It was as if all the life inside of me had just been sucked out by those three words that left Harry's lips and my body had been tossed into a dark void of no emotion.
Yeah, hard to see a bright side in that situation but what did I expect.
It was going to happen anyways.
I blinked at Harry, nodding slowly trying to process his words before I slowly turned with a stiff posture, leaving the door open for him to come in but not saying a word as I marched into the kitchen.
"I'm- wow, nice, nice." I choked out, trying to control my breathing as I grabbed the pencil from behind my ear with a shaking hand, closing my eyes to calm myself as I heard the door close before Harry walked in.
Be happy. Be supportive. Be a friend.
"It was amazing." Harry breathed, letting out a sigh of content as he rested his elbows on the other side of the kitchen island across from me as my grip tightened on my pencil.
"Just everything, there were candles, petals, god and the lingerie she was wearing." Harry continued as I tried to swallow the bile rising up my throat.
"That's great... that's-" I began, my voice cracking before the tip of my pencil snapped against the papers making me curse under my breath as I blinked rapidly.
"Shit, stupid pencil, stupid stupid." I muttered, pouting down at the writing utensil as I furrowed my brows in annoyance.
"When I was with her in bed it was the most unexplainable thing, I've never felt any better, it was the best thing I could've done in my life." Harry said, stalking over to me in slow leisurely strides as I forced myself to look up at him and smile.
Why was he looking at me like that?
"Well, I'm happy for you." I said through my teeth, tugging my towel up as he neared me, my emotions unstable as I backed away from him wanting nothing more than to disappear.
"Are you? Are you really happy." Harry suddenly snapped, looking frustrated as he raised his voice making me back up until I was pressed against the kitchen counter before he slammed both of his hands down on the counter behind me, bringing his face down as I leaned away and clutched at my towel.
"Yes." I mumbled, breathing heavily as we glared at one another.
"Oh you're happy are you. You're happy knowing the fact that Lisa was the one that took my virginity, that she was the one making me beg for her in bed!" Harry yelled in my face, making me flinch in return, not from his overpowering voice but from his words that seemed to slice through me.
"Yes!" I screamed, trying to shove him away as I avoided his gaze.
"Look at me Nat! Look at me and just tell me how you feel! How does it feel knowing Lisa was my first!? Are you really truly happy!" Harry growled, gripping my chin in his large hand, tilting my face up so I would look at him.
"Yes I'm happy! I'm so..." I yelled back, my voice hoarse and then not knowing what else to do I finally did something that I hadn't done in a long time.
I started to cry.
"Happy..." My voice cracked.
This hurt. This hurt so much.
Warm tears began to trail down my flushed cheeks as my shoulders heaved while I wiped at my eyes.
"Look, tears of joy." I sniffed, the tears stinging my eyes before Harry grabbed my wrists, wrenching my hands away from my face as he gaped down at me.
"I knew it," Harry breathed, a look of disbelief on his face as he let go of one of my wrists to wipe the tears away from my cheek with the pad of his thumb.
"Nat I'm sorry, don't cry, I just needed a reaction.. I needed the truth. I'm sorry." He quickly apologized, his voice holding so much emotion as he continued to caress my face before one of his hands traveled down to my waist and he pulled me closer until I felt his warm lips press against mine.
Our lips only brushed against eachother for a millesecond before I shoved him away, causing Harry to back away with darkened eyes and flushed cheeks as I shook my head, hating how much my body, mind, and soul were begging to have him near me again.
"Who the fuck do you think you are! You can't just go and have sex with Lisa then come here and make me feel like this! You can't kiss me, you can't, god I hate you! I hate the way you make me feel! Don't think just cause you got some soft ass chapstick commercial lips doesn't mean I'm gonna forget this shit you're pulling!" I ranted out, gripping onto my towel as I poked at Harry's broad chest with my pointer finger.
"Nat calm down, jesus baby, calm down." Harry said in a soft tone, gently grabbing my wrists as he stared down at me.
"Don't fucking baby me you tall motherfu-"
"I lied." He admitted, his soft breath fanning over my lips, the both of us breathing heavily as we made eye contact.
"What?" I blinked, furrowing my brows as I looked up at him in confusion trying to read his face.
"I lied. I didn't have sex with Lisa.... I couldn't." He sighed, shaking his head before he brought his hand down onto my waist.
"But you said, with the candles, the petals." I swallowed, our chests pressed against eachother as he let go of my wrist, trailing his fingers lightly over the skin of my neck causing my heart rate to pick up immediatly at his gentle touch.
