I pour clear and sparkling water into the tall glass sitting on the grey marbled counter mixed with the color, blue, light shades of blue, that had sunlight dazzling on it, reflecting, showing its bright side. "This much enough?" I say, stopping midway, facing the young man sitting on the sofa, who's eyes are a spiral of blue and green, and hair light brown, which reminded me of autumn always.
It's been almost a week since I told him the plan. He said he had to think about it, and so now, he's giving me the answer. My heart is beating fast, thudding.
"Yeah, thanks, Jen." He nods, his deep, husky, and beloved voice fills the kitchen that connects with the living room.
I hand it to him, and he takes it, sipping it, as I perch on the side beside him, gazing at his beautiful face. His swirling, earthy eyes face me yet again.
Alex's POV
She pours me a glass of sparkling water, her light brown hair swaying, having light golden streaks flowing freely through it, as she turns around, her face coming into view. Her eyes are a swirl of light grey and blue, so translucent, making you beg for more, pulling you in. Then her mesmerizingly perfect nose, not too tall or straight or fat or short. Just the right size, and then further down to her plump lips. Pouting, sometimes, or smirking, or smiling widely. Light pink, not too big, yet not thin.
She asks me if that's enough, and I answer, still focused on her and only her. Her hips sway a bit as she walks over to me, her physique beautiful, curving in the right places. She hands me the glass of water and I sip it, looking at her.
"Come, sit." I pat the leather sofa, as she sits up beside me, our elbows touching. I turn to face her, as she looks down.
"So, how do you like this plan?" She asks, finally looking at me.
"Jenna..you know that i don't deserve you. I started this all, and because of me, we're in this position where we are physically so close, but mentally, miles away." I shake my head. "I think I should even take off in a couple of days, go find myself a place to live, a place to settle, and a good college. Jenna, I'm leaving your life for good, because it's only best for you."
Tears well up in her eyes, collecting, smile fading. I hate to see her this way. But I have to leave her. I'm toxic, suffocating her life. She missed homecoming, prom, events, times where she should have been laughing and dancing recklessly. It's my duty to leave now, at least now.
"Is it best for you, too?" She silently asks. She always knows how to hit the soft spot. I don't answer.
"We've been through a lot, Jenna. Just don't be trouble right now. Listen to me. This is the way. You have to carry on, graduate, get engaged to some good guy who keeps you out of danger, and get a job, live your life, be an amazing mom, party when you can, and just be gorgeous and bring lots of more Jenna's to the world." I burst.
Now tears are flowing down her face, and I'm clutching the tall glass so hard that my knuckles turn white. "What if that Jenna doesn't get an Alex?"
Our breaths come in huffs, slowly, the only sound in the eerie area. "That's a rhetorical question." I place the glass on the coffee table, and stand up.
I walk to the corridor leading to the front door. I'm better now, and that's good. I can leave her alone. "Where are you going?"
My sweater is on me, and my hand twisting the doorknob. "Just make sure the Jenna's never find an Alex."
Jenna's POV
Before I know it, the cold wind flows freely in front of me, filling the heated house, and Alex is gone, the door closed behind him. I crumple right there, on the cold, hard floor, my tears coming out heavily and sobs growing louder. I try to breathe, but I can't. I try to take a huge breath, a gulp of air, but it's impossible.
"Jenna!" The voices are blurs, the people are blurs, and I am surrounded, yet I feel like I lost everything. The sounds, the realizations, are blurs, and they're too late. He's gone, for good.
***
Alex's POV
A FEW DAYS LATER
I jab the microwave, trying to get it to work, yet it doesn't even flinch or move an inch. I turn off the plug, then turn it on again, and finally I hear a chime, and then a dim yellow light fills the microwave as it starts to work.
I flop onto the bed shoved into the flower wallpapered wall, and instantly feel the hard mattress connect with my head. Cursing, I sit up, and try to find comfort within the rough blankets lying on the bed. I've been crashing at this place for a couple of nights, now, and have been visiting the doctor frequently to see if everything is okay.
Unfortunately, everything is okay. My scars are healing, I can walk, slowly, and if I don't put too much pressure on my arms and legs I'll be perfectly fine. I wish I wasn't, because what's the point of this life anymore? Jenna was my life, and now that I've stepped out of her way,I have nothing.
The curtains are grey and dusty, covering the panelled, frosty window. The sunlight tries to find its way into the room, dodging the places in which it is getting trapped. The room is small, with a queen sized bed crammed beside a bedside table, a small tv in front of the bed, and a microwave on that tv stand, as well as a lonely box of tissues and empty drawers, with a small fridge.
A beep startles my thoughts, as I grab the croissant I was purchased yesterday from some of the money Ethan dropped for me. He promised he wouldn't tell Jenna where I was, but to stick to the safe side, I changed motels.
I don't know where I'm going to got for the future, but I have applied to a job at a nearby coffee store, so let's see how that works out. I bite into the crispy croissant that used to be soft, chewy and warm.
I have left the life that used to radiant, vibrant and beautiful.
