Dear Jimin
I know that I'm writing really early today. Like, really really early. It's 3 am.
I started to cry in my sleep and woke up from a terrible nightmare. Of course I'm gonna tell you about it. That's why I'm writing this shit.
It all started at the bench where we met for the first time. Just like in my memory we were sitting together and I was watching you drawing.
But you didn't copy the fountain. You drew something out of your mind and it scared me. You drew a guy with a big string in his hands. The guy's look was terrifying and I could tell he was about to hang himself.
The drawing in general wasn't drawn the way you draw. It was a cracky and.. somehow.. 'hated' drawning. You usually moved your pencil gently, let the tip slide over the paper as if it was made out of porcelain.
But in my dream it was different. You grabbed the pencil tightly and scribble- ... no, you scratched the paper with it and the lead broke several times.
For some damn reason I couldn't stop you. I just stared at the horrible drawing you were creating. You started the second sketch and while you were drafting your eyes watered.
And all of the sudden you screamed. You screamed at the hanging boy on the paper. Your throaty bellow sent chills down my spine. You were in pain. Grand pain. Agony.
Finally I could move and I tried to rip the pencil out of your hand. The paper was more black than white and every time I touched you you cried louder! Every time I told you everything was alright you trembled more. Every time I tried to look at your face you moved away and burst out in tears.
I was terrified. I'm still.
Especially then when I threw the sketch book out of your lap, slapped the pencil out of your shaking fingers and grabbed your cheek so you had to look at me.
Your eyes.
They were different.
They were like the eyes of the boy in the first sketch.
Red and lifeless.
You tried to wriggle out of my grip, you punched my chest and yelled ‚I want to die!'
You wanted to die, Jimin!!
I-I.. I woke up after that. I was breathing heavily and my heart was beating so fast. I looked to my side and hoped I would see your honey brown eyes on mine but.. you aren't here.
You aren't here anymore!
You're gone! Forever!!
Fuck, how am I supposed to handle this?
How could you do this to me?!
I'm suffering!! Jimin, I want you back!! I just want you back!!
P-Please, come back!! I miss you! I love you!! I don't want to accept that you are dead!!
G-God please.. give me Jimin back..!!
PLEASE!!
I just want to feel his warm arms around me body!
I just want to hear his voice next to my ear saying: "I love you, Yoongi."
I just want him to kiss me!
I just want him to be here!!
God, please, give him back..