This time when Ryan's eyelids parted to reveal the slow revolving fan on the tall ceiling above his head, he knew exactly where he was. A golden ray of sunshine peeked through the center of the maroon curtains which were drawn over the sliding glass balcony doors of Brendon's bedroom; stretching across the room and landing right on Ryan's face to warm him. He yawned and blinked the blurry film from his eyes, pushing his face into the pillow to avoid the light from blinding him.
As Ryan turned his body, the soft blanket that he had woke up on the previous time fell off his body to the floor, suddenly relieved of the heat it had been trapped in. Ryan pushed his body up on his elbows and turned to his side, seeing that he was dressed only in his boxers and, for some reason, his socks. His heart skipped a beat for a moment but calmed when he realized that he didn't do anything regrettable; Brendon wouldn't take advantage of him or anything. He hoped.
Thinking of Brendon suddenly, Ryan turned onto his other side to see the other half of the bed was empty; the sheets dipping down a bit where a body had been. It was cold, except where the beam of sunlight stretched across it, meaning that it had been vacant for some time. Ryan looked around for a clock but couldn't find one, though he knew it wasn't all that late since the sun was too yellow. Frowning, Ryan laid his head back on the pillow and stared at the empty spot beside him, wondering what it would be like to actually wake up next to the man.
In the distance Ryan could hear the calls of seagulls circling the water for their morning meal, hugging the pillow close and sliding his legs along the all-too-comfortable bed. It was definitely somewhere he could stay for hours on end and be completely content. Ryan reached out and brushed his finger's over the spot where Brendon had been, wishing that it was still there so he could feel Brendon's skin, his abs, rather than the sheets. He had felt Brendon the night before, but that had been some odd hours ago and the feeling was almost completely gone from Ryan's fingers.
Brendon felt significantly different than Pete had. He felt far more muscular and smoother against Ryan's fingers than Pete ever was; far more satisfying and addictive. Brendon's lips were fuller too; something you wanted to suck on and chew on and feel pressed against your mouth as they were warm and smooth as well. He felt exactly how Ryan had imagined, if not better. Which was why Ryan wanted Brendon in the bed with him at that very moment; to feel him again.
After a few more minutes of lying there, thinking, feeling, Ryan turned over in the bed again and looked towards the door leading to the balcony where the curtains blocked the morning sun, sighing and pushing himself into a sitting position, shifting his legs over the edge of the bed. He had to get up and at least figure out where everyone else was, leaving the comfort of the bed. A slight chill ran up his spine as Ryan stretched his arms over his head, yawning, making Ryan shift into the warm sun for a moment.
Ryan looked around for his clothes, seeing them folded neatly on the dresser by the door and smiling as he stood up; his legs taking a moment to adjust to being used again. The socks on his feet made him slide some on the wooden floors while making his way to the dresser to get dressed again, having to adjust the elastic on his boxers along the way from their shifted position on his hips. The floor creaked beneath Ryan's feet, reminding him of the house's age, trying to lighten his steps in case anyone was asleep downstairs. There had been a party the previous night and no one seemed to leave the house after parties occurred.
A little folded white note rested on top of his shirt, bearing Ryan's name along with a little smiley face in somewhat messy but still very legible handwriting. Ryan lifted the note and opened it, smiling as he read over the words left for him.
Ryan, Sorry I wasn't there when you woke up to greet you with the kiss I'm dying to give you. Had to go to out. Feel free to shower or wear anything in the dresser if you don't want to put your clothes back on. Ask Bill where washer + dryer are if you want too. Hope to see you when I get back to finish what we started last night ;D. xoxo B
Ryan laid the note on the wooden surface of the dresser and grabbed his clothes, sliding them onto his body then stuffing the note in his pocket. Of course Ryan hated wearing the same clothes twice but, this was Brendon and it was totally worth it. Showering or taking Brendon's clothes made Ryan feel like an intruder so he decided against both suggestions; leaving the bedroom once dressed.
The sun was even brighter in the hall, streaming in through large windows on the far wall. Ryan moved towards the stairs and grabbed the railing, trying not to make too much noise as he headed towards the first floor; finding William sitting at the island in the kitchen with his laptop. He rubbed his eyes and slid towards the island, sliding onto the stool beside Will muttering, "Morning," tiredly.
"Good morning," Bill said in response, exiting out of what he was doing then pushing the screen of his laptop down; sliding the computer farther up. He did it for privacy, not that Ryan was concerned with what the man was doing anyway, and turned his body more towards Ryan. "Have a good night?"
"Mmm..." Ryan hummed, stretching his arms out then laying his head down on the counter, eyes falling shut. It wasn't that he was still tired, necessarily, but rather still waking up. "Do you know where Brendon went?"
"To attend to his tourist duties." Will replied, laying his head down as well to mirror Ryan's position. "He should be back around noon. Told me to tell you that you can hang here for the day or whatever you want." Ryan's eyes opened, seeing William's calm face a few inches before him, staring with soft eyes of curiosity. "Your friends took the car and B has the jeep so we're a little vehicle-less too." he added as though trying to persuade Ryan to stay there. Ryan wasn't rushing out the door right away anyway.
"What time is it?" Ryan asked, lifting his head while yawning and blinking his eyes a bit.
