Chapter One Hundred Twenty-One
Dani's P.O.V.
It's been three days since Eli woke up. He's supposed to be allowed home today. We're just waiting for the doctor to discharge him. Eli's arm is in a sling to try and stop him from using it too much. Although, I don't think the doctors could stop him doing anything if he's set his mind on it.
The doctor steps into Eli's room and checks his vitals before saying, "Your body seems to be recovering well. I'll just go and fill your prescription for the pain medication..."
"No need, doc. I'm not going to take anything."
The doctor looks shocked and looks between Eli and myself. I had no knowledge of this, so I don't know why he's looking at me. I'm only just hearing about this too.
"I don't recommend that, Lieutenant."
"You're not going to change my mind. I don't want to take any meds, so you'll just be wasting a prescription."
"Did you know about this, Dani?"
I'm shocked the doctor would even think that. Does he really believe I'd allow Eli to feel pain he doesn't need to?
Instead of saying any of that, I simply say, "No sir."
"I really wouldn't advise not taking the pain meds, Lieutenant."
"Duly noted, Doc. Thanks. But I'm not changing my mind on this one, sorry. I'll take the antibiotics, of course; just not the pain meds."
The doctor frowns, nods and then says, "Right. I'll go get the antibiotics then. One of the porters will wheel you out to the front doors. Do you have a ride home?"
I actually don't know the answer to this, but the question is answered by Arrow's voice.
"Yeah, I'm their ride out of here. Almost ready to go, LT?"
"Yeah; almost."
The doctor disappears to fill the prescription and a porter turns up with a wheelchair. Eli refuses to get in the wheelchair, while Arrow starts chuckling at the whole scene. I just stand back and watch everything unfold.
Eli sounds displeased as he says, "This really isn't necessary. I didn't get shot in the legs. I'm totally capable of walking out of here by myself. Why waste a porter's time on me when he could be helping someone else more needy...?"
Arrow laughs little harder at Eli's words, "Dude, don't make out like you're more concerned about someone else. You just don't want the embarrassment of being wheeled out of here. Stop being so stubborn, man."
Eli nearly exclaims, "That's easy for you to say! You're not the one who has to ride in the chair!"
Even I'm starting to see the ridiculousness of this situation, but I won't comment on it.
"Now you're just being proud, LT."
The porter is laughing at the two guys I call friends and I'm not sure what to make of the whole thing.
Eli is still refusing to get in the wheelchair when the doctor returns tothe room. He takes one look at the guys and says, "It's hospital policy, Lieutenant. You need to ride in the chair to the door, in case something happens and you sue the hospital."
"Get me some paperwork to sign to say I accept responsibility if anything happens to me, but I'm not riding in the chair. I draw the line there."
Arrow almost sings, "And this is why he's the negotiator..."
Then Arrow turns his attention to me and asks, "Dani? What do you think on this matter?"
I'm shocked, "Me?"
"Yeah. If anyone can make Eli do something, it'll be you. What do you think he should do?"
Oh no. That's not fair. He can't make me answer something like that. That's setting me up to get in trouble. I think I see a smirk on his face and I'm not quite sure how to respond to that.
"Cut it out, Arrow. Leave Dani out of this. I'm your CO and I make decisions for myself."
Arrow chuckles, "You're just scared she's going to tell you to get in the chair. You know you'll do anything she says..."
Everyone is laughing, except Eli and I. I'm so totally confused by this whole situation and if I didn't know Eli any better, I'd think he looks slightly embarrassed right now. But I do know Eli and he doesn't get embarrassed. He admits he gets worried but he's never said he's been embarrassed.
He mutters, "Not cool, Arrow."
That just makes Arrow laugh even harder, which causes Eli to turn to the doctor and say, "Get me the paperwork please, doc. I'm not getting in the wheelchair. I'm fully capable of walking out of here. Let your porter help someone who needs it. Thanks for the concern though."
Eli sounds like he's trying hard to be polite, when he really just wants to get out of here. When the doctor doesn't leave the room, Arrow turns more serious.
"Seriously, doc, he isn't getting in that chair. Trust me on this. You need to go get the paperwork for him to sign. He's a stubborn old goat..."
