Today was the day we were supposed to put on the play Romeo and Juliet. I was kind of nervous, but Mr. Paisley and Mr. Kulla cheered me on.
We were supposed to have three shows, one tonight, one tomorrow afternoon, and another tomorrow night.
Today was the first show. Everyone was there at 4:00 and the show was supposed to start at 6:00. Everyone was scrambling around getting to where they needed to go. There were a few groups of friends just hanging out while others we standing in line to get their makeup done.
After I slipped my costume on, Mrs. Giry said she would do my makeup. “Remember, make her look beautiful!” Mr. Paisley said. “Yes, I know Monsieur.” Mrs. Giry said annoyed.
After she was done with my makeup, Mr. Kulla said, “Oh my god! That is not beautiful! There way too much lipstick, not enough blush, and to top it off, there’s a smudge right there!” “I think I look fine.” I said. “No, everyone will think you are not beautiful, we’re done, we’re ruined, we’re...” but before he could finish his sentence, Mrs. Giry slapped him across the face.
“Thank you.” He said. “Zorry about zat.” said Mrs. Giry. “Zey are crazy.” “Yeah I’ve known that for a long time.” I said. Mrs. Giry giggled.
After every one was all set, Mr. Paisley and Mr. Kulla gave a little speech about how proud of us they were, and for first timers that they could do it, and they made the cast give a round of applause for me because I was good enough to take over the role of Juliet.
After that, the audience began coming in. For a few minutes, the tech crew was doing last minute things such as fixing a prop or setting up for the first scene.
I was a little nervous, but I told myself that I could do it. “Break a leg Casey.” said Gracie. I gave her a confused look. “It means good luck in theater talk. Otherwise it’s bad luck.” “Okay then, break a leg to you to then.” I replied. Then the lights went dim and Mr. Paisley’s voice boomed out of the speakers to announce the beginning of the play.
Suddenly, I had the feeling I was being watched. I shrugged it off, it was probably stage fright.
The performance went great that night; outside I saw my parents and Minnie with a bouquet of flowers. They congratulated me on my performance. I was actually kind of surprised I didn’t forget any of my lines.
Someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned to see a guy I didn’t recognize. “Hey Casey, I just want to say you were awesome. You were totally better than Carla Espenta.” “I’m sorry but who are you?” I asked. “Don’t you remember me?” said the guy. “I’m Ron DePagney, your best friend in kindergarten?” Now I remembered!
“Oh yeah, hey, why aren’t you in Tennessee?” I asked. When we were about seven years old, he moved to Tennessee because of his parents’ jobs. “My parents divorced a week ago, and so now I’m living with my dad here, but it’s good to see some I know.”
Suddenly my parents saw who I was talking to. They went over to Ron and asked him how he was and what was he doing here and all that shit. Minnie was too busy flirting with Brendan Komen.
After Ron left, I went to get changed. While I was changing, I heard, “Brava, Brava!” It was the same voice I heard when I was auditioning for Juliet! Then I really had the feeling I was being watched. I tensed up, hesitant to take my dress off. I really wanted to get out of this dress, but I couldn’t.
Finally, I got the gut to change into my street clothes.
The second show the next day came out just as good. Ron came again and congratulated me on my work again. That day we were supposed to have a cast party until the next show started at 6:00. It was 2:00 now, and I went to the cafeteria.
Someone grabbed my shoulder. I turned to see Ron behind me. “Hey Ron, I thought you left.” I said. “I’m coming to the cast party with you!” he said. “Yeah, except that you didn’t do anything behind the scenes.” I said. “I know how to solve that!” he said with a grin on his face.
“YOU HAD BETTER LET ME IN OR I’M GONNA HAVE MY DAD SUE YOU!!” Ron screamed as he was beating up Mr. Paisley. I just let him do his thing. Ron’s family was rich and basically, his dad was one of the most powerful men out there. “Okay, okay!” Mr. Paisley shouted. Ron got off him and said politely, “Thank you.” then he grabbed my arm and led me inside the Cafeteria.
“Why did you even want to come here with me anyway?” I asked Ron. “Because I want to hang out with you and know what happened to you over the years.” said Ron. “Okay then.” I said.
So during the party, we talked about what happened in our families and what was going on. I found out that Ron was in my Computer Skills class. Then he did something that was way unexpected. He held my hand. I let him hang on to it though.
“Who wants cake?” Mr. Kulla announced. “CAKE!!!” Ron hollered. He raced over to the cake. I quickly snuck out of the cafeteria. I had to use the bathroom really bad and Ron wouldn’t let me go there.
