In the early hours of morning, a sleeping Krystal lay in bed, warm and safe inside her dreams. She dreamed of Amber and herself from last night, of the first time they made love, and she dreamed intensely of every moment that led to the satisfied feeling that encompassed her as she lay curled up inside her favorite red blanket. The dream slipped away as Krystal started to wake up. She clung to the fleeting feelings of love and warmth, unwilling to let go, but ultimately Krystal could not hold on.
Stubbornly, the sleepy young girl kept her eyes tightly shut despite having lost. Krystal was annoyed that she had been unable to stop the dream from ending, but a sudden fear froze her in place. As her mind began to wake more fully, Krystal suddenly worried that her memories from last night were nothing but a dream.
"Last night was real, wasn't it?" Krystal asked herself, praying she had not just imagined having sex with Amber yet again. Krystal had woken up from a sex dream more times than she could count as of late, and each time she felt the crushing blow of remembering that her relationship with Amber still hung in limbo and that they were a far cry from any kind of intimate contact.
But last night felt too real to be a dream. The beautiful memories were already deeply ingrained in Krystal's heart, and she didn't know if she could handle it if the memories weren't real again. Nervously, Krystal ran her hand down her body and confirmed that she was completely naked, much to her relief. Krystal remembered falling asleep instantly after sex last night, before either of them could put on any clothing, so nudity was a good thing in this case.
Krystal slowly opened her eyes and found that the precious red blanket that Amber had wrapped around her last night was still tucked under her chin. She gently rolled over and let out an audible sigh of relief as her eyes feel upon a sleeping Amber curled up beside her. The anxiety drained out of Krystal's delicate heart and relief washed over her like a warm hug.
As Krystal gazed into Amber's face with an affectionate smile, she found it funny that it had taken her so long to fall in love with Amber. How had she spent all these years looking at Amber as just a friend? The traits that Krystal loved so much about Amber had been there since the first day they met so long ago. Why was it only recently that Krystal had been able to interpret her feelings for Amber differently and realize that she was in love? It was strange how everything felt different to Krystal, but at the same time it all felt the same.
Krystal carefully inched closer to Amber, trying not to disturb her as she slept. In her sleepy eyes, Amber looked ethereal and perfect, and Krystal could not trust that the other girl was real. She wanted to touch Amber to make sure that her eyes were not deceiving her. But as she gently extended her fingertips toward Amber's cheek, Krystal pulled away and impulsively decided to confirm Amber's existence with a kiss. Amber always embodied the role of her knight in shining armor, but just this once Krystal wanted to be the prince who woke the princess with a kiss.
Krystal leaned over the older girl and pressed her lips against Amber's. As she did so, Krystal felt Amber stir beneath her and a pair of arms instantly embraced her body. The younger girl pulled back in surprise, but Amber held her tightly through the shock. She realized that Amber had been awake all along, and so she rested her full weight onto Amber and settled in for a proper kiss. When they pulled apart gently, Krystal found Amber gazing back at her with gentle brown eyes.
"That was a nice way to wake up," Amber said, smiling sweetly at Krystal.
The younger girl couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Obviously you were already awake. Why were you pretending to be asleep?"
"I wanted to see what you would do after you woke up, and I was not disappointed. Thought you'd take advantage of me while I was sleeping?" she asked jokingly.
Krystal shook her head and smiled shyly. "I just wanted to make sure you were real."
"Oh," Amber responded, somewhat surprised by Krystal's response. "I guess I should have been confirming if you were real, too..." Amber reached her hands towards Krystal, who was now straddling her waist. They were both completely naked, and Krystal found the skin-on-skin contact to be breathtaking. From her lying position, Amber placed both hands on Krystal's cheeks and slowly, gently, trailed her fingertips all the way down Krystal's shoulders and arms. The younger girl shivered and closed her eyes, feeling the depth of the simple action.
Amber's hands grasped her wrists and pulled Krystal towards her. She fell forward onto her hands and knees and hung over Amber so that they were staring directly into each others eyes. And then, ever so gently, Amber placed her right hand on Krystal's breast, right over her heart. The warmth from Amber's fingertips penetrated Krystal's chest and Krystal knew that Amber was feeling her heart beat.
"Yeah," Amber murmured softly, staring up at Krystal. "You feel real to me." Krystal lowered her eyes shyly at Amber's tenderness. "What about me?" Amber asked. "Did I pass your test?"
Krystal brought her gaze back to meet Amber's. Wordlessly, she leaned down and teased the older girl for a kiss. She hovered her lips over Amber's and stayed just out of reach, moving her head side to side slowly. Krystal did this over and over with a wicked smile until Amber couldn't take it any more. The older girl grabbed Krystal's face with both hands, pulled her closer, and kissed her fully on the lips. Their tongues danced languidly over each other, making Krystal's heart melt.
