Avery didn't know what to say to Ashton, which was why the two of them had just been staring at each other since they sat down in the small café that they frequented.
He wanted to talk about the situation with Michael, she wanted to actively pretend their was no situation in hopes that the whole thing – boy included – would just disappear and let her get back to her normal, totally average life. At the same time though Avery was just itching to tell someone about what had been going on and how she'd been feeling and there was no question that Ashton was the person she was going to tell – he was virtually her brother and they talked about everything, not telling him would actually be more difficult in the long run.
So with that thought she let out a sigh and tried to ignore the way Ashton's eye lit up triumphantly.
"Okay so you already know that Michael has been staying at my place..."
And then Avery told him about everything that had happened since Michael had appeared on her doorstep; the familiarity of having him around even though so much had changed, still ordering his food for him by accident, the fight about her possibly dating Ashton, the grocery shopping adventure and almost kiss, the actual kiss, her haywire emotions, and her asking him to leave in the most polite way she could this morning - which in actuality hadn't been polite so much as a complete mess.
Avery could tell that all of it must have been sort of a big deal because Ashton didn't try to interrupt her once while she was recounting the events of the last few days. He was trying to hide a small smile behind his mug though and Avery knew that meant that he thought he knew something that she didn't.
"You still like him, don't you?" He asked, no longer bothering to hide the grin on his face – Avery kind of wanted to hit him just so he'd stop smiling at her like that.
"I never liked him, Ash." She sighed, running her hands down her face and staring dejectedly at her coffee. "I loved him, and he didn't feel the same way. It ruined me when we broke up – I can't just forget that and pretend that everything is fine."
"You still have feelings for him, though, don't you?" Ashton didn't wait for her to respond.
"I don't know, maybe. But maybe this is just familiar and I'm used to it but it doesn't really mean anything." Avery shrugged and tried to ignore the knowing look that Ashton was giving her.
"You know just as well as I do that you loving Michael Clifford in the first place was a big deal, that's why it took you so long to say it and why you broke up when he couldn't say it back. It was a big deal. And feelings like those don't just go away Aves, not with time and not even if you really want them to."
He paused for a moment and gave her a once over and Avery wondered if he was realising just how grown up the two of them had become, kind of like she was.
"Look I was never a massive fan of Michael, you knew that, and it was because I was always worried he was going to break your heart. Then when he did I was so angry at him because I had just started to think that maybe he was going to be an okay guy – at least when it came to you..."
He trailed off, looking so intently at Avery that it actually freaked her out a little bit.
"Was there a point you were getting to with that Ashton?"
He blinked a few times before continuing. "I thought you'd gotten over him – but just now, listening to you talk about spending time with him, I can tell I was wrong. You do still have feelings for him Aves and I think it's pretty obvious that he still cares a lot about you as well. And I think you want to let him in again but the thought of being hurt is scaring you too much to actually do it. I guess what I'm saying is I've never seen you happier than when you were with Michael, and if you've got a second chance to be that happy again, I think you should take it."
Avery wasn't used to Ashton being the serious one in their relationship – he was usually goofy and hyper while she was the calm and collected one, the role reversal made her head spin a little.
"I don't ever want to feel that way again Ash, y'know, the way I felt after it was over. I don't want to give him a second chance and get screwed over again." Her voice dropped and she could barely meet his eyes, her chest tightening ever so slightly.
"Then talk to him – tell him that. You've grown up a lot in the year since you broke up, maybe he has too."
***
Michael's car was still out the front after she dropped Ashton off at his apartment; and while Avery had already worked herself up enough so that she could talk to Michael, knowing that it was actually about to happen was a little nauseating.
She'd rehearsed her little speech on the car ride home but Michael had never really been one to stick to her internal scripts so she knew this was likely to go very differently to what she had planned. She was still trying to figure out whether that was a bad thing or not.
"I'm sorry, I swear I'll be out of here soon." Michael said, standing up from the couch and starting to talk before Avery was even completely through her front door. "The motel has late check out and they were booked out so I have to wait for this guy to leave, but then I swear I'll be gone."
"Michael shut up." She sputtered out, not really intending for those to be the words that came out of her mouth but she just needed him to stop talking. "We need to talk."
"I mean, I kind of suggested that this morning and you totally shut off...and I'm shutting up." The look on Avery's face was obviously enough to convince him that he needed to be somewhat serious about this.
He leaned on the back of the couch, facing her, and indicated for her to talk.
"Okay," Avery cleared her throat. "So I was doing great before you showed up – I mean, I thought I was over you and I had my job and my friends and everything else – but then you knocked on my door and now I'm not sure about anything really. Because having you here felt so normal and I guess I sort of missed you, and then I kissed you and I don't know, I just really have no idea what's going on.
"And I spoke to Ashton, and he pretty much hates you, but he thinks I should give you a second chance if you want that – but I'm not sure if you'd even want to try this again and I'm rambling I guess but I feel like if I don't say all this at once I'm not going to say it at all. The thing is though, we're still exactly where we were, and if we try this but you still aren't sure how you feel about me or if you love me then I'm not going to put myself through that all over again."
Avery wasn't quite finished but she was so confused by her own train of thought that she needed a moment to try and catch up and make sense of it all before she continued. Apparently Michael interpreted her pause as a chance for him to talk because before she could even stop him he'd launched into his own little speech.
"Jesus christ Aves, I was a kid and I was scared. I was so fucking scared of the feelings I had for you, I'd never felt that way about anyone before and it freaked me out; there was no one else but you and that was absolutely terrifying. I was so stupid and when I let you leave that night I lost the person who meant the most to me in the whole fucking world.
"I don't know I guess some part of me thought that if I didn't tell you that I loved you then maybe I wouldn't, and that was so dumb because I always did. I've fucking loved you since we sang Bon Jovi really badly on the walk back to your house, and I'll probably always love you Aves.
"These last few days have been torture, knowing that you're so close but that you're not mine and I don't get to hold you anymore. I fucked it all up, I realise that. I know it's too late, and I know it probably doesn't mean anything now, but I love you Aves. I love you so much, okay? I just can't let you keep thinking that I didn't."
He looked close to tears and Avery felt like she'd had the breath completely knocked out of her. Both of them were standing stock still trying to digest everything that had been said, all the words floating around the room and making it a little hard for either of them to breathe.
Avery knew that that shouldn't make up for everything, but something in her chest loosened a bit hearing Michael say that he loved her - even if it was exasperated and desperate and nothing like her seventeen year old self had imagined it.
"I guess what I'm saying is that it'd make me so happy if you took me back and I swear, I swear, I won't hurt you again Aves." He swallowed thickly and took a step closer to her, reaching out a hand that didn't quite make contact with her skin.
Avery leaned into his touch for a moment before pushing up onto her toes so that she could press her lips to his.
This wasn't like the kiss from the night before; it was deeper, less spontaneous, and in a way for both of them it felt a little like coming home. It seemed to last forever but all at the same time not long enough and they were both short of breath when they separated – still not moving more than a few inches apart.
"So," Michael started, his voice dangerously close to a whisper. "Where do we go from here?"
-
so this is the last chapter guys, but there will be an epilogue to follow i'm just not sure when it'll get posted. anyway, i hope you enjoyed this, or at the very least didn't hate it and thanks for reading.