Author's Note: Okay, I really hate Author's Notes in the beginning of a chapter, but I just wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 1K reads!☺️ I'll make this chapter longer than all the other ones because I'm so happy!😁
*Phil's P.O.V.*
I messed up. I messed up so badly. I never had anything as good as Dan come into my life, and what do I do? I fuck everything up. I became a baby and couldn't handle the gay slurs for him. I never even considered that he went through much, much, worse before we started dating, but he never let it get under his skin.
But me? I've got to mess everything up. Why couldn't I just be happy? I had Dan. That should have been more than enough for me to toughen up and take it- because I had him. I had Dan. I had his hand in mine, I had his hugs, kisses, midday naps, dimpled cheeks, beautiful curls, caramel eyes, small hands, cute sneezes, funny hiccups- everything. I had Dan, but I fucked up.
I never realized how melancholy the word "had" actually is. It's like a smack in the face now. I had an incredible boyfriend. I had a hand to hold. I had someone to tell all my secrets to. I had Dan.
But now, Dan won't even talk to me, not that I blame him. I hate myself probably more than he hates me. I've sent him text after text, message after message, I try calling him every chance I get to just apologize and fix things, but nothing is working.
He also hasn't been at school in four days. I'm worried. P.J. and Chris refuse to look at me. I want to apologize, but after what Chris said to me, and how heated he was, I think the best thing is to get my act together before I screw anything else up.
I decided to go over to Dan's house today after school. He can't completely ignore me in person, right?
Once the bell for final dismissal rang, I scrambled out of my desk and out to the parking lot.
"Hey, Fag, where do you think you're headed?" Jake said.
"To my boyfriend's house." I said and got into the car.
I rolled down the window and said, "Hey, guys, just for the record, if you bully, physically hurt, or emotionally damage someone simply because they're gay, you're the real fags here."
I rolled up the window and drove away. I glanced in my rearveiw mirror to see the group, dumbfounded and staring after my car. I couldn't help but laugh.
I drove to Dan's house and didn't see a car in the driveway. I didn't think much of it considering his mum is always working and he's left home alone most of the time.
I got of my car and started walking towards the house. I noticed a piece of paper tapped to the door. I walked towards it to get a better look.
Hey, Mum. Dad and I went out again to visit another boarding school. I should be home in time for dinner if traffic allows ._. But, I'll see you soon.
Love you,
Daniel.<3
"Boarding school?" I said under my breath. The information suddenly clicked.
"Boarding school!" I yelled to myself and banged on the door.
I knew he wasn't there and no one would answer the door, but I kept knocking until my vision became blurry with tears, and then some. I was yelling Dan's name and apologizing. Finally, I just placed my forehead on the door and kept mouthing, "I'm sorry, Dan..."
I pulled a pen out of my pocket and wrote my own note on the paper.
Dan, I know you don't want anything to do with me, and I understand. Just please talk to me. I promise you I will fix this. I know I was awful and you had every right to walk away, but I'm not saying goodbye to you, not like this. I'm not ready to say goodbye to you. I love you, so much, Bear.
~Lion.
With that, I walked away. I was fiddling with the promise ring that I put on a chain and wore. I would rather give it back to him in person.
As I was walking to my car, I looked down at the ring.
"My promise is still intact, Dan. I'm going to fix this." I said to myself and got into my car and headed home.
The drive to my house from Dan's wasn't long at all, but because I was upset and crying, it felt like ages.
When I pulled into my driveway, I was surprised to see two Mercedez Benz in the garage.
"Well, looks like we're going to have a little family reunion." I said to myself and rolled my eyes.
I walked into the house and saw my parents sitting at the dinning room table, looking at files of people they're defending. My parents are some of the top lawyers in the U.K. and I respect their hard effort to get to that place, I just wished that they wouldn't bring their work home, but at least their work keeps them out of my hair.
"Hey, guys." I say in a small voice.
Well, I might as well say hello or I'll be scolded for not saying anything.
"Hello, Phillip." My mum said, not looking up from her papers.
