Of Vice and Men

Chapter 13 Part 1

Sorry I haven't updated in a while, i've been busy with school in such.  Here is the beginning of chapter 13, i'll be sure to post the second half as soon as I finish it =) enjoy!

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Chapter 13

Every man dies. Not every man really lives.

  -William Wallace

    You know that expression about how you can be in a crowded room and still feeling completely alone?  That's how I was feeling at work one Saturday.  It was almost a week after Logan had left and Ryan was taking over his shift so I was all by myself.  The store was really busy; everyone was back from their vacations and wanting to catch up with friends before the school year started.  Because I was working so hard, I did have much time to think of much else until it was time to leave and the emptiness hit me straight on.  Ryan gave me a sympathetic look when she got there but didn't say anything.  I needed to get out of there as quickly as possible.

    When I got home, I could hear Missy upstairs with a friend over.  As I passed her room I stuck my head in to say hi.   Looking in, I noticed a dark head that looked slightly familiar. 

    "This is my friend Emily," Missy said. 

    I smiled at the girl I had consoled at the diner weeks before.  "It's nice to meet you."

    Emily smiled back shyly.  "You too." 

    Watching the two girls giggle and laugh with each other I realized that, maybe even thanks to my advice, Emily had managed to do what I never could.  She had begun to move on.  That summer, I had made strides towards healing that I hadn't managed to make in over two years.  I had dated, gotten a job.  I had even fallen in love again.  And for all the Emilys of the world, I couldn't just hide from all that.

    "Um, I think I need to go back out for a little bit."  I said.

    "Okay," Missy replied, not even looking up. 

    "Don't wait up!" I yelled, already down the hall. 

     In my room, I shuffled through the cash I had made that summer, pulling out enough for a train ticket and maybe a meal.  For the first time in a very long time,  I was about to do something completely crazy entirely on impulse.  It scared the hell out of me but I was ready.  I was oh so ready. 

    The whole train ride I argued back and forth with myself.  I was clearly out of my mind but then again, I had to make things right.  There was a big chance that I was making a big mistake but then again, I could have been making a big mistake if I didn't go through with it.  This went on and on.  I barely even noticed at first when the train stopped and a man sat down next to me.  He was maybe in his thirties or forties, clean-cut with a suit and a briefcase.  He was probably on his way to some important meeting.  It was most likely just an average day for this stranger. 

    "Have you ever done something completely insane just out of the blue?" I asked suddenly.

    He looked up, surprised.  "Excuse me?"

    "Have you ever just acted on impulse?" I said.  "Done something completely out of character because it just felt right?"

    At first the man looked utterly shocked that some random girl on the train was speaking to him but then he surprised me by saying, "Yes actually."  I didn't say anything, sensing a story here.  "When I asked my wife to marry me."

    "What'd you do?"

    The man smiled, remembering.  "I rented a billboard.  I took her on this romantic picnic lunch and went out of my way to make sure she saw it and then when she did, I pulled the ring out from the picnic basket."

    It was silly and sappy but for some reason at that moment the whole thing sounded so perfect.  "But how did you know she'd say yes?"

    "I didn't," the man replied.  "I took a leap of faith that day.  It was the best decision I ever made." 

    At that moment the train stopped and I stood up.  "Thank you."

    "Your welcome," he said.  "And good luck."

    Something changed in me that day, I'm sure of it.  As I ran off that train, I had a knew sense of hope.  Like the man on the train, I was about to take a giant risk without knowing what was going to happen.  It was exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time.  I didn't know what was going to happen but sometimes, you just need to take a leap of faith.