Of Vice and Men

Chapter Twelve

This chapter is short but pivitol.  It's a huge turning point in the story.  I felt that if I made it any longer, it wouldn't be as powerful.  Let me know what you think!

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Chapter 12

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

  -Ingrid Bergman

   Tuesday August 11th; 10:00 a.m.

    Watcha doin'?

    10:01 a.m.

   Laying on my bed feeling sorry for myself.

   10:03 a.m.

   That's productive.

   10:03 a.m. 

   Yup.

   10:04 a.m.

   Wanna come over?

   10:06 a.m.

   Now?

   10:07 a.m.

   My parents are out of town so we can do whatever. 

   10:07 a.m.

   I'll be right there.

    That was the conversation that led me to be sitting on Logan's kitchen floor eating ice cream at ten thirty in the morning.  We were swapping secrets while, with a spoon apiece, digging in to a pint of Ben and Jerry's cookies and cream. 

    "I'm afraid of roller coasters," he said.

    "No!"

    "Especially the ones that go upside down,"

     "I don't like the yellow starbursts."

    "That's funny, those are the only ones I like." he replied with a wink.

     I laughed and sat back.  "This is so perfect.  How did you know this would be so perfect?"

    Logan smiled.  "Well ice cream's your favorite food so that was an easy one."  I bit my lip, pleased and awed that he remembered.  "And you seem to be the kind of girl who would love this kind of unorthodox activity."

    I grinned.  "And what kind of girl is that?"

    He looked into my eyes a minute, as if he were trying to look into my soul or something equally lame like that.  But I didn't look away.  "A really, really special one."

    I held his gaze like that for only a moment before turning away, flustered.  "Um, what else do girls like me do?"  I moved my concentration to the ice cream carton. 

    "Well," he said.  "You like stupid love songs though you'd never admit it."  I smiled shyly.  "You are stubborn as hell and put up a tough exterior but you cry at the end of sad movies and get your heart broken like everyone else.  Although, you can hold your own in any given situation and won't back down when there's something you really believe in."

    I cleared my throat.  "That's officially specific for such a general description."

    "It's a very select number of girls,"

    Something was happening and I wasn't sure that I liked it.  It was slightly familiar but new all at the same time.  In my heart, I knew I had never felt this way before and it scared the shit out of me.     

    "What kind of CDs do you have?" I asked suddenly.

    For a second, Logan looked a little surprised but that look was gone as quickly as it had arrived.  "I think I have something  you'll like."

    We went into his living room and he walked over to the stereo commanding as he did so, "Close your eyes."

    I obeyed and in just seconds the sound of one of my favorite love songs of all time filled the room.  "No way,"

"Some day, when I'm awfully low,

When the world is cold,

I will feel a glow just thinking of you...

And the way you look tonight."

    "You know," he said, putting his arms around my waist as I opened my eyes.  "They just don't make songs like this anymore."

    It was a direct quote from me and I laughed at the sound of it.  I couldn't help it.  "They really don't."

    Slowly, we danced around the room.  It was something out of a movie.  It was better than a movie though because it was real.  It was the realest thing I'd ever experienced. 

    "Sherrie?"

    "Mhmm?"

    "This summer has been really great,"

    "Yeah,"

    "Do you think...?"

    "Yeah?"

    "Would you maybe...?"

    "What?"

    And the suddenly, he was kissing me.  Trumpets sounded, bells rang, fireworks exploded.  The world was down to just the two of us and that was way more than I could handle.  So I pulled away. "I have to go."

    "You... what?"  Logan just looked at me, confused.  "Do you have to be somewhere?"

    "Yes," I said instantly.  "Well, no.  But I really can't do this."  

    "Why not?"

    "Because this isn't me anymore!" I shouted.  "I don't know what this is but it's not going to end well and I can't risk getting hurt again!"

    The look on his face then was one I will never forget.  There was hurt, yes, but something else too.  Disappointment.  "You're scared."

    "I guess,"  I sighed.  "I don't know.  But I do know I can't be here right now."

    I was almost out the door before he spoke again.  "Not every guy is James, you know."  I stopped but said nothing, not even turning around.  "If you take a risk you might find that it's worth it."

    Tears in my eyes,  I let myself the rest of the way out.  I ran to my car, driving just far enough away that he wouldn't see me sob all the way home. 

   "Sherrie, it's Ryan!  I miss you so much!  I was stupid to get mad at you over nothing!  See you at work? ...Beep."

 "Sherrie, this is Logan obviously.  I'm sorry I got upset with you.  You had a perfectly good reason to freak out on me.  I've noticed you avoiding me at work, leaving before I get there.  I'm going to talk to Ryan but please call me. ...Beep."

"It's Ry again.  Logan told me what happened.  Please talk to him, he's really sorry!  ...Beeeep."

"Sher, I go back to school tomorrow.  I am begging you to at least say goodbye to me.  After all we've been through?  I'm not going to ask again, I promise.  Just please give me this. ....Beeeeeeep."