"I broke up with her. I couldn't do it. She wasn't you... all this time I was with Lisa I would always have you in the back of my head. You never left my mind, and I thought that I was just torturing myself with thoughts of you, I thought what I wanted was for you to leave my head, and when you finally did... I missed you. I realize now I don't want you to leave my head, I never want to forget you, your laugh, your smile." Harry breathed, lowering his face down to mine ever so slowly making the tips of our noses brush as I blinked up at him.
"I just wanted you to be happy." I confessed in a quiet voice before Harry brought his head down and started to place soft kisses over the side of my neck down to my collar bone.
"You're such a dork," He breathed, a husky chuckle leaving his lips as he gripped my waist in a possesive manner, pulling me closer until our bodies were flushed as he tugged at my earlobe causing me to shudder in his arms.
"I'm only happy when I'm with you." He said, raising his head from my neck to smile down at me, running his thumb against my bottom lip as I let out a small laugh of disbelief.
"The zipper of your leather jacket's cold." I randomly commented with a smile before Harry could lean down to kiss me as I scrunched my face up at him in a teasing manner.
"Your right, it's getting a bit hot in here anyways isn't it." He smirked, his dimples appearing on the sides of his cheeks before he unzipped his jacket and tossed it to the floor behind him before grabbing ahold of me.
"Oh my god! It's the shirt!" I said in amazement, avoiding his lips with a smile as I ran my fingers over the collar of his pink polka dotted shirt, the first few buttons unbuttoned exposing his broad tan tattooed chest.
Harry smiled, beaming down at me before he brought his hand on the underside of my exposed thigh, bringing me up to wrap my legs around him as we let out breathless laughs before he placed me on the counter.
"Are you going to keep on making me wait to kiss you or am I just going to have to take you right here on this counter." Harry growled, holding me by the waist before one of his hands rested on my bare thigh from beneath my towel, squeezing my skin causing me to jump in surprise before I shook my head and smiled.
"Calm yourself Saint Harold." I breathed with a smile before I wrapped my arms around his neck, making him chuckle before I pulled him down into a slow passionate kiss.
I felt as if my whole body was humming with pure bliss, my heart practically soaring at the sensation of his soft lips brushing against mine, our heads tilting to the side for better access as I ran my hands through his soft hair making him let out a groan of approval into my mouth.
The kiss was intensifying yet gentle, it was slow and there was something just a little bit more than lust in our actions as Harry drew back breathless with hooded eyes, smiling as he pecked my lips over and over causing me to flush.
We just stared at eachother, these stupid goofy grins on both of our faces as he rested his forehead against mine, watching me intently through his lashes as our chests rose and fell.
"You're blushing." Harry noted, his voice a deep rasp before he brought his hand up to my warm face.
"So are you." I shot back with a smile, mimicking his action and running the pad of my thumb along his flushed cheek.
He leaned forward and kissed me again, this time with a lot more intensity as he bit my bottom lip, causing me to let out a shakey gasp before he slipped his tongue into my mouth.
The only word I can think of to describe this kiss was fire.
I felt my whole body heat up as his grip on my thigh tightened before he pulled me closer to him, our mouths never breaking contact as I tugged at his hair, the both of us panting like mad as if the only way we could ever survive was having our lips molded against eachother.
Harry grabbed a fistful of my hair, gently tugging it back for better access to my neck as he started to leave a trail of wet opened mouth kisses down my skin, licking and sucking as I let out soft whimpers at the pleasure while I continued to tangle my fingers into his hair.
"I'm still naked." I blurted out, placing my hand on his warm chest, slightly pushing him away until his lips left my skin as I clutched onto the towel that was slipping from my body.
"I know, I'm so blessed." Harry chuckled with a smirk, darting his tongue out to wet his lower lip as he watched me while I felt his large hand on my bare thigh slowly travel up.
"Woah, woah." I laughed nervously, grabbing ahold of his wrist and bringing it out from under my towel before hopping off the counter.
"You had candles, rose petals, and lingerie... I am not going to just let you lose your virginity here on my kitchen counter." I snorted, shaking my head as I turned to walk away, only for a pair of strong arms to wrap around my waist as Harry rested his chin on my shoulder.
"Don't you get it, it doesn't matter where it is or even how it is, as long as it's with you it will always be special." He breathed in my ear making me smile at his words.
I turned my head to peck his lips before wiggling out of his embrace.
"It will be special, I promise you there's nothing more I want to do right now then take you here on the kitchen floor with your cute pink flannel on while I ride you." I told him straight up because really, it was getting tiring refraining all my thoughts.
