Krystal woke up in her bedroom on a Friday in late November to find what seemed to be a sock on her face. She picked up the soft object and realized that it was actually a hand puppet, specifically the Winnie the Pooh puppet that Amber had obtained from the end of the Best of Best concert in Guangzhou a few weeks ago. The puppet had spent the last few weeks sitting on a shelf over Krystal's bed, but it must have fallen during the night. In her sleepy state, Krystal hugged the puppet tightly, remembering how cute Amber had been when she presented it to Krystal as a gift.
"This is for you," Amber had said during the Best of Best ending on stage. She wore the puppet over her hand and held it up to Krystal. "To remind you that I'm always thinking about you whether I'm there or not, whether I'm allowed to show my love for you or not." Amber smiled mischieviously at Krystal, the latter part of her comment referring to how Krystal had asked her before the concert to tone down their playful behavior in public.
Krystal felt stupid now for making such a request since Krystal had not been able to uphold her end of it anyway. During their free talk during Best of Best, Krystal had tried to tone down her contact with Amber and ended up ignoring Amber for nearly all of the free talk. But as Amber had predicted, it was unnatural ignore Amber and it left Krystal feeling extremely awkward on stage. Much to Amber's delight (and to the audience's delight), Krystal gave up and put her arm around Amber near the end of their free talk. It felt so much more natural to be playful when she was around Amber.
A shy smile crept across Krystal lips and she buried her face into her pillow as she thought of that moment on stage. There was a loud roar of approval from the crowd the instant that Krystal placed her arm around Amber. Krystal was grateful for that reaction from the crowd. She had always found the cheering during Kryber interactions amusing in the past, but at the concert it was almost like the fans were supporting their relationship now. Krystal's chest swelled with gratitude for their supportive fans.
Her heart was longing to see Amber this morning.
There was a sudden knock on Krystal's bedroom door. She lifted her head slowly and glanced at the clock. It was past 10 am, usually about the time her mom woke her on days where she didn't have a schedule, like today.
"I'm up!" she lied, flopping back on the pillow, hoping her mom would fall for her trick and she could sleep a little longer. But as expected, the door opened. Krystal covered herself with her blanket, refusing to get up.
"No, go away," she whined as the blanket was pulled off her face. She screwed her eyes shut. "It's my day off, let me sleep a little longer!"
There was an unexpected brush of softness against Krystal's lips. She immediately jumped in surprise, opening her eyes as she crashed her head into something hard. A roar of anguish that Krystal recognized as Amber's filled the room. Amber grabbed her chin and buried her face into Krystal's bed in pain. Krystal clutched her own throbbing forehead and smacked the blonde head of hair angrily.
"What the hell, Amber? How'd you even get in here?"
Amber lifted her head and glared up at Krystal. Her eyes were watering in pain, but the pout that played on Amber's lips was enough to melt away Krystal's annoyance. "I was trying to surprise you, stupid!" Amber cried, sticking out her lower lip as far as it could go. "Way to ruin a good moment!"
Krystal bit her lip, fighting back a smile. "Wow, I can't believe you just called me 'stupid'. I call you 'stupid', stupid." She crawled across her bedcovers and leaned down to place a kiss on Amber's injured chin. "I'm sorry I ruined your extremely terrifying surprise."
The older girl's expression brightened instantly. Amber slowly reached up and carressed Krystal's cheek. "You're so beautiful," Amber murmured, making Krystal turn away in embarrassment. She loved it when Amber complimented her, but at the same time she didn't know how to accept the kind words.
"Anyway, it wasn't meant to be scary surprise if you had just reacted properly to it," Amber said, straightening up. She put down the tray of two coffee cups that Krystal had not noticed earlier, and then proceeded to order Krystal back into bed. "Let's do a second take on this scene."
Krystal laughed. "Really? A do-over?"
"From the top!" Amber announced, pulling the covers over the younger girl. "We'll pick up from your whining about not wanting to get up."
Krystal giggled but obediently waited for her cue beneath the covers.
"Aaaand ACTION!" Amber called.
Switching into serious actress mode, Krystal tried to repeat her lines from before. "Go away, it's my day off! Let me sleep more!"
The blanket was pulled off again. Krystal shut her eyes and tried to lay still, waiting for Amber to make her move. Slowly, Krystal felt Amber place her hand on the bed, right next to her head. With her eyes still closed, Krystal instictively moved toward Amber's warmth and carssed her cheek against Amber's arm. She felt Amber lean over her and place her other arm against Krystal's waist. Amber was half on top of her now, pressing her firmly into the mattress. Excitement and anticipation coursed through Krystal's body. This was not the quick, impulsive kiss that had initially played out.
Her heart was racing in her chest. But with Amber pressed against her, Krystal could feel Amber's heart doing the same. Amber kissed her again, slowly and sensually. Amber's tongue slipped between her parted lips, skillfully teasing Krystal's mouth. Krystal's fingers traced their way up Amber's arms and back and up to her hair. The languid exploration continued for several minutes until they were out of breath and they broke their kiss.
Krystal breathed out a happy sigh. She hugged Amber closely to her chest and the older girl nuzzled her face into Krystal's neck and breathed deeply.
"You're so amazing, Jung Soojung," Amber murmured. She kissed the base of Krystal's neck, sending shivers down her spine. She began to kiss a delicate trail of kisses up Krystal's neck. Although the couple had kissed countless times, since their first kiss on Krystal's birthday, this was the first time they had kissed so sensually. There was a sudden sense of fear in Krystal about where this kind of kissing would lead.