"You're definitely real, too," Krystal breathlessly informed the other girl. She rolled off of Amber's body and settled back into the bed. They laid down side by side, facing each other so that their noses were touching and their lips were just inches apart.
"Good morning," Krystal murmured.
"Morning," Amber murmured in return. Their eyes were fixed solely on each other, as though nothing else existed in their private little world. "Did you sleep well?"
The younger girl nodded earnestly with a satisfied smile. "Yeah, really well. You?"
Amber nodded. "I feel 100% refreshed."
Krystal touched Amber's face gently, happy to see Amber looking so relaxed. "Were you awake very long?"
"Long enough to know that you're beautiful when you're asleep," Amber replied.
The compliment instantly made Krystal feel self conscious. She dropped the hand that caressed Amber's check and buried her face into Amber's shoulder in embarrassment.
"God, you're such a creeper," Krystal retorted, trying to find a happy middle ground between annoyance and embarrassment.
"You always get so shy when I tell you how beautiful you look," Amber observed. She ran her fingers through Krystal's long locks of dark brown hair. "Do you not believe me?"
Krystal shook her head, burying herself deeper into Amber's shoulder. "It's not that I don't believe you. I just can't see myself the way that you see me."
Amber smiled and extracted the younger girl's face from her body. "Should I stop complimenting you then?"
"No!" Krystal quickly shot down Amber's suggestion. "I like it when you call me 'beautiful'".
"...but you don't like feeling embarrassed?"
Krystal nodded. "Right."
"So you want me to call you 'beautiful', but it makes you embarrassed and you don't like to be embarrassed." Amber laughed. "You make absolutely no sense, Jung Soojung, you know that?"
"Whatever," Krystal said, narrowing her eyes playfully at the other girl. "Isn't that why you love me?"
Amber smiled and nodded in agreement. The two young lovers continued to stare lovingly at each other while lying side by side, peacefully enjoying their dream-like morning. Krystal reached for Amber's hand and held on firmly, receiving the warmth and security that Amber's hand offered.
"...are we back together?" Krystal hesitantly asked after a few moments of comfortable silence. It felt like an unnecessary question with an obvious answer, but Krystal wanted to be clear about where they stood. After so many months of putting their relationship on hold, Krystal didn't want to be anxious and uncertain anymore. "Is the break over? Are we a couple again?"
The older girl responded with a burst of laughter, making Krystal frown slightly in annoyance. "I can't believe you have to ask that after last night," Amber laughed.
"I know, but things between us are so push-pull sometimes. I just want to be clear."
Amber smirked mischievously at her. "What if I said we were still on a break?"
"Then you might need to get a restraining order because I don't know how I could stay away from you," Krystal said mater-of-factly.
"Would you stalk me?" Amber asked. "Sasaeng fan style?"
The younger girl nodded. "I'd break into your apartment and sleep in your bed."
"Oooh, I'd like that."
Krystal smacked Amber lightly on the arm. "Vic-unnie and Luna-unnie would also kick your butt, by the way. They said they'd beat you up if you did anything to hurt me, and I think not getting back together with me would qualify."
"OK, I don't like the sound of that," Amber responded, causing Krystal to laugh. "Was this break worth it?" Amber wondered. "Do you feel like you've changed or grown?"
"Are you asking if this break made me ready for sex?" Krystal jokingly asked. "Because if you couldn't tell from last night, I was ready."
"No," Amber smirked, "I mean like, do you feel more confident about us? About yourself? Are you OK with being in love with a girl?"
Krystal paused thoughtfully before answering. "I did think about that a lot while we were apart," she admitted. "I feel like I don't have a good answer though. I wondered if liking you meant that I was a lesbian or if I was bisexual, and I honestly don't know. And in the end, I wondered if it was important to even make that distinction and label myself one way or the other." She turned a serious gaze onto Amber. "Is OK for me to just love you as myself and to love you for who you are?"
Amber smiled at Krystal and caressed her cheek gently. "Does it make you uneasy to love me? Can you accept yourself for loving me?"
The younger girl nodded solemnly. Krystal's eyes shone with a confidence and certainty that was lacking from their first relationship, and Amber could tell that before her with a new Krystal, a changed Krystal. The older girl smiled at her proudly.
"Then it's more than OK for you to love me," Amber said, acknowledging Krystal's feelings. "I love you for who you are, too."
