Noelle's POV
Kent, Nate said that he needs you to you go to our house later, he will just ask for your help to revise his thesis, he badly needed your help since he can't ask help from his idiot twin I said to Kent who is sitting beside me, he is again on his phone, I saw that it was on Elaine's instagram feed, he made another account so he can stalk her since Elaine blocked him in her all social media accounts. But the latest feed of Elaine in IG is also three months ago, it was just a picture of Kent inside the soccer field.
Okay he answered and closed his phone and just looked outside, we can see the large field from here since it was in the center of our school, that was our soccer field, Kent and Elaine was both soccer player.
That is also one of the reason why Kent likes Elaine so much, they have same hobbies, and sports. They are both athletic.
I saw how Kent changed his face when he was staring at the field, maybe some memories pass through his mind that's why I can't stop myself to touch his face and guided it to face me.
And when I saw that his forehead is frowning, I came closer at his face and kissed his forehead, he immediately shoved my face away from him and saw the anger on his eyes.
Why did you do that? He whispered angrily.
I can't help but feel hurt on his reaction.
That's what I was doing before Kent, when I saw you frowning, I will just kissed your forehead to make it disappear, right? I said while my lips is shivering, he just ignored me and just looked at the board.
That was before Elle, you should not do that anymore, we are not kids Elle he answered while still not looking at me, I held his hand and shook it for him to look at me again.
Why? I replied.
He immediately frowned his eyebrow, puzzled about what I asked.
What do you mean Elle? He finally asked, I felt that there's some tears that wants to fell from my eyes and I felt that my eyes is already heating inside.
Why do I feel like I am not worthy enough of your attention, why I feel like you forgot about me? Why are you ignoring me, why it seems like you forgot all the memories that we had Kent? I bombarded him with a lot of questions, I just can't help myself to let it out because it seems like my heart will bursting out from so much ache.
I am so much hurting to the point that I want him to know it as soon as possible. I don't even care about other people inside this room, I just want now to get answers from every questions that I asked from him.
He stared at me for more than 10 seconds, maybe wondering what is happening to me, this is the first time that I asked him this ever since Elaine came to our life.
Because I always showed to him that I am content with what's happening, that I am happy for the both of them, that I am supporting them but deep inside I am not.
I always dreamed that I was the one who is holding his hand, I was the one who he hugged and kissed dearly. I was the one who he was told 'I love yous' sweetly.
Let's go to rooftop, let's talk he just said after he stared at me and stood up and started to walk outside our room, our classmate just looked at him and then looked at me after, I saw on their face that they are questioning me. I just ignored them and just fixed myself and also stand up to follow him.
Before I go out, I was called by Caleb, Kent's teammate in soccer varsity.
I know that he wants to ask what happened since I know that they felt the tension between me and Kent a while ago.
Can I just talk to you later, I will explain don't worry I just said to him immediately without waiting for what he will gonna ask me, they just thumbs up and nodded at me, I don't have a chance to talk to them since I need to follow Kent immediately.
Once I arrived in rooftop, I saw Kent on the corner looking down at the field, for sure, he is reminiscing again about Elaine and their sweet memories, I can't help but smile bitterly about that.
Kent I called him, he slowly faced me and looked at me sadly.
This is the first time that I saw him looked at me like this, like he is pitying me, and that's what I don't want that the most.
No Elle, I didn't forget you, or all the bonds that we had, all of those are my sweetest memories, you are also important to me Elle, and you know that he said, I shooked my head as disapproval to what he said and tried to stop myself to waste a tears infront of him.
No Kent, I don't want to blame you for what I am feeling right now but I'm sorry I can't accept what you are trying to tell to me right now, I can't feel that I am really important to you, because why it seems like I was the one who is suffering from what happened to the both of you Kent? She's the one who left Kent not me, I am here, I am always here but why it seems like you are blind I said, he just looked at me sadly and just turned around and looked at the field again.
I slightly pinched my arm to stop myself from crying and walked near him and just looked at the field also to calm myself.
When he felt that I am beside him I heard him talked.
Yes it is your fault he said, I looked at him and saw that he is looking at me too, but now I can saw in his eyes the pain that he tried to hide a while ago.
You should just let me suffer from all of this, you should just left me became miserable, you should just left me wasted my life Elle because it doesn't matter anymore, you should not be hurting if you... he stopped what he was trying to say because we both know that I will be hurting the most once he continued it, he just looked away from me and just said sorry.
I will not be hurting if I didn't force myself to you, I will not be hurting if I just don't meddle with you, is that what you are trying to say Kent? I asked him, and maybe my eyes also scared to cry infront of him since I don't feel any tears from it, but it hurts while staring at him maybe because of the pain, agony and disappointments that I am feeling right now.
I saw that he clenched his sharp jaw and looked at me and maybe shocked of what I said.