My dad hummed after her response. I walked to my room and laid down on my bed. I decided to text Dan one last time.
To: Bear^~^<3
I miss you, and I love you more than anything in this world. Please talk to me & let me prove it to you again. I know I probably won't get to call you like we used to to say goodnight, so Goodnight, Bear. I love you so much & I hope you have the sweetest of dreams.<3
I turn my phone off and place it under my pillow. I'm so tired. I just want to sleep forever. It isn't even night time, but I just want this day to be over already. So, I close my eyes and fall into a boring, dull, dreamless sleep.
*Dan's P.O.V.*
"This school is in the top five in the country, Danny, I'm sure you'll love it." My dad said.
I appreciate my dad trying, I really do, it's just, why now? He's had years to reach out to me, so why am I so important to him now? And why is he so focused on sending me to boarding school? There must be something I'm missing here.
"Dan?" My dad asked, pulling me out of thought.
"Yeah?" I answered, but still looking out the window.
"Pastels? Really?"
I knew that was coming.
"Yes. They're simple."
"Mhmm." He scoffed, "And I suppose the flowers are simple too?" He snickered.
I ignored him completely. From what mum told me about him- it's impossible to argue with him.
My dad hasn't been in my life since I was a few months old. He was a biker back then and wanted to explore and couldn't be tied down with a baby. My parents were never married, but they were engaged. They apparently broke the engagement when he started drinking.
He was an insane alcoholic and as if that weren't enough, he's a mean drunk. He came home late one night drunk off of his ass. My mum decided that I was more important than being married. Plus, she didn't want me to grow up with an alcoholic for a father. So, she broke the engagement.
And that, my friends, is how my mum discovered he's an angry drunk. He tried to strike her and kick her, but my mum was quicker due to the fact that she was sober. She ran up the stairs to my room and locked the door. He began banging on the door. Finally he broke in. My mum looked around the room for something to defend herself with. She looked over to my dad's tool box that was sitting on the floor. He was planning on making a changing station. She grabbed the hammer and screw driver and made him back out of the room. He fell down the stairs due to being drunk and left. After that, my mum called the police and had him arrested.
So, why on earth are you in the car with him? He's still my dad. Yeah, I didn't get the luck of the draw, but he's still my dad, and frankly, I want to know what it's like to have one.
I look over at his arms. They're coated in ink. I instantly think of Phil.
I love him. I do, but I'm scared of him. I never thought I would be scared of Phil. He was gentle and considerate and just so mesmerizing, but then, he lost his temper like my dad did that night.
That's why I'm hesitant to talk to him. I don't want to be let down by my father and my boyfriend.
I look at my phone and see texts from Phil. I haven't been texting him lately because I really don't know what to say. How do you react after something like that? I can't just go back to normal, but I can't just sit here and pretend nothing ever happened.
"Here it is, Hemingway Academy." My dad said, parking the car.
I got out and stretched. The campus is beautiful, but I'm still a little standoffish about the whole boarding school idea.
"You go ahead inside and look around. I have to talk to the principle about scheduling and tuition." He said.
I nodded and walked inside.
Inside was very... Posh. Hard wood floors, rich maroon walls, a huge rug with patterns dancing about it on the floor before the grand fireplace.
I look to my left and see a small pub type thing. Maybe it's just a coffee place, but I'm thirsty. I walked into it and sat down on a barstool.
"Nice pastels." An American voice said to my right. The weird thing is, the sentence sounded genuine.
I followed the sound and my eyes landed on a boy with lavender colored hair and brown circular glasses.
"Thank you." I said, smiling slightly.
"I'm Tyler." He said, giggling. His giggle had a slight cackle, but it was still nice to hear some laughter.
"Dan." I said, laughing at his laugh a bit.
"I can't help but notice, but you just look like you haven't slept in days. Are you okay?" He asked.
Normally, I don't like talking about my personal problems to strangers like this, but we're kind of in a bar type thing, so this is the place you're supposed to get advice from strangers with cackle laughs, right?
