Sunday
The first thing Ryan registered when he woke up was pain. A dull, aching kind of pain that rested in every fiber of his being, making Ryan aware of places he didn't even know existed until they were protesting. He groaned low in his throat and tried not to move too much so the pain wouldn't get worse, cracking one eye open to find a source behind it all.
Almost instantly Ryan's eye snapped shut again, unable to handle the light of the room so quickly. It wasn't that bright – it was that early morning blue-ish kind of bright that always burns no matter what you try until you get used to it. After a moment to let the burning subside, Ryan tried again by parting his lids a tiny bit, adjusting, opening them a bit more, and continuing the process until he could see enough for an analysis.
It took a moment, but Ryan quickly noticed was at some point during the night, he and Brendon ended up on the floor. He was half on top of Brendon, and half on the space of floor between his boyfriend and the couch, and yeah; that's definitely where the pain had come from. Because that couch was actually pretty large and comfortable. How and when they made it to the floor, with neither apparently waking to notice, was a mystery – though it must have happened not too long after they both passed out since everything hurt.
By Ryan's guess, it was still pretty early, too. Maybe sometime between five and seven. They didn't go to bed terribly early, but it wasn't as late as Ryan originally intended either due to the whole running-into-Pete-and-Brendon-punching-him thing.
In attempt to get more comfortable, and to lessen the pain, Ryan slowly shifted himself around to be lying as straight as possible, entirely in the space between Brendon and the couch. He laid on his back, biting his lip as a sharp, quick twinge of pain ran down the length of his spine, disappearing a moment later as his body accepted the new position.
Beside him Brendon became more animated, making a soft noise of displeasure in his throat then turning to face Ryan, stretching an arm out to lay over Ryan's body in a possessive way. Ryan gave a tiny grunt when Brendon lightly pulled on his side, using Ryan for stability to scoot over and press his face into Ryan's neck. "S'early," Brendon mumbled, inhaling deeply then exhaling warmth all over Ryan.
Ryan hummed, letting his eyes slip shut, not entirely comfortable but not that inclined to move, either. "Go back t'sleep," Brendon said after, pressing a lazy kiss to Ryan's shoulder. It wasn't like Ryan didn't want to. He would love to just go back to sleep for another hour or two. But he knew that wasn't going to happen.
First off, he couldn't get comfortable enough to allow himself to do so. Especially not with Brendon half on top of him now – he would never tell Brendon to get off, though. Ryan liked the physical way Brendon functioned, for the most part, because it gave Ryan the feeling of being wanted and needed. But the main thing keeping Ryan awake was that he couldn't get his brain to settle.
Over and over again, Pete's voice was running through his head, telling Ryan that he still loved him. It was twisting his stomach and knotting his chest; a vicious loop on repeat that refused to give up. Ryan just wanted it to stop to give him peace of mind and to free him. Hearing Pete say that to Ryan made Ryan feel like Pete still had some hold, come control, over him; though Ryan knew he and Pete were absolutely through. Ryan had been doing just fine for the past year.
Honestly, Ryan wished he and Brendon would have just left when Pete went to the bathroom. He could have lived with running into Pete, it was nice to see Gabe again, but Ryan wished he never had that conversation with Pete in the bathroom.
"Stop thinking." Brendon suddenly spoke against Ryan's neck. "Thinking keeps you awake."
"How do you know I'm thinking?" Ryan asked. "Maybe I'm awake because you woke me up."
Brendon made a noise of disagreement, sending vibrations through Ryan's skin. "You're breathing like you're thinking. Stop."
At that Ryan gave a small laugh, regretting it when his shoulders protested. "My breathing is no different when I'm thinking than when I'm not."
"Is," Brendon argued. "Your thinking-breathing is slow and shallow. Like now."
"Whatever." Ryan huffed, focusing then on his breathing to see if there was much of a difference. Not that he could really tell since he never paid much attention to his breathing to begin with. It was an automatic response, something he never had to think about, so having Brendon tell him he breathed differently depending on what he was doing, or in this case, thinking, was weird.
He stayed as completely still as he could in attempt to get back to sleep, trying his hardest to ignore the loop of Pete's voice, but in the end it was nothing more than the boring use of a few minutes. With a sigh, Ryan peeled Brendon off him and gently pushed him to the side so he could sit up, ignoring the way his back disagreed with the movement.
"Now what?" Brendon questioned groggily, rubbing his eyes yet not opening them.
"I hurt," Ryan said, reaching behind himself and pushing a hand against his lower back for a moment. "I'm going to go get in the hot tub for a bit." He decided, struggling a bit to get onto his knees. "Just go back to sleep," he nearly whispered; forcing himself to bend down to kiss Brendon's head as though he was a child then using the couch to pull himself to his feet and the wall to get to the hot tub.