"About eight or so?" Bill guessed, rising up as well, lips pursed together in thought. Ryan nodded, resting his head in his hands on the counter; staring out the window across from him where he could see the edge of the private section of beach Brendon owned. "Why? Big date or something?" William teased, propping his head on one hand to look at the man beside him.
"Not that I know of," Ryan said with a little laughter, replying without even thinking first. "I mean, you know, I'm not sure if Spence has anything planned." He shrugged after in a desperate cover-up attempt, looking down to the granite counter to try and hide his embarrassed face. It's not like William didn't know what happened the previous night; everyone did.
"Well, if you're not doing anything, you can hang with me until B gets back." Bill suggested. "Gabey's probably going to be in bed all day with a hangover and my only plans were to bother Nalex for the day."
"Nalex?" Ryan inquired with confusion, turning his head to face William who laughed.
"Yeah; sorry. Nate and Alex; They're always together so we just refer to them as one person. You know, like Brad and Angelina being Brangelina." Will explained, Ryan's mouth forming a small 'o' as the confusion faded. "Their restaurant is a short walk from here if you want some breakfast." He sat up straight in the chair. "I'm sure their lazy asses will be up by the time we get there."
"Uh...sure." Ryan agreed because he really couldn't think of doing anything else other than sitting around Brendon's house until the younger man got home. He didn't feel like getting dragged around by Spencer in whatever he felt like doing for the day and William wasn't really all that bad once you got to know him a bit.
"Awesome." Bill instantly beamed, sliding from the stool he was seated on and grabbing his laptop. "I just have to take care of this and I'll be back down." Ryan nodded, turning around with his elbows resting on the counter, watching Will disappear up the stairs to the second floor. He heard a door open slowly, William probably trying to keep the noise down to save Gabe an even worse headache, accompanied by soft voices of what Ryan assumed was Will telling Gabe where they were going.
A moment later, the door clicked shut again as Will left then headed back down the stairs, a different v-neck shirt on and frayed jean khakis. "I told Gabe but I'm sure he'll forget within five minutes so I just have to quickly draw up a note then we can leave." Again Ryan nodded, watching Will walk towards the fridge where he grabbed a magnetic pad of paper, sliding the pen off the top and leaving a quick note which he signed Bilvy surrounded by a few hearts. "Okay; all set."
"He won't be upset that you're out with me, will he?" Ryan asked while slipping from his own seat, Will simply raising an eyebrow in that seriously? kind of fashion, ripping the note off and leaving it in the middle of the counter then slapping the pad back on the refrigerator door.
"If we have to worry about anyone getting jealous," Will walked back around the counter, throwing his arm around Ryan's shoulders and starting towards the living room, "It's Brendon."
"Why would he get jealous?" Ryan asked with a little laughter, trying to escape William's grip. He didn't need to be so close to the other man because he did have a personal bubble, for Christ's sake.
"You're really kinda dense there, Ryan." Bill shook his head, causing his hair to hit his face. "Brendon is like, undeniably head-over-heels crazy for you. It's kind of like a dog claiming property, you know." Will opened the door, holding it for Ryan who stepped into the bright, warm sun already shining down on the island. "Brendon's claimed you therefore anyone who gets too close is going down." Ryan decided his cheeks were warm from the sun and nothing else.
"Brendon's just...really nice," Ryan mumbled, waiting for Will to shut and lock the door then following him off the porch.
"Uh-huh." he answered, unconvinced. "Because he makes out like a horny teenager with everyone he's nice too." There was heavy sarcasm in Will's voice, Ryan casting his eyes down to the dusty path they started walking along. "Like I told you before; he's into you, you're into him. No one was really all that surprised to find you two sucking face."
"I, uh, didn't realize you guys..." Ryan trailed off, face practically on fire with heavy embarrassment. He definitely wasn't going near Spencer anytime soon, knowing he would only get shit from his friend. A long series of I told you so which Ryan really wasn't too keen in listening to.
"Well you both mysteriously disappeared for roughly a half hour only to show up holding hands, flushed, and avoiding as much conversation as possible to get back to the house." William tucked his hands into the pockets of his shorts, long legs making short work of the hill twisting from Brendon's house to the main road, making Ryan walk quickly to keep up. "Then you obviously ended up staying the night and Brendon was very quick to avoid answering any questions."
"We didn't do anything," Ryan said, feeling the need to make it clear to the other man. "Well, beside what you already said." William just laughed again, kicking a few little rocks down the path ahead of them.
"S'nothing to be ashamed or anything of," Bill said, throwing his arm around Ryan's shoulders once more, nearly dragging him down the hill. "We've all been there."
"Not with someone you barely know," Ryan mumbled, trying not to trip and fall from practically running along the bumpy path.
"You already know more about B than I did about Gabe when I slept with him." Bill amusedly answered, releasing Ryan as they reached the bottom of the path to the vacant road; the beach just barely visible in the distance. "Of course, that was my own personal decision and everything," he started leading Ryan towards the right, "but the more time I spent with Gabey, the more I realized I liked him until eventually I discovered that I loved him. And now I know more about him than I probably want to." Another small laugh accompanied his words. "You never find out about someone until you take the chance in getting to know them."
"Not much getting to know someone when you're making out," Ryan said more to himself than to William, following him down the vacant road, hands shoved in his pockets and feet dragging lightly on the ground.
