I got confused a bit with my characters occupants; Alex
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I pull away from the kiss feeling his breathe panting from the session. I glance back to his eyes then closing mines again while I feel his hand rubbing my cheek, "I do love Ernesto, but I want you to help me let go. I can't loose you like Francis. I care about you too." I explains to him-his eyes darting away from me, "I'll help you Monica, but I'm not going to be a second choice. You love the idea of me not actually being with me." I can feel a pang in my chest as he gets up leaving the living room.
I paced around the kitchen trying to comprehend what happen. I walk back outside seeing the clouds starting to gather in the naked night I take out my phone calling Francis. The phone continues to ring going straight to voicemail, "Francis...I'm sorry please I want to talk. Mom and dad doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I just don't think I can do this anymore-." I declare my voice cracking but sniffing my nose, "It's to hard Francis...It-...it's to hard." I hang up wiping the tears from my face.
I went to the closes bar open already on my fifth shot of vodka I don't like the feeling of being this hot-mess, yet I can't stop digging my way back to my memories. Maybe Alex is right; that I do love the idea of him, unfortunately not being with him. I ask the bartender for a couple more shots downing the last three.
After that I can feel myself on the dance floor swaying back and fourth to the 80's feeling of the music whispering in my ear. My stomach was starting to feel nausea's as I stumble to a wooden cheap table then puking all over it; I can hear my heart thumping lowly against my rib-cage and my eyes closing in on me everything starting to turn into a hallow blackness coat over my eyes.
Hearing the sirens also the flashing lights him me like a brick. My mouth was being forcefully open starting to gag when feeling a tube going down gagging then vomiting, "Ple-" I vomit again my eyes fluttering. I black out again hearing people talking in a panicking tone.
***
I been close to death in several occasions not afraid of death anymore, however this time it's different the worst mistake to do is to leave having an argument with someone close or to loose everyone because of feeling sorry for yourself. I have made the mistake of pushing everyone away and breaking myself because of my stupidity-this is my cause no one else. Who do I have the right to blame? Only myself.
No one came visit, and I can't say I blame them Francis and my dad called me but we only talked for an hour or two then it end. I look out the window after being here for three days of bed rest, I refused to talk to my therapist needing some time to think. I wipe my eyes not wanting to cry again, "Mommy?" I hear innocent sweetness voice sharply looking to the right to see a little boy that looks; light brown curly short hair, light brown skin, small sweet dark chocolate eyes, cheekbones that show dimples when he is smiling, a skinny boy, can pass as a five year old, has this smooth voice with a New York City accent.
Seeing his brown curls remain slit back his eyes looking innocent and pure, "What's your name?" I tilt my head pulling off the blanket but when going to move my legs; I can feel the weakness from alcohol poisoning.
"My mommy said never to tell a stranger my name." He crosses his arms giving me a knowingly smile.
I chuckle at his confidences beaming from him, "I'm a marine. I won't hurt you." Taking out both of my dog tag's; one belonging to Ernesto the other to me. The boy smiles widely walking towards me and touching the both of them sincerely; tilting my head and figuring that he might have a love one in the military too.
"My daddy is a national also mommy is a police officer." He offers me another bright smile causing me to smile too. We talked about Gregory's parents, how second grade is the easiest, and superheroes too.
"Mony I need to check on my mom." He jumps off of the bed heading to the door glancing at me for is his approval: I nod understanding him knowing me and Francis will do the same. He gave a little prayer, but leaning in I can hear the last parts, "Please don't take my mommy. You took daddy from me, and mommy is a superhero....please don't take her." He leaves without another word seeing heartbreaking tear slumber it's way down Gregory's jaw then disappear.
Gregory's dad died by a fire and his mom might die while she's in a-coma ; a decorated officer got shot while doing a traffic stop. Gregory is kind kid that has a gentle heart that I wish I could've had while Ernesto was alive. We planned to adopt since I couldn't have kids but we were planning to try get some help.
The only person I could think of to call is the only person I haven't made time to give affection to. I laid on the bed restlessly wanting to do something other than eating, examined, and walking around the hallway boredly. I hear a tap on the open door seeing a male nurse standing my mother whose eye's have dark circles and her usually bright blonde hair is now wither down.