It had been some time since Ryan had been in a hot tub. Brendon had suggested getting one multiple times, mainly to use it for things other than relaxing, but it wasn't exactly at the top of their list. Especially not after getting Mia. So it was a pleasant shock when Ryan lowered himself into the warm water, naked because he didn't have a swim suit or anything, and his clothes would only feel heavy.
Ryan let out a content sigh, leaning back against the wall and stretching his legs out to be as loose as possible. At first the water stung from the temperature, but the burn quickly went away and it became soothing. His eyes fell shut, the tension slowly leaving his body and making Ryan overall sated. His head began to clear at last, leaving Ryan's only thoughts at how he felt like he was floating.
When Ryan heard a gentle splash, followed by a surge of water flowing at him, he opened his eyes to see Brendon sitting opposite him; equally naked. "You could have gone back to sleep." Ryan frowned, pulling his legs back despite how comfortable he had been.
Brendon shrugged with one shoulder, indifferent, and instead said, "Come here," in a tone that left little room for Ryan to question him.
Confused, Ryan stood and walked across the tub to his boyfriend; Brendon taking hold of Ryan's wrist and pulling him down to his lap. "Uh, hi?" Ryan tried, Brendon just giving him this cute, tired smile. Brendon pecked Ryan's lips then moved back as far back on the little seat as he could, opening his legs and letting Ryan fall between them. To fit, Brendon turned Ryan to face the same direction as he was, Ryan's back inches away from Brendon's chest.
Ryan remained confused and oblivious until Brendon's hands found his shoulders, squeezing tight then releasing as he began to massage them. "Bren, what-"
"I can tell when you're stressed." Brendon cut Ryan off. "You don't need to be stressed. Not now." And he continued working Ryan's tense muscles.
That was one thing Ryan loved about Brendon. Well, one of a million things. Brendon could be very gentle when he wanted, but he could also be strong and forceful at times. Ryan hummed contently and dropped his head back to Brendon's shoulder, eyes falling shut again, knowing he made Brendon's job a little harder but didn't exactly care. And apparently neither did Brendon as he continued on.
"Have I told you that you're perfect?" Ryan asked in a lazy tone.
Brendon softly laughed, Ryan able to feel it in his own body, then answered, "You've mentioned it," like it was a joke. But Ryan wasn't joking at all. He was serious about what he said. Brendon was pretty damn perfect. "Only for you," Brendon whispered into Ryan's ear. And really, that should have been sweet and made Ryan's heart flutter or something.
But what actually happened was Ryan felt shivers run through him quickly, sparking life into a part of his body nowhere near his heart.
Ryan ignored the sensation and focused on the way his breaths matched Brendon's in perfect harmony, and how good Brendon's hands felt on his muscles as they started to numb. "Feeling any better?" Brendon questioned after a few moments, kissing the side of Ryan's head.
"Much," Ryan replied with a small sigh. He undeniably felt better. In more than one way.
However, Ryan didn't expect to be getting turned on when trying to relax. Yeah, he was pressed close to Brendon, but that was a stability kind of thing. And yeah, he was getting a massage, but of his shoulders. They were practically on the opposite end of his body. Ryan had no idea why he was getting so turned on, but he was, and wasn't any stopping it.
"Whenever you feel better," Brendon began softly speaking, "I figured we can go shower then meet Spencer for breakfast." Ryan heard the words, but they didn't exactly settle in his brain before escaping out the other ear. He nodded for the sake of it, shifting a little to try and get his problem to go away. He was supposed to be relaxing. This was the opposite of relaxing.
"Tell me when to stop," Brendon said in that same low whisper.
"Don't," he muttered back, really resisting touching himself. If he ignored it, it would go away. Right?
Except...Ryan couldn't really ignore it. Not with Brendon so close, pretty much breathing on him, touching him, and talking all low and almost controlling like. So, without exactly thinking, Ryan pulled away to spin around and stick his legs over Brendon's so his knees pressed into the bench-like seat, grabbing Brendon's face and crashing their lips together.
Naturally, Brendon was startled at first, but he went along with it and kissed back a moment later. "Ry-" Brendon started when Ryan unsealed their mouths to draw in another breath, only getting cut off when Ryan returned to sucking his face. To answer the question Brendon was trying to ask, Ryan slid his hips forward so that his half-erection pressed into Brendon's groin, earning a little moan from Brendon into Ryan's mouth.
Without breaking the kiss, Ryan released Brendon's face and wrapped one arm around his neck, dropping his other hand beneath the water to palm Brendon to get him where Ryan wanted. Brendon gave another small moan to the action and lifted his hips up into the touch, so Ryan pressed down harder to speed the whole process up. The harder Brendon got, the harder Ryan got, and well – there was definitely no going back now.