It really wasn't a long walk from Brendon's to Alex's restaurant which was a small hut like building with outdoor seating along with inside. The outside was sheltered with large umbrellas and surrounded by a low, bamboo-looking railing-fence only reaching half way up the circular bar tables. It sat just above a small patch of sandy beach, giving a great view of the crystal ocean to anyone who sat there. Overall, it was like a fancier, more restaurant style snack hut.
The sign read Simply Suave.
"Suave is one of Alex's nicknames," William said while pulling the glass door open, the little bell chiming. Ryan nodded, following the man into the very diner-esque eatery. "I brought company, Novarro." he called to Nate who was leaning over the counter space where customers could sit if they wished; scribbling on what looked to Ryan like a menu. Nate looked up and smiled, pushing his work aside and standing straight.
"We have business hours for a reason," he said with a light, teasing tone as Will took a seat on one of the bar stools; Ryan sitting beside him a little shyly. He felt out of place.
"And since when have I given a fuck about business hours?" Bill asked, leaning over the counter and grabbing a plastic stirring stick for coffee to slide into his mouth and chew on. "I was awake and hungry so I figured I would entertain Ryan with your boyfriend's poisons since B went to work and Gabey's massively hungover."
"When isn't he?" Nate laughed, walking to stand opposite them. "Alex's still getting things ready in the back."
"We're in no hurry, are we Ryan?" he turned towards Ryan who was taking in the decorations of the restaurant. Everything was very laid back and overall comfortable to be in. Family-like but at the same time still a hangout for friends.
"Hmm?" Ryan snapped back to reality, noticing both pairs of eyes on him. "Oh; guess not." he shrugged, playing nervously with his hands which sat on top of the counter. "Brendon's gone 'till noon, right?" Both Will and Nate smiled bigger.
"Something like that." William smirked while turning back to Nate to have a quick and silent conversation of mainly I told you so, about fucking time, and now Brendon won't be so lonely. Sure it was the first time Brendon had shown interest in a mainlander and, while Nate had apprehension when William first explained it to him because obviously Ryan would have to go back to Vegas at some point, he was still really happy for his friend like everyone else. Brendon had been alone too long.
"Want anything to drink?" Nate asked, figuring that doing his job would be a way to bother Alex later by saying he deserved overtime since they technically weren't open yet. "I can grab you a menu if you want, Ryan."
"Water's fine." Ryan shook his head, shifting some in the seat.
"You do realize that Hawaii had about a billion different fruit drinks, right?" Bill asked him, knowing the customs Ryan was used to back in Vegas since he lived there too. "A good amount of them are alcohol free, too." he smiled.
"I don't know too many people who drink this early." Nate commented, filling a cup with ice then water. "Plus, Alex won't let me charge you anyway; especially not Brendon's new...friend." he gave an evil smirk as he handed the cup to Ryan. "We still have to pay for all the supplies though, you mooching bastard."
"It's not like you don't get the business." William rolled his eyes, chewing away at the stick. "You're only like the third most popular place in Hawaii." Ryan grabbed the drink and quietly drank a decent amount, mouth suddenly dry.
"We're third because you come in here and deplete our supplies, which means we can't have as many customers as the top two." Nate continued to tease. Their lack of customers at times was actually due to their strange business hours. The two viewed being together and hanging with friends more important than work. Plus, they got more than enough customers when they were open to survive more than well.
"Be nice to my customers." Alex suddenly appeared, slapping Nate with a dish towel. "And go take inventory."
"Seriously?!" Nate half pouted, half gawked. "Isn't that, like, Travis' or someone's job?"
"It's whoever I decide to have do its job because I'm the owner." Alex replied, pushing Nate towards the swinging door to the back. "If you want to be on the payroll, then you do what I tell you."
"You're so sleeping alone tonight." Nate huffed, shoving the door open and disappearing.
"Payback?" William amusedly inquired as Alex turned back towards them.
"He, for whatever reason, attacked me with a fucking bucket of ice this morning while I was trying to sleep." Alex shook his head slowly, giant grin plastered on his face regardless. Will laughed, Ryan unable to hide his own smile at the thought of someone dumping a bunch of ice on someone else; as long as it wasn't him. "It's not like he's going to do anything other than sit back there pouting and possibly rearrange everything in attempt to piss me off."
"Which he can't do," Bill said, taking the stick from his mouth and wrapping it in a napkin. "To Alex, Nate can do no wrong." he turned to Ryan to explain as though Alex wasn't standing right there. "They just do this fake fight shit with each other."
"Nate's too cute to get mad at." Alex shrugged, leaning on his elbows on the counter. Ryan decided they were pretty much the perfect couple. And he totally was not jealous.
"Don't call me cute!" Nate called from the back, his voice drifting through the order window.
"Stop listening and get your ass in the storage room like I told you!" Alex turned his head to yell back.
"You're not my boss! I own half this place!"
"Yeah; the half with the storage room!" William and Ryan couldn't keep themselves from laughing; Ryan failing at trying to hide it. "I don't want to hear you anymore!"
"Well the walls aren't exactly sound proof!" Alex sighed, shaking his head some more, and decided not comment back as the conversation started to get perverted. Not that neither of the men on the other side of the counter hadn't heard or said worse, really.
"Anyway;" he exhaled and stood straight. "What do you guys want to eat? Might as well get things warming since other people should start arriving soon."