That's what I meant Elle~~~
Don't worry Kent, that was okay, I'm okay, I should be I said stopping what he will going to say, he just stared at me dumbfounded But when will you going to be like this Kent? Why can't you just accept that Elaine will not going to comeback anymore, she left you, she left us, she didn't even gave us a reason why did she do that, she will never be yours again Kent, maybe she decided to just leave because she can't tell you directly that she doesn't love you anymore because she will not gonna leave if she loves you or maybe she didn't really love you, maybe it just all an act I know that what I am saying right now can hurt him the most but what should I do? This is the only way that I know for him to get back to his senses and stop all those things that he is doing to himself, I want him to go back to his old self, I want the old Kent, I want my Kent.
Did you hear what you are trying to tell to me right now Elle? Is that really you? Elaine will come back, she loves me, she really is, and you don't have the rights to say that she will not come back because you don't know her, you don't have the rights to tell me that she didn't love me he said, I feel like I will turn into jelly because of how intense he looked at me but I tried to stand firmly and stared back at him.
Try me I said still staring at him, I saw the confusion marked on his face.
Try to love me I continued without waiting for what he will going to respond, he just stared at me and wait for me to just said that it was just a joke, that I am just tripping him but I am not, I will not going to take back what I said. I know that it was so selfish of mine, it is like I am taking him for granted but I am so desperate, I want him back, I wasted years by just letting him with Elaine that was supposed to be me, Elaine's place on Kent's heart should be me. I want him to like me again or better love me, I can't accept anymore that we are just bestfriend.
You're kidding, stop it Elle, it's not funny, you're really childish he just said and avoid his face from me.
I'm not kidding Kent, you can use me as a rebound, I know that it's hard to just change your feelings but I am willing to wait, you know that I love you ever since, I'm sure I can help you to forget Elaine~~~
I'm not going to forget her Elle, I love her so much that you can't imagine, I love her the most Elle, you can't replace her, I also love you but as my friend only Elle, I love Elaine, I really do he said cutting my words, I felt the sharp sting on my heart but I just ignored it.
Stop it Kent, she's gone, she left you without any reasons, she didn't love you anymore, why can't you just accept it?!! I shouted, I was shocked when he hold both of my shoulders, I felt the pain when he do that but I just ignored it because I also saw felt that he was shivering, maybe because of so much anger for me, for sure he's just stopping himself to hurt me physically.
I'm sorry Kent.
Is that how you really love me huh Elle? You stoop down to your level, it seems like it's not you anymore, but why? Why are you like that? You're being a bitch, it's a selfish of you, Elaine is also your friend, you're the one who is her first friend when she transferred, don't you remember that? You also had great memories together, we had a lot of good memories the three of us, if you are still thinking of what we had in the past before Elaine, it was just a simple crush, just a puppy crush like what they are saying, we were just kids that time Elle, yes I do like you before but that's it, only Elaine I can love like this, but if you really insist, try you? Sure fine, but don't expect too much from me Elle, I don't want to hurt you, you are still special for me, but I am just hoping after this, I don't want to hear Elaine from your mouth again he said, I don't know if I should be happy that he gave me a chance, that he gave in to my selfishness.
I just blinked my eyes to stop it from forming a tears and just tried to fake a smile, I know that he knows it because he hates it everytime I do this .
I am so glad Kent, I really do, thank you so much, I promise I will help you, I will bring back the old you, I just can't imagine that you are my boyfriend now Kent, this is what I am wishing for I said while still faking a smile, I hugged him and heard him sighing, he didn't hugged me back but that's okay, just having Kent as mine is already enough.
I know everyone will think that I am moron, idiot, selfish or any negative things that they can throw at me, I accept it all, I know that I am so desperate but they can't blame me, if this what I think can help him, I am willing to make myself as rebound for him to get healed, Kent poured out all his love to Elaine and forget to left some for himself. That's why I want to help him in this way for him to finally bring back his old self and maybe tried to learn to finally love me.
I looked at him again and stared at his face, trying to remember all the special features all over his face, why I love this man so much? There's a lot of guys that I know that is more handsome than him but why I am so drawn into him? What did he do to me?
I can't stop myself to tiptoe and reached for his lips when my eyes finally stared at it, it seems like it was hallucinating me and wanted me to kiss it.
When my lips finally met his, I felt that he was shocked by it but later on, I felt his hand on my waist and deepen the kiss that we had, I know that I am not the one on his mind right now but I don't care about it for now, I will just enjoy it and enjoy the moment that finally he is mine.
He's the one who stopped our kiss, he just stared at me and blink three times after almost 10 seconds, and then gently hold my one hand and guided me downstairs.
~
When we got into our room, Kent didn't said anything and just sit beside me, timing that our professor just arrived that's why I don't have a chance to talk to him, I don't have also the courage too, it seems like I just now realized what happened a while ago.