They continued on like that for a few minutes, Brendon's fingers starting to dig into Ryan's thighs as Ryan palmed him until Ryan really couldn't take the foreplay any longer and decided what he wanted to do next. Because he was pretty much in control right now. It didn't happen often, Ryan knew Brendon liked it when it did, but sometimes this almost animalistic dominance took over Ryan and made him this way.
Detaching their lips, Ryan put his hands on Brendon's shoulders, rocking his hips ever-so-lightly into Brendon's, just to keep that element of friction there, and moved his lips to Brendon's neck. Brendon's skin was pleasantly warm, Ryan sucking on it hard enough to leave a circular, reddish mark that wasn't quite a hickey; Brendon tipping his head to give Ryan better access. Once satisfied, Ryan kissed the mark and moved onto a new spot, careful not to go too high and make them too obvious, leaving tiny bites in between just to make Brendon unravel with little whines.
"Ry..." Brendon's voice was breathy, his hands sliding up to Ryan's hips as his body fell back against the wall of the hot tub. "Ryan..." he tried again, but wasn't able to get much of anything out.
"You know what I wanna do?" Ryan asked, voice unusually deeper and husky. He moved his mouth back up Brendon's neck, leaving a trail of kisses as he did so, until he reached Brendon's ear. "I wanna ride you," he breathed in a low whisper, feeling Brendon tense and twitch a bit beneath him. Then teasingly, Ryan asked, "Would you like that, Brenny?"
"We-" Brendon swallowed hard, shifting himself. "We don't have-"
"I really don't care," Ryan cut him off with some irritation. He's not letting Brendon ruin his moment with little details.
"You don't know what's in here," Brendon continued in the same choppy, unstable tone. "What if-"
With a frustrated sigh, Ryan put his lips over Brendon's to silence him, keeping them there until Brendon stopped trying to talk all together. "Less talking," he pushed his body close to Brendon's, "and more fucking me," Ryan spoke against Brendon's mouth.
Brendon let out a staggering moan, almost hesitant to make any noise at all. "Don't you need-" he started, going to move his hand when Ryan stopped him by grabbing it and pushing it down to his erection instead.
"Uh-uh," he replied, shaking his head with his forehead rubbing against Brendon's. "Just want you." He kissed Brendon. "Inside me." Another kiss. "Right now." Brendon's cheeks were flushed, eyes half lidded, and mouth hanging open whenever Ryan's mouth wasn't over it.
"I don't want to hurt you," Brendon said with his usual concern and sincerity when it came to Ryan's well-being. Ryan just rolled his eyes and slid his hips forward to tell Brendon that he wasn't all that concerned, and that he was more than eager to get on with it already.
"I'll be fine." Ryan dismissed the thought, licking Brendon's bottom lip slowly. Ryan felt entirely slutty by this point, but it felt absolutely right.
The hand Brendon had on Ryan's hip gripped him tighter, able to move Ryan however it wanted. "You sure?" Brendon mumbled as his lips moved against Ryan's hungrily. He wanted to make sure Ryan was completely decided.
"Absolutely," Ryan muttered back, returning both hands to Brendon's shoulders to keep himself from falling back as all kinds of hormones raged through him. Going without preparation wasn't exactly the smartest plan, Ryan could easily tear something, but doing so seemed to fit the moment a lot better than taking time to properly stretch the ring of muscle.
And it wasn't like it would be the first time Ryan went bareback and un-stretched.
For a moment, Ryan handed the control over to Brendon to allow the younger man to line himself up with Ryan because he had far better judgment than Ryan as to where things belonged. Ryan's body moved easily in the water when Brendon shifted him a bit to the side, thankful that at least the water provided some kind of lubricant that would lessen the friction and move things along more smoothly.
No words were exchanged, Brendon's movements telling all, and Ryan drew in a deep breath and shut his eyes as Brendon guided him down gradually. Once past the initial blow, Ryan squeezing his eyes and biting his lip, Ryan pushed himself down completely to get it over with. Like quickly submerging your entire body in a cold pool to get used to it. He exhaled his breath slowly, fingers scraping at Brendon's skin, and relaxed his body by concentrating on the warm water until he got used to the sensation of the sudden intrusion.
Brendon's head fell back as he moaned lowly at the feeling, squeezing Ryan's hip which proved a good distraction for Ryan as well. "You...'kay?" Brendon returned his free hand to Ryan's other hip, gripping his boyfriend who held to him just as tightly.
"Yeah. Just..." Ryan took another deep breath and slowly released it. "Just give me a minute," he said, resting his forehead against Brendon's. He had to let the burning stop, his entire pelvis on fire, but in a mostly pleasant way.
