The sun was setting quickly over the bay. My family sat around the glowing fire pit as it crackled sending fluttering ashes into the sky. We had arrived to an overflowing banquet of food courtesy of my sister and Eamon. The fresh lobster caught that morning and bought in the fishing village a few towns away was just to die for. We sat on chairs and lay around the grass resting off the food babies in our stomachs , the night air was mild and the beers were cold it was a good night.
I looked at Brian as he sat by Liam sipping his beer it was kind of scary how alike they did look Liam had a short stubble that lined his jaw Blue eyes, and was obviously younger but he had the same cheeky grin and ruffled hair as Q the resemblance was uncanny. It was funny because when we were kids I would have Liam tortured to play princess and prince or mermaid and rescuer on the beach he always grumbled but played anyway reluctant to admit he loved it just as much as I did.
Liam was also my first kiss at the ripe young age of 13 Liam was 15 during a summer barbecue just like this one we were exploring the supposedly haunted stables around the back of the house
"Sparrow I don't like this" he hissed as he tiptoed through the dusty dark room being the bold adventure crazed psycho child I was I was already miles ahead climbing up the rickety steps to the balcony above "Oh would ye give over Liam, It's an adventure!" I shouted to him.
We lay on the huge heap of hay sharing a bag of marshmallows and a bottle of coke we had sneaked from the kitchen while Willow was making the potato salad "I know something you don't" he smugly smiled popping 4 marshmallows into his mouth and showing me a fluffy pink smile
"What is it?" I sat up snatching the bag off him
"Well if I told you then it wouldn't be a secret" he laughed putting his hands behind his head
"You're probably bluffing anyway McAllister, you're so full of shite"
"I am not!" Liam whined pouting at me he leaned closer even though there was nobody around to hear him "I seen your sister, and my Eamon snogging"
"Eww no way!" my mouth dropped Liam nodded "I swear I seen them last week after the fair"
"That's gross" I gave a disgusted look "Have you ever kissed anyone Liam?" I looked over at my lifelong friend it had never occurred to me we were all growing up relationships and feelings would soon become a thing. I barely had gotten used to the monster mess of blood I had to deal with every month. Liam ran his hands through his hair "Aye, the wee girls in my class are throwin themselves at me, canny keep them away"
"Are they really?" I gasped in awe of his coolness Liam blushed and shook his head "Nahh it's not" I dug my elbow into his side laughing "Knew ye were full of shite"
"Have you ever kissed anyone Sparrow?" he asked I wrinkled my nose at this ridiculous question "No way" Liam went quiet "well... would you like to?" he fidgeted with his hands a bead of sweat dripped from his forehead, I thought about it it wouldn't hurt to try it just once. I gave a shrug as Liam leaned closer to me pouting his lips I did the same our foreheads bumped as our lips touched I closed my eyes it was a strange feeling he tasted sweet though like the marshmallows we just ate. We sat rigid for a small time none of us quite knowing when was the right time to pull away after we did separate we lay back on the hay like nothing had happened.
"I'm never doing that again" I commented wiping my mouth
"We'll ye will have to sometime, when you kiss your husband" Liam laughed draining the last of the bottle of coke
"Not gonna have one" I shook my head
"Why not?"
I shrugged "Never gonna fall in love"
If I could only of told 13 year old me how wrong she was that just 10 years later she would be sat around the same barbecue at the same house looking across at 25 year old Liam McAllister who was seated next to the gorgeous brown eyed American I was hopelessly in love with.
"You'll be glad to get back home soon and see your wife then Joe?" Fallon asked as she poked at the ashes of the fire with a stick. Joe nodded eagerly "Aw yeah this has been great but I'll see my Beautiful Bessy my dogs and my beautiful new Son or daughter quite soon" he smiled as he thought of his soon to be extended family back home. As childish and impractical as Joe Gatto could be I knew he would make an amazing father he was such a nice guy and cared so much about everyone.
"We should all have a few drinks in the pub tomorrow night to see the boys off" Eamon rubbed his hands together followed by a hoot of approval from everyone else.
"Apollo sir, you game?" Liam shouted. My brother was sat separated from the group with his lyric notebook on his lap writing furiously biting his lip and sucking the blood as he concentrated. Apollo must have had a box full of the same type of notebooks dog eared and worn out from his composing over the years he loved nothing more than writing music and poetry.
"I think he's nervous about the gig" I whispered to the group
"I'm not nervous" Apollo roared not taking his eyes off his writing "I'm just....anxious"
Murr gave a laugh "That's the same thing isn't it?"
"Another beer anyone?" I asked getting to my feet to head inside and open a new case Sal gave a nod holding up his empty bottle "Q, what about you?" I smiled at him but he didn't even look at me "yeah I guess" he shrugged petting at Bartlebys fur, he had been weird with me all night he didn't sit beside me didn't wrap his arms around me or call me his pretty lady. I was surrounded by family but I couldn't have felt more alone.
I stood in the kitchen lost in a day dream I was so conflicted, It started with me then there was Brian, there was my home, there was my career, there was family and but there was freedom. I was torn between so many different paths.
I wandered into the sitting room a picture of my smiling Mother sat above the fireplace I reached out and stroked the glass frame "Oh mammy, I wish you could tell me what to do" I sighed sitting down at the dusty old piano I'm pretty sure this thing was older than disco pants but it remained a fixed piece of our home. Every Christmas without fail we would gather round singing and laughing I would play and Mama, Fallon and Apollo would sing on Christmas eve Mr McAllister and his boys would come around bringing bags of presents and a basket full of mince pies from the housekeepers at the McAllister home, and every Christmas without fail small little Apollo sized bites would be found in the pastries leaving the filling he didn't like inside.
I ran my fingers along the keys tapping lightly on them I hadn't played in years the only songs I did remember where from my big book of Disney music I got for my 7th birthday I would spend hours forcing everyone to listen to concert after concert of me playing the same songs. I have a laugh clearing my throat. My fingers danced on the white keys the room felt somewhat alive again
Should I choose the smoothest course?
Steady as the beating drum
Should I marry kocoum?
Is all my dreaming at an end?
Or do you still wait for me dreamgiver?
Just around the riverbend...
I giggled and smiled at myself for relating so much to a Pocahontas song, it was ridiculous but true. I shuffled through the box of sheet music at my feet dog eared and coffee stained over the years settling on a page that looked easy enough.
All I want is nothing more
To hear you knocking at my door
Cause if I could see your face once more
I could die a happy woman I'm sure
When you said your last goodbye
I died a little bit inside
I lay in tears in bed all night
Alone without you by my side
But if you loved me
Why'd to leave me
Take my body
Take my body
All I want is
And all I need is
To find somebody
I'll find somebody like you
So you brought out the best of me,
A part of me I've never seen
You took my soul and wiped it clean
Our love was made for movie screens.
All I want is
And all I need is
To find somebody
Like you.
"What if I don't want you to find somebody else?" a voice from the doorway caused me to turn around.