***
Jenna
"Come, at least eat something, Jenna. Please." Amelia begs, shoving the white plate trimmed with blue flowers toward me, where pieces of almost brown looking apples lie. She's been saying this for almost an hour, now, as I stare blankly at my lap.
"Jenna. Jennifer, don't you understand that you have to take care of yourself? Especially in this condition?" Fiona enters the room, wearing an oversized cashmere sweater and skinny jeans, with Ethan hot at her heels.
"Please. You haven't eaten since yesterday. And before yesterday, all you ate was a cold slice of pizza." Ethan reasons.
I slip off the tall and stylish stool, and walk over to the sofa where a couple of days ago Alex was sitting. He touched this. He did. And since that day, I've been sleeping in the room he was sleeping in. Drinking from the glasses he used to drink in. Wearing that one grey tshirt he used to wear. Showering in his bathroom, eating from the plates he touched.
That's all I can do. I'm wrapped into a phase of my life in which that's all I can do. Memories will just float around me, laughing, scoffing.
Suddenly, my stomach aches. Pangs. It's been happening for almost a week now, and I always feel dizzy and weak. I know it's just because of the lack of food, lack of nutrition. But it hurts.
And, before I know it, I gag. Clutching my stomach, I'm just in time to slide into the bathroom and barf my heart out into the toilet. Amelia bangs on the door, and I barf some more, voices behind the door, calling me. I finally flush the toilet, feeling nauseous and weak.
I open the door, and Fiona and Amelia quickly help me get up, and help me wash my face before taking me upstairs, into the bedroom in which Alex slept in. They tuck me in, no questions, no comments. Silent. Amelia is expressionless, and Fiona is frowning.
I can hear them quietly speaking by the door. I shut my eyes. "..Yeah, she's been acting really weird lately."
"But I'm not worried just cause of that.." Fiona.
"I know, there's more to it. I've seen her all dizzy and clutching her stomach and spending so much time sleeping. I also heard her barfing yesterday, but it was way too early in the morning and I thought it was something else until I actually saw her perched by the bathroom, but I didn't say anything at the time."
"Why didn't you?"
"I thought she was just having an upset stomach. I quickly slipped out of her room before she saw me, though." Amelia whispers. "It was on Wednesday when I came over for a night, the day Alex left."
"...Do you think...are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"There's only one way to find out." I hear footsteps back into the room and I quickly breathe evenly, pretending to be asleep.
"Jenna? Are you awake?" I slowly stir, rolling to a side, moaning. "Jenna?"
"Huh? Yeah?" I yawn. "I almost slept."
"Oh. Sorry for waking you up, but Amelia really has to ask you somethings." Fiona sits on the side of my bed, while Amelia stands in front of me, perching down to my eye level.
"Hey, hey, you okay?" She asks. I nod. "So, you know I studied medical in medical school, remember? Well, I'm not officially a doctor yet, but I just want to ask you some things before we contact other help."
I just nod, sort of confused, but my brain actually knows what's going on, it just doesn't want to accept it.
"How do you feel? Dizzy, tired and weak, as well as nauseous?" Amelia asks.
"Yeah. All of those." I quietly answer.
"Is this the first time you barfed in the week?"
"No." The truth is, I barfed three times. This is my fourth. I was just too scared to tell anyone.
"Okay. Can you tell me how many times, Jenna?" Amelia softly asks.
"Amelia." I plea. "What does this mean?"
"Jenna, I'm not entirely sure. But just trust me, okay? I'm a best friend. You know that." She reassures. I gulp, but slowly nod.
"Four times."
"And..when was the last time you had your menses?" Fiona's lips press together into a thin, white line.
"I..I don't remember." I suddenly feel trapped. Like all the breath has been punched out of me, like someone kicked me in the gut. "I think at least a month and a half ago.."
I frantically grab my phone from the side table and check the date. "This month is ending. I was supposed to get it two weeks ago." I suddenly feel tears prickling my eyes.
"Jenna.." Fiona trails off.
"Jenna, it's okay. It's totally fine. Let me get you something." Amelia rushes out, and I hear voices in the distance. Panicking. Then a car's engine.
"I've been afraid for so long. I didn't want to tell anybody. It's just too hard to accept, even though I'm not sure myself. But that's the only explanation." I whisper, clutching the soft, white blanket. Fiona's eyebrows furrow, but she smiles.
"It's okay. Don't worry. Amelia's gonna be back, and it's gonna be okay. We're always gonna be here for you." Fiona reassures me. "She's just buying a test from the drugstore one minute away."
I nod, and we stay in silence until I hear faint sounds, and then footsteps coming to my room. I take the pregnancy test, and use it in the bathroom according to its instructions. I can't believe I'm doing this. I shut my eyes, and when I open them, the results are clear.
I come out of the bathroom. "Congratulations. You're going to be an aunt." I can barely whisper before the world spins around me and I drop to my knees, blurs of colors fading my vision.
***
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sorry for the later update
this chapter is pretty long
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