"Mmm," Brendon hummed, rubbing circles into Ryan's hips with his thumbs and softly kissing him. That animalistic passion melted away, leaving Ryan at his regular self. That desire for sex remained, though, driving Ryan to find control in the situation once he was able to move again.
Ryan made a little circle with his hips to test how much effort he actually had to put out, adjusting his knees to press into Brendon's thighs. He straightened his spine and sucked his lips in, lifting himself up then sliding back down; both men giving little moans to the feeling. You'd think that they hadn't had sex in months, when really it was probably less than twenty-four hours. Ryan's brain wasn't focused enough for math to get the exact calculation.
It took a few tries, but eventually they got a steady rhythm going – Brendon lifting his hips up when Ryan sank down to go that much deeper. At the moment it was all about getting established; taking things nice and slow to get familiar and comfortable. Brendon guided Ryan some, letting Ryan have the majority of control over his actions, assuring Ryan the support was there should he need it.
After a couple of thrusts though, Ryan was done with the gentle and unsure. He and Brendon were no strangers to sex, or each other's bodies. They were far beyond the hesitant and unfamiliar. It was nice when they were starting, like now, or when Ryan honestly didn't feel like putting much effort into it for one reason or another, but it got old and boring quickly. Ryan had a deeper connection with Brendon, one that had been strong for a year now, and gentle didn't cut it.
Ryan let go of Brendon's shoulder's to drop his upper body down so he was slouching some, resting his forearms on Brendon's and weaving his fingers through the man's soft hair. Pressing their lips together, Ryan settled for a minute or two of kissing, then slipped his tongue into Brendon's mouth while making more rigid movements with his hips, seeking that wonderful group of nerves that God clearly intended for gay sex.
Realizing Ryan's new motive, Brendon started assisting by angling his hips whenever Ryan rose up, moving Ryan's hips around when he sank back down, until Ryan exhaled nothing but a long moan into Brendon's mouth that meant success. That spot having been found, Ryan again got needy, rolling his hips at a quicker pace, fighting the water around them that was being propelled about by jets, his body numbing with pleasure.
His breathing got erratic as he picked up his pace, tugging at Brendon's hair whenever his prostate was hit dead on because it felt like he would lose himself if he didn't. Ryan was so hard now it hurt, almost making him want to draw away from the overly pleasurable feeling but unable to do so even if he tried. It was great, too great, and all Ryan could think was more.
When Ryan gave a small whine, Brendon dropped one hand from Ryan's hips to slide his fingers along his boyfriend's body to his oh-so-hard cock, and began the classic pumping motion in time with his thrusts. At least as close in time as he could get. The fast pace and water and overall pleasure made everything a little hazy, so Brendon wasn't always aware of exactly what his hand was doing.
But it seemed to be doing the right thing, because a slurring moan of, "Jesus-fucking-Christ-Brendon," came out of Ryan's mouth as he tightened his grip in Brendon's hair and dropped his head back. Things really got too great for Ryan at that point, and he knew he wasn't going to last much longer as a familiar warmth was building in his gut.
That wasn't what this was about, though. Time meant nothing either man when it came to sex. Because it was more than sex – it always had been. Sex was just a way to get off without using your own left or right hand. What Ryan and Brendon had...it was love. Sometimes it was quick and hasty, others it was slow and intimate.
Either way, it was special, and far beyond a casual fuck.
"Fuck, Bren, I-" Ryan breathed out with what little breath he had; shocked his voice even worked.
"Yeah." Brendon was equally breathless. "Me too."
And that was one of the things that set their sexlife beyond others; what made theirs love. They had an unique way to communicate – one able to know exactly what the other was saying by a look or gesture or noise or a word or two. Ryan knew Brendon's body, and Brendon knew his, and it was like they were one body instead of two.
"Fuck," Ryan muttered; inches away from climax. He dropped his head forward again and pressed his lips to Brendon's, keeping them in a passionate kiss as he came. Brendon said something into Ryan's mouth, but the words were lost in a broken moan of his own as he too came moments later; Ryan's body slowing, but not entirely stopping.
Breaking the kiss, hearts still racing and breath still irregular, Ryan let go of Brendon's hair and let his arms dangle loosely around the man's neck as he pressed their foreheads together, eyes closed, and said, "I love you," with more emotion than he'd ever given to anyone beside Spencer.
Brendon tipped his head enough to peck Ryan's lips and answered with, "I love you too," before silence fell over them as they settled.
Everything felt so much better to Ryan now; not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. It was as though he could finally let go of Pete forever to give Brendon everything he deserved. Everything Brendon gave to Ryan.
