Chapter 6
Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer?
George Price
The next week went by in a blissful blur. I spent my days at work, with friends, or with Connor. The relationship was everything I could have hoped for. Since he was leaving at the end of the summer it was pretty much understood that it wasn't going anywhere which simply took the pressure off things.
Logan was becoming a really good friend. We had a lot of similar interests and started hanging out together outside of work. We spent a lot of time simply discussing things. At first it was music then movies and television and eventually it was just whatever was on our minds that day. We talked about things that would have bored Ryan or Brisa. That was the great thing about Logan; not only was he incredibly patient but he actually seemed like he was interested in talking to me.
"Let's play the question game." I said one day. We were at his house playing Call of Duty on his Xbox 360.
"The question game?"
"It's simple; we each ask a question, we each answer a question. But you have to answer or else you lose."
"You're on," Logan replied then laughed.
"What's so funny?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.
"Did you get this from a movie or something?"
"No!" I exclaimed defensively. Then after moment, "It was a book."
He grinned. "Alright, so all I have to do is ask a question?" I nodded. "What's your favorite food?"
"Ice cream," I replied without missing a beat.
Logan shook his head. "That doesn't count. Ice cream is a dessert."
"So? It's still a food." I swore loudly as I once again got shot and killed. "I suck at this game."
"It just takes practice." Logan said. "Your turn."
"Um," I thought for a minute. "Favorite school subject?"
"That's easy," he replied. "Art."
I took a moment to consider this. "Art,"
"Yep," he said. "It's my major. I want to be an artist."
"What kind of art?" I asked.
He shrugged. "Mostly drawing, painting. That kind of stuff."
"Maybe sometime you could draw me,"
"Maybe," Logan said. "I win."
I sighed as his new high score popped up on the screen. "Rematch. I'll beat you this time!"
Logan grinned. "You're on."
Generally, my life was going swimmingly. I had great friends, a great boyfriend, and was spending as little time at home as possible. And yet, I couldn't seem to get that text from James off of my mind. I still hadn't replied and he hadn't made any other attempts to contact me. My guess was he had gotten drunk one night and didn't even remember sending the message. In any case, he was supposed to be out of my life for good and I was sure I didn't want to go down that road again. So why did his name keep creeping into my thoughts?
When Ryan invited Brisa and me over for a sleepover, I jumped on the chance for a distraction. Ryan loved the chance to entertain; Brisa and I often joked of her throwing dinner parties and being the perfect housewife someday.
"Cheese and crackers, girls?" she asked, bringing a tray into the living room.
"I would love some," I said, taking two.
"Um, no thanks." Brisa replied.
"You sure?" She was trying to hide it but I could tell Ryan was a little hurt at the refusal. She spent a lot of time preparing things for us.
"I'm just not very hungry."
"Okay!" Ryan said cheerfully. "Well hopefully you will be for dinner! I have lasagna in the oven."
"Sounds great," Brisa said politely. Ryan looked over at me with raised eyebrows and I just shrugged. Brisa had never had a huge appetite. As far as I was concerned, it was nothing to worry about.
We played a few games of checkers. Brisa won every single one. Finally, Ryan gave up and went to go check on the lasagna. Naturally competitive, I stuck with it. Even putting all my brain power into it, Brisa always seemed to be five moves ahead of me without even trying. In one sweeping move, she double jumped my last two pieces, taking the win.
"You make it look so easy!" I exclaimed.
Brisa shrugged. "It is if you know what you're doing. It's all about strategy."
I sighed. I was used to Brisa being better than me at things but that didn't make it any less frustrating.
"Dinner!" Ryan called from the kitchen. I just shook my head at Brisa one last time and then we headed to the table.
To Ryan's delight, I ate every last bite of my lasagna. Brisa, however, just picked at hers. Of course, Ryan noticed right away.
"Still not hungry, Bree?" she asked.
Brisa looked up, appearing slightly taken aback at the question. "I had a big lunch."