"The usual," Will said in answer for the two. Alex looked to Ryan for confirmation and he just nodded because he was hungry and, not that he thinks Alex's cooking is bad or anything, but he's eaten some pretty crappy stuff when hungry enough so anything was acceptable.
"Alright. It'll be a few minutes since I have to get everything out and ready still." he smiled while walking backwards towards the door. "Just yell if you need anything."
"Will do." Bill nodded, stretching over the counter again to grab another straw; covering it in teeth marks as well.
-==-==-==-
Nate was allowed back to the front when the restaurant started picking up so he could serve as the waiter; standing with Ryan and Will whenever he had a spare moment. Travis came in when things started to pick up to take care of dishes. He was tall with a lot tattoos, puffy, curly black hair, and a nose piercing. He looked groggy and like he really didn't want to be there, giving a half ass wave to William as he tied an apron around his body then disappeared to the back. A woman named Vicky-T (Victoria) came in to assist Nate about an hour later, the place really coming to life.
To say that the food or service was overrated in William's words of them holding third place would be a sin. Ryan ate whatever was given to him in politeness first, quickly going from gingerly eating to near shoveling because the taste was practically orgasmic. William merely smiled proudly, picking on Nate every chance he had just to amuse himself.
"So, you're the mainlander that has our Brenny love-locked." Vicky leaned in front of Ryan, having a spare moment to talk. Ryan just nodded, used to everyone making him and Brendon into some big deal, instead noticing how pretty Victoria was. She had long black hair that was twisted up and clipped back behind her head, the ends of it flowing over the plastic clip like a fountain. Her makeup was light and simple, keeping her fair complexion still noticeable while accenting her features.
If Ryan was straight, he would date someone like Victoria. But he's not. So he just notes and appreciates her beauty because so many women are ugly nowadays from fucking with their natural beauty. Ryan never understood all the desire and obsession in collagen and plastic surgery. He found it disgusting and, again, if he were straight, it would be a turn off. Fortunately, not many guys found the need to fake-ify themselves.
"You're cute." Vicky smiled, blowing a small bubble with the gum she was chewing, really looking like a stereotypical diner waitress; even if there really wasn't a set uniform. Just an apron and nametag. Both of which Nate seemed to be missing.
"Thanks." Ryan blushed, looking down at the table, wondering when they were leaving. It had been at least two hours. "You too."
"I like him," she said to William. "Tell Brendon he can keep this one."
"I'm sure he'll be glad to know he has your approval." William teased, drinking a very fruit-filled drink. It's my daily serving, he told Ryan who just stuck to water.
"Be a dick to someone else." Vicky-T frowned, Nate walking behind the counter and to the register to make up someone's check. "Like Novarro. You can be a dick to him."
"Already am." Bill beamed, Nate discreetly flipping him off, making it quick so no customers would see.
"I think everyone is," Victoria said with amusement.
"You're lucky Alex doesn't fire you for being so mean." Nate told her with a scowl. "'specially me."
"Sleeping with the boss doesn't have so many perks now, does it?" she teased him. He stuck his tongue out then ripped the printed receipt from the register, scribbling something on it before taking it to the customer. "He 'n Alex are seriously my favorite couple ever." Her eyes followed Nate before shifting back to William.
"Mhmm," he hummed with a nod. "I think they're everyone's favorite. They're like...perfect." Ryan had figured that out long ago. "Everyone wants a relationship like theirs."
"You and Gabriel are doing pretty good," Victoria said almost thoughtfully.
"We have our ups and downs." Will lightly answered with a shrug, sucking on the straw in his drink. "It's not disastrous or anything, but there are days I wish he was different. Like the days he drinks almost nonstop then is out all night at clubs." Ryan detected hurt in William's voice. He knew what it was like dealing with people who loved to drink and party.
Pete loved to drink and party.
"Everyone has their moments," Vicky said like it was nothing and Ryan decided he liked her. She could tell William was getting down and tried to bring him back up. "Hell, there are days I want to hold a pillow over Ryland's face until he suffocates. But then I remember the good times we have together and how I would be lost without him so those thoughts die away." Ryan really liked her.
"I s'pose." Bill started to brighten again. "Gabe's actually staying until I leave; which just so happens to be the same time Ryan does." His arm ended up around Ryan's body again. He really had no concept of personal space or how much Ryan enjoyed having some. A lot, actually. "Gabey hates Hawaii, too."
"I'm sure even Ryan's had some down relationships." Victoria added and maybe Ryan judged her too soon. "Right Ryan?" William almost instantly let go of him.
"Good times are all that matter." he quickly spoke before Victoria caught on. "Thanks for cheering me up, Vicky." Bill gave her a partially wide eye look, subtly shaking his head. She only looked confused. William gestured towards Ryan who was having a staring contest with the coaster. Sadly, he was losing. "Knowing Brendon, he'll probably be home early so we should probably head back now."
"Did I say-"
"Tell Nate and Alex thanks, would ya?" Will stood up mouthing 'I'll tell you later' to her before tugging at his shirt to flatten it against his body. "Ready Ryan?"
"Yeah," he mumbled, the happy feeling that had been growing all day suddenly dying. He knew he shouldn't let these small things affect him so, all Victoria did was ask the obvious, everyone has down points in relationships, but it did anyway. Ryan was still letting Pete control him. And Ryan couldn't even see or hear him.