Smiling, Ryan pulled himself off but remained in Brendon's lap, the two sharing an embrace until Ryan couldn't take the thought of being surrounded in his own cum any longer and got out to shower.
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Needless to say, by the time they got showered and clothed after their morning experience, the two missed breakfast with Spencer. By a longshot. Actually, by the time they left the hotel, it was after what is generally accepted as lunch time, too. When Ryan and Brendon were getting a cab, they had a little over a half hour before Jon's gallery was scheduled to be unveiled.
"I've got twelve missed calls and messages from Spencer." Brendon frowned as he turned his phone on.
"I'm not even going to look at mine," Ryan said while taking a sip of his coffee. They ended up going to a little café about five minutes from where Ryan used to live, ten or so from Jon's gallery, that Ryan used to call his second home. They had the best coffee and tea and sandwiches and everything, in Ryan's opinion.
Brendon shook his head and sighed. "I'm not going to bother listening to them," he said before deleting the messages. It was clear that Spencer was angry with them. Ryan had a wonderful morning, though, and really didn't care if it pissed Spencer off.
They only skipped out on a meal.
"Hey Ryan;" Brendon pocketed his phone, taking hold of his own drink but just tipping it around. "Can I ask you something?" He didn't look at Ryan, biting his lip in the way that Ryan knew meant he might not like what he was about to hear.
"No." Ryan answered flatly, arching an eyebrow after. "Since when do you need permission to ask me something?" He kind of felt like smacking Brendon for his idiocy.
"I know, I just..." Brendon half frowned.
"What is it, Bren?" Ryan tried to keep the concern from his voice. He didn't need to be worried. If it was something to worry about, Brendon would have brought it up long ago.
"What do you..." Brendon bit his lip again, then took a deep breath and looked to Ryan with a burst of confidence. Or at least something to make him get it all out. "What do you think about trying to adopt Mia?" Brendon spit out.
Ryan only stared at him, processing the words and making sure he heard right, because wow, that's a little random. When he saw Brendon's face getting more worried and regretful at Ryan's silence, he asked, "How?"
"Like," Brendon relaxed some, "I, we, have temporary custody of her right now. Until my sister gets her shit together." Ryan nodded slowly. "But let's face it; my sister won't ever be the mother Mia needs. If she does, it'll only be temporary because we both know she'll only relapse." Another slow nod.
"So I can't see Mia go to some other home or something. I'm the only family, blood at least, that she has, right?" Ryan felt like a bobble-head. "And I was thinking, rather than wait however long for that to happen, that relapse, why subject Mia to that when she's already been through so much?"
"Point," Ryan said. Sometimes Brendon would ramble, and needed to be reminded to just get to what he was trying to ask or say.
"Right." Brendon exhaled, nodding, inhaling again. "I want to file to have permanent custody of Mia before she has to go through any more of my sister's crap."
"Okay..." Ryan didn't know what he was supposed to say. Congratulations? Good for you? Go for it?
"I want to know what you think, Ryan." Brendon gave a small sigh. "How you feel about it."
"I think Mia's lucky to have someone who cares a lot about her," Ryan replied after a minute or two.
Brendon rolled his eyes, exhaling loudly. "We're together, Ryan. We live together. Mia would refer to you as one of her uncle's if you told her to. You have as much to do with this decision as I do. This will change both our lives dramatically."
And in that moment, the world paused. Brendon wanted to know if Ryan was okay with it because of the long run. He was planning a future for them. For once, Ryan was part of someone's future plans. For once, he felt like he had a future. One that wasn't full of only mystery and doubt and uncertainty.
"Ryan?" Brendon's voice was a bit concerned now, snapping Ryan from his thoughts.
"I think you should," Ryan confidently replied. "I think we should." He smiled, the statement making his stomach light as though he was back in high school, confessing a crush.
Brendon smiled, reaching across the small round table and taking Ryan's hand. "Good," he said, "Because I think we should too." He squeezed gently at Ryan's hand, and for the rest of their time at the café, Ryan didn't let go.
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'I am going to kill you both, revive you, and fucking kill you again!" was how Spencer greeted them when they reached the gallery; roughly ten minutes before the grand opening. Jon had let people come in for about a week now, but this would be the first time the majority of his work would be shown to the vast public.
"Sorry." Ryan shrugged, holding Brendon's hand still. "We had a busy morning."
Spencer's piercing eyes ran over Brendon, the man tugging at his collar to shift it in attempt to hide any of Ryan's marks, then fall back on Ryan. "I'm sure," he said, arms crossing and bitchface incredibly fierce. "I don't see you all fucking yesterday, you leave tomorrow morning, and you can't even make breakfast because you're busy fucking?!"