Ryan seemed skeptical but didn't say anything more. It wasn't until later that night, when Brisa was in the bathroom, that Ryan brought it up again.
"There's no way she could have had a big lunch. She was tutoring and volunteering at the soup kitchen this afternoon and then she came straight here. I'd be surprised if she had time to eat anything at all!" she exclaimed.
"Maybe she stole some of the soup," I suggested.
Ryan rolled her eyes. "Sherrie, I'm being serious! Why would she lie about something like that unless there was something wrong?"
"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about," I insisted.
"What are you guys talking about?" Brisa asked. Ryan and I both jumped as we hadn't seen her come in the room.
"Global warming," I said. "Ryan's really worried."
When Brisa raised her eyebrows, Ryan just shrugged. "I mean the extra tanning is nice but what if the world ends before my Barbie dream wedding?"
I laughed as Brisa rolled her eyes. "Whatever, are we going to start the movie or what?"
The movie was, of course, Sex and the City. It was Ryan's favorite movie and she always said that the girls in the movie would be us in twenty five years.
"But there are only three of us," Brisa pointed out one time in tenth grade, the first time Ryan made us watch it.
"Well I expect our Samantha will come along later," Ryan said like it was obvious. "Brisa is Miranda because she always has a stick up her ass," Brisa made a face to which Ryan added, "And is very driven! Sheryl is Carrie because she's smart and super hot and I, of course, am Charlotte because she's the most fun and gorgeous. Plus, even though she's not Asian herself, her baby is so it's perfect."
From then on, Sex and the City was kind of a tradition at our sleepovers. We typically watched other movies late into the night but this one always started us off, almost ceremoniously. And Ryan was right, it was the perfect movie for us. Even Brisa, though she pretended not to, got sucked into the drama and laughs of these four women. I liked it because the main character, Carrie, learns throughout the course of the movie that she can be happy and successful without a man in her life.
Tonight, however, I wasn't paying too much attention. As hard as I tried, I couldn't seem to get James off my mind. He must have somehow sensed this because about halfway through the movie, he called my cell.
"Sherrie, you better not take that!" Ryan cried. "We're almost to the part where Charlotte figures out she's pregnant!"
I just stared at the screen in disbelief, letting it ring.
"Sherrie!"
"Sorry," I replied, hitting Ignore. He could leave a message if he really had something to say.
We watched three more movies after that. Brisa passed out in the middle of 27 Dresses, Ryan towards the end of Sunshine Cleaning. As I leaned against the back of the couch, Ryan's head on my lap, I stared at the Voicemail symbol on my phone, blinking back and forth. Apparently, he had had something to say after all.
Come on, Sher. A voice inside my head said. But it wasn't my voice; it was his. Don't be such a pussy. Listen to the damn message. What's the worst thing that could happen? Internal James was right. I needed to stop being so pathetic and scared and listen to the stupid message. It wasn't like he could really do anything to me! Hell, I couldn't even talk back! But deep down I knew there was something he could do and that's what kept me frozen in place. He could say something that would make me care about him again.
Finally, after several more mental arguments, Internal James one and, carefully moving Ryan's head, I sneaked into the kitchen to listen to the message.
"Hey Sher," it began. "You're not answering now and you never replied to my text so I'll take them both as a sign that you don't really want to talk to me," No shit, Sherlock. "But I really want to talk to you. Please just meet me tomorrow at the old place. I just want to talk. After that, I promise I'll be out of your hair." He sounded so pathetic in the next part, so desperate, that I felt myself physically give into him. "Please, Sher. It would really mean a lot." Beep.
I stood there for a minute, the phone still pressed against my ear. I swore to myself that I would never let this guy into my life again and yet here he was, practically begging me to do just that.
Just do it, Sher. Don't think. Just do.
And I just did in the form of a text message. Sure it was the coward's way but at least it was something. And anyway, I reasoned with myself, it was the middle of the night. He was surely asleep.
I'll meet you at 1:30 tomorrow. The old place.