Will grabbed Ryan's wrist, gently, and pulled him towards the door; bypassing Nate without a sparing glance or quick goodbye. He just wanted to make Ryan happy again before Brendon got home and killed him for 'breaking' the man. "Sorry about her; she doesn't know," he said once they were on the main road again.
"It was only a question." Ryan stared at his feet as he walked half on the road and half on the grass; a few cars occasionally passing them. "She didn't do anything wrong."
"Yeah, but, your last relationship-"
"Wasn't the greatest." Ryan cut William off, shrugging pathetically. "My fiancée who I loved and thought loved me dumped me the night before our wedding for another man. Big deal."
"Uh, hello?! That is a big deal!" William slightly scoffed. "That's a horrible, thoughtless, careless, inconsiderable-"
"Don't worry about it." Ryan cut him off again, far more bitterly this time. "It happened and there isn't shit I can do to change it, okay? So just drop it, already. What happens in Vegas, stays there."
"So what are you going to do when you go back in a week then?" Will asked. Ryan just ignored him and walked a little faster, body tightly huddled implying he didn't want to talk anymore; which he basically told William already. "I know it's a touchy subject, but how do you expect to be happy again if you can't let the past go?"
"I have." Ryan gritted out.
"No, you haven't." William reached forward and grabbed Ryan's wrist to stop him. "Look, I know we don't really know each other and that I have a very vague idea of what happened, but if you get upset and withdrawn so easily, you clearly haven't let it go. And you can't move on until you do." Ryan tugged his wrist away. "I'm not saying pass it off like nothing or like it never happened, because we all get scars we can't ever erase, but at least give yourself another chance at happiness. You owe it to yourself."
"I don't owe shit." Ryan grumbled, starting to walk again. Bill sighed and followed, groaning while letting his head fall back to look up at the clouds. All he wanted was for Ryan to stop dwelling so much on what happened before he came to Hawaii because one, he didn't want Ryan to hurt Brendon who he would give his life for, and two, it was clear to anyone who saw the two the previous night or the way both men's eyes sparkle at the mere mention of the other, that they had something stronger than friendship.
The rest of the walk was silent, Ryan grateful and welcoming to the nothingness, calming down his mood. He knew William only meant well and that his words were true, but Ryan had issues with the truth. He often hated it and tried to avoid or ignore it. He knew he had to let go of what happened with Pete if he wanted a chance of being happy again.
A chance of being happy with Brendon.
-==-==-==-
Gabe was on the couch when they returned, wearing only boxers and surrounded by empty water bottles. "What are you doing on the couch?" William asked as he strolled across the wooden flooring.
"Dunno," Gabe mumbled, eyes shut and arms lifting into the air as though summoning Will to him. Bill smiled and obliged, stepping from his shoes before going to his boyfriend, stepping around the bottles to save Gabe's head more pain, and carefully climbed onto the couch; lowering himself down. "You were gone a long time."
"Few hours," William said softly as Gabe's arms locked around him; his head on Gabe's shoulder with one arm hanging over the edge. "We were only at the restaurant." Gabe hummed a response, Ryan bypassing the two to find something to do. Part of him wanted to go back to the hotel, but another part, a more convincing part, of him wanted to wait for Brendon to get back. So he searched for a way to pass the time.
Ryan wandered through the kitchen, inevitably ending up at Brendon's music room; typing in the key code then pulling the door back and slipping inside. 0-4-1-2; Brendon's birthday. The room was quiet and cool, the type of environment that Ryan thrived in. Sure, he loved his job as an English teacher back in Vegas, but his favorite place to be in the school was the music room with Greenwald. So Brendon's studio-like room with all the instruments creating a soothing atmosphere nearly melted all Ryan's troubles away and allowed a smile to actually come on his face again.
Carefully, he selected one of the guitars from the wall, more confident in touching them now, going to the barstool near the computer and pulling himself up. He situated the instrument in his lap, adjusting his fingers over the strings before starting to absently play random chords, a warm up so to speak, letting his mind drown in the guitar's beautiful voice. Ryan shut his eyes briefly, not wanting to fall from the stool, playing Yesterday, not realizing that he was thinking about Brendon as he did so.
After loosening his fingers and getting a comfortable feel for the particular guitar he was playing, Ryan adjusted his position and started to lightly play a different tune, playing it over a few times before adding some words that came to his mind. "I don't love you, I'm just passing the time..." he quietly muttered, staring down at his fingers as he played. "You could love me if I knew how to lie...." His thoughts shifted from Brendon to Pete as he sang quietly, spoke really, his chest feeling twisted and tight. "But who could love me? I am out of my mind..." he sighed, eyes falling shut again as his head tipped back, somehow managing to keep his balance on the seat. "Throwing a line out to sea..." Slowly, Ryan's mind fluttered back to Brendon. "To see if I can catch a dream..." He could see Brendon's smiling face and feel the lasting softness of Brendon's lips against his own; a ghost feeling remaining of Brendon's gentle touches and warm breath.
Sighing heavily, Ryan stopped playing and opened his eyes, setting the guitar down, propped against the desk of the computer. He wanted Brendon, wanted to have with Brendon what Nate had with Alex and what Jon had with Spencer and even what William had with Gabe; what Ryan thought he had with Pete. But Ryan also knew that he wasn't going to be staying in Hawaii forever, and that it was Brendon's home which meant he wouldn't likely leave to go with Ryan to Vegas. Hawaii wasn't Ryan's home though, Vegas was, and that meant he wasn't likely to stay to be with Brendon. So, in the end, even if they let themselves have something together, it wouldn't last very long.