I've been pretty silent through the whole exchange, but I gasp at that. That isn't a very nice thing to say. I frown and I'm totally confused when Eli laughs. Ok, so I really don't understand people. Arrow just called him a goat and he's laughing? People are actually very strange.
It isn't long after that when we're at the front doors of the hospital. Eli takes a deep breath once we're outside.
"Can you smell that beautiful Manhattan air?"
Arrow scoffs, "Yeah; beautiful..."
"Hey, it's not filtered hospital air. I'll take Manhattan air over hospital air any day."
"Good point. Shall we get you home then? I'm sure Dani is looking forward to getting through your front door."
Hearing my name snaps me out of my little bubble. I was only half listening to them talking. I was mostly concentrating on not panicking on the way out of the building and trying to figure out the conversation in Eli's room before we left. Eli tightens his arm around my shoulders, causing me to tense up a little. I don't do it intentionally, it's mostly out of habit or shock I guess. I try to send Eli a reassuring smile because I can see the concern etched across his features.
I quietly ask, "Sorry, Arrow? I didn't hear you."
"I was saying, I bet you'll be glad to get home..."
"Definitely."
Eli smiles at me, "Me too. I'm looking forward to sleeping in a real bed."
I clear my throat and whisper, "I haven't made the bed. I'm sorry."
"I didn't expect you to make that by yourself. We're supposed to do that together, remember? I'm ok with sleeping on the mattress until we can get the frame made."
Arrow joins our conversation, "I can help with that, if you want. I'm sure Ash will help me after work."
My eyes widen. I don't want them in our bedroom. I might have started to consider them my friends, but I'm nowhere near comfortable enough to let them in the bedroom. I would feel like that's a violation of our privacy.
Eli must know what I'm thinking, because he says, "Thanks man, but we've got it covered. We want to build the bed ourselves. My pops says it's character building."
"He does realize you've built more difficult things, right? I don't think a bed is going to be much of a challenge."
"Maybe not, but I think it's more about the process that's important. It's a symbol of building a life together, and that's what he wants us to experience. I think it'll be fun."
Arrow laughs, "Doesn't sound like my idea of fun, LT. You're getting old, man."
"Whatever."
I zone out in the car, but I'm aware of Eli's hand enclosing mine. Every so often he gives my hand a little squeeze. I look up at him each time, thinking he's trying to grab my attention, but every time he is deeply engrossed in conversation with Arrow. I don't understand why he keeps doing that if he doesn't need to ask me something.
I must show the confusion on my face, because he whispers, "I don't want you to get lost in your mind. I'm just bringing you back every so often..."
He goes straight back to his conversation with Arrow and once again, I am amazed by this man's abilities. How he can be concerned about me, talk to me, and hold a conversation with Arrow, all without missing a beat. I get so caught up in my own head or in my fear that I can only focus on one thing. If you put 2 books or multiple computer screens in front of me, then that's a completely different story. I'm just not good with people or social situations. I am better, but I'm definitely nowhere near Eli's level.
Each time Eli squeezes my hand, it makes my stomach flutter just a little more. By the time we're pulling up outside our new house, I'm a wreck. I'm not scared. It's a different feeling to that. I remember Eli telling me it means I have feelings for him, but it's still a new experience for me and I find it unsettling.
As we're getting out of Arrow's truck, I mutter in Russian, "Get a grip, Danica. You need to stop this. He's going to worry if you don't get a grip."
I'm actually a nervous wreck as I hand Eli the keys to get into the house. His keys are at work, along with all of his personal effects because he basically went to the hospital straight after the raid. My hands are shaking as Eli takes the keys and I don't miss the frown he shoots me. I don't offer an explanation, I can't really give him one to be honest. I don't know what's wrong with me. I shouldn't be feeling like this. This is Eli; nothing is different to how it normally is, except he's been shot a couple of times. He hasn't changed, so why am I such a nervous wreck?
Before Eli can question my crazy behavior, I ask, "Arrow, are you staying for lunch?"
I'm not ready to be on my own with Eli right now. I have to try and figure out what is going on in my head before he can question me on it.
"If LT doesn't mind, then sure. LT?"
This could go horribly wrong because Eli won't be afraid to tell Arrow to go home or something. Not like me, who is too afraid to do anything right now. I barely even trust my own mouth to work, let alone any other part of me.