And after the little check mark popped on my screen, indicating the message had sent, I crawled back on the couch next to Ry and spent the next hour just trying to fall asleep.
The "old place" was an old park around the corner from the train station. We'd picked it originally because it was almost exactly between our two houses. We'd spent a lot of time there just swinging on the swings or, when it got colder, cuddling and drinking hot cocoa in the little white gazebo. I hadn't been there since we'd broken up; it just hurt too much. Coming back after all this time, I could feel the ghosts of what we used to be haunting the space around me.
At first I couldn't spot him and I worried he wouldn't show. Maybe he didn't get my text or he'd chickened out at the last minute. But before I could get into a full panic, there he was sitting in the gazebo. Taking a deep breath, I walked over and sat down next to him.
"Do you ever come here?" was the first thing he said to me.
I shook my head and twiddled my thumbs, too much of a wimp to look him in the eye.
"I do," he said. "All the time. Just to think or whatever."
"It's a good place for that," I said, speaking for the first time.
I felt James look up at me suddenly and I did the same. It was amazing how he'd barely changed at all in the last couple of years. His hair was shorter and he had a little scruff on his chin from lack of shaving but other than that, he was just the same old James. Funny how I'd thought he'd be different.
"You want to talk to me," I reminded him after a long pause.
"Right," James cleared his throat. "I've been thinking a lot about my past lately, all the things I've fucked up. Since I'm headed off to college soon, I want to make things right, you know? Face my demons so to speak. I, um, talked to my dad last weekend. We were on the phone for hours just going over everything that's happened between us since I was a little kid. Why he walked out, stuff like that. I wouldn't say that we worked everything out but we've come to a sort of understanding I guess." He paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts. I waited patiently for him to go on. "I wanted to make things right with you before I left. I couldn't just leave them the way they were."
Before I could really think things through I snapped, "So I'm just one more thing you need to check off your list? One more loose end to tie up?" Okay so maybe that was a little bitchy and uncalled for. But what could I say? I was bitter.
"No!" he exclaimed, eyes wide. "That's not what I meant at all! I've been meaning to do this for a long time actually."
"So why didn't you?" I asked, again not really thinking. James always got me to act on impulse.
He sighed. "I don't know. But I'm doing it now."
I looked back down at my feet. "Well, what exactly do we need to talk out here? How you cheated on me and then left me for the girl you cheated on me with?" James winced. "How you avoided me in the halls afterwards?"
"I was trying to give you space!" James exclaimed, more than a little defensive. "And I tried to work things out with you after! You know I did!" I did know. But the truth was, I didn't want to work things out with him. He'd hurt me and seeing him around school with his beautiful girlfriend who hated my guts sure didn't help things.
When I didn't reply, James took that as his cue to go on. "I'm sorry, Sher. I am so, so sorry."
He said it softly but powerfully, like he really meant it. I wanted to believe him, I did. But it was just too little too late.
"I have to go," I said finally, standing up.
"Sher, I-"
"Stop," I interrupted. "Just stop. You're sorry, I get it. Now I need time to think."
James opened his mouth to say something then thought better of it and just nodded. "Okay,"
"I'll see you around," I said and then turned around and walked away. It made me feel a certain power, leaving like that and it took me a moment before I realized why. This time, it was me who was walking out on him. And it felt really, really good.
Chapter 7
You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.
-Indira Gandhi
"You look especially adorable today," Connor said sweetly. We were sitting at one of the outdoor tables in front of Cold Stone's. I had just finished my shift when he'd surprised me at work and offered to by me ice cream. I didn't mention that my manager, Julie, let her employees eat ice cream for free. It was a kind gesture and I didn't want to ruin it for him.
"Thanks," I said now with a blush. I took a lick from my ice cream cone in hopes of hiding my flaming cheeks.
"Um, Sherrie?" he said.
"Yes?"
He smiled and made a swipe above his upper lip. "You've got a little something there."
Embarrassed, I reached for a napkin. Before I could even pick one up, however, he got there first. "Here, I've got it."