And Ryan couldn't deal with his heart being broken again. Nor could he do that to Brendon.
Getting off the stool, Ryan grabbed the guitar and returned it to it's place along the wall, leaving the small room and going to the living room where William had seemed to fall asleep with Gabe, grabbing the remote to the television and turning it on, cranking the volume down to a level he had to strain to hear; using it as a distraction more than anything else. Ryan sat on the other couch, curling up tightly at the end, like a ball, flipping through the channels to find something to watch.
He landed on discovery health channel, interest peaked by some show called I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, because seriously? How could you not know? He watched it some, setting the remote on the glass coffee table between the two couches, glancing at the two men opposite him who seemed to fit so perfectly together, like puzzle pieces, then looked at the empty 2/3 of space where he sat; laying his head on his knees. Ryan's mind drifted off and, before he knew it, he ended up passing out as well.
-==-==-==-
Ryan's eyes fluttered open, not realizing he had fallen asleep until he noticed the lighting of the room was considerably darker than it had been last he remembered. It was still light out, more towards evening though, and the television was off. As Ryan moved, his body sore from being in the same position for a few hours, he realized a blanket had been placed over him, tucked around his body some, and that he was alone. Gabe and William were no longer on the couch opposite him and there weren't bottles all over anymore. It was just Ryan, a blanket, and the couch he had fallen asleep on.
Folding the soft blanket back, Ryan sat up the rest of the way and put his feet on the floor, reaching his arms up and yawning. He was warm, probably from the blanket, and felt considerably better than he had when sitting on the couch to watch television some odd hours ago. His head felt lighter, thoughts clearer, and actually let his face settle on a little smile for no reason. Ryan pushed off the couch, stretching some more, then started towards the kitchen; wobbling a bit as he reoriented his legs to movement.
Ryan saw the back door was cracked open so he headed for it, seeing the small forms of people down by the beach; only a few which meant it wasn't some extravagant party again. Pulling the door open enough to slide through, Ryan re-entered the warm sun which was starting to make its way towards the horizon, struggling with his lack of post-sleep strength to get the door shut again before starting down the path. The sounds of laughter drifted up towards him as he walked, eyes squinted as they adjusted, almost falling multiple times on the bumpy path towards the water.
Once close enough, Ryan made out the people to be Gabe, William, Brendon, Spencer, Jon, Alex, and Nate. He yawned once more, digging his palms into his eyes to rub away the remainder of sleep, before stepping into the uneven, shifting sand of the beach. "It's alive!" Spencer called in a high, teasing voice, spotting Ryan wandering down towards where they were scattered near the water. Ryan flipped him off, still waking up, heading for the bunch.
"I told you I didn't kill him, Beckett!" Alex stuck his tongue out at William, sitting in the warm sand a few feet away from the water's reach. His hands were behind his back, sunken into the moveable grains, and his legs on either side of Nate who was leaning back on him with his head in the center of Alex's chest; wearing Alex's glasses and a beanie hat while reading a romance novel.
"Well, he looked pretty dead." Will shrugged, stretched out in the foldable chair with his arms behind his head and eyes hidden behind large sunglasses as he sat in the shade. Gabe laid next to him atop a towel, completely in the sun, one arm behind his head and the other supporting a large bottle of some alcoholic beverage. Ryan wondered how he still had a liver if he drank like that, walking down towards Brendon who sat just beside the water's edge with brightly colored buckets.
"Ryan!" he beamed, waving an arm. "You're just in time to help me build a sand castle!" Brendon patted down the muddy sand in one of the plastic containers, his hands already covered. Ryan cocked his head and gave the younger man a questioning look, because he didn't know too many twenty-four year olds who built sand castles. Actually, he only knew one; and that was just freshly obtained information. "It's gonna be epic!"
"The Queen's not supposed to help with the manual labor." Spencer called from his spot in the ocean, the water reaching up to his knees. "Their job is to bitch and nag the King until you just have to off their head!" he smiled, the wind blowing his hair as he hugged himself; freezing. Jon was currently attacking him with the camera; again. He was Jon's favorite subject; their apartment and Jon's studio perfect evidence. "Ryan's already got the bitching and nagging down."
"I'll come out there and drown you if you don't shut the fuck up!" Ryan yelled frowning, collapsing in the sand near Brendon and his planned out castle space. Brendon offered him a bucket of mud, but Ryan shook his head and glanced around at everyone else, watching Brendon work instead. He hated getting dirty. Well, most of the time he hated getting dirty. It wasn't always bad. But mud dirty was not on Ryan's acceptable list.
"Tell me again why you're reading that," Alex said, chin extended out to rest on his boyfriend's head and attempting to read the book that had Nate's undivided attention.
"I like it." Nate answered with a small shrug, flipping the page over. "It's cliché and entertaining."
"What he really means is why are you reading instead of groping him." Bill clarified from his position just above them on the beach, busy on his cellphone texting someone who obviously wasn't Gabe because he was right next to William.
"Not everyone thinks about sex all the time like you, Bill." Alex rolled his eyes, Nate pulling his attention from the book to tip his head back and look at his pillow-boyfriend.