"Then...are we back together?" Krystal asked, placing the question onto Amber again. "I need to hear you say it. Can we be princess and servant again?"
Amber smiled at the adorably anxious smile that Krystal gave her as the younger girl waited for a reply. She teased Krystal by feigning hesitation before answering, but a sharp poke into Amber's side forced the answer out of her. "Yes," Amber said firmly, smiling radiantly for Krystal. "I declare the break to be officially over. We are princess and servant once again."
The two girls closed the short distance of inches that separated their lips as they lay side by side on the bed. Amber wrapped one arm around Krystal and pulled her closer, deepening their kiss, but Krystal suddenly pulled away and buried herself into Amber's shoulder again.
"What's wrong?" Amber gently asked, nudging Krystal with her nose. "Are you OK?"
Krystal pulled back slightly and peeked up at Amber from behind her curtain of hair. "Nothing's wrong," she said slowly. "I just... I love you so much that it scares me a little."
"It scares you?" Amber wondered, brushing the hair out of her eyes. "Why does it scare you?"
"Because... it's like I've given my heart entirely to you, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Even though I trust you completely to protect my heart, it's scary, you know?" Amber nodded understandingly, allowing Krystal to continue. "And it scares me even more that you've given your heart to me, too. I worry about whether or not I'll be able to protect it, to make you feel safe with me."
The confession made Krystal feel weak and childish, as though she had not grown any stronger since their breakup. The claims of strength that she made earlier felt like they had been cancelled out by her current insecurities. But Amber smiled at her and reassured her that there was nothing to worry about.
"The fact that you worry about it reassures me that you're always trying to protect my heart," Amber murmured into Krystal's ear as she pulled the younger girl closer. She whispered sincere promises to Krystal about always being faithful to her, always protecting her, and always putting Krystal's well-being first. Krystal did the same, whispering back her own promises about always caring for Amber, about loving her unconditionally and never letting these feelings waver. It was almost like they were reciting wedding vows to each other, and the exchange comforted Krystal.
When they were done, after Amber was satisfied that Krystal was no longer worried about their relationship, Amber lay back and stretched out on the bed feeling exhausted. "I'm all for deep talks and stuff," Amber declared, "but let's switch over to something more fun."
"I'm all for fun," Krystal said with a smile. She laid down and placed her head on Amber's chest. "What did you have in mind?
"Here, I wanna show you something," Amber said, grabbing her phone and unlocking it.
"What are you gonna show me?" Krystal asked curiously.
"Us."
Krystal sat up in shock. "Did you record us last night on your phone?"
The older girl lowered her phone and narrowed her eyes at Krystal in disbelief. "What kind of pervert do you think I am? I just wanted to show you a picture that a fan made."
A slightly confused Krystal tried to wait patiently as Amber brought up a picture that was edited from their recently published W Korea photoshoot.
"What do you think?" Amber asked.
The younger girl took the phone and stared closely at the picture. The edit had brought together two individual pictures of them, combining them seamlessly into a dark and gritty two-shot that fit Krystal's aesthetic perfectly.
"I love it," Krystal murmured, unable to take her eyes away from the picture. "Send that to me."
Amber smiled and took back the phone. Krystal watched as posted a tweet on her twitter.
"'Krystal said she liked this,'" Amber dictated, embedding the picture to her tweet. "Watch, I'm gonna get like ten thousand likes with this. People love it when we do stuff together."
Krystal smiled and thought about the fans that always supported her, that always supported them as Kryber and supported them as f(x).
"Hey..." Krystal asked slowly. "Can you help me do something?"
"Sure, what?"
"I wanna open an Instagram account."
"Really?!" Amber exclaimed. The request was incredibly unexpected. "How come?"
"Our fans support us a lot and I want to share more of myself with them, even if only a little," Krystal explained. "Do you think it's a bad idea?"
Amber shook her head with a smile. "No, I think it's an amazing idea. Let's set one up later, maybe after we find our clothes or something."
Krystal smirked and nodded in agreement.
"Do you want to take a bed selca of ourselves to open your IG with?" Amber asked mischievously.
The younger girl bit her lip with a smile but shook her head. "I was thinking of something more rated G." She reached for Amber's phone and found a picture of herself that Amber had taken while they hung out the night before the SMTOWN Taiwan concert. "I think I'm gonna use this one."
Amber looked at the picture and tilted her head appraisingly. "Are you sure you don't want to smile for your first Instagram post?"
"No, I like this one," Krystal decided confidently. "This picture shows me exactly as I am. Are you saying that I don't look good here?"
Amber looked at the picture again and smiled. "No, you're right. This picture is beautiful. Whether you smile or not, you're beautiful just the way you are."