Gently, he touched the napkin to my face and wiped away the ice cream. I sucked in a breath, feeling the sparks and enjoying them. Who knew such a simple gesture could be so sexy?
Once I'd recovered, I spotted Logan cleaning a table not too far away. Julie had hired a new girl, Kerri, after deciding that Logan shouldn't have to take his shift all on his own. Today was a pretty light day so rather than sit around and do nothing, Logan had decided to busy himself.
"Logan!" I called, waving him over. "This is Connor. Connor, this is my friend Logan."
"Good to meet ya, mate!" Connor said cheerfully. Logan just nodded back.
"How's it going?" I asked.
"Super boring," he replied. "It's like a dead house in there."
I patted his arm sympathetically. "Keep on keeping on, man."
Logan smiled at me and went on his way, wiping down the next table. I spent the following twenty minutes or so talking, laughing, and flirting with Connor. After a while, he had to leave to run errands for his dad. I didn't leave with him though, instead going back inside to talk to Logan.
He was right, the place is deserted except for one man with a laptop in the back corner. I see him behind the counter with Kerri who has her phone out, texting.
"So what do you think?" I asked, propping my elbows up on the counter.
"Honestly, I don't like him." Logan said.
I just looked a him for a moment to be sure he wasn't kidding. Once it seemed he really wasn't, I asked, "What's not to like?"
Logan shrugged. "I was just getting bad vibes."
I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. You already gave the okay and there's no taking it back now." I was talking about our bet, of course.
"I wasn't planning on it." he said. "You asked my opinion and I gave it." I noticed he wasn't quite looking me in the eye.
"So how are things with Carly?" I asked. He looked up and for a second it was like he wasn't sure what I was talking about.
"Oh, um, they're great!" he told me, overly enthusiastic. I raised my eyebrows. "No, she's great! We have a lot of fun. Everything is just... great!"
"Great!" I exclaimed. "Well I gotta motor, I told Missy I'd take her shopping today."
Logan first at the empty tables, then at Kerri who was still typing away, and finally back at me. "Take me with you?"
"Shopping?"
"Anywhere,"
I laughed. "Nah. But I'll text you later, 'kay?"
Logan sighed. "Okay. See ya!"
Missy had asked me to go shopping with her because one of her camp friends was having a party that night and she had been invited. Not only that but her cursh, Patrick, was going to be there as well.
"I don't know what to wear!" Missy had yelled, running into my room that morning while I got ready for work.
I looked up from typing my shoe into my sister's sweet little face. She knew so much about things no one cared about but when it came to the things that really matter, she had a lot to learn.
"Chill, Moo." I said. "I'll take you to the mall later."
Missy bit her lip. "You will?"
I smiled. "Sure,"
True to my word, after saying goodbye to Logan, I picked Missy up at the middle school where her camp was held and drove her to Quakerbridge Mall.
"I look fat," she said now, miserably stepping out of the dressing room at Aeropostale. As she twisted back and forth, I inspected the jeans at hand.
"You do not," I replied. "But I'm not too crazy about the style. Here, try these." I handed her another pair I'd picked up and, as an afterthought, a purple cardigan. "This too." Unlike me, Missy had yet to be cut off from the family money so she still had the pretty little Visa in her wallet. In other words, we could splurge as much as we so pleased. Ah, I missed this.
"What do you think?" Missy asked, coming out of the dressing room. What did I think? I thought she looked beautiful. The jeans were a perfect fit and the lavender was a good color on her, as it would have been on me. It was easy to dress someone when they looked just like you.
"Let's get it!" I exclaimed cheerfully. After we paid and left, we found ourselves walking aimlessly around the mall. We headed up the stairs and almost automatically, I turned into Hot Topic, my favorite store.
"Ugh, Sherrie!" Missy cried, looking around at the giant black laced bras and bumper stickers with offensive sayings. "Do we have to?"
"I just want to get some new bracelets!" I said defensively. Okay, so maybe Hot Topic was a little out there. But it was the best place in the mall for band merchandise.