I stepped into the bathroom, and then I heard a “Psst!” I looked around for the person who said that. “Pst! Casey! Over here!” said the voice. I found where it was coming from. It was coming from a toilet. “Casey!” it said. The lid was moving up and down like it was talking. “Use me!”
Okay, I really think I need to be put in a mental hospital, because this was insane! “Um, since when could you talk?” I asked the toilet. “Since I saw your beautiful face.” it said. I had no idea what to say, so I just stared at it with a shocked expression on my face. I slapped myself in the face to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.
“I know you have to use the bathroom really bad.” said the toilet. So it wasn’t a dream. It was real, or was it? “Um well, actually I really don’t need to go anymore.” I said awkwardly. “Oh come on, I know you’re lying.” it said. “I really need a good refreshment of your piss, all day girls with their periods have sat on me, and it’s disgusting!”
Then I heard the door burst open. I looked to see Rom rushing toward me. “No Casey, don’t fall for it!” he shouted. “Wait, what?” “It’s a trick!” said Ron. He grabbed my arm and led me out of the bathroom.
That was the weirdest thing I have ever experienced in my life I think.
Well, an hour later, we all had to put our costumes back on and get our makeup redone. Then again, I felt like I was being watched. After what happened with the toilet, I was a little more alert.
After that, everything went smoothly, until I had to kiss Romeo for the first time.
When he came out, I noticed he got a little taller; sudden growth spurt? And I couldn’t really see his face too good; maybe there was something wrong with his makeup and he didn’t want anyone to see?
When he spoke, it didn’t sound much like Craig’s real voice. It seemed kind of familiar; I couldn’t put my finger on it. I decided to shrug it off.
When he came in my “chamber” he acted a lot more passionate. Maybe he had a crush on me now? That’s what I thought when he kissed me. His kiss was deeper and more passionate. Then it hit me.
This was not Craig.
I realized he was wearing a mask. After he pulled away, I forgot the fact that we were still onstage, so I ripped his mask off. I gasped when the memories came flooding back into my head. It was the Phantom!
Everyone gasped and screamed. Everyone backstage was all in panic. The Phantom grabbed me by the waist, and threw a knife at one of the headlights. It fell and landed in front of the seats, catching them on fire.
Then I found we were falling through a trap door. The Phantom still had me in his grasp. Now I was in panic, but I forced myself to stay brave.
* * *
I ran backstage to find Mrs. Giry. Casey told me about her, she said she was a mysterious lady. I saw her running toward me. “Mrs. Giry!” I called. “Follow me Monsieur!” she shouted over the panic. Faintly, I could hear fire truck sirens outside.
Mrs. Giry led me to a closet filled with left over costumes. She went to the mirror at the other end of the room. She pulled it aside to reveal a secret passage way. “Go in here!” she said. “It vill lead you to ze phantom’s lair. It weel take you to Casey. Kip your ’ands at ze level of your aiz.” “My who at the level of my what?” I asked. “I must go,” said Mrs. Griy. “It would make too much zense for me to come with you ze hrest of ze way. If I were Perzhian, I would do it, but—no. Best of luck!”
I hurried down the hall. I couldn’t even imagine what the Phantom could be doing to Casey right now.
* * *
Before I knew it, I was back at the lair where he kidnapped me little over a month ago. “Let me go you bastard!” I shouted. “Never!” he said.
Just then, I was pushed against a wall. He was looking at the model of me wearing the dress, and I knew what he as thinking. “Please don’t make me wear that!” I pleaded. “Besides, think of the model, how embarrassed it’ll be.”
“Excuse me!?” the model said offended. “It?” “S-sorry!” I apologized quickly. “You’d better be!” said the model before becoming still again.
“Too bad,” said the Phantom. “Now get it on before I force you to!” I certainly didn’t want that. So I reluctantly took the dress and went into the Phantom’s bedroom to change.
That dress was the tightest thing I have ever worn in my life. First off, it brought my tits too close together, and I could hardly breath. “Okay.” I sighed coming out. He looked up at me. “You look fine!” he slurred. “Too bad you’re going to have to look at my HIDEOUS FACE FOR ALL ETERNITY, WHORE!”
“Seriously?” I said. “It wouldn’t be that hard if you weren’t SUCH A WHINY BITCH ABOUT IT! And I’m not a whore either, whore!” he suddenly took my wrist. I didn’t bother struggling. He placed a ring in the palm of my hand and closed it with his thumbs.
“Oh, snap!” said a voice. I looked to see Ron on the other side of the gate. “Ron!” I said. “Let me in!” Ron shouted. “Okay, fine!” the phantom sighed. He went to the switch and pulled it in the other direction. It opened up a little to let Ron in, then it started closing again.