"W-wait," Krystal whispered nervously, her hands still in Amber's hair. "My mom's home."
"No she's not," Amber whispered back, bringing her lips to Krystal's ear and kissing it gently. "She let me in on her way out of the house."
"Hang on, I haven't brushed my teeth yet," Krystal protested, tilting her face away from Amber's. But Amber merely smiled mischieviously and captured Krystal's lips in a quick kiss. "It didn't seem to bother you a few minutes ago. And it doesn't bother me now."
Amber shifted her weight and moved the arm by Krystal's waist to steady herself. Her thumb inadvertendly caught the hem of Krystal's nightshirt, pulling it up as Amber repositioned herself. The action exposed Krytal's stomach, revealing the lower edge of Krystal's breasts. Their eyes both widened at the sudden, unexpected reveal. Even though Krystal knew that it had been an accident, she couldn't help but feel panicked. Amber panicked as well and backed off immediately.
She quickly pulled down Krystal's shirt as she lifted herself off the younger girl, apologizing profusely as she did so. "Sorry, sorry, sorry," she hurriedly mumbled. Krystal sat up and they looked at each other sheepishly. "I didn't mean to do that. I really, really didn't. We just-- I just got carried away," she clarified.
"No, I got carried away too," Krystal quickly responded, not wanting Amber to take the blame for an honest mistake. "Don't worry about it, it was no big deal," she said. Krystal realized that her arms were folded defensively across her chest, and she lowered them and tried to relax. Amber remained contrite while sitting across from her on the bed.
"I'm really sorry," Amber said again.
Krystal waved a dismissive hand. "It was no one's fault. Let's just forget it. I'm going to go brush my teeth, and then we'll get down to business even though you came here too early and disrupted my beauty sleep," Krystal said with a smile, trying to lighten the mood. The two of them had planned to meet this afternoon to discuss the tracklist for Amber's upcoming solo.
"You're already plenty beautiful," Amber responded, locking eyes with Krystal and smiling at last. "I brought breakfast, so we can eat after you're done," she suggested, opening her backpack and pulling out a bag from Krystal's favorite cafe.
"Sounds good," Krystal agreed, placing a soft kiss on Amber's cheekbefore heading toward the bathroom. She carefully held her smile until she left the room, letting a troubled look replace it once she was in the hallway.
Every step that took her to the bathroom was filled with mental anguish. She worried about her feelings for Amber and Amber's feeling for her and whether they were ready for sex and whether their feelings were on the same page. She worried about whether they should forget what had just happened or if they should discuss the topic of sex once she returned. In the space of time that it took for Krystal to brush her teeth and walk back to her room, she could do nothing but worry.
Krystal could stall no longer. Without any idea about what she would do when she entered the room, Krystal nervously opened her bedroom door. She found Amber standing by her bed, looking pensievely out the window. The older girl turned as Krystal entered, and then immediately opened her arms for a hug.
"Come here," Amber said gently, holding out her arms to the younger girl. They met halfway across the room and Amber embraced her in a warm hug. "I'm really sorry about before."
"You don't have to keep apologizing," Krystal said with complete sincerity. "It was an accident, it's not a big deal."
"But it is a big deal," Amber insisted. "When we first started dating, we both agreed to take this relationship slow. Super slow. Slower than the rate at which f(x) holds its first solo concert," Amber exaggerated, causing Krystal to laugh. "I feel like I screwed up today."
"You did not," Krystal protested. She touched Amber's cheek with her fingertips affectionately and smiled. "We're taking this relationship plenty slow. If I was dating a guy, I bet I would have been pressured for sex a long time ago. With you, there's no pressure at all."
"But it's not just about waiting for sex, Soojung," Amber said. "For me, taking it slow meant that I would never push you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I want you to always feel happy and safe and loved when you're with me. I don't want you to feel anxious or uncertain about what I might do. Could you say with complete certainty earlier that I wasn't going to take it any further than kissing?"
Krystal hesistated, unable to respond affirmatively.
"See?" Amber said, frowning. "And that's a problem. I want you to know that I wasn't trying to take things any further. I would never do anything like that without your permission." Amber sighed, hanging her head in frustration. "Man, I really screwed up earlier."
"OK, I can't say that I was certain of this before," Krystal agreed. "But I can definitely say with certainty now that we aren't going any further than kissing. At least for now," she added quickly, with a smile that Amber did not return. "But it's not important what just happened. The important thing is that we're communicating now, and we understand each other now."
Amber nodded in agreement, still looking disappointed with herself. Krystal nudged Amber's nose with her own, trying to gain the older girl's attention. "You might not believe it, but what just happened between us was a really good thing. It was important that we got a chance to talk about this. I had no idea what we were going to do when I got back from the bathroom just now, but talking about this was the right decision. I feel a lot more...at ease about us."
"Yeah?" Amber asked.
Krystal nodded, her crystal clear eyes filled with honesty. "Yeah, I really do."
Amber finally smiled and rested her forehead against Krystal's. "I think I feel the same way, too. This honesty stuff is kinda nice, isn't it?" She looked looked into Krystal's eyes with all of the sincerity that she could offer. "I love you, Jung Soojung."
"I love you too, Amber Josephine Liu."
Amber smiled at the use of her full name, something that Krystal rarely did. "Let's promise to always be honest with each other, about everything, OK? Let's try to be happy forever."
"I promise," Krystal nodded in agreement, feeling that "forever" had a nice sound to it. She closed her eyes, leaned into Amber, and lost herself in the security of Amber's arms.