"Yeah... My uhm, boy-" I caught myself.
"Girl, I'm as straight as a hula-hoop. Continue."
"My boyfriend kind of lost his temper. Not violently or anything, but just he got angry and said things he shouldn't have, but so did I, but he's the best thing that's happened to me since Charlie and that was a long time ago, but now I don't know how to talk to him and I really want to but I don't know how to go about it, but I don't know if this getting back together is a good thing or if it's just not going to work because I really hope it works because he's great and we have a great connection but I don't know what's going to happen and that's what scares me the most because I like being confident in things and I'm still confident about us but I don't know if I should be and-"
"BREATHE." Tyler said, holding my shoulders and laughing, "Okay, you need to talk to him. If you talk about him like that on command, it's still worth it. I'm sure he's sorry. Everyone has a drama queen break down once in a while. Just talk to him. Whatever happens, happens and you can't control that completely, but you can at least give him a chance to redeem himself." He said, smiling slightly.
I nodded. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to talk to Phil.
"Thank you so much." I said, hugging him.
"Welcome. Here's my number." He said, writing his number down on a napkin, "I'm not hitting on you. I just want to know how things turn out because you have a better love story than Bella and Edward. Go for it!"
I chuckled and nodded.
"I've got to meet my dad at the principle's office, so I'll talk to you soon." I said, smiling brightly for the first time all week.
"I'll be looking forward to it!"
I turned away, but I heard him one last time.
"Dan! Wait! What's his name?" He asked.
I looked over my shoulder and said, "Phil."
"Dan and Phil. That sounds perfect." He said, resting his head in his hand and releasing a breathy sigh.
"It was and it will be again. See ya, Tyler."
He waved and I was on my way.
*Phil's P.O.V.*
I was losing my mind. I was sitting on the edge of my bed with my phone in one hand and Dan and I's Facebook messages open, willing for one message to pop up. It could be anything- an emoticon, a typo, a one worded response, anything. I just need confirmation that I haven't completely fucked everything up.
I used to be the tough guy, the guy with metal in his face, the guy with the intimidating tattoos, and I accept that; I used to be that guy.
What I should have realized is when you're in a relationship or even just hanging around anyone, they bring out certain traits in you whether you realize it or not. When I hung out with those assholes, I too became just that- an asshole.
But, when I was with Dan, I wasn't trying to be scary, I didn't want to be. I wanted to be cheerful and gentle and just happy.
No one has ever brought out that side of me before. I mean, sure some of my old friends would tell a joke or we'd do some stupid yet memorable things, but they never made me as happy as being with Dan did. I felt euphoria constantly. I was an addict and Dan was my drug. I needed him and wanted him and loved him, and I still do.
I still do and it's driving me crazy. I need him to kiss and hug and just be with because all in all, he makes me a better person. Dan is the kind of person I strive to be. He's it, and damn it if I'm going to let someone as extraordinary as him just walk out of my life.
My phone lit up and I instantly unlocked it.
From: Dan<3
Phil, I love you. I never stopped. I guess I was just scared and honestly, I still am a bit. I want us to talk and see what happens. I want to see if we can fix this. Either way, I still love you. So, if you really want to work this out and talk, meet me at my house at midnight. My parents will be asleep. But don't use the front door. I set up a ladder in advance. If you come, that means you want to try again. If not, well, I understand.
I love you, Lion.
I was in tears. I immediately got up and changed into some cozier clothes, threw on a sweatshirt, put on some more deodorant, grabbed my cell phone, and the promise ring and left.
I walked in the London cold at night. I didn't even worry about being jumped or taken or anything. One thing was on my mind and no one was going to get in the way of that.
No one.
As I found Dan's house, I walked to the ladder. I blew into my hands to warm them before they made contact with the cold metal. I began climbing as softly and quietly as I could manage.
Once I reached the top, I looked in. Dan was sitting in the corner of the room with his head in his hands, probably worrying.