“Hey, could you stand here by the gate for a moment?” the Phantom asked Ron. “No problem.” he replied. “Awesome.” the phantom exclaimed. “Hold this rope for me while I tie you up with the other one.” “Sure thing.” Then suddenly the phantom hurled the end of the rope around Ron’s neck. “HA HA! I HAVE YOU NOW, DEPAGNEY!” the phantom shouted tauntingly. “HEY!” Ron cried. I rolled my eyes. Ron was always extremely gullible.
“AND NOW I STRANGLE YOU WITH THE OTHER ROPE!” the phantom shouted.
“Oh,” said Ron while the phantom put a lasso around his neck. “My hand at the level of my eyes...” But before he could finish his sentence, the phantom made the lasso tighter around Ron’s neck. If Ron was trying to be a hero here, he wasn’t doing a very good job.
“Marry me, or I’ll kill him!” the phantom said to me. “No Casey, don’t do it...” The phantom cut him off by pulling the lasso. “I f-fought so hard to free yo...” Another pull. “All you did was run down a staircase and wade into a river!” I exclaimed. “But it was so hard!” said Ron. “You’re such a pussy.” I said.
“Go ahead and kill him.” I said casually to the phantom. “WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!” A voice yelled suddenly. Then some strange guy with a mustache came into the lair.
“This chapter is not going right!” he shouted. “It’s supposed to be dramatic! You Casey are supposed to be in love with Ron, and Ron, sorry but you need to toughen up and work on those abs, the Phantom’s the only one who’s actually doing things right! Now, we’ll take it back to the last paragraph, and I expect things to go right, or else I’ll stop this chapter all together, okay?” He then walked away.
“Okay so anyway,” I said. “So if I really love Raoul- I mean Ron, I’ll marry you?” “No Christine—I mean Casey, don’t...” Another pull from the phantom. “And if I choose you Ron... he kills you, and holds me captive anyway?” The Phantom let out an evil laugh.
I really didn’t want to spent the rest of my life with an ugly/sexy guy, and I also didn’t want to get sued by Ron’s dad and still be here, so I had to persuade the phantom to let me go without doing either options. I got it! I didn’t want to do it, but I had to.
I went over to the phantom that seemed to be growing happier as I got closer to him. I put on the ring, and kissed him. It was a very nice kiss I had to admit. The Phantom put his arms around my waist and deepened the kiss. Ron burst into tears.
After about like, five minutes, we pulled away, and the phantom was in tears too. “Aw, he’s so sensitive!” I couldn’t help saying. “Hey!” Ron said offended. “But that was so... beautiful!” he burst into tears again. I did not know one kiss could do so much affect on both guys.
“Go, go and be happy up above!” the Phantom said suddenly. “Huh?” I said surprised. “I know how you’d feel being down here all your life, go and be with the one you truly love!” he said. “But, I don’t love Ron!” “Well whatever, I’m still letting you go.” I went to the gate to untie Ron. “Oh thank god!” Ron exclaimed when I untied him.
Then I remembered the ring. “Wait Ron, I’ll be right back!” I said before I waded back to the phantom that was playing with a monkey music box. “Casey, you came back?” he asked when he noticed me. “Yeah, I wanted to give back the ring. And I need you to do me a gigantic favor.”
* * *
A few seconds passed by. I was growing less patient by the millisecond. “Casey, hurry up! I’m gonna...” But before I could finish my sentence, a trap door opened underneath me, and I fell screaming.
I landed into a big pit full of water, and then I saw a big mechanized grate coming down over me. Oh shit.
* * *
“Well, he’ll definitely leave you alone now.” said the Phantom. “Thanks again for getting rid of him before he could torture me by trying to rape me all day and not have another cliché happen to me.” I said. He seemed to be a little nervous when I said that. “Oh well yeah sure...” he said.
“So I’ll see you soon?” he asked. “Yeah sure,” I said. “I’d better get going now, the mobs coming!” I went into the river and waded out of the lair. The water wasn’t very deep anyway.
“Okay, stop the chapter!” the man with the mustache came back on. “Right, skip to the author’s note now!”
Spoof of: The Phantom of the Opera; book by: Gaston Leroux; Musical by: Andrew Lloyd Webber
Author’s note: Okay, here’s the second part to the phantom of the spoof! Hope you liked it. I’m not looking forward to tomorrow, because Labor Day weekend will be over! Sad face. But any who, I use some transcript from the thing I used in the previous part, and that’s kind of why some of the sentences were all uppercased, I was too lazy to fix it but anyway, I’ll put the link to the thing I used in the external link. Want to know how I came up with the ending? Watch the video to your right. Every single time I watch it, it always cracks me up. Until the next chapter, I’ll see you later!
-_OddOneOut