Ryan flinched a little, pure guilt washing over him. He knew that tone. Spencer wasn't just angry, he was livid. "I haven't seen you in a year!" Spencer bitched at them. "All I want is one goddamn day to catch up and hang out, and you couldn't be bothered to show up?!' There was hurt along with anger in his voice. "Some fucking best friend you are, Ross."
Mentally slapping himself a few hundred times, Ryan released Brendon who shrunk into the background and walked towards Spencer carefully. Spencer was known to get physical at times. "Spence-" he sighed, stopping a few feet away. "I didn't – we didn't – even think about it that way." He frowned. "I'm so, so sorry."
Spencer continued glaring, unconvinced. "It's been a little crazy so far, and I didn't mean to neglect you or anything." Ryan took another step closer. "Last night, we went to a club and ran into Gabe and we got talking and things kept snowballing from there until I was having a conversation in the bathroom with Pete that-"
"You ran into Pete?" Spencer's anger flared, but in a different way. "That fucker! I told him if-"
"Spence, relax." Ryan cut him off. "We only talked." He caught Brendon lightly scoff from behind him. "And Brendon already deal with it," he added, seeing a flash of amusement shoot through Spencer's eyes as he no doubt imagined what that meant. "Turns out Pete's getting married today."
"Oh, Ryan..." The bitchface broke and Spencer's arms loosened, but Ryan shook his head and stuck his hands up.
"It doesn't matter. He's apparently happy now, and I know I sure as hell am." Ryan didn't have to think about the words before they came out. His brain just knew, and made his voice go along with it. "But anyway, Brendon and I fell asleep on the couch but ended up on the floor, which hurt, so I got into the hot tub to relax, and then Brendon got in and started giving me this great massage-"
"Ok!" Spencer cut him off this time. "I get it." He sighed and looked at Ryan a little sadly. "You have no idea how happy I am that you're finally happy, Ry. I just..." Spencer half hugged himself. "I just never thought we wouldn't see each other every day, you know? I hate Brendon for keeping you in Hawaii because it's really fucking far away, but I love him for making you smile. Really smile. None of that fake bullshit."
Ryan silently laughed for a moment. "And I'm fucking pissed he kept you from me on Christmas, but I was happy to not spend the holiday talking you out of drinking yourself to death and convincing you that blood doesn't mean anything nowadays. Jon and I actually had an amazing Christmas, and it felt great.
"But I'm selfish, Ryan. You know that. It's been one year since I've seen you, and I get barely three days to enjoy being in hugging distance again, and you're spending that time with someone you do get to see and hug every day now." The one thing Ryan could never bear was an upset Spencer. The way his eyes expressed his raw emotion – Ryan's heart practically shattered. He felt so incredibly stupid.
Closing the distance, Ryan pulled Spencer into a tight hug, not caring that Spencer's elbows dug into his body, and buried his face in Spencer's shoulder. He refused to let go or loosen his grip until Spencer was having difficulty breathing; only letting up enough to fix that. He felt horrible for letting Spencer feel like he'd been replaced. No one could ever replace Spencer.
"If it wasn't for you," Ryan spoke just loud enough for his friend to hear, "I'd be dead long ago. You're the one that kept me alive all these years and took care of me when I couldn't." Ryan held on like his life depended on it. In a way, it did.
"I love you, Spence, like the brother I never had, and like the best fucking friend anyone could ever hope to have." Spencer finally got his arms from between their bodies; wrapping them around Ryan's petite frame. "I'm sorry I hurt you. Please forgive me."
"Of course." Spencer hugged fiercely back. And for a few minutes they stayed like that. They needed that physical contact, undisturbed.
"You're a douche, though." Spencer let go, Ryan doing the same. "You're just lucky that I love you." Ryan laughed, nodding. "And even though you're a best-friend-stealing-asshole," he looked to Brendon, "I love you too."
"The feeling's mutual," Brendon replied.
"Come on." Spencer smiled, and Ryan knew everything between them was going to be fine. "Let me show you around."
And even if it was totally corny, they linked their arms, Brendon following behind, and started walking through the maze of walls and photos to get the first complete look.
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A decent amount of people showed up. Ryan got glimpses of Jon, the man greeting everyone and talking about photos that people stopped to carefully examine. Spencer stayed with them until Jon dragged him away, leaving Brendon and Ryan alone to enjoy their friend's work.
A lot of them were of Spencer. But that was a given. There were some of other people, Ryan didn't recognize them all, photos of various places in Vegas, their trip to Hawaii the previous summer, and photos from when Jon and Spencer went to Chicago for Christmas after Ryan and Brendon more or less blew them off.