"You do." he smiled teasingly. "With your bullshit 'Spanish blood' excuse." Alex shifted his weight to one hand to smack Nate's head playfully.
"There is nothing bullshit about it." Gabe spoke up, reaching out towards William who only smacked his hands away. "Us Spaniards thrive on sex. It's common knowledge, really."
"Common knowledge is what you lack." Bill scoffed, fingers flying over the keys with skilled practice.
"I resent that." Gabe frowned, dropping his arm back to his body. "I have plenty of common knowledge?"
"Like drinking more when you're still partially hungover from last night?" he asked, glancing down at Gabe with a raised eyebrow. "Yep. Loads of common knowledge."
"You're lucky you're sexy," Gabe mumbled, eyes falling shut while staring at the sun.
"You get used to it." Brendon's voice suddenly snapped Ryan from his involved thoughts on everyone else, making him turn back towards the man who was smoothing down the cracked edges of his bucket-made pile of mud gently. "All of them." Brendon tipped his head towards the four higher up. "You get used to listening to the bickering and sexual innuendo. I mostly drown it out. They know when to behave which is what matters."
"Hey! Give it back!" Ryan turned towards Nate's voice, seeing him trying to reach up to get the book that Alex was holding over him. "Alex! I'm reading!"
"Not anymore," Alex said, throwing the book towards the water. Nate's face looked momentarily mortified as he scrambled to get up from the sand, trying to go for the book when Alex quickly sat up and grabbed his ankles, making him fall down with a slight squeaking noise.
"Refrain from littering." Brendon called up to them, flipping another bucket and slowly removing it to leave the shape of the inside of the bucket. "I really don't want to be fined."
"My book!" Nate whined, reaching out and trying to crawl away from Alex who was laughing and holding his ankles still. It floated out to Spencer who picked it up, waving it victoriously in Nate's direction, before throwing it farther out into the ocean.
"Didn't I just tell you not to litter?!" Brendon sighed, wiping his hands on his legs and standing up. "You're going to kill the planet." he frowned, stripping his body of his shirt; Ryan's eyes definitely on him now.
"I agree." Alex nodded, still laughing as he held Nate back. "Those books are killing the planet." Brendon jogged into the water, diving near perfectly into the water once he was far enough; barely any water splashing up as his body slipped beneath the surface. Ryan was the only one who paid him any attention, watching as Brendon resurfaced, brushing his wet hair aside then swimming out towards the book that started drifting farther out to sea.
Trying not to make his staring so obvious, Ryan got onto his knees and used his finger to draw a circle around the start of Brendon's castle, standing up and grabbing a bucket. Brendon reached the book and started back towards shore as Ryan dipped the bucket into the water, carrying it back to make a moat around the castle. Once Brendon reached the sand he threw the book at Alex, managing to smack him in the head, shaking his hair like a dog to dry it before heading back to Ryan.
"Hey!" Nate frowned at Brendon, sitting up and turning his body around. "Don't abuse my boyfriend!" he crawled up the sand towards Alex who had fallen backwards, rubbing his head where the book hit him. Nate bent down and kissed the red mark on Alex's head, pushing his bangs back to 'comfort' him.
"Don't let your crappy books end up in the water!" Brendon answered, pushing his now soaked shorts down so he was left in a red bathing suit which hung dangerously low on his hips; the ties undone. Ryan most definitely wasn't staring. "It didn't do anything to you to deserve such torture!" he smiled at Nate who flipped him off before Alex suddenly grabbed his waist and pulled him down. "And no sex on my beach!"
"You have." William called, crossing one long leg over the other and pushing his sunglasses up to look down at Brendon with sparkling eyes.
"Duh. It's my beach." Brendon rolled his eyes and smiled, looking down at the castle and smiling even wider. "Dude! That's awesome, Ryan!" he beamed, dropping down to his knees. "A moat's exactly what it needed!" he looked up at Ryan with possibly the cutest smile and loveable eye's ever. It reminded Ryan of when he was younger and he had a puppy that never left his side, looking at him with absolute serenity whenever Ryan scratched behind her ears just right.
He smiled.
"Gabey and I have had sex on your beach." William smiled, bursting the trance Ryan had been sucked into. Brendon ignored his friend's response, going back to his sand structure to finish it.
"Multiple times." Gabe added with a smirk, reaching over towards his boyfriend again. He caught William off guard, tugging him from the chair and on top of him; right into the sun.
"Gabriel!" Bill whined, trying to pull away but unable to due to Gabe's tight grip on his waist. "I don't like the sun!"
"You can survive a few minutes," the older man said from beneath him.
"You hungry?" Brendon asked Ryan, giving up on his sand castle as everyone started getting very touchy with each other. Even Spencer and Jon had taken to sitting on the sand with their feet in the water; Spencer leaning on Jon as the two talked about stuff Ryan couldn't hear. He nodded, Brendon wiping his hands again and standing up. "Come on." He reached down to Ryan who took his hand and let Brendon lift him up, frowning slightly at the grains sliding through his fingers.
Ignoring everyone else, Brendon lead Ryan back towards the house, not looking back just in case. Ryan stayed quiet as Brendon led him along the path, water still clinging to Brendon's muscular torso, the sun hitting him just right. He had to think of something else quickly, pulling his eyes away from Brendon's body to keep himself from getting incredibly hard. "I have to jump in the shower to get all this sand off," Brendon said when they reached the house, releasing Ryan's hand to pull the door open. "I should only be a few minutes."
