. "It was really hard cause you nagged a lot and were never satisfied with anything and you bought this weird tasting almond milk-"
Lauren's eyebrows furrowed in confusion and slight offence. "Where are you going with this?"
"Um- oh right," Your cheeks heated up in embarrassment at getting carried away. "What I'm trying to say is that I didn't expect..." You trailed off, trying not to chicken out.
"Didn't expect...?"
"Didn't expect to catch feelings for you." You finally admitted. You didn't dare look Lauren in the eyes, staring at her nose ring like it was the most intriguing thing ever, until you finally got everything out. "I know that there's been a... rift between us but, Lauren, I really like you and..." You trailed off once you saw the pained look on her face.
"And you don't feel the same." You said resolutely, feeling utterly defeated.
Lauren felt like all the air was sucked out of her lungs. The world was playing some sick joke on her she just knew it because there was no way you just confessed your feelings to her. Her mind was going crazy and her heart was fluttering, she felt warmth spread throughout her body. She wanted to shout 'I feel the exact same way!' and jump in your arms and kiss you breathless.
But she couldn't get the words out. She was frozen.
Fuck fuck fuck, was the only thing going through your head. You knew it was a long shot but you thought that maybe, just maybe, you'd get this happy ending. You were about to backtrack and tell her to forget this ever happened when-
"I-" Lauren started but was cut off by a voice.
"Babe!"
Oh fuck. Lauren completely forgot about-
"Lauren, hey, I was calling you for like two minutes." A brunette quickly walked up the steps and stopped next to Lauren. She put a hand on her shoulder before trailing it down and grabbing Lauren's hand. Your eyes narrowed at the action and, god, it felt like your worst nightmare was coming true. Their proximity, their interlocked hands, it was too intimate to be friendly.
"Oh Hi," The brown eyed girl acknowledged when she realized they weren't alone. She held out her hand, a polite smile on her face. "I'm Lucy."
Your eyes flickered from Lucy's hand, to her face, to Lauren. She looked uncomfortable. You clenched your jaw before shaking your head and shaking the girl's hand. "Y/n. It's nice to meet you." You forced a smile.
Her eyebrows shot up and there was a flash of recognition in her eyes. "Likewise."
You wonder what Lauren has told her about you. Did she reduce you to merely a roommate/acquaintance?
"Babe, could you give us a minute?" Lauren whispered to her. Lucy eyed the both of you up and down, pursing her lips, before giving a curt not.
Lauren watched her walk away before turning back to you with a guilty expression.
"Babe, huh?" You asked once Lucy was out of earshot. "Wow," You laughed bitterly.
"I can explain-"
"No, there's no need," You waved her off. "I understand perfectly." You glared at the green eyed girl while walking passed her, ignoring her pleas for you to come back.
The walk to your car is fairly long but you managed to keep yourself together until you get to your car. Once you're seated and buckled up you grip the steering wheel and stare straight ahead. A few tears escape and then a few more until you're full on crying.
You felt cheated, lied to, and used.
A few minutes after you got yourself together you finally wiped the tears off your face. How idiotic of you to think that Lauren would actually reciprocate your feelings. You feel anger rising in your chest all of a sudden. You're angry at yourself for misinterpreting Lauren's actions. You're angry at Lauren for being confusing and leading you on. You're angry at your friends for prompting you go for it because they thought Lauren felt the same way.
But you can't be angry at any of them because it's not their fault you caught feelings. It's not their fault that Lauren just didn't want to be in a relationship with you.
You start crying all over again. through bleary eyes you pick up your phone and call someone you know can cheer you up. They pick up on the third ring. "Dinah?" You swallowed thickly.
At the utter heartbreak she hears in your tone of voice, Dinah knows immediately that things didn't as everybody hoped. "I'm coming over."
"No," You shook your head. "I'm not home, I'll come to you," Your voice was thick with emotion.
"Fine," Dinah agreed. "But be careful."
"I will," You said quietly.