"I like this one," Brendon said with a teasing tone, bumping his shoulder against Ryan's and stopping in front of a picture. It was of Ryan and Spencer when they were in college, during Halloween at some dorm party. They were both completely wasted, making stupid faces at the camera, lying all tangled up with each other on the floor for one reason or another. "It's very..." Brendon couldn't finish his sentence before he started laughing.
"I'm going to leave your ass in Vegas to fend for yourself." Ryan huffed, smiling regardless. It was an amusing photo, and their position was compromising.
"That's mean." Brendon pouted. Ryan smiled and kissed the pout away, because that always worked. "I would die."
"I'm sure you could get a job somewhere," Ryan said as they started walking again. They had been around a few times now, it wasn't that big, but it wasn't that small either, because they were there to support Jon, and were going to stay until the very end. "Maybe as a bellhop or something."
Brendon scoffed, disagreeing, but didn't say anything. There were some really great pictures of all kinds of things – though the one of Gabe and William together made Ryan frown. They seemed so happy in that frozen piece of time. William was sitting on Gabe's lap down on the beach in the shade; Gabe's arms around William who was sitting sideways, and William's arms around Gabe's neck, the pair laughing at something.
It made Ryan question of they actually made the right choice; regardless of how content William seemed now.
There were more pictures of Hawaii; Alex and Nate at their restaurant, Brendon and other people surfing, random people on beaches, fish, and a good amount of Mia who was either posing or caught off guard. They all made Ryan smile.
After about an hour or so, once everyone had a chance to walk around and look everything over, see Jon's work and maybe even buy a picture or two, they all gathered near the entrance where a temporary stage had been set up with a microphone. There was champagne and whatnot for people to enjoy though Ryan refused it all.
While Jon took the stage, standing in front of a very large photo that had yet to be unveiled, Ryan, Brendon and Spencer stood off to the side to listen. "First off – thank you all for coming. I've wanted this for years; since I picked up a camera and took my first picture of the ground." There was light laughter.
"There are so many people I want to thank for this, I could be her eall night, but I don't think we've got enough champagne or food for that." More laughter. "So I'll lump everyone together as friends, family, and of course, my boy and the love of my life, Spencer." Jon looked at him, Spencer smiling and giving a brief wave as eyes of the crowd followed.
"And before I get to what's behind me, I want to tell you a bit about a great man, probably one of the greatest guys I've ever met, let alone have the pleasure to call a close friend." Jon took hold of the microphone with one hand, a glass of champagne in his other, looking out to the people gathered around him.
"I've known Ryan for about six years now." Ryan's eyes widened because when did this become about him? "And yeah, six years really isn't that long, but it's just long enough to get to know someone pretty damn well." Spencer was smugly smirking beside Ryan, obviously aware of the speech his boyfriend had prepared.
"And the thing you need to understand about Ryan is that he is a very tough guy on the outside." Spencer scoffed playfully. "But once you get past that, he can be one of the nicest guys you ever meet. And the reason I love Ryan, is not only because he's Spencer's best friend and Spencer would kill me if I so much as looked at him the wrong way-"
"Damn right I would," Spencer called, sparking more laughter.
"-But because that man has more courage and will power than anyone I've ever met." Ryan felt his cheeks warming. "I won't bore you with the details, but no matter what hell life sends him through, he always manages to come out with a smile in the end, and, sometimes with a push from friends, keeps on going to make the best of what he has."
Jon turned to face them now, lifting his glass. "You're my inspiration, Ryan. And even if you threatened to do very painful and illegal things to me should I ever so much as make Spencer frown," Ryan hid his face in Spencer's shoulder, "I wouldn't be here today without you."
And Ryan wanted to die when everyone spontaneously spoke his name in a toast.
"So," Jon continued, turning back to the crowd, "I'm going to invite someone close to Ryan up here to help me unveil my favorite all of my photos; which is also a gift for Ryan." Ryan couldn't pull his face from his friend's shirt. "Get up here, Brendon."
Okay, maybe he could.
Ryan watched as Brendon joined Jon, slightly irritated he was the only one left in the dark apparently, wondering what embarrassing thing he had to endure next. Brendon smiled and waved, eyes flicking to Ryan briefly then moved out to the group of strangers that were being enlightened about him.
"Brendon is Ryan's boyfriend, and another good friend of mine, who just a year ago was some great guy we met on a vacation to Hawaii." Jon stepped aside. "S'all yours," he said while taking a sip from his glass and Brendon took his spot.
"Hi," Brendon said in greeting. "I'll keep this short because it's getting late and I can talk all night at the best of times," he grinned, "but I wanted to say some things when Jon contacted me a month or so back about the picture that's under that blanket or whatever it is." Ryan wanted to hide in shame but he ended up smiling a little.