I watched as Harry's face turned a light shade of pink, almost matching the color of his shirt as I heard him gulp before he bit his lip and watched me with wide eager eyes.
Don't jump his bones, don't jump his bones, don't jump his bones.
"But I'm going to make it perfect for you, I want it to be perfect for you because that's what you deserve." I concluded with a smile, patting his cheek making him smirk as he grabbed my wrist.
"It's good, I don't want you to think I just came over here to lose my virginity. All I want is to be here with you." Harry confirmed making me pinch his cheek as I let out a long 'aaaawwww' causing him to roll his eyes at me.
"S'cute.... lemme just go and change cause I'm really naked right now." I reminded him making him scoff as he gave me a look.
"Oh sure you're naked, you can't trick me again I know you've got two towels." Harry mocked with a smirk before he grabbed the bottom of my towel, yanking it off my body leaving me in absolutely nothing as I gawked at him with wide eyes.
Harry's green eyes widened in shock as he took in my naked body, his cheeks flushing as we both screamed and I grabbed nearest plate from the dishwasher to cover myself.
"What- why- you're actually naked!" Harry screamed, obviously flustered as he blinked at me in surprise and brought his arms out to gesture towards my body.
"Of course I am that's what I said! I only wore two towels that one time because I wasn't showering in my own place!" I explained as we continued to gawk and scream at one another.
"How was I- I didn't know!" Harry sputtered out, his gaze not even reaching my eyes as I placed my arm over my chest while holding the plate to cover my crotch.
Yup, not using that good china anymore.
"Okay you can stop staring and hand me back my- oh jesus christ it's rising!" I screamed, no longer covering my chest as I frantically pointed at Harry's hard on making him look down and scream.
"Why the fuck are you surprised!?" I yelled at him as he hopped up and down, trying to cover his boner with the towel only to have it poke out even more.
"I've never been this hard I'm hurting!" Harry cried out as we began to scream and hop around my kitchen like mad people.
"Okay, okay, just calm down, the good thing is it's not gonna get any bigger so- oh shit it's getting bigger what the fuck!" I exclaimed in shock as Harry screamed.
"This must end." I concluded, raising the plate in my hands aiming for Harry's crotch.
"No! Jesus Nat no! Put the fucking plate down! Please!" Harry quickly interjected, one of his hands out to stop me with the other covering his hard on.
"Just- just change, get clothes! I'm going to nut just looking at you." He snapped, tossing the towel back to me as I handed him the plate.
"Right! Right!" I repeated, frantically covering myself with the cloth before turning to dart into my room only to trip over my own two feet and fall face first onto the kitchen floor with a loud slap.
I suddenly heard Harry laugh uncontrollably from behind me making me let out a groan of annoyance, not lifting my head from the floor as I brought my hand up to flip him off.
I suddenly felt Harry's large hand fall down against my ass cheek with a loud smack, causing my whole body to jerk as I screamed in shock.
"I'll be waiting in the living room for you when you're done." Harry chuckled, smirking down at me before giving me a sly wink and taking a swig of a can of soda in his hand that he had probably gotten from my fridge as he walked off without even helping me up.
"One day you're the one who's gonna get spanked homeboy so you better watch it!" I seethed, making my voice loud so he could hear me from the kitchen.
"Promise?"
++
Harry and I had stayed up all night, just talking and laughing with one another as we watched a marathon of Friends on the television.
I helped him even finish his speech for his work while he wrote down tips on how to make quick snacks for myself whenever I got hungry rather than just ordering take out.
I looked down at the sleeping man on my couch, running my hand through his thick brown hair making him smile in his sleep and lean into my touch.
I cared about Harry so much, and the fact that he actually wanted me to be his first continued to baffle me.
He was too good for me.
I promised him I would make it special and I intended it to.
This would be so much more different than having sex or a quick fuck, I actually wanted to really give myself to this guy, everything.
I slipped on my oversized shirt, giving Harry one last look wanting nothing more than to curl back by his side and sleep with him on the couch like we did last night.
But if this was to go any further, I had to end this now.
I grabbed the papers and keys on the coffee table before walking out of my flat.
I looked down at the address I had scrawled down on my hand, following the directions on google map on my phone as I drove to find the person who I thought I'd never have to look for again.
I finally parked in front of a tall brick apartment building, getting out of my car and heading inside as I checked the number of the room I had written on my hand one more time.
I took in a deep breath, knocking on the designated door with determination, furrowing my brows in curiousity when I heard a loud clang from behind the door before it finally opened, revealing just the man I wanted to see.
"Natalie, short cake, long time no see! How you doin'."
"Zayn let's just cut to the chase, I want a divorce. Now."