After an hour, the class ended, I just looked at Kent who is already sleeping beside me, he didn't even tried to listen to our lesson and just sleep when we sit a while ago, our professor just let him scared to scold him.
Elle, can you tell Kent that we have a tournament next week in UB that's why coach expecting him to join our practice tomorrow, it's really important that he is there, we need him Moises said Kent's teammate, while looking at Kent who is still sleeping.
Yes I will try, but I am not sure if he will attend but I am hoping, he also needs to play soccer again to freshen up his mind I said, Moises just smiled at me.
Thank you Elle, Kent is really lucky to have you, you should be his girlfriend haha Dave jokingly said who is already beside Moises, I just felt my face blushed on what he said, I am not used to it, they didn't said that before since they are all supportive of Kent relationship with Elaine, and they also know that I was just a mere bestfriend only, but now is different.
I am already his girl~~~
Let's go Kent immediately said stopping me, I didn't notice that he is already awake, maybe he heard Elaine's name that why he's awaken by it.
He just hold my hand again and gently guided me to stand up and I did.
Kent we have practice tomorrow, don't be absent Caleb said, Kent just looked at him for a second and ignored him, he just get his bag and mine and started to walk outside still holding me.
Kent~~~
Yes I will don't worry Kent said to Israel who called him, Israel is their captain ball but it should be Kent, since Kent is the best player among them all but he didn't accept it when they offered it to him since it was Elaine's request, saying that Kent will not going to have time for her if he the became captain ball of the team.
~
Kent immediately sat down when we arrived at cafeteria of our school, I just waited for him to buy our meal but he didn't bother to do it and just focus himself to his phone, that's why I just get my wallet from my bag and stood up to buy for us.
He looked at me when he saw me stood up and get his wallet from his pants, he throw his card on the table and looked at his phone again.
I just smiled at him bitterly and get his card and put it beside his arm, and finally went to the counter, I didn't heard him calling for me, waiting for him to stop me.
Usually even he is miserable that past three months, but if we ate together, he still didn't let me buy our food, he still the one who did it, I know its a small thing but I am not just used to it.
Is this part of my karma?
When I was lining up for a food, I looked at Kent, I saw him staring at table where him and Elaine used to sit, yes only the two of them, because before I really didn't sit together with them, I'd rather sit alone or with my other friends or classmates although Elaine always asked me to sit with them but as a respect I didn't, I don't want to become the cause of their quarrels.
I just sighed and focused to buy food for the both of us since Kent didn't eat any since morning.
------
When I came back to our table, Kent already done with his phone and just watched me preparing the food that I bought.
Are you sure of this? He asked out of nowhere, that makes me stop on what I am doing.
Of course Kent, and you know the reason already, we already talked about it I answered back, he just stared at me.
You know what will gonna happen after this Elle, it might also ruined our friendship and all the moments that we had will be wasted he also said, I just ignored him, and just pushed gently his food near to him.
Let's just eat Kent I only said, and start to mix my pasta.
Okay fine, but what if she came back, is that okay with you to end this bullshit and let me come back to her? He asked again, that makes me drop my fork, but immediately divert my attention to a beef stew that I ordered ignoring what he said.
Taste this beef stew Kent, it's really delicious, that was a new menu last week and Nick loved this, I even ordered this for takeout last day to bring it to him, the new chef is good, although Nale and Nate didn't like it, I just don't know why though, for me it's really delicious, I want to learn how to cook this, so I can cook for you sometimes I awkwardly said without minding his stares.
I can't look at him since he knows how to read my emotions and I am probably looks like a joke infront of him, I am just a bad actress, I can't even hide my emotions from him.
He just held my hand, and made me look at him.
I don't want to hurt you Elle, you are like a sister to me, so let's just end this while it still early, you are just driven by your emotions, I don't need you to do this, you don't have to do this Elle he said
I finally looked at him and saw how sincere he is but I'm sorry Kent, I can't.
That was okay, you can just left me if she will come back, we can just be friends again, that's fine with me, but please just let me do this, I love you Kent I said, I saw how his face saddened on what I said, maybe he feel sorry that he can't feel the same way and it hurts.
Elle... he can only said.
Just eat Kent, you didn't eat a while ago, you should gain some fats, you're bone is already sticking out, it's not suits you, you don't look handsome anymore, eat more there's upcoming tournament so you better be strong, I don't want to support a lame Kent Reign Zabalde I tried to joke and even fake a laugh.
He just smiled a little bit.
Anyway, you're going to our house later right? You promised, Nate is always sulking, he said he didn't see you anymore, maybe he misses you more than he misses his only princess I said.
Yeah I will, tell them also that I want to play basketball with them, so Nick and Nico should left their job early, and have some fun for a while
I felt some relief when he said that, it seems like he is trying to bring back his self again, because before after he went here to school, he will just directly went home and locked himself on his room, drinking all night.
Maybe what I did kinda works, but I'm hoping that it continues until he finally fell from me, but what if she came back?