She smiles brightly seeing her whitening teeth offering a glint of shine making her look more appealing than how she looks now. I got off the bed tiredly my mom walking over too then giving me the tightest bear hug that any daughter or son can have. My whole body just gave in sobbing quietly and apologizing assesively wanting her to know that I am deeply sorry for the pain I have caused to her, dad, and Francis wanting her forgiveness.
Pulling away she smacks me over my head crossing her arms and giving me a stern look: rubbing my head I wimp lowly brushing my red hair back to make it more soothable, "Ever pull a stunt like that again, and the drink won't kill you. I will." I let out a small laugh my hiccups taking over as I laugh.
I told her everything of what happened the day Ernesto died; we got ambushed and while going the stairs they set small explosive, I hit across the wall on my back then fell on the floor, Ernesto fell down the stairs and the side of the stairs a few rocks hit him, they dragged him a few feet in front of me and started to beat him making me watch while I was a little consioness, I tried to get to him but they broke both of my legs and fratured my ribs while doing so, and sadly Ernesto was a prisoner of war as we found him two month's later; tortured and dead lying there hinged on the floor like was some fucking prize possesion: I blamed myself even now knowing I should've done more for him for the person I still love and will do anything for.
Two Month's Later
Patting my blonde hair back I look at myself smiling at how far I have come in four month's in total: Now moving to New York City to help some veterans over there while I help James; my ex-therapist also boyfriend.
After I was done at the hospital I went to new therapist,quiet my job started to work with my day for a month, and then saved up enough money go work and move to the big city. I did loose Alex leaving me a text that he needs time to rebuilt himself and see what he wants in life, Francis proposed to his long time girlfriend, and I decided to start dating to see how it'll go and then James and I decided that it will be nice to see where we'll go.
I shuffle the boxes pushing the trunk up then closing the window shield wiping the little sweat from my forehead. I rest my hands on my hips then my dad stops besides me putting his arm around my shoulder, "I know you still need time...but I please continue going to therapy and don't push yourself to hard-" I look at him giving him a smile and nodding in agreement. He turns me to face him and rests a hand on my shoulder, "-Take care...your my little girl, and I know I can't protect you or Francis al the time, but just try take of yourself." I can hear the cracks in his voice reminding of me of the day I signed up for the Marines.
I get in the car waving goodbye to my parents as they stood at the doorway waving back then driving off. I exhale then inhale feeling my insides flopping over and out then turning right seeing a park and smiling to myself.
**FlashBack**
Sititng down after playing with my dog I let my dog sniffle around without the leash knowing he's been a goodboy. Closing my eye's I feel someone sit besides me on the sand then the smell of smoke whispering around my nose giving it a good slap. I brush the air looking at the man besides me seeing him looking straight.
"Smoking causes cancer." I inform crossing my arms hinting at him to put his smoke, but instead he continues to do so ignoring my hints, "My grandma lived to be 90." he claims blowing the smoke again then letting it land on the floor, "I bet she was old and wrinkly which is how you will look." I roll my eyes hearing him snicker under his breathe noticing he is looking at me.
I look back at him letting a smile form on my lips as I stick my hand out, "I'm Monica." He smiles back shaking my hand softly then kissing the top of it; his eyes showing cleverness to it, "Name's Ernesto, I have a brother that likes coming to this park when he visits from Peru." He mentions then pulls his hand away.
We both got in talked of what want form are life's and what we want to be and some of are dreams too. Something about joining the military came up explaining that I'm thinking of dropping out in college and being in the marines and he was going to join to send his family money.
I call my dog back locking the clip with his collar then getting up to leave and go walking back to my college dorm, "I thought you were a bitch at first, but I think I shouldn't have prejudged you." he admits letting out a snicker; rolling my eye's I step closer to him and kisses his cheek whispering in his ear as I slip him a rip paper of my number on his hand, then I walked away glancing over my shoulder to see him then forward again.
**Flashback Ends**
My phone began to ring seeing the ID name of 'Diana Bell' answering the phone I hear the good news about the adoption smiling brightly over the phone nodding at every word while all I need to do is sign papers which will take a few business weeks before I can get accepted, "Thank you."
Gregory will now be my son and I will be his adoptive mother. It took convincing before the judge can agree to let a woman with PTSD adopt a child that is now mines but have come to love as a son. I do wish his mother didn't die, however maybe things happen for a certain reason. I still don't have shit figure out like some fucking philosopher but at least I'm not that bat shit crazy.
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Hope you enjoyed the chapter and I'm still undeceive about making epilogue, but please VOTE & Comment.