I grabbed two bracelets-one for Hey Monday and one for Boys Like Girls- and paid for them at the front counter. A girl with pink hair and a nose stud rang me up, accepting my discount card with a bored expression on her face.
"I can't believe you made me go in there!" Missy cried with a shudder once we'd left.
I laughed and put my arm around her shoulder. "What do you say we go grab a soft pretzel?"
"Okay, fine!" And that was when I saw him. James Parker walking in our direction with a little brunette on his arm.
Still attached via arm around shoulder, I attempted to steer Missy away but it was too late. We'd been spotted.
"Sher!" James called. I turned around to find them walking towards us. "And Missy! Long time no see, kid."
Missy gave me a questioning look like "When did you two get so buddy-buddy?" I just shrugged; I didn't really know myself. "Hey, James."
"Trues, this is my cousin Sloane." James said, gesturing dramatically in the direction of the brunette. Cousin? Huh. "Sloane, these are the True sisters."
"It's nice to meet you, Sheryl." the brunette said. "I've heard a lot about you." Since I couldn't exactly say the same, I just smiled. What exactly had James said about me?
"Sloane is home from Harvard." James said proudly. "She'll be a senior in the fall."
"That's awesome!" I exclaimed. Ivy league wasn't really my style but I had to admire her intelligence.
Sloane blushed. "Thanks."
"We were just about to go grab some lunch at the food court." James said. "Feel like tagging along?"
Missy scrunched her nose. "Lunch? It's almost two thirty!"
Sloane smiled. "It's never too late for a Big Mac."
"So what do you say?" James asked, looking directly at me.
"Oh, well we were just on our way to-"
"That sounds great!" I was interrupted mid- polite excuse by my own sister of all people!
"Great!" James exclaimed and winked at me as I shot daggers at Missy.
Sloane and James went ahead a little ways before I turned to my sister with a "Moo, what the hell?"
She just shrugged. "It's just lunch."
I sighed. There is no such thing as "just lunch".
Twenty minutes later, I was surprised by the good time I was having. I had never actually eaten lunch that day and I found my tummy rumbling by the time I sat down with my baked potato and Frosty from Wendy's.
Sloane was the main contributor to our conversation, talking mostly about the whole college experience. I didn't mind; I really liked James' cousin. She was obviously smart but not at all awkward or snotty. She was also stunningly beautiful. Now that I knew they were related, I could see her resemblance to James. They had the same dark curly hair and dark eyes with a slightly pointed nose in the middle.
"So what other schools did you look at before deciding?" Missy asked. She hadn't even started sophomore year and my sister was already thinking about college. With a family like ours, however, I couldn't really blame her.
"Yale, Stanford," Sloane recited. "Williams..."
"That's where Sherrie is going!" Missy exclaimed.
"Maybe," I corrected, a little embarrassed. "I have to get in first."
"You will," Missy insisted. Then turning back to the others she added, "Her GPA is, like. perfect!"
James looked at me quietly with some look on his face that I couldn't quite decifer.
"Williams is great," Sloane said. "Different from the other schools I applied to but that's what's so great about it." She paused thoughtfully for a second before going on. "I would have gone there but Harvard offered me a scholarship I couldn't pass up."
I didn't say anything, squirming uncomfortably in my seat. Money wasn't at all an issue for me seeing as my parents were more than happy to pay for a school as good as Williams. But I wasn't one to go bragging about my family's money. I didn't believe in bragging about things you didn't earn.
"So a straight A student, huh?" James asked, leaning back in his chair. Suddenly I realized what his early expression had been. He was proud of me.
"Um, yeah," I replied. "This past year anyway."
"Sheryl's really smart." Missy gloated for me. I silently begged her to shut up but I guess she didn't hear me. "She's always studying during the year."
"No parties?" James teased.
I punched his arm playfully. At first I was shocked at myself but it had felt so natural. Just like old times.
"I guess not." James said with a grin. God, he had such a nice smile!