"I've only known Ryan for a year, but it's been the best damn year of my life. And Jon wasn't kidding when he said that Ryan's tough." Queue the laughter. "Once you break that protective shell, which is not easy," Brendon nervously laughed, "You discover the most amazing human being. He's kind, funny, sweet, caring, loving, charming-"
"Get on with it!" Spencer commanded, Ryan about ready to hit his head against a wall until he passed out.
"Yeah, sorry." Brendon rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess what I'm getting to is that you only get one chance in life to be with someone that you love and honestly don't know how you even got by without. Ryan...Ryan is that person for me. And I'm damn lucky to have found him at a young age – on his vacation, by all chances.
"And when I thought I was going to lose him after the most wonderful two weeks when he almost got on that plane to come back here..." Brendon stopped to rub his eyes quickly, smiling and gathering himself. "It's the worst feeling ever." He nervously laughed some more.
Jon took that as the opportune moment to yank the cloth from the photo; Ryan's heart pounding and breath catching in his throat. It was very big and entirely black and white, but Ryan felt like there were a million colors. The photo was of him and Brendon. They were both shirtless and in swim trunks, somewhere along the beach.
The image was taken when they were playing tag with Mia. Ryan remembers it perfectly – though he doesn't remember Jon snapping the picture. Brendon had his arms wrapped around Ryan's waist, Ryan holding onto Brendon's wrists as though trying to pull them off – he was – as Brendon caught him. Water was frozen in the air all around them, having splashed up, and also dripping down their bodies; catching the bright rays of sunshine in various droplets.
What got Ryan about the photo, though, was their faces. Brendon's chin was on Ryan's shoulder, mouth near Ryan's ear, giant grin and shining eyes. Ryan, though looking towards the ground, was absolutely beaming; mouth open in a huge smile as he laughed at whatever Brendon had been saying to him. He almost didn't recognize himself.
Then next thing Ryan knew, Brendon was right in front of him; everyone looking at them which made Ryan's cheeks red all over. "Ry;" Brendon spoke softly, taking Ryan's hand and looking directly into his eyes. "I know you always say I'm perfect, but that's only because you make me that way. I would do anything to make you happy, because I love you, Ryan, more than I've loved anyone in my life, and would give my life to make sure nothing ever upset you again."
And when Brendon lowered himself to one knee, not breaking eye contact, Ryan couldn't help but start crying. He didn't care if he looked pathetic or sappy, because fuck. Ryan had long since let go of this dream; of someone getting on a knee for him. Yet that's exactly where he found himself.
"I know it didn't work for you the first time. I know you've been through so much shit that sadly, I'm grateful for, because it brought you to me. And I know we've only known each other for a year, Ryan, but it's felt like a lifetime, and I can't picture myself with anyone else."
Ryan used his free hand to wipe at his eyes, smiling, and nearly hyperventilating.
"I swear on my life that I will never purposely cause you pain or harm. That I will do whatever I can to make you happy. Be it come to Vegas for however long until your heart's content," Ryan laughed, choking after, "Or find a way to pull the damn moon from the sky to hand to you. I will do whatever it takes to make you smile."
As he bawled, Spencer put a hand on his back, rubbing between his shoulder blades to try and calm him.
"Just being with you makes me the happiest man alive, and that's all I could ever ask for." Brendon released Ryan's hand, which instantly went to aid his other in wiping tears away, to pull out a small black box from the hoodie Ryan wondered why he was wearing in the heat to begin with. He opened the box to present it to Ryan, revealing a white-gold band inside.
"Ryan Ross," Brendon knew how much Ryan hated his actual first name, "Having gotten permission from both Jon and Spencer," Ryan laugh-choked again, "Will you marry me?"
The back of Ryan's left hand was pressed against his mouth; his head spinning and heart racing and stomach flipping. He was having the world's greatest day, at last, and couldn't begin to try to think straight. Ryan was a little shocked he never caught onto what was going to happen tonight, Brendon doesn't exactly hide things well, but he was glad that it was all a surprise because it was perfect.
"Answer the man!" Spencer said, smacking Ryan on the back of the head.
Wiping his eyes one more time, Ryan bit his lip and nodded; Brendon instantly looking relieved as he stood back up. He was about to do something, probably put the ring on Ryan's finger like tradition goes, but Ryan threw his arms around Brendon and engaged him in a passionate kiss instead.
"Yes," Ryan said against Brendon's lips, "Yes a million times. I will marry you." Ryan felt like he had to verbally answer as well. Brendon deserved that.
As everyone around them congratulated them, Ryan only cared about the man in his arms. He only cared about how much he loved him. How happy he was with him. How lucky he was to have him.
About how glad he was to have spent those first two weeks in Hawaii.