~*~*~*~*~
From then on you do everything in your power to avoid Lauren. You're only home to sleep and take care of your chores then you're gone. You've been spending a lot of time with Dinah, Normani, and Ally. You've all grown closer. They're there for you and They're helping you.
You're still fucking heartbroken. Sometimes you think it's never gonna end. That you're doomed for a life of misery. You're still constantly thinking about Lauren and it makes you angry because she doesn't want you so you should just forget about her already. You're sick and tired of hurting, of crying nearly everyday.
But no matter what you do she's still in the back of your mind. Whenever you hear a joke, start a new show, watch a good movie, or read a good book you want to immediately text Lauren about it but then your heart contracts when you pull up her contact. You miss her, her presence, and her touch.
There's only so much help your friends can do and eventually you start doing things on your own. It's for your benefit and fear of feeling like you're annoying your friends with your sadness. Time alone gives you the opportunity to discover new things about yourself and new hobbies. You feel like It's getting better slowly, very slowly, like a snails pace but still getting better.
~*~*~*~*~
You meet a girl one day and it's totally in a cliche way. You were turning a corner, on your way to regular Starbucks spot, entirely too focused on your phone when you crashed into someone. Papers, books, and coffee went flying everywhere. Luckily no coffee is spilled on you. You scramble to help pick up the scattered paper while muttering apologies, "I'm so sorry I wasn't looking where I was going."
"It's okay."
The moment you look up all you see is green. And of course your first thought is Lauren. But these eyes are soft and welcoming unlike Lauren's intense stormy green eyes. This girl's eyes are like sea glass. Gentle and calm.
You quickly stand up as she does the same. Once you're face to face you're actually blown away by how beautiful this girl is. Her light brown hair, green eyes, and full lips curved into a big smile. You let your eyes wander and take what she's wearing. Black leather jacket, white t-shirt, and black jeans.
It was all so fucking familiar. Cool rocker girlfriend. Lauren.
You cleared your throat lightly before holding out the papers. "H-here." You cursed yourself for stuttering. It dawns on you that you're nervous. Well of course you are this girl is beautiful.
She giggled a little and, oh my, it sounded like angels singing. "Thank you." She has a fucking accent. An Australian accent. You're sure you're about to melt right then and there. Her voice is so soft and smooth.
"Sorry again about the papers," You rubbed the back of your neck. "And your coffee- Oh your coffee!"
She tilted her head a little, resembling a puppy, looking at you with amusement filled eyes. "My coffee?" She repeated questionably.
"I- well, um, I spilled your coffee by crashing into you so the least I can do is buy you another one." For some reason you didn't want to let this girl, whose name you still don't know, go just yet. She intrigued you even though she's barely said four words to you.
"That's okay you don't-"
"I-I want to," You blurted out quickly then blushed to the tips of your ears. "It'd help clear my conscious," You joked.
The mystery girl pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth, seemingly contemplating your offer. You fidgeted nervously, heart thumping against your chest, as you waited for her answer.
"Alright," She nodded. "You're buying me a coffee." She smiled widely and you thought if that was the last thing you'd ever see you'd be okay with that.
"Y/N, is my name by the way. Just throwin' that out there." You mentally kicked yourself for being so awkward.
But it earned you a laugh so it makes it worth it. "Alycia, just throwing that out there," She teased, adjusting the strap of her backpack. You blushed and looked down at your feet.
"Pretty," You complimented, holding the door open for her.
"Thank you," Alycia smiled kindly. "It was tea by the way."
"What?" You asked.
"My drink that you spilled," Alycia said. "It was tea."
"Oh," You hummed in realization, securing a spot in line.
After getting your drinks Alycia asked if you wanted to sit down and talk to which you quickly agreed. So you two spend hours just talking and getting to know each other. She's intelligent, funny, passionate, sweet, a bit quirky, and has a heart of gold. The conversation just flows, it's easy. You don't even realize the time passing by quickly.
You pay very close attention to what she tells you about herself, wanting to commit every detail to memory. You Learn that she wants to become an actress, has a thing for giant squids, can paint, surprisingly passionate about her tea, and she's a giant nerd who loves space.