"Sherrie'd not what you'd call social." Missy said. "Ow!" The last part was because I'd kicked her under the table.
James raised an eyebrow, giving me that look only he could give. "That's not the Sher I remember."
I shrugged. "No one's who they are freshman year."
"Thank God for that!" Sloane exclaimed. Could she feel the tension in the air?
James nodded, keeping his gaze dead set on me. "I guess you're right."
There was a pause when I swore the strangeness was visible.
"Well we should go!" Sloane said finally. "It was nice to meet you both!"
"You too!" I said. And I meant it too. Up until that moment, I'd been having a really nice time.
"See you around, Sher." James said. As he got up he touched my back oh so subtly that I wasn't even sure if it was real or if I'd imagined it.
"Bye," I said, a beat too late. With one last twinkle in his eye, James was one his way. As I watched him go, I wondered if there'd be anymore chance encounters before the summer was out. And more importantly, did I want there to be?
Chapter 8
Are you going to come quietly or do I have to use earplugs?
-Spike Milligan
I hated holidays. I know, that's unusual coming from anyone under the age of twenty five but I had my reasons. It was mostly due to the fact that my parents were home, they always threw some sort of party and I was always forced to dress up and mingle with people I didn't know. It was always the same, "Honey come meet Sal from accounting," or "Sheryl dear, let me introduce you to these lovely prospective clients. Never underestimate my parents' ability to network.
Fourth of July was no different. Every year they held a barbecue for all our most important friends and neighbors. Unfortunately for me, it was kind of a big deal.
For every party, I was allowed two friends. Brisa was always invited anyway because her uncle worked with my mom and her parents were big hand-soap buyers so that left Ryan and one other person of my choosing. The extra person changed from year to year and party to party. One year it was Dani Wylder, my lab partner who say with us at lunch. For the New Years Eve party was I was twelve it was Bryce Howe, my crush who only showed up to hit on Ryan. James had attended a total of three while we were dating. Since then, it had just been Ryan. Needless to saying, I wasn't much for making friends at that point.
This year, I invited Logan. Connor had made plans with his friends before we'd even met and Logan was more than happy to tag along. Plus, I figured, it would be a nice opportunity to introduce to him to Brisa and my family.
Now, Ryan and I were setting up the back deck with tables piled with chips, sodas, and plenty of other goods. One thing Ryan was always good for was helping to get things ready. One thing was sure, she was going to make a great housewife someday.
"You're tense," she whispered in my ear as I dropped a Coke bottle a little too roughly onto on of the tables.
"Yeah well," I snapped. "This is the first time in a very long time I've had a new friend at a True Family Spectacular."
Ryan laughed. "It'll be fine. Logan's a sweety, not much seems to phase him."
I had a flash back to our conversation the other day about Connor. "Yeah, I suppose."
She patted me on the back with a smile. "You worry too much, Sherrie Pie. Enjoy the party for once!"
Yeah Sher, just enjoy the party.
It was James' voice of course. I'd been hearing it running through my head ever since the run in at the mall. While it had freaked me out at first, now I just kind of went along with it.
"Sheryl?" A voice called. I turned to see Logan at the back door dressed in khakis and a blue polo with a plate of something in one hand. "Am I early?"
I smiled, relaxing a little. "You're perfect." I blushed a little at the way I'd phrased it and Ryan raised her eyebrow. "Um, what've you got there."
"My sister baked cookies." Logan said a little awkwardly. "There's a rule in my family that you never go somewhere empty handed. My mom lived in China for a year and it's something she brought over."
"Yeah, that's a custom my mom never really carried out." Ryan said. "Probably because my dad's family always makes enough food to end world hunger."
Logan laughed. By now he was in on our ongoing joke about how Ryan's quiet Asian mother got along with her loud European father. I must say, they're the cutest couple you'll ever see in your life.
"Your mom lived in China?" I asked Logan. "That's cool."
"Yeah, for a few years before I was born. Before she met my dad even." He didn't say anything after that and neither did anyone else. Logan's mom had been in a fatal car accident a few years back. It wasn't something he talked a lot about.
