Huge thank you to SAIMA_2608 for the amazing cover! :)
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As I drove home, I fought my emotions and forced myself to hold it together. I hated crying, especially in public, but my walls were crumbling and I couldn't hold it in. A few tears had slipped as I went, but I still held in the rest. I knew once I got to my room and tucked myself into bed, there would be no going back.
I pulled into my driveway and pulled my keys from the ignition. I stared at my house for a moment, searching for the energy to leave my car and walk the four yards to my front door.
After what seemed to be a significant amount of time, I got out and headed up to the entrance. Another tear slipped out and I could feel myself giving in to the sadness. My throat began to close up and before the door even closed behind me I was full-on crying.
I dropped my keys onto the table in the hallway, but I missed and they clattered onto the floor. I stared at them as silent tears wet my cheeks.
"Brynn?" My head snapped up to see my mother standing at the end of the hallway with a worried look on her face. I hadn't even heard her approach me.
"What happened, baby doll? Why are you crying?" She came over to stand in front of me. She placed one hand on my shoulder and the other on the side of my head and looked me up and down for any injuries. "Are you hurt?"
My mouth tugged further into a frown and I bit down on my lip when it began to tremble.
"I messed up, mom." I choked out.
Her eyes were filled with concern. "Tell me what happened."
A sob escaped me as I shook my head and looked down in shame. My hands went up and pressed against my face, shielding me from having to look at my mother. I didn't want to see the disappointment in her eyes when she found out what I'd done.
My body shook from how much I was trying to hold everything in. I swallowed and lowered my hands, instead bringing them around my stomach. I stared down at my shoes.
"They hate me, mommy." My voice cracked and that was all it took for the flood gates to open and for me to break down.
The reality of the situation was finally hitting me full force and it was agonizing.
I'd heard my friends and other girls talk about heartbreak, and how badly it felt, but I could never have imagined this. I'd never given my heart to anyone but Jaxon. I'd regrettably given up my virginity early, yes, but my heart had stayed with me.
Now, I was regretting ever coming up with this plan. This was a pain that I'd never felt before. It cut deep.
I'd ruined it. I should have told Melanie and Jaxon everything the moment I realized I was falling for him. I should have been the one to tell him, then maybe things would have been different. Now he couldn't even stand to look at me and it broke me knowing that.
My mother instantly wrapped her arms around me as sobs wracked my body. She squeezed me tightly and spoke softly, trying to calm me down.
"Cammy, what's happened?" I pried my eyes open and looked over my mother's shoulder at my father. He walked over immediately with worry crossing his features. "Brynn, what's wrong?"
I sniffed and tried to breathe deeply.
"Come on, lets go lay down." My mom laid her arm across my shoulder and led me up the stairs to my bedroom.
I got into my bed and wrapped myself in the blankets. My parents sat on either side of me and watched me.
I had finally managed to calm myself down and stared down at my hands. With a deep breath I relayed what happened with Melanie and Jaxon. By the time I was finished, my eyes were drooping and my mind was shutting down.
"Get some rest, doll." My mom said gently. They tucked me in and each gave me a kiss on my forehead before standing up. I sighed and let eyes flutter closed before quickly falling asleep.
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I felt the bed tip beside me and I curled myself into a tight ball. It was probably my mother trying to get me to eat something.
She'd been trying to over-feed me for four days straight, convinced that I was going to starve myself. During her years as a nurse, she'd noticed that many depressed people tended not to eat and became malnourished. I'd tried telling her that, although I was far from okay, I had no problem eating and that force feeding me was not helping me in the slightest.
But, of course, she didn't listen.
A hand rubbed my back soothingly and my eyebrows furrowed in confusion when I realized that it wasn't my mother. I looked over my shoulder and found myself looking at Clara.
She gave me a sad smile. At that moment, Marina and Maeve walked through the door carrying plastic grocery bags. The dumped their things on the end of my bed before plopping down beside me. Junk food of every kind spilled from the plastic.
They all piled onto me, crushing me with a giant hug.
I didn't question why they were here, I knew my mom must have called them. I welcomed their presence, grateful for a distraction from the chaos in my head- just a second for me to stop thinking about everything.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Clara asked, and my second of peace was gone.
I shook my head as my chest tightened painfully. I pushed myself further into the pillows on my bed and pulled the blanket more tightly over me.
"I'm such an idiot." I groaned.
I felt the bed shift again and my friends crawled under the covers with me.
"B, why didn't you call us?" I heard Marina ask softly.
"Weren't you listening?" I asked bitterly. "I'm an idiot."
Everything was ruined because of my stupidity. This was all my fault, it had gone too far.
"I can't explain a damn thing that was going through my mind up until now. God, I messed everything up." I moaned and pressed my face into the pillow. "He hates me."
"This has gotten way out of hand Brynn." Maeve said and I mentally glared at her, too emotionally exhausted to do it physically.
"Thanks Maeve, I had no idea." I grumbled.
"Okay, okay I know you don't need any reprimanding." Maeve said. "We will help you, okay?"
"How?" I asked hopelessly.
I imagined the mess I'd made resulting in a few ways, and in each outcome everyone ended up hating me. My sister, Jaxon- I even hated myself.
It had been a week since everything had happened and I hadn't spoken to Jaxon or Melanie. Melanie had tried calling me and even came to my house but I couldn't find it in me to talk to her. I knew I had no right to act this way and she had every right to be mad, but I just couldn't face her.
I'd left Jaxon more voicemails and texts than I could count the day he'd found out, but when he never responded I decided not to bother him anymore. It was a pain I'd never felt before, knowing that I'd lost him. It hurt when my parents were away, but this was different.
I was so caught up in the hurt, I'd even started dreaming of it. Last night I'd woken up in a sweat, my heart pumping violently inside of my chest, Jaxon's angry and untrusting gaze burning into my brain.
"You lied to me." His lip curled in disgust as he looked at me. "I don't love you."
My heart ached just thinking about it. Those words pierced through me like a bullet. It hadn't happened like that in reality, but I knew that his true feelings weren't far off.
And Melanie. I didn't even know where I was at with her, but after what had happened I knew our bond would never be the same. My stomach lurched and I clutched it in desperation.
I couldn't be alone again.
The soft touch of a hand on my hair sent a calmness through me. I had these three girls, the same ones who had always been there for me when no one else was.
I rolled over onto my back and glanced at them all. "Thank you. You guys are the best, I don't know what I'd do without you."
Marina grinned. "Well, yeah." She laid down next to me, her face becoming serious. "Everything will be okay, Brynn. We'll be here to help you."
My eyes misted over as I began to think about everything that was to come. I was glad that I'd have them with me, but I couldn't stop the feeling of dread from growing within me.
I sighed, my eyes filling with tears. "I don't want them to hate me."
Clara sat up and looked at me. "Look, B, I've never met this Jaxon-guy, but he said he loved you for a reason." I swallowed as she spoke. "And Melanie is your sister, your twin. She could never hate you. She's hurt, but she doesn't hate you."
I took in a deep breath, trying to calm my heart. I tried repeating her words in my mind, trying to give myself that everything would be okay.
I knew my cynicism was taking over, but I couldn't control it. "This is a disaster."
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Hey guys :)
Here is an update, let me know what you think.
This is unedited so if you see a mistake, please let me know and I'll fix it.
Thanks For Reading :)
~Lori~