But Lauren is still in the back of your mind the entire time. You can't help but compare the two. They're so different yet so similar at the same time. But with Alycia it hurts a little less and it feels like you've picked up a few pieces of your heart.She makes you feel something other than just pain. She makes your heart flutter even if it's the slightest of flutters. It's still something.
Which is why when it's time for her to go you feel a deep sense of loss and disappointment settle in the pit of your stomach. You want to keep talking to her, to keep holding on to the little bit of relief she's provided.
You're pleasantly surprised when she asked you for your number and if you could do this again sometime. You don't even care how it made you look when you agreed too quickly.
~*~*~*~*~
You found yourself spending most of your time with Alycia. Getting to know each other and then things progress from friends to more then friends (during this time is when you were most vulnerable but Alycia was patient and understanding) and then finally to girlfriends. Thing are great, Alycia is beyond amazing but you still got Lauren stuck in your head.
It doesn't happen as often as before but she's there. And you still found yourself comparing the two. You try your hardest not to but it happens.
"Ugh," Alycia groaned and lightly bump her head against the tree she was sitting under. The two of you decided to have a picnic at the park when Alycia remembered she needed to remember lines for her up coming audition. You volunteered to go over them with her, which she was grateful for, but she was struggling on one particular line. You could tell that it was bothering the brunette.
"I think it's time for a break." You plucked the script out of her hands, ignoring her protests.
"What? No, Y/N, I have to get it right," The brunette whined and climbed over you to reach for her script.
"It's break time!"
"Give it to me!"
"No!" You laughed, struggling to keep the script out of her reach. Somehow you guys end up rolling around on the blanket, Tickling one another. It's all Laughs until you're red faced and smiles until your cheeks hurt.
You finally manged to pin the girl down and you stare at each other, with dopey smiles on your faces, as you try to catch your breath. You noticed her eyes are green like the grass and leaves. "It's break time," You said with finality, still a little breathless.
"Fine," Alycia conceded, rolling her eyes but still smiling.
"Good." You pecked her lips before moving to sit against the tree and opening your arms. Alycia immediately cuddled into you. "I think too much rehearsing would be counterproductive," You voiced, playing with the tips of her naturally curly hair.
Alycia snorted into your shoulder before asking, "How so?"
"Because it's like you sit there for hours and stare at the words all day, stressing over how much you need to remember them when really it's just going in one end and out the other. And then you realize that you can't remember anything and it completely sucks? Am I making any sense?" You asked, furrowing your eyebrows.
Alycia laughed lightly before resting her chin on your shoulder, peering up at you over the rim of her glasses. You loved when she wore glasses. She looked so good wearing them. "No," She shook her head.
"Oh," You said plainly. "Whatever you still need a break."
ALycia sighed, "I just wanna do good, better than good, it's a huge role."
"You will," You assured. "You're amazing."
She smiled gratefully at you, gaze soft and adoring, before she averted her eyes, finding the grass much more fascinating. She was quiet for a moment before she spoke, "I like to make people feel something. I think that's what I most want to achieve out of it and that's what I enjoy the most.
"Making people go, "I know how that feels." Cause we're all so similar, We all got so many different experiences but we can all relate on the similar level. It's nice to find that connection. And I just think that with this role I can do that." She finished, Worrying her bottom lip with her teeth.
while you sat there listening to her speak, hearing the passion and conviction in her voice, you know you fell a little harder for her.
You had noticed the way she used her hands to speak and heard the little voice in your head whisper, Lauren does that too. You don't let yourself dwell on that.
"I believe in you," You finally said and you really mean it too. You feel it in your gut that Alycia Debnam Carey is destined for greatness.
The look she gives you is so emotionally charged it makes your breath hitch in your throat. Then she's kissing you and you know Alycia is a great kisser. Always putting the right a mount of pressure and moving her lips expertly with yours. And you hate yourself for thinking that's exactly how Lauren kisses.