"People are going to be arriving soon!" Ryan said quickly. "Sherrie and I need to go get changed."
Logan smiled like there was never anything wrong and nodded. "You ladies go freshen up. I'll be fine."
I smiled back, giving him one last apologetic look before being whisked away to my room.
The party starts a half hour later when the guests begin arriving and mingling around. I found myself back on the deck looking out at the laughing people in shorts and flip flops and feeling completely out of place once again. That was one thing that never changed from year to year; my parents never failed to make me feel like I didn't fit in their world.
"Sheryl, darling!" I turned around to find my mother with a tray of appetizers in hand coming out onto the deck. She looked positively gorgeous in a red tube dress and matching red earrings, her blond hair in a high ponytail.
I shifted uncomfortably in the blue sundress I'd been so proud of. "Yes?"
"Would you take this tray and walk around with it a bit? In case our guests haven't made it to the table yet."
I just looked at her for a second. "You realize this is a barbecue right?" I asked. "You chose not to hire a caterer for a reason!"
Mom just gave me a look that made me wish I had never opened my mouth. "Just do it for me, sweetie. Please." She smiled brightly but I could see the hostility in her eyes.
I sighed and took the tray. "Sure thing,"
Following my mother's orders, I went down to the party guests. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Logan speaking to a co-worker of my dads. I caught his eye, giving him the "do you need help?" look I had perfected over years of bringing friends. Logan just smiled and shook his head slightly and returned to the conversation before his new friend had even realized he'd looked away.
Deep breaths, I told myself. Everything is going to be okay.
Unless it's not. Got a back up plan prepared yet?
Oh shut up.
"Stacy, dear!" I whirled around and found some co worker of my mother's stumbling toward me. Just one glance at this woman screamed tipsy. "My, you've grown!"
"That happens." I said, grabbing onto her arm before she fell over entirely. She did seem familiar, like I had seen her at another party. Her name started with an H or a K. or something Hibbens or Kibbens or...
"Mrs. Tibbens!" Logan called, coming up behind me. "How are you?"
"Landen!" Mrs. Tibbens cried. "You've grown so much!"
Logan smiled patiently. "That I have. Can I interest you in a chair and maybe a glass of water?"
"Oh no, Landen!" Mrs. Tibbens exclaimed. "I was just going to get a glass of champagne."
"I don't think that's such a good idea!" Logan said, taking her arm and strolling her away from me. I watched in awe as he found her a table and sat her down. This was not a simple task as she kept stopping and trying to get the attention of someone or another, most definitely getting their name wrong. But Logan's patience never strayed.
I was distracted momentarily by other guests who wanted to a snack and a chat. I manage to force myself to be social and smile politely, answering all the questions that were thrown at me. Yes, I was going to be a senior. Yes, I was looking at colleges. No, I didn't know what I wanted to do yet. Yes, I did know where the bathroom was.
I met up with Logan a little bit later in the kitchen. I was cleaning off my empty tray and he was just looked like he was in need of an escape.
"You were truly a knight in shining armor out there." I said with a smile.
Logan shrugged modestly. "All in a day's work."
"How do you know her anyway?"
"Friend of the family," Logan replied. "By the way, you look beautiful tonight. Has anyone told you that yet?"
Not like that.
I blushed. "Um, no. I don't think so."
"Well you do." He looked just looked at me for a minute and I felt myself growing oddly self conscious. "I think I shall propose a toast." he said suddenly.
"A toast?"
"Yes!" He grabbed a bottle of champagne from the counter and two glasses from the cabinet. "A toast."
I couldn't help it, I laughed. "Okay but not here."
Logan raised his eyebrow. "Where then?"
"You'll see."
Way upstairs past the attic was a small ledge off the roof of the house. When we first moved in, my parents wrote it off as soon as they observed that it was barely big enough to hold more than one person. But not me. It was my escape, the place I could go to when I wanted to be alone. This was where I took Logan.