"Sure. I don't know how much food we have, but you're welcome to stay. Have you seen the house?"
"Only from the outside. It looks nice."
"It is. Want me to give you a quick tour while Dani prepares lunch?"
Thank goodness for that. It'll give me a few minutes to get myself together. I really don't know what it wrong with me.
I hear my poppa's voice whisper, "You love him. That's what is different. You've admitted you love him. Your body and mind are catching up with your heart."
I let out a deep sigh. I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm used to being frightened, but this is a feeling I'm not used to. It's amazing how the body learns to accept something as normal. Feeling fear every minute of the day is not normal, but my body learned to cope with that so much that any other feelings and emotions are considered abnormal to it. I'm not saying I want to be frightened all of the time, but I would like to have a sense of normality and not panic at a change in emotion or chemical balance in my body.
I'm so lost in my mind that I don't hear Eli and Arrow enter the kitchen. It's Arrow's voice that snaps me out of my thoughts and I startle as soon as he speaks. I squeal out of shock and drop the glasses I'm holding. They drop to the floor with a crash, causing me to jump again.
I gasp and then apologize profusely. I'm quivering, expecting some kind of backlash, which is stupid. Even as I'm panicking, I'm telling myself that Eli isn't going to hurt me or tell me off, but that chemical reaction in my body has taken over and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I was already on edge and this has just pushed me over it.
I'm trying my best not to freak out or be frightened, but it's not working. I keep apologizing for dropping the glasses and for freaking out. The words just keep spilling from my mouth and I don't even know half of what I'm saying. It's all a big mess and I can't even tell you why.
Eli appears in front of me and I see his sling before I notice the rest of him. I don't know why this sticks out in my mind, but it's the first thing I see. I try to take in a deep breath, but it's shaky and not enough to fill my lungs so I have to take another right after.
Eli's voice filters through my foggy brain, "Baby? Can you hear me?"
"I'm sorry, Eli. I'm so sorry."
"What's going on, Dani? What's wrong?"
"I didn't mean to drop them, I promise. It was an accident. I'm sorry."
"I know it was an accident, sweetheart. It's ok. I don't care about the glasses. It's you I care about. What's wrong, baby?"
I take a breath and whisper, "I don't know."
"Can you calm down? Maybe give me your hand? We'll talk about it once you've calmed down."
I tentatively give him my hand and I feel his heartbeat under my palm. His heart is racing; like he's scared or angry and I start to pull my hand away as I whisper, "Are you angry?"
"No, I'm not angry baby. I'm worried about you. Please let me calm you down, Dani."
I place my hand back on Eli's chest and briefly shut my eyes; trying to pull myself together. Once I've calmed down, I hurriedly whisper, "I'm so sorry, Eli. I don't know what that was about. I'm sorry. I know you weren't going to hurt me. I don't even know what happened. I'm really sorry."
"It's ok. You ok now?"
"I think so. I should clean this up."
"We need to talk about it, Dani..."
I drop my head, "I know."
I know Eli doesn't like to leave things unsaid. He likes the lines of communication to be open and he likes to know what's going on. But I can't do that right now. I don't even know what's going on with me, so how can I explain it to him?
I take a steadying breath and whisper, "I can't right now. I don't even know what's going on with me yet. I'm so confused."
He places a quick kiss on the top of my head and rests his chin on the top of my head as he speaks, "Ok. We'll talk later. I don't like you to be so scared or confused, baby. I'm sorry we scared you."
"It's not your fault. I'm ok now. I'm sorry. I'll clean up and you guys can eat."
"You sure?"
"Yes sir. I'd prefer it that way."
He nods against the top of my head and whispers, "Ok."
He places another kiss on the crown of my head before releasing me.
He turns to Arrow and says, "We can eat in the living room, man."
Arrow nods and helps Eli with the plates as I start to clean up. I'm so embarrassed by my outburst and I need some space before I can face Arrow. I feel like I'm taking steps backward and I don't know why. I haven't been that scared of Eli in a long time and I know it must hurt him when I act like that. I need to make sure he knows how sorry I am later. I take my time clearing up the smashed glass so I can attempt to clear my head in the process. I need to figure out what's wrong with me and how to stop being such a bag of nerves or it's going to drive both Eli and myself crazy.