"That's okay." Ryan almost didn't trust himself to speak because Brendon shouldn't be allowed to be so beautiful. It was driving Ryan insane. Sure, they made out the previous night, and Ryan was kindasortareally falling for the Hawaiian, but Brendon was making it really difficult for Ryan to keep himself from jumping Brendon to have his dirty way. And Brendon wasn't even doing anything.
"Sorry I wasn't there when you woke up this morning." Brendon apologized, walking up the stairs with Ryan following him like a shadow. "The other tourist guide who was supposed to be working today didn't feel too good." Ryan nodded, reaching the top and falling in step with Brendon to his room. "I hope I get a chance to try again though." He turned back to Ryan with a smile, walking backwards into the room.
"Maybe." Ryan smiled back, walking into the room he had woken up in twice. Brendon just gave a partially evil grin, walking to his dresser and pulling some clothes out as Ryan took a seat on the bed, watching Brendon walk into the bathroom with the clothes in his arms.
"Be back out in a few minutes," he said before pushing the door shut; not giving enough force so Ryan could still see into it some. If he was looking that way, at least.
Which, of course he was looking that way, because Ryan could just so happen to see Brendon strip the soaked swim trunks from his body; and he couldn't take his eyes away if he tried.
-==-==-==-
"So, I think I'm entitled to knowing more about you." Brendon said, finger's laced with Ryan's as they slowly walked along the road towards the house. Ryan decided he was staying at the hotel though because one, he was paying for the room, and two, he didn't want to get too close to Brendon too fast so he couldn't spend every night with him. Night until morning, at least. It was currently eleven.
"Why?" Ryan asked, walking on the dirt while Brendon took the paved road since Brendon decided to go barefoot; holding his shoes in his other hand. The stars were speckled across the dark night sky above them as they walked back from the unusually romantic like outdoor restaurant Brendon had taken him to.
"Because I'm bored senseless." Brendon teased, Ryan smiling and shoving Brendon so he stumbled on the road a bit. "I feel like there's a bunch to know about you so I want to know." He shrugged after he regained his footing. Ryan told him not to take his shoes off because there was no knowing what was laying on the ground in the dark, but Brendon decided to be a hippie and do it anyway.
"There's nothing thrilling to know." Ryan told him, shaking his head so his bangs caught on the breeze and left his face. Brendon scoffed, starting to swing his and Ryan's linked hands.
"Come on, Ryan." Brendon skipped a few steps, turning back towards Ryan who had to stretch his arm out, nearly tripping, to Brendon's sudden movement. "Tell me something I don't know about you."
"I used to dream of being famous." Ryan answered a little quietly, Brendon stilling to wait until Ryan's body was parallel to his before walking again. "Of being a musician."
"What stopped you?" Brendon asked, turning his head to look at Ryan who stared straight ahead, his face basked in the moon's glow.
"Life." Ryan shrugged. "School." Ryan looked down to the ground. "Pete," he mumbled; Brendon stopping again and forcing Ryan to stop. Ryan looked at him with confusion, Brendon pulling his hand from Ryan's to wrap his arms around him in a tight hug. "Brendon?" Ryan asked confusedly, Brendon squeezing him then loosening his grip as he exhaled against Ryan's shoulder.
"He really hurt you." Brendon whispered into the fabric of Ryan's shirt.
"It's in the past..." Ryan tried to avoid having a similar conversation to the one he had with William earlier. Brendon just hugged him tightly again. Ryan didn't really mind Brendon being in his space though; he just wished he wasn't getting crushed beneath Brendon's muscles. Don't get him wrong, he loved feeling Brendon's muscles against his body, but he didn't like feeling as though he was going to snap in half.
"It doesn't matter when it happened," he said. "What matters is it did and Pete really hurt you. You shouldn't have had to put up with him." Brendon told Ryan, making him want to hug Brendon back. But he couldn't because his arms were being flattened against his body; not to mention Ryan wasn't sappy like Brendon. At least, he didn't try to be. "You deserve so much more than whatever Pete was to you." Ryan definitely didn't feel like crying. "So much more."
"Bren;" Ryan quietly interrupted him. "It's getting late." Brendon released him, Ryan suddenly able to breathe again. "We should probably get back."
"Don't waste your time with anyone that's going to hurt you," Brendon said, looking straight into Ryan's eyes and brushing his hair back; concern and seriousness filling his large brown iris'. "You're worth so much more than you value yourself at, Ryan. Just please tell me you won't let anyone else hurt you like Pete did." Ryan swore his heart skipped a beat at that instance.
Leaning forward, Ryan pressed his lips against Brendon's lightly, Brendon kissing back forcefully yet tenderly; just as Ryan needed. "I won't," he whispered, letting his forehead lean against Brendon's for a moment as he gathered himself. Brendon had only known him a few days yet he cared more than most people in Ryan's life did. "I promise." Ryan pulled back, both staring at each other for a moment before silently turning back towards the house to finish their walk.
I know you won't, Ryan thought to himself a moment later; unable to get the words to leave his mouth. When he glanced at Brendon, the younger man gave him a soft smile and a reassuring squeeze of his hand, Ryan's gut twisting as he looked back towards the road. He wished Brendon wasn't so gentle and perfect.
It was getting increasingly harder to think about leaving him.
About not falling in love with him.