"This is nice," Logan said, looking out over the neighborhood.
I smiled. "When I was about seven years old I told my parents I was running away. I was smart enough to know I didn't really have anywhere to go but I wanted them to think I was leaving, to see if they really cared. So instead I climbed up to the attic thinking I'd hide out there for a little while. About twenty minutes in I got bored and started exploring, pushing back the boxes until I found this place. I've been coming here ever since."
There was a pause, letting this little bit of my past settle into the air. Finally Logan asked, "So did they ever come looking for you?"
I bit my lip and looked down. "When I finally came downstairs, they were sitting on the couch in the living room watching West Wing. They said they knew I'd come home eventually and as my mother so expertly pointed out, they couldn't fill out a missing persons report until I'd been gone for over forty eight hours." Suddenly I felt like a little girl again, the hurt fresh. I looked up at Logan who was looking back at me with kindness and sympathy. "I was just a kid. I could have got hurt or someone could have taken me. I was up there for nearly an hour." I looked out at the sky, lost in the memories and old pain.
Logan silently puts his hand on mine. Without really thinking, I leaned over and put my head on his shoulder; he didn't seem to mind. Instead he said, "It's your turn." I must've given him a blank look because he added, "To ask a question."
"Oh right." I said. "Um... favorite movie?"
"The Hangover." he replied instantly.
I rolled my eyes. "C'mon, seriously."
He laughed again. It was a nice laugh, I realized. "Um... I don't know. Probably Star Wars. I've loved it since I was a kid."
I nodded, taking this in. "Okay, your turn."
"Hmm," he said, pretending to be thinking deeply. Maybe he was, who knows? "Most embarrassing moment?"
I groaned. "You couldn't go with something smaller?"
"Hey, no questions until you've answered mine!"
It got quiet for a minute as I contemplated the question. My most embarrassing moment...
"So..."
"I'm thinking!" I exclaimed. Logan tapped his fingers impatiently. "Alright I've got one. When I was ten there was this girl Kaylee. She was basically sent on making my life miserable for some reason and as a result, I hated her guts. For our fifth grade carnival, there was a pie eating contest and I saw her name on the list so I entered. I thought if I finally beat her at something, she'd leave me alone."
"Aw man," Logan said. "I can already tell this isn't going to end well."
"Yeah well I won the contest." I said. "I ate the whole pie in under a minute. I was feeling really great for about five seconds and then that feeling was replaced by nausea." I paused for a second, reliving every gory detail. I could remember it all so clearly. It was funny how that happened; you could always remember clearly the very moments you wish you could forget. "I threw up all over the stage. Kaylee laughed at me along with the rest of the school. I was called 'Pukey' all the way until seventh grade when Summer Bryant got her nipple pierced and everyone started talking about that instead."
"Wow," Logan exclaimed when I finished.
"Go ahead, laugh." I said. "You know you want to."
He took a second, like he was actually debating whether he should or not. Then finally he said, "Nah." And that was it. "Your turn."
I smiled. "Alright. Worst experience with a teacher?" And so it went.
We went back and forth for a good half hour, asking question after question. Nothing was off limits. We talked about parents, friends, exes. I even talked a little about James. The only reason we even stopped was bright red lights suddenly filled the sky. The first firework of the night.
"Maybe it's about time we cracked open the champagne." Logan suggested. He poured us each a glass and then held his up. I did the same. "To new beginnings."
"To new beginnings." I echoed and took my celebratory sip.
"Do you think your mom is looking for you?" he asked after a minute.
"Nah, I said. "She's somewhere so wasted she probably forgot my name." There was silence for a minute as the undertones of that statement filled the empty space. "But right now she doesn't matter." I took another sip of my drink. "She's not the only one who can get drunk, right?"
Logan smiled. "Actually, I have to drive home but be my guest!"
I laughed and we watched the sky light up above us. As I slipped into a pleasantly tipsy state, I thought to myself that I wanted to just freeze this moment in time. This was what life should be, no expectations and no heartbreak. If only it could always be this way.