I tapped on the window and his head snapped up. He smiled widely and opened the window. Before I could even say anything, he grabbed me by my shoulders and hauled me into the room.
"Hey, Bear." I said, hesitant to touch him.
He hugged me tightly. I started crying. I kissed the top of his beautiful curls and sobbed into them. He hugged me tighter and pulled away a bit, but his arms were still around my waist.
"Don't cry, Lion..." He said in a soothing voice, wiping a tear away from my cheek.
"Dan... I-I'm so sorry, baby. I-I'm so fucking sorry. I-I didn't mean to-"
He kissed me softly. God the feeling of his lips on mine again was amazing. It made me cry even more.
"I know. We'll fix it, okay? We just can't lose our temper like that. Can we promise each other something?" He asked, fiddling with my sweatshirt.
"Of course. What is it?" I asked as I brushed a strand of hair behind his ear and chuckling when his dimples dared to show.
"If we ever feel frustrated like that or upset or angry or anything, we tell the other immediately, and try to fix whatever it is." He said softly, looking down as if he doubted that I would say yes.
I placed my finger under his chin and lifted his face up so our eyes met.
"Of course, Bear, I promise." I said, smiling shyly, "Speaking of promises," I said as I pulled out the silver ring, "Will you take this back? I'm never going to break my promise like that ever again. I love you too much." I said and held the ring between my fingers.
He smiled and took it in his and slid it back on.
Now it was his turn to cry.
"Hey, hey, what's wrong, Bear? C'mere. What's the matter?" I said as I pulled Dan to the bed and had him sit in my lap sideways with his legs laying over one of mine, cradling him.
"I almost lost the best thing that ever happened to me, and you came back." He said, wiping tears from his eyes.
"Of course I did." I said and kissed his tear stained cheek.
"I really, really love you." He sobbed, clutching my chest and hiccuping.
"I really love you too." I said, rubbing his back slowly to calm him down.
Once he was calmed down, we talked about everything that happened recently.
"Dan?"
"Yes?"
"Boarding school?"
It was quiet for a while.
"I'm not going." He said after a while.
I nodded, asking him to continue.
"My dad came back and immediately wants me to go to boarding school. Why, I don't know. It seems fishy. Mum would never let that happen. He's staying here for three or four more days, then he's off to God knows where to do God knows what." He said.
"Are you okay with him here? I've never heard you really talk about your dad." I said, twirling some of his curls in my fingers, admiring the softness of them.
"That's because I never knew much about him anyways. All I know is he used to be an alcoholic, tried to hurt my mum, but she called the police and everything. It's okay now. From what I can tell, he's straightened out a lot." Dan said, sighing afterwards.
"How does your mum feel about him being here? I'm sure she must not be too entirely pleased." I asked.
"She made sure that all the drinking was over before she'd let me be in the same town as him. She's not exactly the happiest, but she did want me to actually know my dad." Dan said, biting his lip afterwards.
"What made you want to work things out, Bear? Not that I'm complaining at all." I asked, kissing the top of his curls and smiling a bit as they tickled my lips.
"I just realized that before you I was happy, but not... complete. I need you. I feel like we have what the other lacks. I mean, we're polar opposites of each other. We just fit together like a lock and key. I didn't want to lose that." He said, looking down, peeping at me every once and a while through his eyelashes.
"Bear... You aren't going to lose me. I made a mistake and acted out and I shouldn't have. I love you more than anything in this world. Hell, you are my world. I hated the feeling of not having you in my life. I was disgusted with the feeling. I just felt empty and numb at the same time. It was horrible. I realized that I need you too. When I realized I actually yelled at you that way, I went home and just cried... I hated myself. I never want to do that to you again, and I'm not going to. I love you too much." I said, wiping a tear from my eyes.
"I want to take you somewhere." Dan says, kissing my lips softly afterwards.
We were okay again.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
SEEE SEEEEEE? I FIXED IT FOR YOY GUYS BECAUSE I GOT OVER 1k READS WHAAAAAAT THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORTIVE COMMENTS!
Until next time, guysss xxx