So you kiss Alycia a little harder to forget.
~*~*~*~*~
Lauren isn't happy.
She hasn't been for a while. Not entirely happy and she knows exactly why.
Lucy is great and all. She makes Lauren laugh and she genuinely enjoys Lucy's company but... it just doesn't fit. It doesn't fit because Lucy isn't you.
That day has replayed in her mind everyday since and she doesn't think she's ever regretted something so much. It's torture but sometimes she let's her mind wander and think about different scenarios of how things should've played out. How she should've told you that she wanted all the things you did and more.
"Lauren!"
"Hm?" Lauren shook herself out of another day dream.
"I called your name like three times," Lucy sounded annoyed. "What's up?"
"Nothing," Lauren quickly dismissed.
Lucy eyed her inquisitively before deciding to drop the topic. Lauren is grateful for that but it's short lived when Lucy turns to face her fully from her spot on the couch. "Lauren..."
"Yeah...?" The undecipherable look in Lucy's eyes and the suddenly tense atmosphere has Lauren squirming on the couch uncomfortably.
"I have something to tell you."
Lauren's heart is thumping in her chest and she doesn't know why. What could she possibly say? "What is it?" She asked reluctantly.
Lucy closed her and took a deep breath before opening her eyes again. "I love you."
Lauren's entire body goes rigid. She hoped she didn't hear correctly but she knows she did. She doesn't know what to say. Lauren doesn't love Lucy. She cares for her, of course, but she's not in love with her.
"I-I-" All words get caught in Lauren's throat. She sees Lucy's face contort into fear, hurt, and devastation and it feels like Déjà Vu because it's the same look you gave her on that day. Then suddenly her mind is filled with images of you. You smiling, Laughing, sleeping, and images of you two together. It's all she sees. It's all she's ever seen.
"I love..." Lauren tried again. "I love Y/N," She finally breathed out.
She see's an abundance of emotions pass over her face Happiness, confusion, pain before it settles on anger.
"What the fuck?" Lucy seethed, shooting up from her spot, causing Lauren to flinch. "Y/N? As in your fucking roommate?"
Lauren nodded lightly.
"I knew it," The brown eyed girl laughed humorlessly. She feels completely humiliated and stupid.
Lauren tilted her head, eyes furrowing in question. "You knew?"
"Dumb isn't a good look on you, Lauren," She sneered. "You always talked about her and the way you talked about her... I-I knew I just didn't want to admit it and stupidly let myself fall in love with you," She whispered brokenly.
"I'm sorry," Lauren's heart hurt at the sight of the girl. She made a move to comfort her but Lucy held up her hand and shook her head.
"What's the point of this? If you love her then why are we even together?"
"I-I guess there isn't a point," The green eyed girl shrugged helplessly. The look of disappointment on Lucy's face let her know that that wasn't the answer she was expecting. But there is no point in lying to Lucy that maybe she can get over it and learn to love her because Lauren knows that won't happen.
"Get out."
"But-"
"No buts Lauren. Just get out," Lucy sighed, sounding exhausted. "We're over- just please get out."
Lauren remained seated, staring at the girl in front of her. Lauren knows that this shouldn't end so abruptly. They should talk it out and get closure but Lucy's demeanor let's her know that it's a lost cause. This is really it. So she gets up slowly, "I'm really sorry," Lauren whispered sincerely before walking past her and out her now ex girlfriend's apartment.
Lauren hates herself because due to her own inner struggle she's hurt two people who didn't deserve it at all.
~*~*~*~*~
Two weeks later, during her lunch break, when Lauren enters the empty apartment she shares with you she feels like she's been hit with a ton of bricks. She misses you so much to the point of tears. The apartment feels lifeless. She feels very alone.
Lauren decides then that she has to do something. She's tired of running away. She needs you in every aspect.
So she does what she knows best. She starts planing.
Tonight she's going to set up the apartment real nice. Roses strewn about, candles lit all around, and a home cooked meal. The whole nine yards.
Then she's just going to lay her heart out on the line and finally be honest. She can do this.
~*~*~*~*~
Later that day, on the other side of town, at Alycia's apartment, The two of you are having a movie night. Alycia keeps fidgeting with the hem of her pajamas. She wants to discuss something with you that's been bugging her for a while. She just doesn't know how to bring it up but it needs to be talked about because she's serious about you. She feels this relationship could head somewhere.
You notice your girlfriend's fidgeting and nudge her a little until she looks at you and you raise an eyebrow in question.
She sighed before grabbing the remote and turning off the TV. The action makes you slightly concerned. "We need to talk," Alycia said.
Oh fuck. That's never a good sign. Your heart speeds up and you try to recall anything you've done to make her upset. You come up with nothing and you're really about to freak out. Once again, are you just not good enough?
Alycia sees the look on your face and is quick to reassure you, "I'm not going to break up with you." She placed a hand on your bicep and squeezed it lightly.
You relax slightly at that. Thank god.
"At least I hope it doesn't come to that."
"What?" You squeaked.
"I wanted to ask you about Lauren," Alycia said hesitantly like she didn't want to scare you off.
"Lauren?" You repeated dumbly.
~*~*~*~*~
Lauren sat at the set table, food already starting to get cold, staring at the door hoping and praying you're gonna walk in any moment. She sighed and looked around the decorated apartment. She hopes that this isn't in vain. She hopes that she still has time to make things right.
Her biggest fear is that she's already too late.
~*~*~*~*~
"What about her?" You asked nervously, trying your best not to show it.
"Well... You don't talk about her like at all, you get really uncomfortable if the topic is brought up, and I've probably been to your apartment like twice since I've met you."
"So, what are you getting at?" You asked slowly.
"I-" She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "You two have history don't you? Like you have feelings for her?" the brunette stated more than asked.
"Both." You whispered quietly, feeling your eyes start to sting. You swallowed thickly and hung your head down in shame for a moment before looking up at her with earnest eyes. You don't want to lose her over this. You still have lingering feelings for Lauren, you really don't think they'll ever go away, but Alycia is your priority.
"But that's... That's okay because I know you feel for me too but you're holding onto her and this isn't going to work if you don't let her go. Just give me a real chance and I know we can make this work. Please," She whispered the last word. And now her hands are cupping your face and she's begging you to just give her one chance.
~*~*~*~*~
When Lauren blows out the last candle, after she packed everything else up, she's feeling more than a little discouraged. She feels the tears well up in her eyes but refuses to let them fall. Defeat is starting to slowly seep in but she's not giving up so easily.
Turning on the lamp, Lauren settles in the living wearing one of your hoodies that she secretly kept, and turns on broad city. It was one of your favorite shows to watch together.
She'll sit her and wait for you. It's her turn to wait and she'll wait as long as she needs. You're too important to her. She won't let you slip away again.
"It takes as long as it takes," Lauren muttered to herself as she wiped a runaway tear.
~*~*~*~*~
You know that she's right. You have been holding onto Lauren, waiting- for what? you don't even know. A part of you still has hope but you know it's useless. It's not fair for you to suffer any longer. It's time to let go.
You close your eyes and take a deep breath.
When you reopen them you stare into those deep pools of green, that are staring back at you wide and hopeful, for the first time you don't think of Lauren. All you see is Alycia. And when you lean down to kiss her, all you feel is Alycia.
~*~*~*~*~
When you fall asleep with Alycia waiting for tomorrow to start a new beginning, Lauren falls asleep waiting for something that'll never come.
~*~*~*~*~
A/N: Don't watch The 100 it's the dumbest fucking show. They killed off two of their best characters in the span of three episodes and if the rumors are true it's only gonna get worse.
Anyway, did you guys miss me? Sorry I was MIA for so long but I got sick (it was just a fever lol) back in December and literally lost all my creative will to write. Which is why this took me fucking months to finish and it's still trash, sorry.
Send me requests!! Love you, thanks for everything!!